Dear Sugars Repost: Sex & Aging
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Mar 21, 2026 Dr. Pepper Schwartz, sociologist and AARP sex-and-relationships columnist, weighs in on desire later in life. Conversation covers cultural invisibility of older sexuality. They explore menopause-related changes, vaginal atrophy and medical options, plus how couples redefine intimacy and seek therapy or practical solutions.
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Solo Desire Versus Partnered Arousal
- Many older adults experience a real decline in partnered desire while still having active solo sexual interest, as in the 68-year-old woman who prefers a vibrator to intercourse.
- Cheryl and Steve highlight the emotional cost: withholding intimacy creates distance and passive-aggressive behavior in otherwise compatible couples.
Propose Romantic Celibacy When Desire Ends
- If one partner wants romantic but not sexual closeness, be explicit and propose romantic celibacy as an honest arrangement.
- Cheryl suggests staying exclusive and admitting limits so each can make informed choices.
Treat Vaginal Atrophy To Restore Comfort
- Address vaginal atrophy proactively because treatments like topical estrogen can restore tissue resiliency and reduce pain during intercourse.
- Pepper says 'use it or lose it' and recommends local treatments or systemic options when medically appropriate.
