Gay Intimacy Researcher: The Hidden Rules of Hookup Culture

How has the internet changed gay s*x, consent, and intimacy?

In this episode, Andrew Restieri joins me to discuss the complexities of digital intimacy within gay culture. We discuss how everyone has differing rules about consent, the economy of nude photos, who owns a nude once it’s sent, the rise of hookup apps, and how they affect our in-person experiences.

Andrew Restieri is a PhD candidate at Cornell whose research broadly centers on the use of digital technology to facilitate online communities, especially for queer people. His dissertation examines the online sexual practices of gay men and how those practices challenge conventional understandings of intimacy and consent. He also holds a master’s from Johns Hopkins University and a BA from Northwestern.

We unpack:

🟡 The “economy of nudes” that exists in gay culture.

🟡 Why consent online is almost impossible to define.

🟡 The uncomfortable question: who owns a nude once it’s sent?

🟡 Why digital intimacy and real-life intimacy may now be the same thing.

🟡 The surprising reason some men send unsolicited nudes.

🟡 The real question behind every app interaction: what do we owe each other?

If you’ve ever taken a nude, this episode’s for you.

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction

(02:40) Connection Questions and Personal Insights

(04:40) Research Focus: Gay Men’s Digital Practices

(07:52) Understanding Consent and Privacy in Digital Spaces

(10:08) The Economy of Nudes: Value and Exchange

(12:56) Digital vs. In-Person Intimacy: A Blurred Line

(15:45) Impact of Hookup Apps on Gay Male Intimacy

(18:36) Consent and Boundaries in Digital Interactions

(21:12) The Politics of Ownership and Consent

(24:32) Navigating Consent in a Diverse Landscape

(26:57) Class Politics and Digital Intimacy

(33:15) Navigating Boundaries in Gay Digital Spaces

(39:24) The Role of Digital Tools in Gay Connections

(44:40) Flirting and Intimacy in the Modern Age

(47:10) Curiosities and Community Connections

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