Getting Close

If you have a little voice in the back of your mind saying, you should really break that habit, this episode is for you. We all have coping mechanisms that help us get through the day, but when do we know if those coping mechanisms have turned into unhealthy patterns, and if so, how can we break them? In this episode, my husband Casey (and y’all’s most requested return guest) sits back down with me for a deeply intimate and vulnerable conversation about his last year breaking patterns of addiction. We unpack: * How to let go of the patterns that no longer serve you* The differences between habits, coping mechanisms, and unhealthy patterns* Why your journey with substances doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.* How to support a partner who is dismantling their relationship with substances* How to find joy in sobriety through new rituals and experiences.* The most surprising things we’ve both learned as we stopped drinking. Chapters(00:00) Introduction to Connection and Coping Mechanisms(02:54) Celebrating Six Months Alcohol-Free(05:40) Understanding Patterns vs. Habits(10:04) Exploring Early Coping Mechanisms(16:44) The Impact of Substances on Life(21:54) Navigating Social Drinking and Isolation(26:38) Navigating Loneliness and Community Needs(28:05) The Journey to Sobriety: A Personal Reflection(31:51) Breaking Patterns: The Role of Substances in Coping(36:01) Emotional Breakthroughs: The Impact of Isolation(39:46) Supporting Partners Through Change(43:02) Surprising Positives: Finding Joy in Sobriety(45:58) Messages of Hope: Embracing Change and Growth(50:17) Curiosity and Connection: Engaging with CommunityFollow Along!Follow Casey: https://bit.ly/3NY8jyaFollow Aidan: https://bit.ly/4sRSpoXFollow Getting Close: https://bit.ly/4jW9Ro8Send us a comment or question at: hellogettingclose@gmail.com! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

Eric Williams, podcaster and comedian known for That’s a Gay Ass Podcast and touring solo shows, talks about the art of asking better questions. He explores what makes a question reveal truth, how digital life dulls curiosity, and how one well-placed prompt can deepen dates, sex, and long-term relationships. Expect playful examples, boundaries for open relationships, and stories of vulnerability onstage and off.

What can gay men learn from trans men?In this episode of Getting Close, I sit down with my friend Sandy for a very vulnerable conversation about how trans men and cis men exist within the gay community. We dive into masculinity, privilege, and what compassionate inclusion can look like in our spaces. Sandy Gooen is a published and produced writer. He’s currently developing a musical called Twink Piece. He also runs TEMPO (@theetempo), which is an organization for Trans music professionals. His professional and academic background is mostly music and theater, but in his free time, he focuses a lot on gender and LGBT topics. At the root of Sandy’s work is the desire to cultivate belonging and understanding!We get into * Which conversations about transness are oversaturated* Which conversations about transness still need to happen* What gay men don’t know about the trans experience* The different ways that masculinity affects us all* And why gay men only talk to people they’re attracted to, and how to start to change that. Follow Along!Follow Sandy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/silentwhatFollow Sandy on Substack: Follow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwhartonFollow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepodChapters(00:00) Introduction(05:20) Growing Up Masculine(10:40) The Early Signs of Difference(16:00) Exploring Gender(21:50) The Carving Out A Space in NYC(27:10) Navigating Gay Spaces as a Trans Man(32:40) The Unspoken Social Rules Inside Queer Spaces(38:00) Why We’re Afraid to Talk About Trans Experiences(43:30) Who Gets to Define Masculinity(49:30) What Connection Between Men Can Look Like This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

How has the internet changed gay s*x, consent, and intimacy?In this episode, Andrew Restieri joins me to discuss the complexities of digital intimacy within gay culture. We discuss how everyone has differing rules about consent, the economy of nude photos, who owns a nude once it’s sent, the rise of hookup apps, and how they affect our in-person experiences. Andrew Restieri is a PhD candidate at Cornell whose research broadly centers on the use of digital technology to facilitate online communities, especially for queer people. His dissertation examines the online sexual practices of gay men and how those practices challenge conventional understandings of intimacy and consent. He also holds a master’s from Johns Hopkins University and a BA from Northwestern. We unpack:🟡 The “economy of nudes” that exists in gay culture.🟡 Why consent online is almost impossible to define.🟡 The uncomfortable question: who owns a nude once it’s sent?🟡 Why digital intimacy and real-life intimacy may now be the same thing.🟡 The surprising reason some men send unsolicited nudes.🟡 The real question behind every app interaction: what do we owe each other?If you’ve ever taken a nude, this episode’s for you.Chapters(00:00) Introduction(02:40) Connection Questions and Personal Insights(04:40) Research Focus: Gay Men’s Digital Practices(07:52) Understanding Consent and Privacy in Digital Spaces(10:08) The Economy of Nudes: Value and Exchange(12:56) Digital vs. In-Person Intimacy: A Blurred Line(15:45) Impact of Hookup Apps on Gay Male Intimacy(18:36) Consent and Boundaries in Digital Interactions(21:12) The Politics of Ownership and Consent(24:32) Navigating Consent in a Diverse Landscape(26:57) Class Politics and Digital Intimacy(33:15) Navigating Boundaries in Gay Digital Spaces(39:24) The Role of Digital Tools in Gay Connections(44:40) Flirting and Intimacy in the Modern Age(47:10) Curiosities and Community ConnectionsFollow Along!Follow Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrewrestieriFollow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwhartonFollow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

What if I told you discomfort was the secret to better relationships?In this episode, Rachel Wright joins me to talk about the fascinating way that discomfort can help you have better relationships of any structure. We explore the nuances of modern friendship, letting people down, secret patterns running our relationships, monogamy unlearnings, and the unique way gay couples are more likely to be open vs. poly.Rachel Wright is a distinguished psychotherapist and renowned speaker with expertise in modern relationships, mental health, and sex. With a Master’s Degree in clinical psychology, Rachel has worked with thousands of clients worldwide and has been featured in The New York Times, Women’s Health, Cosmo and more. Rachel currently lives in New York City with her wife and two kids.We unpack:* How to let people down healthily* What gay couples need to do to practice openness better* How ingrained patterns shape shapes the way we love* How non-monogamy can show up in our youth before we have language for it* Whether or not nonmonogamy is a orientation or a preference* And how expanding our distress tolerance can change the way we approach opennessChapters(00:00) Introduction (02:28) Exploring Healthy Communication in Relationships (14:37) The Journey to Becoming a Therapist (17:53) Reflections on Non-Monogamy and Youth Experiences (22:42) Core Beliefs About Relationships and Non-Monogamy (25:00) Unlearning Monogamy and Embracing Discomfort (27:19) Navigating Discomfort in Relationships (29:42) Understanding Non-Monogamy as an Orientation (32:27) Timing and Trust in Non-Monogamous Conversations (34:22) Unpacking Emotional Scripts in Non-Monogamy (37:45) Language and Representation in Non-Monogamous Relationships (42:45) Emotional Depth in Gay Relationships (45:11) Building Distress Tolerance in Non-Monogamy (48:52) Exploring Non-Monogamous Literature (51:39) Celebrating Diverse Relationships and CommunityFollow Along!Follow Rachel: https://www.instagram.com/thewright_rachelFollow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwhartonFollow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

Andrew Keenan-Bolger, actor, director, and author of Limelight, revisits 1996 New York to explore queer history. He discusses chosen family, magical realism and honoring queer ancestors. They also tackle book bans, writing flawed queer characters, and how young people find connection beyond their zip code.

Are you fed up with modern dating? In this episode, that’s not just for singles, Trevor Kuhn discusses the challenges of modern courtship, why conflict is essential for relationships, the pitfalls of AI in dating, and why expectations are keeping you single. Trevor Kuhn is a love and relationship coach and matchmaker for gay and queer men. He helps them shift old patterns and build deeper, more intentional connections through 1-on-1 coaching, group workshops, engaging social content, and live events.He explains:🟡 Simple steps to talk to people in person again.🟡 Why conflict is essential in any relationship.🟡 How expectations are the #1 thing keeping folks single. 🟡 Why you should delete Grindr.🟡 The essential work you must do before and during a relationship.P.S. The easiest way for you to get involved: If you haven’t already, please take 20 seconds to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and/or YouTube! It really is the most helpful thing you can do besides listening and telling your friends!Chapters(00:00) Introduction(04:25) How Trev Became A Relationship Coach(10:05) First Date Tips(11:46) Unique Challenges of Modern Gay Dating(14:38) Why Vulnerability is Essential in Dating(16:52) Practical Pick-Up Tips(21:34) How Trev Found Love Through Instagram(25:03) Why You Should Delete Grindr(28:16) AI in Dating Apps(32:07) Our Speed Dating Experience(37:29) How To Prepare for Relationships(38:27) Why You Should Ask Your Friends About Relationships(39:01) Cultivating Belonging and Personal Growth(40:49) Values and Communication in Relationships(43:11) Navigating Conflict and Communication Styles(44:28) Curiosity and Connection in Loneliness(47:10) Community and Collective ActionFollow Along!Follow Trevor: https://instagram.com/lovedaddytrevFollow Aidan: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwhartonFollow Getting Close: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

My husband CASEY GARVIN and I dive deep into our own relationship, answering questions from listeners about our journey, our love, and our openness over the past eight years. On this episode, we get deep about:* The unique ways that we navigate and heal from conflict.* Who proposed to whom.* How we planned our atypical wedding.* How we learned to embrace jealousy in our open relationship.* What our personal rules around openness are.* How we navigate sexual health.* And some fun things, like our favorite things about each other.P.S. The easiest way for you to get involved: If you haven’t already, please take 20 seconds to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and/or YouTube! It really is the most helpful thing you can do besides listening and telling your friends!Chapters(00:00) Intro(01:37) Our Six Questions to Fall In Love(08:31) How We Met & Our First Date(13:23) Why We Broke Up(18:09) Why We Broke Up (19:05) Our Proposal Story(21:42) How We Planned Our Atypical Wedding(29:39) How We Navigate Conflict(32:37) How Our Relationship Exists Online(37:17) How We Practice Openness(39:28) Navigating Sexual Health and STIs(41:54) How We Deal With Jealousy(48:05) Flirting With Other People(52:53) Casey’s Question Bonanza!Follow Along!Follow Casey: https://bit.ly/3NY8jyaFollow Aidan: https://bit.ly/4sRSpoXFollow Getting Close: https://bit.ly/4jW9Ro8 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

Top Epstein Investigator ELLIE LEONARD explains how she dissects every page of the Epstein files, how she balances being a parent amidst the chaos, and how she builds a community of like-minded truth seekers that YOU can be a part of.Ellie Leonard is an author, editor, small-business owner, and contributor for Blue Amp Media. Recently, she’s made a name for herself as she pores over every document in the Epstein Files with the incredible community she’s built on Substack.On this episode, we get into:* The importance of community in uncovering the truth.* How AI and social media have disrupted traditional media.* How to re-engage with the news by finding voices you trust.* How to find common ground in political discussions.* Essential Tips for Online Security.* And how hope and optimism can coexist within today’s harsh reality.P.S. The easiest way for you to get involved: If you haven’t already, please take 20 seconds to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and/or YouTube! It really is the most helpful thing you can do besides listening and telling your friends!Chapters(00:00) Introduction(04:52) Ellie’s Unexpected Path to Epstein(08:07) Raising Politically Aware Children(10:00) Balancing Work and Family Life(14:50) Democratizing Investigative Journalism(18:23) How You Can Get Involved(20:08) What’s In The New Files(21:47) Finding The Receipts & Catching Their Lies(23:51) How Epstein Connects to Minneapolis(26:19) How to Start Tuning In Again(28:27) Conversations Across Political Lines(30:25) Why Aidan Gets Scared of Asking Questions(33:40) How America Comes Together Again(35:54) Check Out These Independent Journalists(39:46) Must-Know Tips to Stay Safe Online (TikTok & Ring Cameras)(44:47) Ending with Hope & Optimism(47:26) Ellie’s 3C’s(48:32) The Trans Festival in Ellie’s Hometown(50:55) OutroFollow Along!Follow Ellie: https://bit.ly/4jQFKONFollow Aidan: https://bit.ly/4sRSpoXFollow Getting Close: https://bit.ly/4jW9Ro8 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe

Nonbinary icon J HARRISON GHEE reveals how they balance queerness, religion, and spirituality, the power of finding grace and joy in challenging times, and how you can show up authentically even when everyone is telling you to be someone else. J Harrison Ghee is a Tony and Grammy Award winner who made history as the first nonbinary performer to win in a leading individual performance category. They’ve also appeared in numerous film/TV productions and is an outspoken advocate for the Queer community.On this episode, they explain:-How Drag helped them embrace their gender.-How Kinky Boots helped heal their family.-The four Inspiring Phrases to Realign Your Life.-What it felt like to win a Tony Award.-How to let go of what doesn’t serve you in order to move forward.P.S. The easiest way for you to get involved: If you haven’t already, please take 20 seconds to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and/or YouTube! It really is the most helpful thing you can do besides listening and telling your friends!Chapters(00:00) Intro(02:52) Growing Up Queer in North Carolina(07:59) Balancing Queerness & Religion(11:46) Navigating Parents As Adult Children(16:39) J’s Start in New York (20:25) Doing Drag in Japan (22:57) Evolving Gender Through Drag(24:47) Cruise Ships & Kinky Boots(26:37) How Kinky Boots Healed J’s Family(31:10) Mrs. Doubtfire: The Musical(33:42) Some Like It Hot(39:14) What it Feels Like to Make History & Win The Tony(42:24) Navigating Grief & Joy(44:22) How to Find Grace(46:41) The Challenges of Letting Go(48:55) Imagination is A Queer Superpower(51:47) What Are J’s 3C’s?Follow Along!Follow J: https://bit.ly/4jQFKONFollow Aidan: https://bit.ly/4sRSpoXFollow Getting Close: https://bit.ly/4jW9Ro8 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe