Behavioral Grooves Podcast Why Don’t I Feel Loved? | Sonja Lyubomirsky
May 4, 2026
Sonja Lyubomirsky, happiness researcher and UC Riverside professor, explores why people can be loved yet not feel it. She unpacks why love sometimes doesn’t land, the power of vulnerability and deep conversations, practical love mindsets like curiosity and sharing, and simple practices to make connection more felt.
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Feeling Loved Matters More Than Being Loved
- Feeling loved matters more than being loved; you can be surrounded by love yet still not feel loved.
- Sonja Lyubomirsky found 70% want more love in at least one relationship and happiness interventions work largely by increasing felt connection.
Not Feeling Loved Comes From Not Being Known
- Not feeling loved often stems from not being known and having psychological barriers like low self-esteem or insecure attachment.
- Sonja uses a cup-of-love metaphor: love can be poured in but leak out or fail to enter if there's a lid or leak.
Sonja Shifted Conversation With A Family Member
- Sonja tried to feel more loved by changing herself but instead changed conversations with a family member and made them feel loved first.
- That reciprocity led the family member to open up and reciprocate, improving Sonja's felt love.
