Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

This is one funny episode. Today we interview Susan Engel, a professor of psychology at Williams College and the author of the New York Times Article:  When They're Grown, The Real Pain Begins.   Joining Denise as co-host is a dear friend Val Haller.  Val is the mother of four boys, very similar to the ages of Susan's boys when she wrote this article so she is our perfect co-host. (more about Val at the end)Susan tells us that this article still gets very much attention and you can see this by just looking at the over 500 comments and the angst and of course love in so many of them.One of the lines in her NYT story that resonated with us was a quote from a neighbor when she brought her first baby home at a few months old -- "“When they’re little they sit on your lap; when they’re big they sit on your heart.”Susan takes us through her journey when she wrote the article in 2012 and her three boys were 28, 25 and 19.  Today, ten years later,  she is a grandmother with two of these three boys married and living right next door.  Can you imagine?About Val Haller - our co-host:Val lives in Chicago and is passionate about music.  She is the founder/CEO of the music website Valslist.com. She launched it about 10 years ago (when her nest was empty) and it is the first music site specifically created to help busy adults keep up with new music.  Check it out.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

WE ARE ON IT!  Answering YOUR Questions!Today's Question:How do you handle a situation where your adult child is participating in what you believe is dangerous behavior?  They are not getting the COVID VaccineYou suspect they are drinking too muchYou recognize an abusive relationshipThese are just a few of the topics we discuss with two experts.  The first you may remember from a previous episode (TALK THE TALK) with Dr. Susan Heitler, a renowned relationship therapist. She is best  known for clarifying the basics of collaborative dialogue and provides wonderful techniques to use - not only with your adult children but for all of the relationships in your life you value.Dr. Heitler's WebsiteWe do some "role playing" and she helps us with the right words, right tone and right attitude to approach our adult children on these difficult subjects.VACCINE HESITANCYAnd because COVID-19 is such a central topic and concern these days, we also spoke with Rupali J. Limaye, PhD, MPH, MA who serves as a full-time faculty member with Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. She is a leading researcher in vaccine demand; vaccine hesitancy; vaccine acceptance; health behavior change; infectious diseases. In her work she has interviewed thousands of vaccine hesitant people and believesthat vaccine hesitancy comes down to one word: TRUST.  She says:   "It’s really important for all of us to keep empathy front and center and to not be dismissive. A lot of people just need to talk it out and have a longer conversation."Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platformsFacebookInstagramTwitterLinkedInAnd remember - sometimes you might just have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

The parent I hope to be.  The Children I hope to raise.We believe that this episode will change everything you think ever thought about parenting.This is one of the most personal interviews we've done.  Our vulnerability in raising our own adult children is challenged.   On this week's episode we speak with Einat Nathan, parenting expert and best selling author. We talk to her about her recent  book, My Everything, was released in Israel in 2018 and become a national bestseller. The book was translated into English and is now one of the #1 non-fiction books selling on Amazon.Her approach is relationship focused. She says:  "“I believe that parenthood is like a bungee jump. It’s scary and fun, it makes you fly and often lets you down. This book isn’t so much a parenting guide as an exploration of the complex emotional journey of being a parent, reminding us of the courage and energy it requires as well as acknowledging that no parent is perfect and at the end of the day, this relationship is about connection”.MY NAME IS EINAT AND THIS IS MY EVERYTHINGWe talk about everything from our egos, why anxiety is a misleading emotion, how to remain significant as our children grow and here are a few things she said that keeps us thinking:"Just as you think about a talk with a good friend, they need us curious enough, empathic enough, ready to have their back in a way that won't burden them with 'Oh God, I've ruined by mom's day' or 'She's over-identifying with me so maybe I should not tell her anything'"Every parent wants to be their adult child's first call when something goes wrong, but we need to earn that.And how do we earn that? Just listen and learn. Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Listeners,Enjoy these pearls of wisdom garnered by our amazing guests this year.  Thank you to our audio engineer Connie Fisher who brilliantly put this together.We hope you will go to our website biteyourtonguepodcast.com and listen to any of the episodes you missed in the first season.Looking forward to meeting again in 2022.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we speak with the amazing Sarah Morris, a legacy and estate planning attorney in Denver, Colorado.  Sarah specializing in wills, trusts, and philanthropy.  She was recommended to us by a very trusted friend and listener. When our friend gave Sarah a rating of a 10 +, we knew she was our gal.This is a great episode to listen to with your kids or share the link so they can understand the legal documents that they need to have by the time they are 18-years-old. This is a quick episode that gets right to the point. Listen to hear what documents your adult kids must have at 18-years-old.  Why the items are important and how they should be stored and shared.  She also discusses the ever-important - digital assets.Here is Sarah's website -- Sarah Morris Law --  if you want to speak with her more or want advice on getting started.We hope you enjoy the episode.  If you've missed any of our episodes, just visit our website: Biteyoutonguepodcast.com and listen when you can!One quick favor:  If you liked this episode - please share with a friend - but for sure listen with your adult child -- or share the episode with them!Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Welcome to another episode of BITE YOUR TONGUE.  The is part 2 of  "Holidays and your Adult Children."Connie Fisher, our audio engineer co-hosted this episode with Denise. They are sisters and figured that they had spent a lot of time going home for the holidays! So this was a fun episode to record.Ginny offered quite a bit of insightful observations that will get all of us to think:Relationships are dances - and if the parent/child relationship does not evolve (from parent/child to adult/adult) -- we just keep dancing the same dance.She gives us some great advice on how we, as parents can work on our dance and in turn, help the relationship to evolve.She explains that criticism and judgement come from fear. We may not think we are showing our fear, but our adult kids feel it and then.....Active listening - you will hear what she says about this!Ginny also has a specialty in eating disorders and she shares some interesting thoughts about food and the one thing not to do if you think your child has a weight issue.We don't want to give the whole episode away, but urge you to listen and really think about Ginny's advice and ideas.Many things she says are different from anything you've heard before - and frankly - it really starts us YOU......A thoughtful and insightful episode we think you will love.Here is a link to Ginny's article: "Why Adult Kids Don't Come Home for the Holidays."Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

This is part I of our double whammy holiday episodes.  Part 2 will drop on Friday - that's only two days from now.  Today we speak with Jane Isay.   She is the author of the book Walking on Eggshells, Navigating the Delicate Relationships between Adult Children and Parents. She is a New Yorker from birth and gets right to the point.Have you had enough togetherness during the holidays? "Shut the door," she says. How about when the kids come home, how to make them happy? "Give them the keys!"And, wait until you hear what she said about her son who was Chief of Staff for Chuck Schumer's first senatorial campaign.  And just as a hint - it references Al D'Amato!!!! But there is lots more. Jane's bio is extraordinary. She's been an editor for over forty years. She discovered Mary Pipher’s Reviving Ophelia, commissioned Patricia O’Connor’s bestselling Woe Is I and Rachel Simmons’ s Odd Girl Out, and edited such nonfiction classics as Praying for Sheetrock and Friday Night Lights. And of course she's written several books of her own, including Walking on Eggshells and her latest Unconditional Love. Jane's son is Dave Isay, the founder of StoryCorps. Here is a link to an interview for TED Talks he did with his mother. We hope you laugh out loud with this episode and love Jane as much as we did.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Today we speak with Jane Adams, PhD and author of the book, When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving them Anyways and Getting on with Our Lives."In addition to being an author (of several books) , Jane is a "post-parent" coach.  And that is what our podcast is all about.  She also has a blog that she updates regularly on Psychology Today. Our dreams for our children begin as soon as they are placed in our arms - "give them a chance to grow up" Jane says, "before you make a judgement."She writes on her website:  "Being a parent doesn’t end – it lasts as long as you do. I’m a social psychologist who’s been studying how we handle our kids’ transitions from youth to adulthood – on time, late or still not there yet. From Sex and the Single Parent to I’m Still Your Mother and When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us, I’ve been interviewing, researching and coaching parents who want their grown kids to be happy and successful in life but want a mutual, loving and authentic relationship with them even more. Whether you’re a baby boomer or a GenX er, if your kids have moved out or boomeranged back in, and even if the ties that bind are frayed and worn, they’re still what keeps you together."And that's what we talk about today.  Here are some of the topics we cover - but there is a whole lot more!Are we entitled to reasonable expectations of our kids?Why we feel guilty about being disappointed. It is not about us - it is about them.How can we not worry when we  watch a child drop out of school, live on the edge with no real goals for the future?  Whose story is it anyway?  When they mess up, is it really about us?How not to blame ourselves when things don't go as plannedAddicted, depressed or dependent - detour or final destination - and when do parents give up - or can you?She talks about parents of adult children - they either brag or lie!Why these emerging adult years cause such worry?  Will they be latched on to us forever - will they ever be independent. So, if you are disappointed  - how do you let go of their problems, love them anyway and get on with your life?Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put bSupport the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

For parents of adult children, mental health disease is one of our most frightening thoughts.  We are hoping this episode will help us understand, support and accept this disease.  This is a fabulous episode.  Today we speak with Dr. Elizabeth Cookson (Beth) a psychiatrist who has over 35 years of experience.  A former president of the Colorado Psychiatric Society, she is Board Certified in General and Addiction Psychiatry. She has dealt with children and adults of all ages in public psychiatric settings.She is here so that all of us have a better understanding of mental health for both ourselves and our adult children. For over 15 years she worked as the Director of Psychiatry for the Colorado Coalition for Homeless.  Beth explains in laymen terms for all of us the stages of mental health disease, when to look for signs and how to help your child you suspect may be suffering.  We cover so many topics.We loved this episode and feel like Beth was a rockstar interviewee.  Here are links to the resources that Beth mentions in the episode:I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help, by Xavier Amador, is the source of the LEAP approach (Listen - Empathize - Agree - Partner). More specifics can be found here.The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act - passed in 2008, went into effect 7/1/14. The heritability statistics I Beth referred to are from REthink.  She says that their website has some of the clearest info and advice for families that she has seen.This blog by a therapist is Washington State has specifics about ways to access CRAFT The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison GopnikThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Special episode with new guest host:  Connie Fisher. Connie is usually behind the scenes doing our tech work, but today she joined Denise to talk to  Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo. They are the hosts of the #1 marriage podcasts on Apple podcasts called One Extraordinary Marriage.Does this sound like you?Are you and your partner out of sync since you are no longer parenting young children?As your empty nest impacted your marriage?Do you wish for the same level of connection and intimacy you once had?Do you need the emotional skills to stay connected with your partner?Do you fear the important things are falling through the cracks?Then this episode is for you!Links to other mentions in the podcast:The Vagina BibleThe Penis Book10  Questions to Amazing Sex with Your PartnerTony and Alisa's Favorite Sex ToyThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show  The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.