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How To Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous with Chris Voss & Moshe Cohen

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Feb 19, 2026

Moshe Cohen, a negotiation instructor who teaches emotional regulation, and Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator and author, break down negotiating while nervous. They explore why negotiation triggers fear. They discuss curiosity as an antidote, tactical empathy to build trust, listening more than talking, labeling emotions, slowing time to avoid reactivity, and rehearsal to build confidence.

01:08:34

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ADVICE

Ask Labels Not Yes Questions

Avoid yes-seeking confirming questions and prefer what/how prompts that elicit thoughtful answers.
Use labels (e.g., "You've got some stuff on your mind") to prompt quicker, honest responses.

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ADVICE

Articulate Their Perspective

Define empathy as articulating the other side's perspective without agreeing or sharing emotions.
Speak their viewpoint aloud to create calm and improve mutual understanding.

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INSIGHT

The Power Of "That's Right"

Getting the other person to say "That's right" triggers an internal shift and builds trust.
That "that's right" moment can produce bonding oxytocin and reduce deceit.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Why negotiation is everywhere

02:31 • 2min

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Why people fear negotiation

04:41 • 3min

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Preparing when you avoid conflict

08:06 • 4min

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How to ask curious, non-threatening questions

12:30 • 3min

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Use labels to get people talking

Empathy redefined for negotiation

19:03 • 6min

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Trigger a 'that's right' moment

24:48 • 5min

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Talk less, listen more

29:54 • 1min

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Finish well: last impressions matter

Moshe on negotiating nervousness

43:44 • 3min

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How anxiety appears in exercises

46:27 • 3min

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Slow down time to avoid reactivity

49:28 • 3min

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Role-play: use listening to calm yourself

Listening triangle and slowing strategy

01:00:03 • 2min

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Using counterpart anxiety ethically

01:02:20 • 3min

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Build a rejection muscle

01:05:12 • 5min

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Rewrite the stories you tell yourself

01:09:48 • 2min

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BATNA lowers stakes and boosts confidence

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Never Split the Difference

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

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This book, written by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss and co-author Tahl Raz, provides a masterclass in influencing others through negotiation. It distills the Voss method, revealing skills such as establishing rapport, creating trust with tactical empathy, and transforming conflict into collaboration. The book is filled with real-life examples from Voss's career, illustrating how these techniques can be applied in both professional and personal life to achieve goals and defuse potential crises.

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Nassim Nicholas Taleb

David Chandler

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The Black Swan is a landmark book by Nassim Nicholas Taleb that investigates the phenomenon of highly improbable events with massive impacts. These events, termed Black Swans, are unpredictable, have a significant impact, and are rationalized after the fact to appear less random. Taleb argues that humans are hardwired to focus on specifics rather than generalities, leading to a failure to consider what we don’t know. The book delves into cognitive biases, the limitations of mathematical models, and the importance of robustness and antifragility in navigating a world filled with uncertainty. The second edition includes a new essay, 'On Robustness and Fragility,' offering tools to navigate and exploit a Black Swan world.

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Anti-Fragile

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

In 'Antifragile', Nassim Nicholas Taleb introduces the concept of antifragility, which goes beyond resilience or robustness. Antifragile systems thrive on volatility, randomness, and stressors, using them as sources of growth and improvement. Taleb contrasts antifragility with fragility, which is harmed by disorder, and robustness, which resists change. The book applies this concept to various domains, including economics, medicine, and personal development. Taleb argues that embracing uncertainty and allowing for controlled exposure to stressors can lead to greater adaptability and long-term success. 'Antifragile' offers a new perspective on risk management and decision-making in an unpredictable world.

Negotiation isn’t just about boardrooms and big deals. It’s every time you ask for what you need that brings up fear, self-doubt, and a rush of emotion that can derail the whole conversation. In this episode, I talk with former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss and negotiation expert Moshe Cohen about why so many of us dread conflict, how curiosity can quiet anxiety, and how to use tactical empathy as a strategic tool. We also share the tools to slow down emotional hijack and manage rejection. Tune in to learn how to regulate your emotions and negotiate with clarity instead of fear.

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In this Episode, You Will Learn

00:00 Why negotiation is happening in almost every interaction.

04:45 What are the 3 types of handling conflict?

09:15 How curiosity shuts down fear in your brain.

12:15 Is asking questions in general a good technique in a negotiation?

16:30 What empathy really means in negotiation.

23:15 How bonding and trust influence negotiation outcomes.

26:15 Why you should talk less and listen more in negotiation.

32:00 How naming your emotions reduces their intensity.

38:00 How often does that anxiety show up during a negotiation exercise?

41:00 Tips to slow down time when you feel emotionally hijacked.

46:15 What is the listening triangle?

50:30 How much advice is too much in a negotiation?

57:00 How to build your rejection muscle.

01:00:00 The stories you tell yourself before and during a negotiation

01:02:00 How knowing your BATNA lowers the stakes and raises confidence.

Resources + Links

Get the Anxious Achiever Healthy High Achieving App - studio.com/morra

Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever

Watch the podcast on YouTube

Find more resources on our website morraam.com

Follow

Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam

Follow Chris: on LinkedIn @christophervoss + Instagram @thefbinegotiator

Follow Moshe: on LinkedIn @moshecohen

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