The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

Are You Mad At Me? with Meg Josephson

Mar 3, 2026

Meg Josephson, LCSW, a trauma-informed psychotherapist and NYT bestselling author, discusses the fawn response and people-pleasing. Short segments cover how being “nice” can disconnect us, why grief and anger matter for healing, and using mindfulness and the NICER tool to notice needs. She also explores when it’s safe to speak up and how small corrective experiences help parts learn safety.

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ANECDOTE

Childhood Fawning Became A Frozen Survival Part

Meg Josephson describes growing up with a volatile, rage-prone father and learning to stay ahead of conflict by being the perfect kid to stay safe.
That survival strategy became a frozen part that later showed up as stomach drops, hypervigilance around messages, and fear with bosses and friends.

INSIGHT

Fawning Is A Preventative Conflict Avoidance Strategy

Meg Josephson explains fawning is preventative: people-pleasing avoids conflict because early conflict was dysregulated and scary, so parts aim to prevent others from being mad.
This protective manager strategy disconnects us from our needs and leads to resentment when we repeatedly say yes instead of no.

ANECDOTE

Rice Versus Beans Shows How Small Pleasing Builds Resentment

Tammy Sollenberger shares a small everyday example: wanting rice while a friend wanted beans, she silently complied and later felt resentful and pouty.
This illustrates how minor preferences get sacrificed and build stories of resentment that cut us off from others.

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On today's episode I welcome psychotherapist and author Meg Josephson to the podcast.

Her book Are You Mad at Me? names something so many of us feel but rarely say out loud: Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?

Meg and I talk about the fawn response, people-pleasing, and the parts of us that learned early on to stay ahead of conflict. We explore how "being nice" can disconnect us from ourselves, why grief and anger are essential to healing, and how mindfulness helps us slow down enough to notice what's really happening inside.

If you've ever swallowed your needs to keep the peace, felt resentful after saying yes, or worried that one mistake could cost you connection, our conversation will resonate.

We Explore: • Why "Are you mad at me?" isn't really a question, but a feeling. • The difference between being nice and being compassionate. • How grief challenges the hope that if we try harder, we'll finally be seen. • Small corrective experiences that help our parts learn we're actually safe.

Here's a link to the workshop she mentioned in the episode.

About Meg Josephson

Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and the author of the New York Times bestselling book Are You Mad at Me?, which has been translated into over 20 languages. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a mindfulness-based, compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University.

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