Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

How Does Your Religious Faith Impact Your NeuroDiverse Relationship?-Stephanie and Dan Holmes

Feb 17, 2026
Dan Holmes, an ordained minister and coach with a background in systems architecture who was later identified as autistic, shares faith-focused perspectives on neurodiverse marriage. They discuss spiritual intimacy, how faith can comfort or control, misuse of scripture, spiritual abuse risks, and practical practices for faith-centered connection in mixed neurotype relationships.
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INSIGHT

Faith Can Build Predictable Connection

  • Faith can be a powerful connector by providing shared values, routine, and predictable rhythms that comfort many autistic partners.
  • Spiritual intimacy builds on intellectual, social, and emotional intimacy and often requires those foundations first.
ADVICE

Build Intimacy In Ordered Stages

  • Build intimacy in stages: start with intellectual and social sharing before pursuing deeper spiritual or sexual intimacy.
  • Ensure emotional safety first so vulnerability and mutual spiritual growth can occur naturally.
INSIGHT

Rigidity Turns Scripture Into Control

  • Cognitive inflexibility and black-and-white religious thinking can turn faith teachings into tools of control.
  • Knowledge without relational wisdom can puff up and damage intimacy in neurodiverse marriages.
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