Your Secret Is Safe With Me

There's a lot of black and white thinking when it comes to the way we regard infidelity as a society. You're either cheating or you're not; you're either right or you're wrong; you're either good or you're bad. In Suzannah Weiss's case, however, she was largely operating in the gray. As a sex and relationship writer, Suzannah went through her own experience of cheating, for lack of a better word, on her boyfriend of three years. After getting a better idea of what she does and doesn't want from a partnership, they parted ways amicably—but it took some time, tension, and self-reflection to get there. Join Dr. Marie Murphy as she sits down with sex and relationship writer Suzannah Weiss in this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me. Together, they talk about Suzannah's personal experience with infidelity, the different kinds of intimacy a relationship can—and sometimes can't—have, and why she never told her ex that she was cheating. Keep listening!

Depending on who you're talking to, polyamory can be a bad word. Many people believe that entering a poly relationship is an excuse to have your cake and eat it too, a way to exert control over a significant other, or a loophole to avoid breaking up. Magenta Brooks is here to tell you that polyamory—and more specifically, ethical non-monogamy—is none of those things. With honest communication and vulnerability, it can be a relationship dynamic that fully and authentically serves everyone involved. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy talks to Magenta Brooks, a relationship coach who specializes in polyamory, about the ins and outs of ethical non-monogamy. Together, they discuss the various alternatives to monogamy, the indications that you prefer—or are curious—about polyamory, and the crucial importance of developing honest and vulnerable communication styles. Keep listening.

Why are you married? Did you fall in love with another person and come to a decision to share your lives together with official documentation? Did you feel happy? Or, did you feel pressured, like you had no other choice? To date, marriage is still seen as the most legitimate form a relationship can take. Coupled with surmounting societal pressure to "settle down" once you reach a certain age, it can be hard to consider that there may be other options—especially if you feel like marriage, or even monogamy, aren't right for you. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with John Corcoran of Rise25 to talk about common myths around infidelity—and why they're wrong. They discuss the social context around marriage, two big myths about extramarital affairs, and why it's important to ask yourself honest questions when it comes to the kind of life you want to live. Keep listening for more insight into marriage and why you should stop thinking in black and white.

Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. These are often the first few words that come to mind when we talk about affairs. What you might not know, however, is that affairs involve a complexity of emotions, including confusion, anxiety, and yes, even excitement. Recognizing and processing what you're feeling during an affair requires some real work and hard confrontations. But, if you're honest with yourself and avoid taking tempting shortcuts, you can make it to the other side with the most important emotion still intact: your happiness. Join Dr. Marie Murphy on this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me as she sits down with John Corcoran, the Co-founder of Rise25, to talk about how to deal with the complex emotions that come with affairs. Together, they discuss the different steps you should follow if you're having an affair, the importance of confronting your deepest truths, and how everyone—even you—is imperfect. Stay tuned!

So, you're in a monogamous relationship and you've been seeing someone outside of it. Or, perhaps you've found out that your partner has another relationship that you knew nothing about. The question remains the same: how do you talk about it? For nonviolent communication specialist Joyce Swaving, honest communication is key. But to ensure that you're communicating safely and effectively, it's important to practice nonviolence during these difficult conversations with your partner. Joyce's advice? Enter the dialogue with the intention of having kindness and empathy, try to stay nonreactive, and always honor the other person's right to say "no." In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with Joyce Swaving, a nonviolent communication specialist, to talk about navigating difficult conversations with your partner. They discuss the principles of nonviolent communication, the steps you can follow to have a productive and respectful conversation, and the benefits of being honest and vulnerable with your partner. Keep listening to discover how to make nonviolent communication a daily practice in your relationships!

The college degree, the 9-5 office job, the white picket fence, and, most importantly, the loving spouse and 2.5 children: once you've achieved these, you have it all! Or, do you? Whether we're aware of it or not, we've been taught that there's a right way to do life—especially when it comes to our romantic relationships. In our culture, we're told that to have a healthy love life, we must have one partner who serves all of our needs. Without any deviations, this relationship should end in marriage and a few children; till death do us part. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with Dr. Devon Smith, an Associate Professor of Sociology at Palomar College, to break down the cultural norms around love and marriage. Together, they talk about the history of marriage and romantic relationships, the different ways we've been taught to prioritize one model of love, and the importance of breaking down these stereotypes to reach a style of love that works for you. Keep listening.

Think about the last time you were in a difficult situation. How did you maneuver it? Were you ultimately able to choose how to move forward? And most importantly: was the decision you made in your own best interest? There's a lot that goes into our decision-making process—probably more than we realize. When you're operating in the gray area of what's "right" and what's "wrong," it can be hard to separate how the choices you make will be perceived from how they will actually make you feel. In these situations, Dr. Marie Murphy has one question for you: how good can you stand it? On this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with John Corcoran, the Co-founder of Rise25, to talk about making decisions. They discuss how the lack of a gray area between "good" and "bad" can get in the way of making healthy choices for yourself. Dr. Murphy also shares her process for helping her clients through tough decision-making and her tips for how to choose what's right for you—regardless of what anyone else thinks. Keep listening.

It's that pivotal scene in the movie: The couple who has been at odds is about to consummate their passion and get into bed. Things are getting steamy, clothes are being thrown around, and then they're under the sheets. But did anyone reach for protection? A condom? A dental dam? Anything? With references to protection being left out of scenes like this in movies, books, and porn, it begs the question: Can safe sex be sexy? And if not, what are the consequences? According to nurse practitioner Lisa Bayani, it's up to you to make sure you're being safe and healthy with your sexual practices—sexy or not. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with nurse practitioner Lisa Bayani to talk about safe sex 101. They discuss the different types of sexually transmitted infections, what to do if you need treatment and privacy, and how COVID-19 has added a new layer to the practice of safe sex. Tune in to hear how you can make sure you're practicing safety in a sexy way.

The human spectrum of emotion is vast; we can feel any number of them in any given hour. But, with the way that we're socially taught how to express and process what we're feeling, that scale ends up feeling a lot shorter. So how can we more consciously experience our emotions in our day-to-day lives? According to Mark Anthony Haviland, the ability to physically experience our emotions is something that we haven't really been taught—but it's a skill that can grant us a deeper understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. With over 20 years of experience in bodywork, Mark has taken what he's learned about the healing touch and transformed it into a life-changing practice for his clients. In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy sits down with Mark Anthony Haviland, the Owner and Founder of Beyond Bodywork, to talk about the importance of developing a conscious relationship with your emotions. They examine the spiritual work that intimacy requires, the way we've been taught to understand our feelings, and why it's important to process our emotions as physical experiences. Keep listening.

How do you respond to conflict? Do you shut down and try to push the discomfort away? Or, do you barrel through the situation and burn down anything in your path? Whatever your response, do you take the time to process what you're feeling? According to Dr. Marie Murphy, many of us never slow down long enough to process our emotions. In fact, more often than not, we don't know what we're actually feeling during moments of tension, such as an affair. As Dr. Murphy says, the way we've been taught to understand our emotions has distorted how we engage with the way we feel. So, what now? In this episode of Your Secret is Safe with Me, Dr. Marie Murphy is joined by John Corcoran, Co-Founder of Rise25, to talk about emotions and how we process them. She dives into the distinction between feelings, thoughts, and circumstances, the inherent versus assigned meaning behind emotions, and what happens when you take the time to sit with your feelings. Keep listening.