Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Maybe you've recently read these headlines in the New York Times or The Wall Street Journal."Well Into Adulthood and Still Getting Money From Their Parents.   Nearly 60% of parents provide financial help to their adult kids, a new study finds." WSJ"Parents Are Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives, and Fine With ItNew surveys show that today’s intensive parenting has benefits, not just risks, and most young adults seem happy with it, too." (NYT)What you didn't know is that these articles  just covered a small bit of the extensive 2024 Pew Research study titled Parents, Young Adult Children and the Transition to Adulthood. The Pew Research Center is a non-partisan "fact tank" that helps inform the public about issues, attitudes and trends shaping our world. Today, we go behind the scenes to chat with one of the lead researchers on the study, Rachel Milken, and uncover what those big headlines really mean.   We sort through the data helping listeners understand the stats and what the study really explores.  Tune in to learn more about key milestones for young adults today vs. 30 years ago, financial help and independence in young adulthood, how parents really think their kids are doing, relationships, advice and even living together (you will be surprised that it works for many families.  A big thank you to Connie Gorant fisher, our audio engineer and the look and feel of the podcast.  Send your thoughts and comments to biteyourtongue@gmail.com and we love to hear your ideas for future episodes. And follow us on Facebook and Instagram.Thank you to those of you who already support us. With a donation of $5 you can help keep us going. Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US. You can buy us a “virtual” cup of coffee or subscribe for a monthly subscription. Every bit helps. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Do you have a favorite child?  Maybe you think you don't but there are things you do or say that show something different. Today we delve into the much overlooked topic of sibling relationships.  We speak with Fern Schumer Chapman author o the book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers.  Siblings are the longest relationship we will have in our lives - and our children's.  They share our history our family and our story.  Chapman shares her personal life story that led her to write this book. We talk about sibling rejection and how that can lead to feelings of self-blame, questioning one's worth, and a sense of loss. Individuals may constantly ruminate on what went wrong and how they can mend the relationship, leading to a significant emotional toll. This ongoing emotional pain can be likened to a persistent toothache or a wound that refuses to heal.Chapman shares  risk factors that may cause sibling rifts and what our role as parents we  play.  By acknowledging these risk factors and perilous turning points,  research provides valuable insights into the complexities of sibling relationships. Understanding these factors can help individuals navigate and potentially reconcile with estranged siblings.We also identify when it is safer for siblings to separate and why. There is no question that sibling relationships serve as a blueprint for future relationships with friends, colleagues, and romantic partners. The qualities of tolerance, generosity, and loyalty instilled by siblings can influence how individuals navigate social interactions throughout their lives.  This episode helps us understand it all.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

For today's episode we brought back Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo to discuss their new book "The Secret to Breaking the Conflict Cycle in Your Marriage," and to share their wisdom on maintaining strong connections in all our relationships - and that means with our adult kids too!We talk about  the need to actively engage in conflict resolution rather than avoiding or ignoring issues. (which most of us do!)By being intentional, individuals can identify the root causes of conflicts, understand their own triggers and reactions, and work towards constructive solutions.Intentionality involves setting clear goals for improving communication, understanding, and connection within relationships. It requires a commitment to addressing issues head-on and seeking resolution rather than letting conflicts fester.Some of the key points include:Being intentional and taking actionWords have powerKnowing yourself;  addressing  your own weaknesses Understand your conflict cycleThis one's all about strengthening relationships with your spouse and your adult child.  Tune in for some valuable insights and tips! #RelationshipsMatterRemember, it's never too late to work on your relationship and create a positive impact on your family and future generations.Visit One Extra-Ordinary Marriage website to review and download other free tools that  you will like.  Link to Conflict Cycle Workbook.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we speak with the legendary Charles Fay, Ph.D. who, with his father Jim Fay and Dr. Foster W. Cline founded Love and Logic.  For many years parents have turned to Love and Logic for guidance for their young children.  It is a trusted research-driven, whole child approach to child-rearing.And now - guess what?  Dr. Fay is talking about how Love and Logic works for building healthy relationships with our young adult children!We talk about their new book coming out in March 2024 that includes a chapter on young Adults.  The book is titled, “Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic and Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults”, written by neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Fay explains:How the successful techniques  used with our toddlers and teens can now apply to our adult children. He outlines the five Steps of Empathy and how this helps free young adults to make their decisions  -- but also live with the consequences. How giving up our own control puts the power into our adult children’s hands What is the risk of setting them free? How can we set our own boundaries when needed and why it is important? By removing the chaos we create deposits into a healthier parent-adult relationship. Two important takeaways:“We can never consistently work harder on someone else’s life than they are”“The more words I use, the more ineffective I become”.  Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

In today’s episode Denise and Kirsten chat with renowned matchmaker Rachel Greenwald. Do you ever worry your adult child will never find a partner?  Do they spend too much time with their career rather than love?  Do you feel like they are always picking the wrong person?  Today we discuss whether parents should meddle in their adult child's dating life.  Greenwald offers insights about if, when, and how to navigate this tricky  issue that impacts the whole family.  We dig deep into the changing dating world that our adults are navigating. Greenwald explains the difference between a Dating Coach, a Matchmaker, and an Online Concierge.New York Times columnist David Brooks sparked debate about that after he published his column “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career.”  Greenwald tells us why she agrees with Brooks and how the COVID Pandemic changed dating and relationships in a positive way.  She tells us how to approach the subject with our adult children using words that are nonjudgemental.Listen for more on:  Skills for dating today; how dating has become about gamification;  Does coming from a divorced or challenged family impact partner choices? She discusses other options for helping  your adult child in this area of their life including dating boot camps, podcasts and books.  We will share those  links in social media.We discuss dating for seniors too!  Remember to listen to the interesting podcast Behind the Swipe, exploring issues facing men and women over 40 navigating the confusing world of online dating.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we discuss the sometimes difficult, yet rewarding relationships between mothers and daughters. We speak with Pam Tronson, parenting coach with a special certification in mother/daughter relationships. The connection between a mother and daughter is one of the strongest and most important family relationships. Accepting that it can be difficult and messy is key to being able to navigate the highs and lows. Bound by love we are often disappointed when our adult relationships with our daughters don’t meet the dream we had for  that relationship. Pam offers solutions to help us let go of control and worry and avoid resentment. She discusses how the shame we feel, about the perceived “failed” relationship can get in the way of the repair that is needed.Resolution only requires one person to change the trajectory of the relationship. And showing one another that they are worth the effort is impactful.Learning to practice self-care and to love yourself is the key to setting the necessary boundaries to build better, more meaningful relationships with our daughters. Asking the right questions of ourselves and our daughters will help guide productive conversations. What else could be true? Am I part of the problem or part of the solution? And learn to stop comparing ourselves and our relationships with our daughters to what we perceive others have. Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram.Support Us here:Sustaining member: Small donation once a monthA one-time virtual cup of coffee - $5Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

We're thrilled to be joined by Julie Lythcott-Haims, the author of "How to Raise an Adult" and "Your Turn." As a former dean at Stanford University, Julie offers a unique lens to view the nuanced world of parenting, and the perils that lurk within the shadows of over-involvement. This captivating episode is a deep dive into the challenging world of raising children into responsible adults. Julie illuminatingly discusses the societal pressures that implore parents to hover, the pitfalls of over-parenting, and her expert insights on striking the crucial balance between supporting and empowering young adults.From discussing the financial struggles of young adults and the potential solution of multi-generational living, to the consequential impact of the political climate on their decision-making, we're crossing a vast expanse of challenges. We stress the importance of treating adult children as independent adults, setting boundaries, and open communication. We also delve into the nitty-gritty of different parenting styles, from authoritative to neglectful, underscoring the significance of being an authoritative parent who sets rules while demonstrating love and care. As our children grow into adults, we discuss transitioning to a more supportive and consultative role and offering practical parenting advice. This episode is packed with profound insights and practical advice, promising to be an engaging, insightful, and enlightening discussion on raising responsible adults. So, hit the play button and let's reshape the future of our relationships with adult children together!Link to HOW TO BE AN ADULT TED TALK WITH JULIE.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

We had a fantastic time chatting with the talented author and journalist, Jessica Grose, who helped us understand the intricate landscape of parenting today and how she fares as a young adult.  We talk about how we can support our young adult children today.   Her book, Screaming on the Inside, the Unsustainability of American Motherhood, is both an historical look at motherhood and a sounding alarm on the state of motherhood today.  She acknowledges that one major change in society could make a big difference for parents today.  Do you think you know what it is?Jessica Grose is an Opinion Writer for The New York Times and if you have not read her articles - you must subscribe now.  She brings two sides to this interview.  The side of a young mother balancing career and family and  being a young adult.  She wrote an article for The New York Times titled “Your Mom is Destined to Annoy You: how to manage your inevitable holiday regression,” and then after the height of COVID, when folks started traveling again, she wrote an article titled “The Return of the Holiday Season Agita.”  In  today's episode we talk about it all.  Jess is truly  one of the most grounded  young adults I've spoken with in a long time. I told her this in the interview and she takes an educated guess as to why she is this way.  We talk about how motherhood has changed over the years but also how it has stayed the same.  You will be surprised to hear a quote she shares from The New York Times Parenting columnist Catherine Mackenzie from 1939.  Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today's episode we speak with the "Godmother of Silicon Valley,"  Esther Wojcicki.  If you have not heard of her - you must listen to this episode. She is the author of the best selling book "How to Raise Successful People - Simple Lessons for Radical Results" She's as expert no doubt because she has raised three enormously successful daughters including Susan Wojcicki,  who was the CEO of Youtube from 2014 to 2023. Janet Wojcicki, a professor of Pediatrics and Anne Wojcicki, co-founder and CEO of 23 and Me.How does this relate to our adult children?  She talks about a strategy she calls TRICK – Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration and Kindness.Each of these are essential in our relationships with our adult children.  She gives advice to those listeners who are grandparents and also a general overview of the challenging world we are all in today.  What is our role?  How schools are failing our kids and once again the role of over-involment in our children’s lives and how this impacts their journey in life.Hear her thoughts on nature vs nurture and much more.Thank so much to Connie Gorant Fisher our audio engineer.  Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

 This is a not to be missed episode!We talk to Dr. Gene Beresin, Executive director of The Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH), a full professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and senior educator in child and adolescent psychiatry at MGHHis 40-years of experience working with youth and young adults has given him an enormous breath of knowledge. And, in addition to his professional life, he's learned quite a bit about building healthy relationships with adult children, since he is a father of four with nine grandkids! He tells us that almost all of them moved home after college or between college and grad school. He says that they all have kids -- making family relationships complex, but incredibly rich and rewarding. You will have to listen for more! A sampling of the topics:Work-life balance.Boomerang Kids (a listener question).Which generation is the loneliest and most entitled? AI, robots -- our adult kids and the future.Racism.How socioeconomic status plays into relationships with adult children.Our expectations and impulse control.Gap years - and more.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer. Write to us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com and let us know your questions and ideas for episodes!Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee for $5 and it will make a huge difference. Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.