ManTalks Podcast How To Control Emotional Reactions, with Dr. Kelly Flanagan
68 snips
Apr 13, 2026 
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, clinical psychologist and couples therapist who wrote Road Less Triggered, talks about why we get hijacked by our nervous system and how past wounds shape reactions. Short, practical conversations explore silent withdrawal versus loud defensiveness. You’ll hear about early bodily cues, modes like fight/flight/control, and why calming first matters before trying to reconnect.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Three Step Trigger Cycle
- Triggers are a three-step cycle: nervous system activation, heart-closing, then an unconscious choice to stay closed.
- Kelly calls the nervous system a furnace pilot light that ramps up and when the heart closes we lose access to connective capacities and higher wisdom.
Regulate Your Nervous System First
- Calm your nervous system before trying to reason; teach it you are safe in the present moment.
- Kelly recommends grounding and reminding yourself the comment (e.g., toilet seat) is not an existential threat so higher mind can reengage.
Past Shapes Present Triggers
- Present triggers often trace back to childhood where rejection or criticism felt existential.
- Kelly says many reactions match past moments, so triggers reveal which old wounds are active in the present.
