The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

We've all heard that relationships are hard work…but why are they so hard? And what does healthy hard work look like versus putting up with behavior we shouldn't? Dr. Stan Tatkin has a unique approach to answering these questions by looking at relationships through the lens of psychobiology. This means understanding how our brain, our body, our nervous system and our survival instincts can contribute to and work against healthy relationships. Yes, it's as fascinating as it sounds! In this episode, we talk about how our self-preservation instincts can keep us from experiencing deep relationships and sabotage our happiness, how attachment and projection work, why we pick partners that feel familiar to us and how we can work against the brain's tendency to "get used to" our partners and keep the spark alive! Listen to discover: How our survival brains sometimes work against us in relationships Why we pick the partners we do Why relationships change after marriage What projection is and how it works The power of a purpose-centered relationship Practical habits for getting out of self-preservation mode and working towards the good of your relationship How to handle conflict in a relationship The biological reason relationships lose their spark and why curiosity is a game changer Dr. Tatkin talks about how great partnerships are built not just on love and emotions but shared values, principles and goals. When the partnership develops its own identity and vision, it helps us look beyond ourselves and seek the good of the whole instead of just the good of ourselves. This way of thinking and the habits that go along with it create powerful loyalty, intimacy and love that grows with time. This episode will help you work with your human nature to build stronger, more mutually fulfilling relationships with your love…and who doesn't want that?! "[Secure functioning relationships] are built on full equality, parity, fairness, justice, sensitivity, collaboration and cooperation. That's a very simple idea that's hard to do." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "When we are threatened or under-resourced, under stress, we are more likely to act and react automatically." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "We have brains that are always aware of what's missing...what we don't have." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "We are picking partners that look familiar, feel familiar in some way." - Michelle Chalfant "It makes sense that we would pick somebody that's familiar enough to get close to but stranger enough to be interested in." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "We are in projection all the time." - Michelle Chalfant "We've never lived outside our heads, and we never will. It's all perception." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "When being in a relationship, one has to surrender that their perception is correct, that their reality is correct, in favor of the relationship." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "We're inter-dependent, which means we have the same things to lose and the same things to gain." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "[Our partner is] a stranger that we're always trying to get to know." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "Humans have a hard time with ownership and apologizing." - Michelle Chalfant "A purpose-based relationship is a commitment to do the right thing when it's the hardest thing to do." - Dr. Stan Tatkin "When you become ordinary is when I look for the unique and novel in you. That's my job." - Dr. Stan Tatkin LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Stan Tatkin Website https://www.thepactinstitute.com/ Dr. Stan Tatkin Retreats for Couples https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all experience emotions, but most of us don't really understand what emotions are. These feelings can drastically alter our day, our life and our experience in the world, yet they're intangible and often messy and confusing. It's no wonder many of us try to avoid them altogether. Well, get ready to have your mind blown and to see emotions in a whole new light in this brilliant episode with Dr. Joan Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg began her study of emotions when she was trying to figure out what made some people confident in life, and her finding was surprising: confidence didn't just come from a sense of self-esteem but from our ability to handle uncomfortable emotions. As she dug deeper into the human emotional experience, she uncovered a world of surprises around our understanding of emotions and how we can better process, experience and master our emotions. We talked about why emotions are so uncomfortable for us (it's not why you think), what a compliment really is and why it matters so much, what drives fear, anxiety and grief, our fears around emotions and how we get stuck in emotion. Dr. Joan also shares her formula for feeling, experiencing and expressing the eight core emotions in an authentic way that helps them truly move through us. Listen to discover: The unexpected key to building confidence "The Rosenberg Reset" formula to build confidence The 3 things that cause our uncomfortable feelings to linger (it's not the feelings themselves!) Steps to build more confidence The true power of a compliment (this one left me speechless) What's actually underneath fear and anxiety Why we need to both feel AND express our emotions As much as I talk about emotions, I was still left speechless more than once in this episode as Dr. Rosenberg got to the heart of what is really beneath certain emotions and my perspective was shifted in so many ways. This is a truly empowering show that will help you live a more balanced and confident life. "We need to learn as humans how to feel our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "The ability or the capacity to handle unpleasant feelings really is the foundation of confidence." - Dr Joan Rosenberg "I think of confidence as the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or whatever you pursue." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "We're one interconnected whole...The brain is always feeding information to the body, and the body is always feeding information to the brain." Dr. Joan Rosenberg "It comes down to handling short-lived bodily sensation waves." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "100% of the time that sensation morphs and vanishes if they stay with it." - Michelle Chalfant "We metabolize feeling by feeling it and expressing it." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "If you want to stop your ruminating thoughts, you have to feel the emotion that's underneath the rumination." - Michelle Chalfant "I think of the ability to speak up as the superglue to confidence." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "A compliment is a reflection of you back to you." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "What looks like arrogance is insecurity." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "Disguised grief is the gap between what we wanted, what we needed, what we felt we deserved and what we really got." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Joan Rosenberg https://drjoanrosenberg.com/ "90 Seconds to a Life You Love" (Dr. Joan Rosenberg book) https://www.amazon.com/Seconds-Life-You-Love-Authenticity/dp/1478999764 Dr. Joan Rosenberg TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy19WzkPxE MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You think you're a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing …so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce? These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was "supposed" to do in a marriage – yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships. What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time…and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he's on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them. In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love. Listen to discover: Matt's story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safety Nothing in life is static. Either we're cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we're neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can't see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt's work because he's helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we're either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem "fine," and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we're on. "There's so much power in that 'I'm not alone' experience." - Matt Fray "That's when healing truly began — when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life." - Matt Fray "When you think you're a good person, it's so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that's being experienced by someone else."- Matt Fray "Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another." - Matt Fray "Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate." - Matt Fray "When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, 'You know, I really need help with this,' and it's our partner's job to show up and say, 'I've got you.'" - Michelle Chalfant "It's not about being right – it's being there in it with that person." - Michelle Chalfant "The low-hanging fruit…is 'I'm not going to invalidate.'" - Matt Fray LINKS & RESOURCES Matt Fray Website https://matthewfray.com/ "This Is How Your Marriage Ends" (Matt Fray book) https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/ "The Mask You Live In" Documentary https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

The world around us demands so much of us. If we're not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life. I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it's no wonder she's become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet — I truly couldn't put it down (it's SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) — and I'm beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life. In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are. Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the "matrix" and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the "beggar" mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true — and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve. Listen to discover: Shefali's own radical awakening The trap women (and men) fall into How to stop suppressing the true self What soul erosion is and how it forms The "triple threat" women face in childhood The role of the ego in our life What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture) This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you — and for all of us. "We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness." - Dr. Shefali "We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self." - Dr. Shefali "When we're told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves." - Dr. Shefali "We're so disconnected from our true self, we don't know who we are at all." - Michelle Chalfant "The way out is in. We have to go in to heal." - Michelle Chalfant "I want what's on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain." - Michelle Chalfant "We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don't know we're telling ourselves stories." - Dr. Shefali "The greatest narcissism is to pretend you're not a queen or a king and not own your voice." - Dr. Shefali Resources "A Radical Awakening" Book and Course http://aradicalawakening.com/ Dr. Shefali Website https://www.drshefali.com/ Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I'm not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body. So many of us live with anxiety and don't even know it because it's SO physical. It's even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues. That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety. This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives – anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story…these ladies are the real deal! Listen to discover: Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobia I know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools – from our support system to our sensory system – to help us find peace and balance in life. It's not about never feeling anxious again, but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show. "I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg "I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.'" - Michelle Chalfant "Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg "Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg "No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Anxiety Sisters Website https://anxietysisters.com/ Anxiety Sisters Facebook https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters *Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast) https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/ "The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book) https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back in life. But what if you've experienced significant trauma as well? How do you distinguish between a trauma response and limiting or negative thinking? How do you find the power to heal when things have happened that were out of your control? My guest today, Michael Unbroken, has an intense and powerful story of overcoming unspeakable trauma, growing up with abuse, addiction and homelessness. At one point, he wanted to end his own life. But he made a decision to live, and in doing so, discovered that the only path forward started within. In this incredible conversation, Michael shares how he was able to break the cycle of trauma in his life and consciously choose a different path for himself. This is an inspiring and vulnerable conversation that will challenge you to take ownership of your life, treat yourself with grace and kindness and live life fully! Listen to discover: Michael's incredible story of healing from trauma and turning his life around The steps for overcoming limiting beliefs How to get past fear and start living your life How to actually change your life (and why you have to get out of the way first) The power of vulnerability The importance of a mentor Transforming limiting beliefs starts with taking ownership of the way we think about life, no matter what we've been through. What happened to us is not our fault, but it does become our job to take responsibility for it and make a choice to create the healthy, whole life we want to live. We all have the power to do this, and I hope this episode inspires you to find everything that's possible for you. "It's never going to be one thing that changes your life." - Michael Unbroken "What you think becomes what you speak. What you speak becomes your actions, and your actions become your reality." - Michael Unbroken "If we're sitting waiting for someone to rescue us, we're in the seat of the victim." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to create different. We have to create better. If we want a different life, we have to make different choices." - Michelle Chalfant "It will change everything about the fabric of your experience of this life when you're willing to be real." - Michael Unbroken LINKS & RESOURCES Michael Unbroken Website https://www.thinkunbroken.com/ Michael Unbroken Podcast https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/ Michael Unbroken Instagram https://www.instagram.com/michaelunbroken/ Michael Unbroken Facebook https://www.facebook.com/MichaelUnbroken/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing. Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built. Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships – and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse. In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop "protector parts" and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life, and how to move forward. Listen to discover: The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship Whether you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma, and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others. "Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody." - Caroline Strawson "Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson "Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us, and move us away from the biggest perceived pain." - Caroline Strawson "No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson "The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,' to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson "I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant "When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant "Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Caroline Strawson Website https://www.carolinestrawson.com/ Caroline Strawson Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/ Caroline Strawson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/ "Divorce Became My Superpower" (Caroline Strawson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549 MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

It can be difficult to stay positive in today's world. Not only do we all have an inner critic trying to send negative self-talk our way, but with 24-hour news coming at us, social media, polarization, and fear and anger in the world, it is so easy to get pulled into energy that doesn't serve us or uplift us. It's no wonder that so many of us struggle with mental health, anxiety, and depression. Ione Butler also struggled with depression most of her life and went on a self-healing journey to learn how to overcome it. On her journey, she realized how much negativity she was seeing in the world around her and how bad it was making her feel, so she went on a mission to start a content platform with only uplifting content. The standard for what makes it onto the platform is simply, "Does it make you feel good?" Learning to get really conscious about what she consumed, finding passion and joy in the everyday moments, and building healthy daily habits transformed Ione's depression, and on today's show, she shares how she did it. This episode is full of practical, grounded, accessible tips (like exercise and watching social media intake) that we ALL can use to cultivate a lifestyle of mental and emotional well-being. Listen to discover: - The tools that helped pull her out of depression - The ways social media affects our inner well-being - Post-traumatic growth and how we can turn trauma into positive change - How to find passion and joy in the day to day - Tips for overcoming depression and ruminating thoughts - The power of "reverse engineering" your life Whether you're struggling with anxiety and depression or simply feeling weighed down by the state of the world around you, remember that you are what you consume and you have the power to choose things that nourish you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. "The biggest change was recognizing those thoughts aren't true. I can change those thoughts." - Ione Butler "We are what we consume...Everything we take in has an impact." - Ione Butler "I think we all need to pause and ask ourselves, 'How does it make you feel?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Our stories are so powerful...However, when we get stuck in them, we just spin in circles." - Michelle Chalfant "Recognizing the impact the thoughts were having and changing the thoughts was a big one." - Ione Butler "Every little bit helps, and it changes us." - Michelle Chalfant "Everything begins with a thought. And the question is, "Are you going to believe that thought or not?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Our mind is a tool." - Ione Butler LINKS & RESOURCES Ione Butler Website https://ionebutler.com/ Uplifting Content Website https://upliftingcontent.com/ "Uplifting Stories" (Ione Butler book) https://www.amazon.com/Uplifting-Stories-Tales-Inspire-Every/dp/1982138238 "The Power of Now" https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Whether it's eating healthier, getting exercise, starting a meditation practice or staying socially connected, figuring out what to do to be happy might be simple – but actually doing these things and living in a way that lets us experience happiness is much harder. When we know there are things we can do that will make us healthier and happier, why do we struggle to actually do them? Why do we get caught in a cycle of chasing happiness instead of choosing joy, even when we know better? This is what Gretchen Rubin wanted to understand when she began studying happiness and why people form the habits they do. It turns out that it has everything to do with how we relate to expectations. Gretchen discovered that there are four different "tendencies" that tell us how different people approach habits and expectations – whether we question expectations, comply with expectations, rebel against expectations or uphold them from within. We are born with our tendency and there's no right or wrong way to be, but our ability to pursue happiness and form habits is directly connected to which tendency we're wired with. In this episode, Gretchen describes each of the four tendencies in detail and ways to work with your type to go after the life you want. She also talks about habit formation and the different approaches to starting a new habit, so you can figure out which one works best for you! This is so fascinating and has major implications for how we structure our lives, how we work with each other in business and relationships and so much more! Listen to discover: Concrete steps we can take to start boosting our happiness The "four tendencies" personality framework The Upholder, The Obliger, The Questioner and The Rebel – four different ways we all respond to inner and outer expectations How your tendency impacts how you form habits How to overcome resistance and work with your tendency to be as successful and happy as possible Misconceptions about happiness and techniques to form better habits Though it's true that everyone is different in terms of what makes us happy, we're also all different in how we get to the things that make us happy. When we understand our wiring, we can overcome resistance and set ourselves up to achieve the life we want, in a way that is uniquely ours. "Our physical experience is always going to color our emotional experience." - Gretchen Rubin "The key to happiness is relationships." - Gretchen Rubin "Don't suit other people. Suit yourself." - Gretchen Rubin "I'm a big believer in the genetic roots of personality." - Gretchen Rubin "We can work with each other to help us all achieve our aims, but sometimes we have to provide a different way from what would work for us." - Gretchen Rubin "Your communication style would change once you know this." - Michelle Chalfant "Happier people are more interested in the problems of the world." - Gretchen Rubin "You have to take care of yourself. You have to put yourself first." - Michelle Chalfant "When you're not indulging in a temptation, it goes away." - Gretchen Rubin LINKS & RESOURCES Gretchen Rubin Website https://gretchenrubin.com/ Happier Podcast (Gretchen Rubin podcast) https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/ Gretchen Rubin Books https://gretchenrubin.com/books/ The Four Tendencies Quiz https://gretchenrubin.com/fourtendencies The Happier App https://the-happiness-project.com/pages/happier-app Gretchen Rubin Facebook https://www.facebook.com/GretchenRubin Gretchen Rubin Instagram https://www.instagram.com/gretchenrubin/ Gretchen Rubin LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/gretchenrubin Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We live in a world that's both more connected and more disconnected than ever. With things like Zoom, FaceTime, and social media, we can get in touch with others with the click of a button. But we also have an epidemic of loneliness. We scroll by each other without really engaging with each other. Even in our most intimate relationships, we can easily find ourselves co-existing without connecting at the heart level. The busyness of our world will naturally cause us to drift apart from each other without intentional effort, so a few years ago, my husband and I started building small "rituals of connection" into our week. These are moments – like our weekend coffee chats – that we've set aside to be fully present with each other and share more vulnerably, authentically, and from the heart. During one of our recent coffee chats, we had a beautiful conversation about how we can create more connection in our relationships with each other and others, and with Graham's permission, I recorded our conversation to share with you all. In this conversation, we talk about the power of intentional connection, how important true connection is for maintaining trust and happiness in relationships, and how you can build moments of connection into a busy schedule. Graham shares one of his favorite tools to take a conversation deeper and how this tool can help people who might feel threatened by intimacy begin to flex their vulnerability muscles and move into a deeper relationship with their partner. Listen to discover: How you can build rituals of connection into your relationship Exercises to get the conversation flowing and create a deeper connection How to build up your ability to share emotions Ways to encourage your partner to share their emotions more Staying centered even when having a tough conversation The power of masterful listening and responding instead of reacting How to create more safety in your relationships It's so easy to work and live alongside others but never really connect. If you've ever found yourself in a relationship or surrounded by people but still feeling lonely, this is why! But with small, intentional steps, we can totally transform the nature of our relationships and find those soul connections we're all looking for. This episode gives an inside look into how two normal, busy people are practicing this together, and I hope it encourages you to start this journey with the ones you love – friends, family, partners, anyone! "Drop inside and...drop below the chin. Get curious about what's going on in the body." - Michelle Chalfant "If you can't identify [the emotion], just get the sense of what's going on in your body and share that." - Michelle Chalfant "Expressing that is easy for everybody, and it's a great opening to deeper conversations." - Graham Chalfant "If we as humans had ideas about the range of emotions that we can feel, we would say more than, 'I'm mad, sad, glad, afraid or ashamed.'" - Michelle Chalfant "We have so many emotions we can feel, but we're not brought up to feel more emotions than those typical five." - Michelle Chalfant "See if you can't sit down with the person in your life and just touch base with a couple words." - Graham Chalfant "It would be a huge improvement for most couples and people in relationships to touch base once a day or a couple times a week." - Graham Chalfant "We're getting in the habit of exchanging energy in this way." - Michelle Chalfant "You want to always own your experience...that is a much more open way of inviting in that other person to discuss it versus putting that person in defense." - Michelle Chalfant "Swooping in and fixing when someone feels bad is the worst thing that you can do for a relationship." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant