Top Flight Time Machine

To Russia, and the most recent World Cup! England fever, getting erotically hobbled by the president of Croatia, some more deeply unsavoury anecdotes, and a load of other stuff. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Brazil… a goalfest with fair-play Colombian shame, some tattoo stories, Luis Suarez’s teeth injury, Stevie Wonder’s driving abilities, and a plan for a glorious 2018 festival… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To South Africa… but what if it had been Libya? There's a scaffolding-wielding mascot, misery for England, zodiac-based team selections, Paul the psychic octopus, some cat talk, and Nelson Mandela’s biting phase. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Germany, with a hungover and semi-naked mascot, a trip to a Hungarian circus, the bawdiness of Baden Baden, another dream from John Laptop-Case, trouserless Dutchmen, and booze secretion tips. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To South Korea, and breakfast boozing, the worst mascots to date, Keane v McCarthy, outrage at a foreign England boss, some tree-bound lavatorial horror and so much more… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

France 1998. Knife-wielding Italian hooligans, Ronaldo, disgusting wardrobe squatting, Zidane, dream analysis, speedballs, Beckham, a chat show dog that walks on its hind legs and so much more…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A yankee doodle World Cup, with ITV's anti-tan strategy, Maradona's five-drug cocktail, imaginary noncing, a tale about Steve Jones from The Pyramid Game, and the launch of the hit TV show 'Sausage Island'... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Italia 90 – the worst mascot so far, some patchy football, a school play, an unexpected rat’s tail, Roger Milla’s love tree, short man syndrome and drugged Gatorade. Oh, and hello Mr. Sausage… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Mexico! We discuss the sanitary arrangements of England's group opponents, the correct pronunciation of 'jalapeno', cocaine-fuelled football and which is best out of rats and bats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

School art displays, Naranjito’s sex life, alphabetical squad numbers, a dead OAP’s TV, squad songs, the worst assault on a football pitch EVER and Paul Breitner’s chequered past. Oh and… (Toni Polster...) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.