188: If You’re Losing Yourself in Relationships, This Episode Is For You

32 snips

Feb 13, 2026

They dig into self-abandonment in dating and why people-pleasing gets mislabeled as love. Concepts from attachment theory and neuroscience explain fusion, protest behavior, and anxious attachment. Practical tools include the I-position, a fusion check, and ways to stop outsourcing emotional regulation while reclaiming intuition and boundaries.

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ANECDOTE

When Protest Behavior Replaced Choosing Yourself

Sabrina recounts a volatile episode of protest behavior when a man stood her up instead of moving on.
She reflects that choosing herself would have meant walking away instead of escalating emotionally.

INSIGHT

Differentiation Predicts Relationship Health

Differentiation of self means staying connected to your thoughts and feelings while close to someone else.
Higher differentiation predicts better mental health, relationship quality, and stability.

INSIGHT

Childhood Invalidation Silences Your Gut

Childhood invalidation can silence your gut and make you doubt accurate perceptions.
Sabrina discovered validation later when her sister confirmed a memory she was told didn't happen.

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In this episode, Sabrina breaks down self-abandonment in dating and relationships, why losing yourself often gets mislabeled as love, and how chronic people-pleasing, codependency, and anxious attachment actually form. Using psychology, neuroscience, and attachment theory, she explains differentiation of self, emotional fusion, and how the nervous system drives self-betrayal, protest behavior, and fear of abandonment in romantic relationships.

You’ll learn how to choose yourself without blowing up your relationship, stop outsourcing emotional regulation, set boundaries without guilt, and reconnect to your intuition versus anxiety. This episode is essential for anyone struggling with relationship anxiety, overgiving, losing their voice in dating, or repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.

Big announcement: For the first time ever, I'm hosting a live workshop and you're invited.

If dating feels exhausting and you can't figure out why it keeps ending the same way, this is for you. You'll be the first to learn my new 3-step framework for understanding what's keeping you stuck and how to change it. Plus you get my implementation workbook.

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Chapters

00:00 – Are You Losing Yourself in Love?

03:05 – When “Compromise” Is Self-Betrayal

06:00 – Why You Fuse in Relationships

08:55 – Codependency Isn’t the Real Issue

11:55 – Anxiety vs Intuition in Dating

14:55 – Why Your Nervous System Panics

18:10 – How Self-Abandonment Shows Up

21:50 – Boundaries Without Losing Love

24:50 – How to Choose Yourself Safely

28:05 – The Fusion Check (Real-Time Tool)

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

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