TED Radio Hour Getting what you want: A guide to negotiating
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Mar 6, 2026 
Magdalena Höhler, a linguist who studies intercultural couples, explains how language shapes emotion, humor, and power in relationships. Alex Carter, a law professor and mediator, shares mediation techniques and practical questioning strategies. They discuss listening to stories, using open questions, the power of silence, steering relationships, language pitfalls in cross-cultural love, and building a shared microculture.
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A Necklace Question Settled A Dispute
- In a mediation, Alex Carter noticed a plaintiff's dog necklace and asked about it, which led to a show-dog connection with the opposing lawyer.
- That small open question transformed hostility into settlement within 15 minutes.
Mirror Yourself First With Tangibles And Intangibles
- Negotiate with yourself first by listing tangibles and intangibles you need before bargaining with others.
- Alex Carter recommends defining what good communication or autonomy would concretely look like for a job offer.
Ask What They Need To Shape Your Pitch
- Flip the script and ask the other side What do you need to learn how to pitch your request to meet their priorities.
- Carter shows asking employers about the last superstar helps tailor your offer to their needs.