Redemptive Living Radio

This week on RL Radio - Thomas's story - Part Two In part two, we pick up with where we left off with one more of Thomas's rock bottoms (in addition to the others mentioned in Part One) that became a pivotal part of his upward trajectory. Ultimately, Thomas hit a place of complete surrender which propelled him toward change, movement and growth. Thomas also shares some of the areas he needed to grow in as well as the lessons he learned + what life looks like today. We are so grateful for Emma and Thomas and allowing us to share Thomas (and Emma's) story with you guys. We look forward to having Emma on the pod sometime soon to get more of her story. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! Thomas's Bio Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat. Applications are LIVE for the public today - click here to access the application. And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - Thomas's story - Part One Trigger Warning: We want to make sure that you protect yourself (and your children) if you choose to listen to this episode. Thomas shares his story, starting from when he was seven years old - exposed to pornography followed by years of masturbation and progressing from there. The first twenty minutes of this episode are heart breaking but also very important and sacred and we are grateful that Thomas and Emma agreed to share their story with us on the podcast. I believe that anyone that listens to this will hear the regret, the remorse, the humility in Thomas's voice. It's real and necessary and ladies - I believe this is what we all need to heal relationally WITH him. I have no links, no resources for this episode - Thomas's story (and Emma's) is what this one is all about. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat. Applications are LIVE for the public today - click here to access the application. And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - part three of the Empowerment Miniseries - A "Who Knows" of Hope Oh my goodness, enjoy the first five minutes of the episode as you get a first-hand glimpse into the communication issues that are Jason and Shelley. If you don't need any more laughs in your day, feel free to fast-forward to just shy of five minutes and you'll be okay - except the communication issues persist so, well, buckle up. As for the podcast episode - what we dig into is this: What does it look like for women to go from being a shell of ourselves to who God created us to be on this earth? We talk about what it looked like for me to lose myself before disclosure / discovery as well as the implosion that occurs when it all comes crashing down. Hope is completely lost. And yet… and yet, in the devastation and in the wake, there is an invitation for each of us women to step into a completely different, new life - the life God created us to live. We can leverage the pain and devastation for good. WHAT IF putting ourselves back together (the PROCESS) is how we can move closer to who we were created to be here on this earth? Who KNOWS what God has in store for us!!! There IS hope. So how do we get "there"- there meaning the fullest version of ourselves: #1 - Let yourself fully fall apart. #2 - To look for and take back what is yours to take back - your voice, your feelings, your sanity, what you think / want / need / feel - bottom line: reclaiming your space and your worth. #3 - Asking God: How will you redeem this? We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! I do not see a podcast episode related to women losing themselves. We are officially losing our minds. Genesis 50:20 - Joseph leveraging his pain for good. See the "who knows of hope" in Esther 4:14 as well as in Jonah 3:9. Would love for you join me and my team at the next Retreat. Applications are LIVE for the wait list today + LIVE for the public next week. If you are not on the wait list, click here to access the application starting on May 26th. And if you are reading this much later, I would love for you to join the wait list which simply means you will get early notification to apply to the next retreat. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - part two of the Empower miniseries - Reclaiming What Was Lost {Side note: this episode made me laugh several times while I was doing these show notes. Whatever you do, listen to the very, very end of the episode. Hilarious.} We start by chatting about all the things that were lost: locations, memorable events, the entire marriage, innocence and purity, joy and hope, certain relationships. Basically - it feels like everything. So, what do we do? How do we reclaim what is lost and allow ourselves the space to release what is not worth redeeming? Four things we can do – Name what is hurting, the pain points, the grief. Daniel Siegel says - "we name it to tame it". Tend to the grief: we do both spontaneous grief work and intentional grief work. See below for links to verses! Plus - giving ourselves compassion. Letting God in. Make the choice: what do you want to reclaim and what do you want to release? We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! The two verses I couldn't recall as we were talking live on the pod are 2 Corinthians 1:3-6 and Psalm 126:5-6. Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + articles if you would like access to the worksheet I mentioned on this episode. We will be announcing details for the next RLW Retreat + opening applications on the NEXT episode. To make sure you get all the details - add yourself to the retreat interest list here. For more information on RL Academy, click here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - we start our Empowerment Miniseries - starting with a question we have received multiple times - how can we get over the legitimate fear of seeing and interacting with "attractive" women in public. Because betrayal is an assault on our mind, heart, body and soul - most women feel exposed and discarded and less than. This makes it incredibly scary to go back into public and face other women. As we prepped for this podcast episode, I appreciate what Jason said - "this is going to hurt no matter what". And it's true - this pain we face when going back out in public is awful. But there is hope and we have help. I give three suggestions: Doing the internal work of being okay with you, just as you are. You are unique and you matter, every part of you. In the Moment Strategies / Breaking Point Strategies: seeing women as flawed and human, having boundaries with him early on (i.e., not being in public with him) + having boundaries in the moment if you feel you need extra protection - you get to choose! Maintenance Strategies: calming our nervous systems, slowing down, reconnecting with our bodies, inviting God into our morning to help us get through our day. Just a friendly reminder: you are not the cause and you are not the fix. I don't mention this until the beginning of the next episode - but want to say this here: ladies - there is SO much hope! It doesn't have to be this way forever. As you heal, going out in public WILL get better. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! Strategies to help you calm your nervous system - click here and sign up for the Podcast Freebies! For more information on RL Academy, click here. We will be announcing details for the next RLW Retreat + opening applications soon. To make sure you get all the details - add yourself to the retreat interest list here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

This week on RL Radio - we start by talking about adversarial language. Jason gives a lot of examples - "swim toward the sharks", "stand in front of the firing line", "she's on the gurney", "tossing him grenades". Jason then explains some of the reasons this can be an issue including - it makes the wife the enemy and dehumanizes her. It also puts him (the husband) in a passive place versus an active participant in her healing. Instead, we want to encourage husbands to pivot toward this: anytime there is pain communicated is an opportunity for a healing exchange to take place. This happens via integration and intimacy. Jason and I get a little stuck when talking about whether he is avoiding saying something because he is caring for her versus avoiding saying something because of his intimacy aversion. Jason shares a couple of things that can help when the lack of conversation is because of the latter (avoiding intimacy or intimacy aversion) - a shift in mindset in serving her and serving yourself, seeing our call is to move toward pain; and last - seeing the fruit of it. I then add in: having people to support us and encourage us to lean back in. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! For more information on RL Academy, click here. We will be announcing details for the next RLW Retreat + opening applications soon. To make sure you get all the details - add yourself to the retreat interest list here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click ere to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

In this podcast, they discuss the concept of 'dropping the rope' in relationships, letting go of expectations while still holding onto hope. They also explore the importance of honoring boundaries, understanding deeper needs and insecurities of wives, reflecting on faultfinding behavior, finding stability in an insecure relationship, and searching for clarity in a marital crisis.

This week on the RL Radio podcast - part two of the two-part series on what it looks like when he takes the blame versus what it looks like for him to take ownership. In this episode, we focus on the latter, taking ownership. I love this episode and I hope you love it, too! For a real life example - we discuss our lovely turquoise, tweed couch and how Jason took the blame initially via victim AND martyr. (Ladies - CRAZY making!!!) Here are three principles he can use to pivot from blame to ownership: Ownership happens when there is something bigger than me to fall back on. This begs the question: What is my worth in? Ownership happens when my eyes are on you, not on me. As in: feeling it with her and for her; no excuses made, focus completely on her. Ownership happens when the wrong stands alone. As in: expose it, don't hide it; fully own it. We then talk about what SHE experiences when he owns it + what it does for him when he owns it. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! For a photo of my poor couch - click here. This is just one of the two couches that have been damaged when I've been out of town. Tragic. If you want to see examples of the T-30 Journal + a check-in (FITNAP) from Worthy of Her Trust and Rescued, respectively, you can click here and subscribe to the podcast downloads. You will get an email with ALL the podcast downloads we have offered to date! Click here to get on the Empowered Boundaries Wait List - we will be starting the next MasterClass in May! Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

Welcome back to RL Radio! We are starting this fifth season with a two part series on what it looks like when he takes the blame versus what it looks like for him to take ownership. In this first episode, we break down what it looks like to take the blame. Specifically this can look like taking the role of the victim (think: passive and not even checking the box) or taking the role of the martyr (think: attacking and checks the box but with the wrong heart attitude). What this does to her is exactly what it's doing to him. With the victim role - he becomes MORE powerless, MORE hopeless and it does the exact same thing to her when he plays this role. Likewise, with the martyr role - he becomes more isolated, feels even more punished - and the same applies to her - she feels shut down and punished for even making a request. There is a better way - and it's called ownership. Ownership aides in making the moment healing versus making the moment another painful drop in the bucket. And if, for a second, you think this comes easy to us - it doesn't. Case in point: the beautiful teal tweed couch and the lovely green suede couch. You'll understand in part two next week! We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! An example of the T-30 journal can be found in the back of Worthy of Her Trust. An example of a check-in can be found on page 153 in Rescued. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list.Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

In this final episode of season #4 - we talk about the importance of him validating the totality of her experience - not just what she has experienced since D-day but before then as well. Here is what we know - women need validation (as they look in the rear view mirror) and view everything as catastrophic before they can look back and see anything that is good. During our conversation - we take some time to talk about equanimity. We talked about equanimity in this podcast if you want to hear more. But Jason said some things in this podcast that I thought were SO validating so I hope you will listen for them. In particular, we discuss this concept of everything being run through the lens of betrayal (when it comes to the marital relationship) and leveraging what we have experienced and using it for good. We also discuss some of the things that make it hard for a husband to validate her when it all feels tainted and in the podcast, we give antidotes for each of these: He fears: "what if she stays there and never sees anything as good or positive from the past?" Activates his shame - "I'm a horrible person." He wonders: "when do I get a voice"? (Holding onto equanimity. WARNING: we camp here for quite a bit!) I love it when Jason said: "the level of injury from all the betrayal (acting in and acting out) overshadows the injury from relational issues…. Everything must run through the lens of betrayal, even today." Him being misinformed: "But I'm not doing it now!" For men that have a performance oriented identity: "I'll never be able to do enough." We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us! Applications are about to close for the next RLW Retreat, October 6-9 in Scottsdale, AZ. Click here to apply! Interested in a women's support group? Find out more about the RLW Support Groups here. Click here to get on the Empowered Boundaries Wait List - we will be starting the next group in late September / early October. Click here to join the wait list for the Worthy of Her Trust Workshop. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.