Real Recovery Talk

Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone and it just isn't going the way that you thought that it would? 🙋🏻‍♂️ I know for myself when someone is not responding to me in the way I don't want to be responded to, I get on the defense. I will start to justify why I am right and you are wrong, I will get angry, I will get defensive and in the end it's not a productive conversation at all. In this video I discuss why it's important to try and have healthy conversation as an adult in recovery. We know resentment is the number one offender. So it is important for us to be able to have conversations with people in a manner that gets something accomplished rather than getting into arguments and everybody gets in a race to see who can become victim first. Ben taught me "You get more with honey than you do vinegar." When I first heard that I questioned it. 🧐 I wasn't quite sure what he was trying to say. But over time it makes sense, the goal is to have constructive conversations with people and in the end everybody is happy. It's easy for me to get angry and defensive and jump on the defense but that never accomplishes anything.. We all do it, but we can all fix it!!

5 Min or Less To cannabis or not to cannabis in recovery? A very popular subject amongst the recovery community is whether or not utilizing marijuana is a relapse or not. The sober support community that I surround myself with does consider it a relapse; Though, one will find individuals who fall into both camps. Who is to say what is sober and what is not? I believe this is for every individual to decide for themselves. We have the only disease, that tells us we don't have it, that has to be self diagnosed. If one chooses to take the risk, are they willing to potentially pay devastating consequences as a result of putting certain motions into play? Or maybe they pay no consequences? Does someone who has worked hard for their recovery really want to take the risk? In this video I will discuss my personal opinion, and look at some of the potential downfalls to partaking in cannabis use. I would advise against doing so, but that is just my opinion.

5 Min or Less Please like and share Real Recovery Talk Am I the only one that I am hurting? Often times as addicts and alcoholics we think that we are the only ones that we are hurting. The unfortunate part is that we are hurting a lot of people around us. The people that we are hurting the most are the people that we hold closest to us. The loved ones tend to think as well that they are not the ones with the problem an"why can't he/she just stop?" Or "its their problem, they can figure it out". So, loved ones, understand that you are part of the problem too. We all play a part in this wether we like to admit it or not. BUT once we are all able to admit that we ALL play a part, let the healing begin!

How dare you take someone else's inventory!!! Not! Have you been told not to take other people's inventory? Well, maybe you should not heed that advice. Reason being, if you spot it you got it. Often times, taking inventory of others is a mirror reflection of character defects that I may own myself. In addition, I had to learn how to be open to allowing others to take my inventory. If I am lying to myself, how do I know? You can't spot self-deception by yourself. Welcoming the feedback of others, and ultimately asking for others to take your inventory can be a necessary tool to achieve an entire psychic change. In conclusion, do not take the inventory of others so that you can be critical of them; take the inventory of others so that you can advise your own personal growth. Never be afraid to hear the feedback of others if it will mean making personal progress.

5 Minutes or Less No is an "OK" Answer Often times it is so hard for parents and loved ones to say NO to the ones that they care about the most. The unfortunate thing about that is, sometimes because we never say NO, it can drive someone deeper and deeper into their addiction. I spend a lot of time talking with parents and loved ones, trying to convince then that it is OK to draw boundaries! There is nothing wrong with saying "No, I am not going to pay your cell phone bill this month" or "No, I am not going to loan you $20 dollars for gas" Addicts and Alcoholics will take someones "niceness" and turn it into a "weakness". It's like the ol' saying, "you give an inch, they will take a mile" Now this doesn't mean, go home and throw your alcoholic son or daughter out oof the house tonight! But it does mean, take a look at yourself, and ask yourself, Am I part of the problem? Am I being to nice? Am I enabling this person to use drugs and drink? What am I doing to provide for this person, while they continue to go out every night and sometimes not even come home? The list goes on and on, I think you get the point. Its OK to say NO!

Check out my new website where you can download any episode right from my site along with other useful information for those in recovery. Look for our new daily shows, which are five minutes or under! Listen in for yourself or for a friend. You can also find our new short episodes on our Facebook page. Today I will talk about the process and path of a person moving from being a "normie" to using drugs and alcohol and becoming an addict. In this episode, I talk about the progression of drug, alcohol, sex - any behavior which can become addictive. Many addictions have the same process from start to finish. However, I'll primarily talk about the four reasons people get addicted to drugs and alcohol. Reason #1: People are trying to mask another problem or issue such as mental illness. Drugs and alcohol help cope with mental illness and make them feel better, or people who have mental illness believe that drugs and alcohol help them to cope with and deal with their mental illness. In my experience, I see the opposite happen. Drugs and alcohol are not a solution, especially schizophrenia. Reason #2: Drugs and alcohol relieve stress. Addicts in this category have a hard time dealing with stress or have always used drugs and alcohol to avoid dealing with a life stressor. This is a perpetual cycle = worsening issues, more drugs and alcohol, the stress doesn't go away, the situation gets worse, so the person takes more drugs and alcohol. Reason #3: Environment - the addict is around others who are using drugs and alcohol. Alcohol was the love of my life, introduced to me by my friends. At 12, I tried Zima with a group of older kids, who I was easily influenced by teenagers who were older than me. As long as someone else was worse than me, that would reinforce that I wasn't an alcoholic. Reason #4: Medical intervention with addictive painkillers causes addiction. When the issue which was causing the pain was resolved, our body goes through withdrawal. Many IV heroin addicts started with opiate painkillers used after an accident and injury. These people usually don't have a family history of drugs and alcohol. Listen in to find out more detail about the four paths to drug and alcohol addiction and how families react to their loved one's addiction. Share this podcast with a friend and leave us a review! Show Notes: [05:20] Reason #1 People get addicted to drugs because they are trying to cope with a mental illness. [08:25] Schizophrenia is negatively affected by marijuana use. [10:00] Reason #2 Drugs and alcohol relieve stress [12:14] Parents and loved ones always ask "Why can't they just stop?" [15:50] Reason #3 The addict is surrounded by drugs and alcohol. [19:13] Reason #4 Addiction from the use of opiate drugs prescribed by a doctor. Links and Resources: Real Recovery Live Chat Real Recovery Talk on the Web Real Recovery Talk on YouTube Leave Real Recovery Talk a review on iTunes Rock Recovery Center Ideas for a show? Email us tom@realrecoverytalk.com and ben@realrecoverytalk.com

5 Minutes or Less 1/15/20 Wear Recovery like a loose garment Recovery isn't something that is supposed to stress us out! We are being given the opportunity to start a new life, and we can create it however we want to create it! Often times people look at sobriety as a "death sentence" and think since they are sober now they they are not going to be able to have fun and now their life is going to suck! That is so. Far. From the truth! We should not be so stuck up! Enjoy the process and everything that goes with it! There are new experiences that we are going to have and people that we are going to meet, and it is because we GOT SOBER! Dont let the idea of sobriety hold you back. Yes, the decisions that we make moving forward need to have our sobriety in mind. We do not want to put ourselves at risk to relapse. But don't let sobriety choke you out! It isn't supposed to be miserable!

Spirituality and using substances to connect Do you struggle with the concept of spirituality or God in recovery? Check out this "five minute or less" video. Were we not trying to have spiritual experiences through alcohol and substances? Come on all you hippie ravers!?! Were we not trying to connect with others through social lubricant a.k.a. alcohol? Do they not refer to alcohol as spirits? While Recovery is not black and white, maybe this excerpt will get you thinking about spirituality and it's principals? Do you want nothing to do with the concept, yet demonstrate through active addiction that you want everything to do with it?

5 Minutes or Less Im not that bad, yet! Don't let the "Yet" get ya! As addicts and alcoholics we tend to compare ourselves to other people and circumstances. I remember sitting at the bar and looking at all the other people around me that are "for sure alcoholics" and comparing myself to them. I would tell myself things like, "When I get that bad then I will make a change" or "I haven't gotten a DUI, YET" or "I still have my job and I am able to pay my bills". I would tell myself these things even after I had been sitting at the bar for the past 8 hours! Little did I know at that time, all of those "Yet's" were soon to come. I was in such denial, that I would look at people around me and my surroundings and convince myself that I didn't have a problem! If you find yourself in a position to where you are trying to convince yourself you don't have a problem, because X,Y,Z hasn't happened to you, think of it this way. YOU ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM, WHICH MEANS YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM! Links and Resources: Real Recovery Live Chat Real Recovery Talk on the Web Real Recovery Talk on YouTube Leave Real Recovery Talk a review on iTunes Rock Recovery Center

What if they don't want to get sober? When I am talking to parents or loved ones, they sometimes have the response "If they don't want to get sober then what is the point in them going to treatment?" Although this does make somewhat sense, it isn't entirely true. See, when someone is seeking treatment or goes to treatment, chances are they are not WANTING to go in the first place. Maybe they are, but chances are they are not. That is OK. Addiction Treatment can be a very scary thing to do, especially if we have never done it before! As addicts and alcoholics we tend to want to stay where we are most comfortable, in our addiction. So when presented with the "option" of going to treatment, it is not a surprise that they say they don't really want to get sober or "I don't think I need treatment" My recommendation is always, get someone to treatment whatever way possible. They don't have to come "willingly" or have some overly positive attitude about going to treatment. The fact is, they are going and that is all that matters. Leave the rest up to the professionals. If your loved one gets involved in a community that is healthy and fosters good sobriety, they will organically become that as well. You become a product of your environment, ya know?