Make Your Damn Bed

Chores can be hella irritating because no matter how well you do them, you still have to show up and do them again in a day or so. I will be sharing some tips to make chores less tedious and more efficient, enjoyable, and sustainable. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a healthy relationship, you will feel respected by your partner. Your emotions are validated and they don’t tell you how to feel or get angry with your emotional states. A healthy relationship means you and your partner respect that you each have lives outside of each other. You respect each others space, privacy, relationships, and goals. Encouraging each other to be full people outside of your relationship can make such a huge difference in both party’s mental health. A healthy partnership means each partner is treated as an equal. Conflicts can be rational and calm and openly communicated. You are both free to express your feelings and you understand each other’s boundaries and preferences within them.  A healthy relationship is definitely not always perfect, but abusive or controlling behavior should never be a part of a healthy relationship.  Partners treat each other like that - partners. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TW: ABUSE https://stopthehurt.org/is-your-relationship-headed-for-trouble-recognizing-red-and-yellow-flags/Yellow Flags in a RelationshipEarly signs of abuse may be based on attempts to control the other person. Some “Yellow Flags” that a relationship is turning abusive include: Always checking in on you (by text, calling, or asking your friends/family/workplace where you are) Not supporting or encouraging you  Putting you down (in private or in front of others) Pressuring you to do things that make you uncomfortable. Becoming angry too quickly or unreasonably. Love Bombing – overwhelming you with affection and talk of the future very early in the relationship Red Flags in a RelationshipAbuse may escalate to a “Red Flag,” which is any behavior that attempts to gain power and control in a relationship. Common red flags include: Intimidation (through looks or actions) Threatening to harm you or loved ones (including pets) Damaging/destroying your belongings, or home Accusing you of being unfaithful without any proof  Using their financial power as a justification for their actions Showing extreme jealousy of your friends/family  Even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

@ALEX_ELLE on instagram: I stopped doing these things to create healthier relationships with others (and myself): Expecting people to read my mind. Instead, I started naming my needs and being clear about my boundaries.Pretending to be strong and okay when I'm not. Instead, I started being honest and vulnerable about my feelings.Being silent about the things that have hurt me. Instead, I started speaking up and having hard conversations with those around me.Dishonoring my boundaries to "keep the peace." Instead, I started advocating for myself.Punishing myself for not healing fast enough. Instead, I started giving myself grace and being patient with my process.Carrying emotional baggage that didn't belong to me. Instead, I started putting things down that I no longer wanted to carry.Overextending myself to make everyone happy. Instead, I started saying no, I can't, or I don't want to do that.Trying to get people to change, heal, and grow. Instead, I started meeting them where they were and accepting them for who they were.Staying in relationships that have expired. Instead, I decided to part ways with love and compassion.Refusing to let go because I was too scared of what could come next. Instead, I started releasing the things I knew were no longer healthy for my growth.Avoiding conflict and hoping things would "just get better." Instead, I started facing conflict head-on, even if it felt uncomfortable.Excusing unhealthy behavior because "I love them." Instead, I learned that I can love people and choose not to engage.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’re struggling to know whether or not you’re falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy in your current relationships, there are some reflective questions you can ask to check in and ensure you’re not settling. Do you feel like you need to stay in your relationships?Or do you feel like you want to stay in your relationships?Do you resent the amount of time or energy you’ve put in? Or do you focus more on the amount you’ve grown and changed together through that energy?If you find yourself focusing more on the things you’ve lost in your relationships (which are things you can never recover) rather than the things you have gained? (which is growth you can never lose) than you may be staying out of obligation rather than desire - which is a surefire way to build resentment and toxicity in your relationships, if you haven’t already. Realize that past investment is exactly that. Your time and your energy and your efforts cannot be recovered - no matter what happens next.Ask yourself, if you were starting over today, would you choose this person again? I do that regularly when I clean out my closet and decide what clothing gets to stay - as well as with my relationships and friendships to really ensure that I am continuously choosing people who are best for me and where I would like to go. Then imagine what the future will likely look like if things remain as they are right now, with your person. What do you feel about that? Would anything NEED to change on your end or on their end to make a happy union more likely?Think about a time when you have left a relationship in the past. Is that a relationship you wish you had back? Probably not. Making the decision to leave is often the hardest part. But cutting your losses now will be easier than cutting even higher and broader losses in the future. (WEBSITE) says: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-could-be-keeping-you-in-bad-situations/“If you find yourself fixating on ‘getting your money’s worth’ out of unenjoyable experiences or lose sight of your future goals, one helpful strategy is to consider what you’d advise a friend or family member to do in a similar situation. Flexible thinking and self-compassion are invaluable. They can also help us realize that the only way to ‘win’ an unwinnable game is to stop playing it.” - Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People seem to think because they have invested months or years of time into a person that they shouldn’t give up on the potential for them to change, when their current reality is miserable and undeniably better if they cut ties. I have heard countless friends justify staying too long bad relationships with “but we’ve been together for so long” or “I’ve put so many years into this,” or and “we’ve worked so hard at it,” or “We just have so much history” The key to not falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy is by being real with yourself about the reality of your current state and remember that ALL sunken costs cannot be recovered. Forget the past instead of dwelling on what used to be or how hard you worked, instead get real about the current costs and current benefits - and if the current costs aren’t outweighing the current benefits or looking like they’re going to realistically change in the foreseeable future, you gotta cut your losses. Remember as humans, we have a tendency to fear losses more than we expect gains - so we must keep that in mind when we find ourselves clinging to things that we’re far better off without. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

staying aligned with that favorite version of you, in every situation, no matter how stressed, how hungry, how angry, how frustrated, how down, how unheard you feel, is the highest form of alignment and self-mastery in my honest opinion. If you can still make choices that make your favorite version of you feel the most proud, no matter how crappy and off kilter you feel? It’s not easy - it may not even be doable for all of us - but damn it’s a beautiful thing to strive for. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you do find it to be a struggle to know what the next best choice is for your current self - channel that version of you that feels the most badass before you make a decision? If you need to create a more confident alter-ego, great! Whatever you need to do to ensure you’re making the choices that make you feel the most empowered on a regular basis. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Don’t be afraid to go after anything you want even if you’re a lil scared its not the perfect fit because who the hell cares if its a temporary gig, at the very least you’ve got a dope party story and best case scenario you get to combine all your skills into the ideal life for yourself. Open yourself up to new experiences, be brave, face the what if I hate it’s with so what if I hate it - at least I frickin’ tried. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the book, Stumbling on Happiness, Dan Gilbert says: "Most of us do have the expectation that our lives are improving and will get better and better, but often we’re not ready to do anything to actually achieve that next level. So, we spend our days hoping for better, our evenings dreaming of better, but our time doing nothing to make anything better - which means - things probably aren’t actually improving for us. We’re just hoping and dreaming, which is fine, but if those hopes and dreams started to spill into your genuine world of expectations in any way, it can be a painful reality check to realize your fantasies are simply fantasies. Those feelings of peace, luxury, decadence, freedom, love, connection, or whatever else I am seeking through the lil imagination beach getaway of my mind, that’s what I want to create more of. I want more of the feelings, not the environments I am convinced will create those feelings.  When I realized that that’s the perk. The escapism into my head, is the perk I am looking for, and not the dream home, because the dream home downs exist. There is no such thing as the villa I created because life isn’t a fantasy.So stay optimistic AND realistic. Ask yourself what you are really seeking through your hopes and fantasies and see if you can manifest more of that, now. In your current space. Let your optimism drive you towards discovering more of it, in your life rather than allowing it to remind you of where you may be lacking it.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/make-your-damn-bed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.