Real Men Feel with Andy Grant

I love to give any man who is being of service a platform to share his message. I met today's guest, Dustin Bakker, in an online program and was immediately impressed by his willingness to be authentic and vulnerable and his desire to help other men. After losing his sense of happiness, Dustin began changing his life and slowly became aware of what his mind, body, and soul were trying to tell him. Dustin did the research, study, and inner work required to discover his happiness. He's gone on to create F.O.ReaLiving and The Strength of Men. We discuss the power of choice, expressing emotions, and the goal of a stronger connection to our authentic selves. Dustin shares how drugs were one of his masks, keeping him from his strengths and true self. Dustin is a strong example of self-sufficiency while also yearning for connection. It does not have to be one or the other. Community is another strength that society seems to have let go of.  We all benefit from helping others. Topics and Questions 1:04 - Tell me about what growing up was like for you. 1:53 - Was your general outlook positive, negative, or neutral? 2:44 - Did you follow your mom's path of being a partier? 4:25 - Was being alone so much growing up a happy time for you? 5:21 - When did you realize your life wasn't working to the extent you wanted it to? 8:03 - Can you expand on the "movie scene" you came home to? 9:12 - Have you always had that intuitive sense? 10:19 - Is a group of scaffolders in British Colombia usually talking about happiness and fulfillment? 11:19 - What do you do in your men's gathering? 12:02 - What are some of the tools you've learned? 14:09 - What do you see as the strength of men? 15:54 - What made you appreciate your emotions? 19:37 - Could you feel connected to your authentic self when drunk or high? 20:56 -How did you learn what it means to be a man? 22:48 - What is FOReal Living? 24:59 - Can you share a practice, program, or book that has helped you? 25:48 - What is one thing you wish more men knew? 27:24 - What are you most proud of? 29:15 - What would you like to see The Strength of Men become? 34:51 - How can people learn more about what you are up to? "Choice is the superpower that we all have." - Dustin Bakker Links Instagram -- instagram.com/thestrenghtofmen/ Facebook -- facebook.com/thestrengthofmen Dustin Bakker -- TheStrengthOfMen.com F.O.Realiving -- forealiving.com Healing & Mystical States Are Just A Breath Away on Amazon, https://amzn.to/41OdGS5 Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

When life gets hard, a lot of men withdraw. They talk less. In the face of a health challenge for yourself or a loved one, you might be much more willing to discuss logistics and tasks than the emotional impact. My guest today is not most men. He believes in having hard conversations with people going through trauma.  David Richman is an author, public speaker, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. With his most recent book, Cycle of Lives, David shares stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer. He interviewed fifteen people who were profoundly affected by cancer - either as a caregiver, patient, or loved one - and explored the dynamic of why it's so hard to discuss the emotional aspects of the journey. These evocative stories give the reader a few tools to take away and use in their own lives when encountering the difficulties of talking to others about the emotional aspects of trauma. We discuss getting past assumptions, beginning the hard conversations, and being open to the negative and positive aspects of traumatic experiences. To connect with the people we care about, we must be willing to be uncomfortable. There is more behind anyone's story than we know. Don't worry about what's "proper." Let someone know you care authentically. Topics and Questions 1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer? 1:13: - What prompted you to want to write a book dealing with cancer? 4:44 - Did each participant have a positive side to their experience? 7:12 - How did you decide on these 15 stories?  9:46 - Did you come across any common themes amongst the participants? 13:52 - Did you see that prior trauma led to more or less resilience regarding cancer? 18:27 - Fear of abandonment during trauma. 19:49 - The lie of not wanting to upset someone further. 21:09 - Is it scarier that people might not care or that they would care? 22:48 - Did everyone want the same sort of support? 25:44 - How did you get people to open up to you on such a personal and profound level? 27:21 - Is the advice the same for friends and family who are not trying to write books? 28:44 - What do you hope the reader takes away from reading your book? 29:47 - How do you think the participants' lives were affected by your deep interactions with them? 35:24 - What's the best way for people to learn more about what you are up to? 35:32 - Anything you are looking forward to? 36:16 - Did this prompt participants to write or share more of their stories? "People are so fearful of saying the wrong thing, while the person going thru the trauma is wondering why nobody will talk to them." - David Richman Links Instagram -- instagram.com/davidrichman_cycleoflives/ David Ricman -- CycleofLives.org See Cycle of Lives on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3GK6zlF Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel #RealMenFeel

Last weekend I was in Connecticut to staff the New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, a weekend-long rite of passage for men from the ManKind Project. This was the first NWTA in New England in three years, thanks to Covid. I was supposed to staff the weekend last October, but all the NWTAs across the US were halted due to charges of cultural appropriation. The charges of cultural appropriation were from a group of Native American elders called Spirit. I'm not going to rehash everything here. Visit the blog post for this episode at RealMenFeel.org, and I'll have links to every article and video I mention. When I discovered that all NWTAs were canceled, I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. My NWTA was back in October 2016. There was a lot of Native American ritual and ceremony, and it was presented respectfully, honoring where they came from and giving full acknowledgment. It was stressed how much training ManKindProject (MKP) men had with the Lakota people to learn what we would be doing. There were months of negotiation between the ManKind Project and indigenous leaders. I didn't know when or if NWTAs would return, and I feared a watered-down weekend with no impact. I don't agree with all the things MKP let go of doing, but I also wasn't part of the process and have not had any interaction with the Native Americans who were upset. I do appreciate MKP's attempt to have integrity around the intended and unintended consequences of their training. When the NWTAs were rescheduled, I didn't sign up to staff. I had no idea what the changes were and if I was on board with making any, but as I had previously stepped forward, I was asked to join this staff. I decided to do so because I wanted to experience this updated version of the weekend and see if it was still as powerful and was something I could recommend. I intentionally did not promote or invite anyone to last weekend's training.  Real Men Feel's history with the Mankind Project goes back a long way. The ManKind Project, with Boysen Hodgson, Episode 26, September 6, 2016 New Warrior Training Adventure Weekend Report, Episode 32, October 24, 2016 I've also had many guests who've done the NWTA and are part of MKP. Sometimes that was part of the show, and sometimes it was something I learned afterward. Back to last weekend, I staffed my first NWTA since 2017, and I did so because I wanted to fall in love with the weekend again. I wanted to find that despite any changes, regardless of my opinion about them, this is still a powerful, potent weekend that I can recommend to men. It is.  I was flying high for days knowing there were 25 new men in the world. Men with vision, meaning, and mission. Men who have grown, healed, and reclaimed their Gold. I wanted to staff this New Warrior Training Adventure weekend to see if it was still something I could heartily recommend to men. YES Do it. Don't look for details about what happens. All of my videos are safe because I share my experiences without sharing details of what is done. You will go on a hero's journey - let that be enough of a description. If you've done the weekend, I highly recommend staffing it. You'll get wins and insights at another level. Make new friends and perhaps reconnect with old ones. Visit NewWarriorTrainingAdventure.com, and you'll get a list of upcoming weekend events around the globe. Pick one, and register. Links ManKindProject -- mankindproject.org NWTAs -- newwarriortrainingadventure.com Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

We are early in Spring, a time of renewal, growth, and, ideally, flourishing. I know that in my life, I've often had to renew, prune my life, weed out the shit in my mind, and reinvent myself to be the best man I can be. My guest, Teddy Woolsey, took action when his life needed an overhaul and created a system that helped him, and now he uses that in service to others. He was 100K in debt, out of shape, depressed, and in a failing relationship to being debt-free, earning 3x as much, meeting his future wife, and living in Manhattan all in under a year and 1/2. Teddy is RBLD Fitness's founder and works full-time as a Tech Sales Executive. He coaches his clients on sustainably losing fat, building muscle, and finding the balance between hard work and joy in their lives.  We discuss the danger of relying on another person for your happiness and the importance of filling your self-help bucket and putting yourself first. Society often sees men as only having value based on what they earn, create, build, and protect. Such expectations left Teddy feeling anxious, frustrated, and unworthy. You have value because you exist, not because of what you do. Listen in and let Teddy's explosive joy seep into you. Topics and Questions 1:20 - How was joy in your life? 3:09 - What made you realize your life needed to change? 7:07 - What was in your self-help bucket? 7:54 - Did you realize your happiness depended on someone else before the relationship ended? 11:25 - Did you know you were making a system at the time? 15:09 - Tell me about the RBLD Fitness Philosophy 19:40 - Step One: Tips for Reflecting 23:40 - What does being a good man mean to you? 28:34 - What brings you joy? 30:57 - What mistake got you the lesson you appreciate most? 32:35 - What do you wish more men knew? 33:51 - What's the best way for people to learn more about you? "Change your schedule and change your influences immediately! That will spark a revolution within yourself." - Teddy Woolsey Links Instagram -- @tedwoolsey RBLD Fitness -- www.rbldfitness.com Recommended book, The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

Real Men Feel invites you to redefine masculinity in today's world. The only definition of masculinity that matters is yours. We remind men that they are human beings and have the right to experience and express all of their emotions.  One of the most mentioned books among Real Men Feel's learned guests is When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu. Based on a two-year study that followed boys from pre-kindergarten through first grade, When Boys Become Boys offers a new way of thinking about boys' development. Judy Chu is an educator, researcher, and author. She teaches a course on Boys' Psychosocial Development at Stanford University. Her book, When Boys Become Boys, highlights boys' relational strengths and how boys' gender socialization can impact their development, relationships, and well-being.  She also co-edited Adolescent Boys: Exploring Diverse Cultures of Boyhood. Judy currently serves as Chair of the Global Men's Health Advisory Committee at Movember and co-Chair of the Board of Directors at Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice. She also advises The Partnership for Male Youth and the Boys' Club of New York. Join us and discover how the comments of one thirteen-year-old boy launched a career. Judy shares that boys yearn to find out how they can show themselves to others without putting themselves at risk. The pressure to conform and be welcomed as "one of the boys" is intense and persistent.  Boys and men desire genuine, meaningful connections with other people, but some traditional masculinity aspects make such connections challenging. If you can't be your authentic self, having genuine, meaningful relationships is nearly impossible - yet those relationships are what boys long for. I had no idea that the masks many men wear start as early as they do in preschool. This conversation was enlightening and sad at the same time. Topics and Questions 1:25 - You do a lot in support of boys and young men. What first got you interested in that topic? 4:06 - Were these boys opening up and talking to anyone else? 6:17 - Tell me about the study that led to When Boys Become Boys. 10:20 - The three main points of the book. 12:27 - Does the pressure to confirm kick in when boys start going to school? 14:36 - Were the boys aware of the pressure to be more "masculine?" 20:07 - How long did you observe this group of boys? 22:23 - What surprised you the most in your research? 24:43 - What are the masculine norms for a boy in Kindergarten? 27:22 - Was there a price to pay for the boys changing their behaviors? 29:39 - Are masculine qualities more innate or learned? 31:21 - Based on what you've learned, do you have advice for parents? 38:00 - What's the best way for people to learn more about everything you are up to? "In an ideal world, you could be yourself without the risk of threat or punishment." - Judy Chu Links Judy Chu -- https://judyychu.wordpress.com LinkedIn -- https://www.linkedin.com/in/juchu/ Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

One of the most emotional relationships many of us have is with food, which is often mirrored in a love/hate relationship with our bodies. The best thing I did for my physical health last year was a program called WildFit. In late 2021, I went into a prolonged depression and gained over 30 lbs. Last summer, finally feeling better and taking positive actions, my weight was the final obstacle. That's when I discovered my guest, Eric Edmeades. Eric is a serial entrepreneur with experience in wireless networking, military research, and Hollywood film production. Today, Eric is a leading authority in Behavioral Change Dynamics. He has created and consulted on some of the world's most effective, transformative, and highly rated educational products and live events. Eric's dedication and passion for improving the quality of human lives worldwide inspired his flagship program, WILDFIT®, globally recognized as the most effective health transformation program on the market. We discuss the diet industry, food marketing, the difference between diet and lifestyle, and our emotional connections to food. I share what made the WILDFIT program unique and effective for me. It is really a health program with a great side effect of weight loss. The only species that go on diets are humans and our pets. Yet, we are the sickest animals on the planet, so clearly, something isn't working. The food in WILDFIT is based on nutritional anthropology, not the latest fads. I can't recommend WOILDFIT enough, tune in and learn why. Topics and Questions 1:25 - WILDFIT is not called a diet; why? 2:39 - How and why was Wildfit created? 5:05 - What is different about this program? 6:53 - What is the eating in Wildfit based on? 12:10 - How much exercise is required in WILDFIT? 13:05 - Andy's experience with diet and exercise before WILDFIT. 14:09 - Has food marketing always been deceptive? 17:44 - What are some common emotional issues related to food? 19:44 - Being at the mercy of unconscious parenting and conscious and deceptive marketing. 21:47 - Is WILDFIT too restrictive to live a normal life? 24:00 - Benefits and insights of the program for Andy 26:02 - If there was one "fake food" you could eliminate from the planet, what would it be? 31:00 - What are you most proud of? 32:30 - what's the best way for people to learn more about WILDFIT? "Food science you read about in mainstream press today is actually dangerous." - Eric Edmeades Links Explore WILDFIT for yourself -- GetWildfit.com Instagram -- @EricEdmeades Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel #RealMenFeel ep 294

Some common complaints I hear from men are that they feel disposable, under attack, can't do anything right, and don't know what's expected of them. It may be time for a woman's perspective on what's going on between men & women. My guest today, Reverend Leslie Peters RN, is a Curator of Intuitive & Transformational Conversations and a Trauma-Informed and Spiritual Nurse Leader. She's worked with women for 30 years and told me, "guys can't win!" How women react to men is very dependent on their relationship with their fathers in childhood. Was he emotionally unavailable? What did love look like when she was growing up? What unmet needs were created while growing up that she wants a partner to fill? When we look to others to fill our unmet needs, that relationship is in trouble. Many women say they want an emotionally available man but then experience it and are triggered and upset based on old trauma. It all comes down to trust and safety. Someone needs to be vulnerable first and start asking critical questions as early in a relationship as possible, to establish honest and safe sharing. Too many people assume their partners know what they need; most have no idea because they haven't done the inner work. Don't guess what's in somebody's head; ask. Topics and Questions 1:26 - "I wouldn't want to be a man in a relationship. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't!" 4:00 - This is not the case for all women or all men. 5:18 - Nobody else can love you enough if you don't love yourself. 5:58 - The root issue between men and women in relationships. 8:22 - How a dad treats his daughter is how she will expect other men to show love. 10:10 - Can you make it to adulthood without experiencing some level of trauma? 14:15 - Rubber band breathing. 15:58 - What's your experience with women who say they want men to be sensitive? 17:33 - We are all mirrors of each other. 18:58 - The solution for men and women in relationships. 21:47 - Are men expected to be mind readers? 26:20 - Any tips on starting such intimate conversations? 32:20 - You weren't a typical RN; tell me about your work in the trenches. 35:37 - Rev Leslie, What's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you? "Get comfortable with uncomfortable, vulnerable conversations." - Rev Leslie Peters Links Rev Leslie Peters RN -- calendly.com/revleslie4heart Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

This year, I've begun martial arts classes for the first time, and I've been having a blast sparring with guys half my age. My guest today has a bit more experience than that and a very eclectic background. He believes embracing intense and difficult emotions is the road to a fully lived and satisfying life. My guest, Nico Verresen, is a former professional Muay Thai and Mixed Martial Arts athlete with a master's in Psychology. He specializes in resilience, performance, quality of life, and happiness. He's prepared 4 World Champions in various martial arts and, as a mindset coach, helps train business high-performers to turn their stress, setbacks, and intense conflicts into a competitive advantage. We discuss the dangers of having a high drive and great ambition but low self-esteem and the importance of choice. It is freedom of choice that brings fulfillment. Nico stresses we must chase our values, not our goals. We also explore belief's critical role in stress and the difference between pleasure and entertainment. Living a full-contact life means feeling fulfilled and no longer afraid of emotions. Topics and Questions 1:19 - Nico, How long was your fighting career? 1:29 - As a professional athlete, you had to remain calm and focused under intense physical and mental stress. Did that come naturally? 5:15 - How have your MMA skills transferred into other areas of life? 8:40 - What inspired you to go from knocking people out to helping them smile? 12:19 - What are some tips for being ambitious but enjoying the journey? 14:53 - When we first spoke, you mentioned living a full contact life. What does that mean to you? 17:57 - You can't have the feeling of victory without facing anxiety. 19:14 - Most people try to avoid stress, but you say stress can be turned into a competitive advantage. Tell me about that. 27:48 - How can we use conflict, disagreements, and fighting to create better relationships? 33:19 - Is hypnosis your preferred tool? 37:23 - Nico, what's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you? "You don't need to run away from any emotion." - Nico Verresen Links Nico Verresen -- nicoverresen.org Instagram -- @nicoverresen Facebook -- facebook.com/nico.verresen YouTube -- youtube.com/@NicoVerresen Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel

According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with about 60-67% ending in divorce. As a child of divorce, I've only known them to be bitter and spiteful. My guest, Skye Michiels, is out to change that. Skye is a dad, award-winning real estate leader, motivational speaker, and host of The 6AMERS Podcast, which provides inspiration and motivation for developing a healthy mindset, setting goals, and achieving happiness. As a divorced dad of two, Skye is passionate about promoting positive co-parenting and determined to show divorced couples that a better, healthier, and happier experience is possible when a positive co-parenting relationship exists. We discuss the shame and guilt of the "leaver" in a divorce, the benefits of positive co-parenting, tips to being happily divorced, and bust the myth of staying together for the kids' sake.  Topics and Questions 1:28 - What does it mean to be very happily divorced? 2:49 - Is it possible to have a bad marriage and a good divorce? 5:01 - Does being happily divorced mean the entire divorce process was smooth and joyous? 8:41 - Is staying together for the kids realistic? 11:30 - Andy's experience as a child of divorce. 12:06 - Experience of the leaver. What helps deal with the shame? 17:35 - Do things like positive co-parenting and conscious uncoupling mean the bitter divorce is a thing of the past? 20:19 - How long did it take from saying I'm leaving to being happily divorced? 22:57 - What made you know it was time to end the marriage? 24:39 - What are some signs you are not in a great co-parenting situation? 28:20 - What are some tips for creating a positive co-parenting relationship? 30:10 - Would your partner say you are a great ex-husband? 31:17 - Does being divorced turn you off from ever being married again? 32:24 - What are some of the biggest challenges for divorced men? 33:44 - What does leading with kindness mean? 36:26 - Tell me about your podcast, The 6AMERS. 38:44 - Skye, what's the best way for people to learn more and connect with you? "To be a happily divorced person, you must agree on your commonalities. What's non-negotiable for both of you?" - Skye Michiels  Links  Skye Michiels on Instagram -- @skyemichiels The 6AMERS podcast on Instagram -- @the6amers Recommended Books: Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After - https://amzn.to/3YVadA2  Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel #RealMenFeel 291

I recently came across a NY Times opinion piece titled Men Need Purpose More Than "Respect" by David French. I don't read enough opinion pieces to know if I've read anything by Mr. French before, but I agreed with the headline, so I dove in. The article was in response to a viral tweet written by another man I don't know, conservative podcaster Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog on Twitter) - Which stated: "All a man wants is to come home from a long day at work to a grateful wife and children who are glad to see him, and dinner cooking on the stove. This is literally all it takes to make a man happy. We are simple. Give us this and you will have given us nearly everything we need." I don't believe men are that simple. If you don't have a grateful wife, children, and dinner, you might think that's all you need, but humans are creative and expansive creatures. There's always more. Happiness from the same thing day after day quickly wears off. Many people say that women want love while men want respect. So let's define respect. Oxford dictionary says "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements." Respect is something we get from others. We can't control what others think of us or how they treat us. Anything relying on others is on shaky ground, to begin with. If my self-worth doesn't come from within, I don't really have any. If my self-respect requires respect from others, then I have none. I'm chasing the approval and feedback of others. Let people respect you because you have integrity; you are kind, value yourself and others, and make a positive difference in the world. Demanding respect from others can get you a lot of false respect. People can act as if they respect you to make you go away. The illusion of respect could be rooted in pity or fear. But if you have a purpose. If you decide your life and actions have meaning - you will be happier. You will radiate joy - that will be noticed, appreciated, and respected. So while men may say they want respect, they need purpose. Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! Join the Real Men Feel Facebook Group | http://realmenfeel.org/group YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel