The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

You know the feeling when your nervous system kicks into overdrive. Maybe you freeze in place or your heart starts racing, your body pumping with adrenaline. This automatic response often feels like it overtakes us. But what if you could control and balance your nervous system instead of it controlling you? In today's show, I'm interviewing the incredible Deb Dana, one of the leading experts on the nervous system and the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory offers us cutting-edge insight into the third nervous system response that Porges calls the social engagement system, based on the Vagus Nerve. In this episode, we talk about how we can both understand and balance our nervous system — from the different ways we respond to fear or danger (including fight, flight, freeze and a new one you might not be aware of) to how we can change our response to stressors over time. We explore how we can stop moralizing our nervous response, how to listen and pay attention to our nervous system and how others' nervous systems can help us regulate. It is FASCINATING! Listen to discover: What the Polyvagal Theory is and why it's important for you to know about it Understanding the Polyvagal Theory to learn how to better balance the nervous system How the Polyvagal Theory could be linked with depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue and other ailments How we can reshape our nervous system Specific ways to self-regulate when you are stressed, based on YOUR unique nervous system This blends attachment theory, stress response, self-regulation, co-regulation and SO much more. The big takeaway is that you have a choice! Even though you don't get to choose how your nervous system is wired, you can eventually shift how you respond to situations and regulate your own system — which is so empowering! "We don't get to choose our survival response." - Deb Dana "We want to stretch our nervous system but not stress our nervous system." - Deb Dana Resources Deb Dana https://https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/ The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/ref=nodl_ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop - Nashville https://theadultchair.com/events/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

I truly can't believe we're here ⁠— the 200th episode of The Adult Chair podcast and over 2 million downloads! This started out as an experiment to help my clients, and I'm BLOWN AWAY by what it has become. I couldn't be more thankful to you for listening and inviting me into your life each week. I'm thrilled and humbled to have helped in a small way on your journey toward your most authentic self. For our 200th episode, I wanted to share a bit more about The Adult Chair ⁠— the backstory behind how it came about, what it is and how you can use it every day in your life. I realize many of you might not know where this model comes from or the dozens of methods it includes, so today, you'll discover a little bit more about all of the simple psychology and grounded spirituality that is part of The Adult Chair. I'm also sharing a brand new six-step process from The Adult Chair that will help you transform ANY situation life throws your way. Here is each step I talk about in the episode for reference: What happened? The story I made up is: What Chair am I in? This makes me feel: From my Adult Chair, here is what's true: What I'm going to do next is: This episode will also give you a crash course in what the model is and how it works, so if you're brand new or want to share this podcast with a friend, this is a great place to start! Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being part of this community. The Adult Chair is so much more than a podcast. It's a movement of healing and transformation that now includes workshops and events, a membership community, our brand new coaching certification and training program and tons of free resources for your journey. There are so many more exciting things coming, and I can't wait for 200 more episodes with you! Resources Inner Child Resource https://courses.theadultchair.com/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop - Nashville https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everybody wants to be happy, and most of us want a partner to share our happiness and lives with. But finding that partner? Easier said than done. Dating can be exhilarating, confusing, fun, exhausting and all the things. Experiencing connection with another person is deeply meaningful and also incredibly complex — especially when we bring our own pasts, traumas and expectations into the early stages of a relationship. How do we know if a relationship is meant to be forever or for a season in our lives — or not at all? How do we date in a healthy way? Most of us date (and live) from our Adolescent Chair with all its fears, desires and past hurts. Add in emotions and physical attraction, and our adolescent self is running the show! But it doesn't have to be this way. You can experience fulfilling dating relationships (even with someone who isn't ultimately "the one") when you date from your Adult Chair. And if you're looking for a long-term partner, you absolutely need to be choosing from your most authentic, healthiest self! In today's episode, we're talking all about how to date from your Adult Chair, including: How to know if you are picking the right partner Control issues in dating Divorce and dating Love addiction and love avoidance How to know if it's love or lust How to let go and go with it (from a centered place) Staying connected to yourself while falling for someone else I had such a great conversation with my friend, Jackie, as part of today's episode, and I know you will love hearing her questions and learning from her experiences. Whether you're looking for the one, just getting into the dating game, trying to guide your actual adolescent children through their first relationship or just curious about relationships from an Adult Chair perspective, you will love this episode! "If you're in doubt, you've got to slow down and get clear on where you are. We need to enter into any relationship from a place of balance." "When you feel yourself disconnect from you and you're not picking up on the red flags, that's a problem." Resources The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ The Adult Chair Workshop - Nashville https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Fear creeps in and out of our lives all the time. It's just a human emotion, but it's a sneaky one. It starts small, then all of the sudden, we're overtaken by it until it becomes paralyzing. A little bit of fear can quickly turn into a lot of fear. A few weeks ago, I shared a story with you about some anxiety I was experiencing and a six-step process to move from panic to peace quickly (check out episode #195 to discover this process). While this process is incredibly effective, I found that I still had some fear creeping up, despite being able to calm my feelings of anxiety. I began to get curious about this fear and figure out why it was coming into my life. Fear is often a future-focused emotion. It is based on unknowns, which trigger the Adolescent and throw us into stories and assumptions. When we find ourselves afraid, many people advise us to step back and "trust the process" — which is true, but much easier said than done! Before we can trust, we must find the part that is able to trust and connect with that part. In this show, I am sharing the secret I discovered to identify the source of fear and transform it before it triggers the ego. There is a part of us where both fear and trust live, and when we tap into it, it transforms fear — almost instantly! You'll discover: Where your fear originates How to stop stories and assumptions before they start (before we even slide into the Adolescent) How to discover the source of your emotions How to stop fear in its tracks and find deeper peace Practical tips for doing inner child work (one of the most powerful processes for healing) By the way, if you liked the six-step process in episode #195, the tips I share in today's episode make for a great "Step 7" that can be added on to that process — in just one minute or less! Resources The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ The Adult Chair Workshop - Nashville https://theadultchair.com/events/ Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild/ https://courses.theadultchair.com/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ From Anxiety & Panic to Peace Podcast https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/195 Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

The other day I heard from someone who was having a bad day. She asked if this meant she had lost her self-love and how she could know she had enough self-love. That conversation made me realize how little we know about self-love, and it inspired me to do this show. Like any relationship, our relationship with ourselves has its ups and downs and its good and bad days. Just because we don't "feel the love" in every moment doesn't mean it's not there! All great love grows over time and goes so much deeper than our feelings. Those bad days can be temporary, but once it builds, our self-love stays with us. So, in today's episode, I'm telling you all about how you can know and grow self-love. I go down memory lane a bit and share my story of going from self-loathing, negative self-talk, low self-esteem and even suicidal thoughts to learning to love myself. Then I share how you can do the same! Listen to discover: How I found self-love (and how The Adult Chair model can help you find it too!) How to change negative self-image into self-compassion Signs that you love yourself 5 practical ways to know and grow self-love We must become the director of our lives and not rely on others to boost us up. It's always nice to receive a compliment or a kind word, but when we learn to be our own cheerleaders, we can build our self-esteem and self-love no matter what our outside relationships look like. It's a total game changer! Resources Bombas https://bombas.com/ADULT 20% off your first purchase The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We all know the word "narcissism." We can usually spot a narcissist a mile away. They are loud, want all the attention and can be obnoxious. This is known as overt narcissism. But can you spot a covert narcissist? They can be tricky, with a more "subtle" form of narcissism. It can sting just as badly, but you have no idea it's happening (at least not initially) because it's so subtle. A covert narcissist still craves attention, but they are sneaky or subtle with how they get it. They look amazing on the outside, but behind closed doors, everything becomes your fault. You are made to feel crazy. They will blame and shame you to get their way. They look like they are socially connected, but in reality, they are inept at building deep relationships and letting anyone in emotionally. In the end, you wonder if you are the bad person in the relationship. It's no wonder that relationships with this type of narcissist can be so confusing and damaging! In today's episode, I help you break down the disguises that covert narcissists wear. You'll learn: How narcissism develops Signs that you might be in a relationship with a narcissist Sneaky traits of a covert narcissist (and how to spot them!) What to do if you are in a relationship with someone who has these traits Narcissism can wreak havoc in our lives — sometimes before we even realize it. That's why it's so important to know what to look for, spot covert narcissism and take care of yourself if you suspect you have a narcissist in your life. "They want the world to be according to them. It's their map of the world. The way they see the world is the only way. And if you don't agree with the way they see the world, blaming and shaming happens." "If it feels bad, it's not love." Resources The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Podcasts https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

What do you do when anxiety creeps up out of nowhere and sends you into a state of panic? Maybe it's a stressful call or email, an overflowing to-do list or all of your worries being flung in your face at once, until it feels like fear is taking over your body. You know the feeling: irrational thoughts, a racing heart, a mind that's racing even faster and even symptoms like a headache or upset stomach. This happened to me the other day, and it felt like every part of my life was spinning out of control. The unknowns were sending me into a panic that just kept spiraling deeper. But this is why we have The Adult Chair! I was able to take this opportunity to lean in, get curious and use the tools in the "TAC toolbox" to return to a state of calm. And in today's episode, I'm going to give you the six tools I used to go from panic to peace — in just 20 minutes. Listen to discover: How to stop the ego in its tracks and return to flow state How to slow down and stop the panic cycle Mindful tools that ground us when our thoughts are spinning Hands-on exercises to bring the nervous system back in balance Tips for busting stories and getting back to calm Once we get into an anxious state, it will feed itself until we step in and stop it. You have everything you need in your healthy Adult — and this episode will show you exactly what to do to break out of panic and return to balance. Resources Care/of http://takecareof.com/ Use code ADULT50 for 50% off your first order The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

There is nothing worse than when we find ourselves caught in a bad mood. Whether we wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something triggers us and sends us into a funk, we all experience moments or even days where we feel a bit "down." Often, it can be difficult to identify where our mood has come from or why we feel this way. We might just know we feel bad, sad, lonely, anxious, depressed or emotionally "off." It can be hard to get back on track when we don't even know what's causing it! Today, I'm offering you a simple, easy-to-use, three step process to help you discover what's going on inside and shake you out of your mood: a technique I call "Purge, Connect and Reach." You know I love methods that give you quick transformation, and this technique has been SO powerful for me and many of my clients. This episode will show you how to: Get clear on and release your emotions Connect to true emotions and needs underneath your mood Find your fact and truth and shift your focus to the present Moods are part of being human, but you are in control of them! Purge, Connect and Reach will help you navigate that emotionally "off" feeling the next time it strikes. Resources Inner Child Free Guide https://theadultchair.com/innerchild/ The Adult Chair Workshop Charlotte January 30-Feb1 https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We can never talk enough about boundaries! They are so important for loving ourselves, living empowered and creating healthy relationships, but most of us never saw healthy boundaries modeled and struggle with setting them. That's why I'm SO excited to have the amazing boundary and relationship expert, Nedra Glover Tawwab, on this week's show! In this episode, we have a great conversation about boundaries in all kinds of relationships, whether it be your mother, father, sibling, your teen, your spouse (or ex-spouse), boss or friend. Nedra and I discuss what we need to learn and do to set clear boundaries, and she explains how necessary it is for our mental health to express and communicate our needs. Our conversation covers SO much ground, including: What a boundary is and what it looks and sounds like How to honor your own boundaries and not give in when you get pushback What to do when the person you set a boundary with gets mad Navigating guilt when setting boundaries How boundaries can reduce anxiety and boost your overall mental health Answers to your top questions about boundaries It's so important to take care of ourselves and have "self" boundaries, which may not involve anyone but us. These can be the most important of all! I think you are really going to enjoy this show. It's filled with great tips on how to get started with setting your boundaries today. Resources The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership Stay Connected Nedra Instagram: @nedratawwab Website: https://NedraTawwab.com Michelle Instagram: @michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantfanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair

I have heard from so many of you that wanted more information on Sex Addiction so I decided to have my friend and sex addiction specialist Abbe Barclay on. Abbe is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Abbe is a wealth of information and didn't hold back on today's show. We discussed how sex addiction develops, porn addiction, masturbation, if recovery is possible for sex addicts and if so, what the recovery is as well as how you can best support a sex addict and so much more. This show is filled with valuable information all about sex addiction and one not to be missed if you or someone you love suffers with this addiction. https://www.abbebarclaycounseling.com/ https://theadultchair.com/events The Adult Chair Charlotte Jan 30-Feb 1 Connect with Michelle: https://theadultchair.com/membership/ https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ2buoRyaYIjuBugJqwKzDw https://www.pinterest.co.uk/michellechalfanttheadultchair/ *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com