Dear Sugars

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist and AARP sex-and-relationships columnist, weighs in on desire later in life. Conversation covers cultural invisibility of older sexuality. They explore menopause-related changes, vaginal atrophy and medical options, plus how couples redefine intimacy and seek therapy or practical solutions.

Amber (Bad Mom), a letter-writer who once confessed she was overwhelmed by early parenthood, returns to update listeners on her growth. She discusses feeling shame after the original airing and how therapy uncovered childhood trauma. She describes trading perfectionism for repair: apologizing to her child, modeling honesty, and embracing slow, relational change.

Rapid-fire letters explore whether to stay in or leave relationships. Topics include emotional affairs, delaying divorce for health insurance, supporting a partner chasing adventure, choosing pets over a partner, and escaping emotional abuse for a child’s safety. The conversation weighs persistent doubts, moral concerns, and practical planning for change.

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016. The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2017. In this episode, adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton — author of the memoir Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself — answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships.

In this conversation, Ashley C. Ford, a talented writer and speaker known for her poignant personal essays, shares her journey with body image and romance. She discusses how her diagnosis of PCOS affected her self-acceptance and relationships. The dialogue explores societal pressures regarding desirability, emphasizing that confidence often outweighs appearance. Ashley encourages open communication between partners about body changes and highlights the beauty of loving and accepting oneself, regardless of size. Ultimately, she affirms that all bodies are deserving of love.

Love can be complicated, and doubt often creeps in. Relationship advice covers when to expect 'I love you' before moving in, and how to navigate different emotional languages. The hosts tackle issues like attraction versus beauty standards and the significance of honesty when facing infidelity. They also discuss the thrill of a long-distance fling and the fears that accompany commitment. Ultimately, they suggest that doubt can serve as a valuable guide in relationships, helping to clarify feelings and decisions.

This episode was originally released on October 28th, 2017. Sex-starved, meet sex-hounded. Recently, the Dear Sugars inbox was flooded with responses to the two-part episode “Sexless Relationships” with Esther Perel. In those episodes, the Sugars answered letters from people who were longing for sexual intimacy with their partners. But many readers asked why we didn’t address the other side of sexless relationships: the people who want less sex than their partners. In today’s episode, we hear from a letter writer who feels pressured by her partner to have sex. “Every night — EVERY NIGHT — when we get in bed, he rubs my back to see if he can arouse me,” writes the letter writer." "Enough is enough.” Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond dig into the power dynamics that play out when one partner constantly demands sex. Then, they attempt to answer the question, “Is there such a thing as wanting too much sex?”

In this encore "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance. This episode was originally released on September 30, 2016. 

Buzz Bissinger, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of Friday Night Lights, opens up about his debilitating spending addiction, revealing he spent over $600,000 on leather goods. He shares his journey to rehab, discussing the stigma surrounding spending addictions and the misconceptions that trivialize them. Buzz offers practical strategies to resist urges and emphasizes the importance of addressing underlying mental health issues. His insights on leveraging harmed relationships as motivation for recovery resonate deeply, shedding light on a often-minimized struggle.