The Leader Learner Podcast

Send us Fan MailCHECK-IN QUESTION:If you could take a week-long vacation anywhere in the world by yourself, where would you go?BIG IDEAS:Essentialism isn't minimalismBeing intentional about how we spend our timeHow do we decide what we take on and what we don't?Useful time - how to determine what is useful or not?Useful doesn't always mean funWhat's the difference between being useful and essential? 3 minimal criteria for saying yes to things, and 3 ideal criteria to saying yesEssential intent aligned with purpose, big why, just causeIf we are saying no the minimum, are we taking away time to do something ideal?Different activities can work in concert with one another toward your essential intentHow often we say yes to be nice or to be liked? How respectful is that to ourselves or others? The essential intent is the priorityWe get pulled into the idea that everything is a priorityWe take on other people's urgencies that aren't oursTaking on people's problems isn't helping, it's enablingTaking on other's work is also about controlConsultants come in to solve a company's problemTraining, Coaching, Consulting are not the sameSeparate the decision from the relationshipSay no to the problem, not the personDon't say "NO", say "Yes, and...", "Yes, however...", or "Yes, no"What gets in the way of people saying "no"? Fear, People PleasingThe 5 drivers of behavior -- be strong, be perfect, be quick, please others, and try hardNo limit to the relationship, but a limit to the request you can ask of meChoices being actions versus thingsIs free will a thing? Are we fully determined? If there's no free will, there's no responsibilityWe don't make choices, we just act Creating an ensemble of activities that align in one directionWe don't have to make things as complicated as we doDESA - Design, Eliminate, Simplify, AutomateDoing less and still providing the same value"Reverse Pilot" - take away something you are doing and see what happensRESOURCES MENTIONED:Essentialism by Greg McKeownSimon Sinek and a Just CauseEisenhower MatrixThe One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, by Ken Blanchard, discussed on Season 1, Episode 5The 5 Drivers of Behavior (Transactional Analysis)More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:Is there any value in buying paper dictionaries anymore? Do you think paper books will die within our lifetimes?Big Ideas:Creating connection in virtual spacesImportance of taking time and not having an agenda or expectationsWho we are as people as opposed to who we are in our rolesSkills needed in virtual space are differentHow am I different in person versus virtually?Knowing how we are in different spacesBetter listeners in different spaces - virtual versus in personHaving agreements around virtual spaces to keep people engaged and less distractedVirtual spaces equalize people based on heightHow people uses spaces (stages) to have powerVirtual world changes how people perceive usHide self-view, or keep it open - limit distractions or boost confidenceMove people so they are below the cameraLooking at screen versus looking at the camerameaning making and generative conversationsthe importance of engagementsgenerative and transformative conversationsDoes lack of trust have to do with the importance of talking about engagement online?Check-In questions leads to improved engagementInvite people into meetingPreparation for the workshop is part of the workshopAre we allowing transition time? Where is the liminal space? Create transition time or buffer into the time with peopleTime to integrate what just happened before launch into the nextCheck-out with application, reflection timeSpace to continue the conversation between time we meet (Miro, Jamboard, group chats.)Successful workshops live or die by engagement levelsDesign for connection before contentOnline reveals design flawsConnection brings engagementAgree on ground rules (practices, agreements.)Define where an organization is comfortable working in the space - meet people where they are Activities:Hi By Name - supports being seenVirtual Charades - Virtual Tour - give a tour of your virtual spaceSpecial of the Week - what are you most focused on this week?Resources Mentioned:Essentialism by Greg McKeownFrom Physical Place to Virtual Space by Gwen Sterling-WilkieRituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fjardo and Kursat ÖzençMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:What personal quality do you know people appreciate about you?Big Ideas:3 attitudes - Unconditional Responsibility, Essential Integrity, Ontological HumilityOntology - Philosophy related to being, relationships one has to beingDividing responsibility starting from 100% doesn't work, each person has 100% responsibility for themselvesKeeping your word is not the same as honoring your wordKeeping your word with others sometimes means NOT keeping your word with yourself Integrity is different for every person because everyone's values are differentHumility being pushed, but is it really what people need or expectIt's all about our mindset - we can see things as a challenge or an opportunityYou can chooseWhen am I saying it was external circumstances, versus my responsibilitiesWhen feeling overwhelmed, easier to point to external circumstances because feels more overwhelmingPlayer and victim - the player takes responsibility, the victim doesn'tTake responsibility for not knowingCircle of concern and circle of influence - when we focus on our circle of concern, we diminish our ability to influenceWe don't have a lot of influence on the "IT", but we do have responsibility for the "I" The answer is not to worry about what we can't controlTrust is important before creating change and influencing othersCoaching and psychotherapy are about helping people take responsibilitySociety that is very outcome based ("It" based) Most effective when we operate from our basic human valuesPeople can share values, even those values show up differentlyWhat's the difference between a value and a belief?Values versus virtues?Operationalizing values - from Brené BrownValues are a noun and define something abstract, Virtues are like a character trait Relativeness of point of view - can we know the truth?Employees need to feel safe to make mistakes, so as leaders we need to model itProving our way to success hooks our egoEgo gets hooked when focused on external validationHow we were conditioned to believe we were worthy influences our egoTallest poppy syndromeWhat's so difficult about being humble?Opinions being the end of democracy - how can you construct something without values? What's bigger than values? Resources:Conscious Business by Fred KofmanThe Big Leap - Gay HendricksMan's Search for Meaning - Viktor FranklThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen CoveyThe 4 Hour Work Week by Tim FerrissMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?Big Ideas:Theresa's BIG Reflection Question: How can I have an opinion or take a stand on something, without other people taking in personally, or feeling judged."Strong back soft front." ~Joan HalifaxIs taking a stand the same as having an opinion?How can you care about someone and want to persuade them that you are right?Can you take a stand without persecuting someone?Values as our standConversations don't always have to be confrontationsBe open to NOT wanting to change people's mindsPersuasion is different than explanation"For most of us the opposite of speaking isn't listening, it's waiting" ~Daniel PinkAsking people for their sources puts them on the defensiveLogos (what we say), Ethos (character of person), Pathos (affect we are creating in others)How convincing others doesn't work and often doesn't bear fruitJudging activities and not peopleDifference between judgment (good/bad) and discernment (like/don't like) The importance of the words we useSwap good/bad for useful/not useful to be less judgmentalThe lens we see things throughDivide between consequentialists (duty pound) and utilitarians (principle bound)We need to take a stand for things to changeHow relationships shift whether we need to take a standConstructive and destructive anger - fighting to be right, or for what is rightYou can't be fierce in a vacuumOur stand doesn't have to be other's standsIs making a decision taking a stand?Can our world exist without people taking a stand?Not just what we do, but the environment, timing, and people mattersHow/where does authority and power come into playDissention among individual contributors doesn't necessarily create changeTaking a stand when your manager gives you another projectNot just what you say, but how you say it mattersResources Mentioned:Joan HalifaxDaniel Pink"Fierce Self-Compassion" by Kristin NeffSinking of El Faro More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:What website do you visit multiple times a day?Big Ideas:What gets in the way of great leadership?Imposing my perspective/values on other peopleImposter syndrome leading to self-doubtWhen we don't address our own emotionsShame getting in the way of leadershipThe less we talk about emotions the more we feelNot talking about shame at work -- frustrations, fearDifference between shame (I am a failure) versus guilt (I failed at this project)Is shame a cohesion mechanism?Fault and mistake -- how are they different?Guilt can have a powerful impact when we see the gap between our values/intentions between our behaviorOne incidence can lead to either guilt or shameWhat do we say to ourselves when we make a mistake?How much are leaders using shame as a tool in leadership? Weaponizing shameThe opposite of shame - empathy and compassion, vulnerabilityFear of being a bad leader, leads us to not be vulnerableShame drives so much of our behavior in the background"Should" is a sign that there is something wrong with the relationshipShame Shields -- move away, move toward, move against (Freeze, fight, flee)Offloading shame on others - trying to hurt other people back4 Steps to Working Through ShameUnderstand the shame triggersReality check the messages around perfectionReach out to share our stories with people we trustUse the word shame - use the words gives you powerGiving names to our shame shields/defense mechanisms or using symbols or personalities to states of mind, gives us control to themBeing a better leader starts with awarenessResources:The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené BrownEmotional Intelligence by Daniel GolemanDare to Lead by Brené BrownLinda HartlingMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:Who is the most likeable person that you know?Big Ideas:Taking breaks - why we do it, why we don't, etcReal vacation, no work AND vacation, but thinking about workTaking a break means NOT thinking about workHaving some location separation between work and homeCan't compartmentalize work and personal life Is separating work and home life valid anymore? Communication between work and home so the pressure doesn't buildSetting permeable boundariesBreaks to process what just happened and what might happen nextCreating space to think deeplyDistinction between taking breaks and creating spaceBreaks having no purpose, spaces having purposeAre we taking breaks to be lost in thought?Do we need to give space for our brains to breathe?Finding likeable moments in the everydayTravail (work in French) comes from a word related to tortureCreate a life you don't need to take a break fromBill Gates and his "Think Week"How our mindset affects our experiencesMindset matters to a point, but if your basic needs aren't being met, it only matters up to a pointFreedom outside the pressures.Cultural components of taking breaksDrivers to what success looks shifts among culturesWhat's best for me at this moment?Creating breaks allow us to createCovid allowed people to see how creating new spaces was good for themHow shift away from the idea that taking breaks is a luxury?Accepting what is now, but not necessarily being content with it"The opposite of play is not work, it's depression."So much of what we do is purpose/results oriented, and breaks seem purposelessQuestion for Listeners:Why do you take breaks? How?References:Severance SeriesEssentialism by Greg McKeownMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:Do you  like working from home? How to create community in virtual spacesBig Ideas:What's our magic, our thing, our niche, etc? The importance of FUNTech issues we encountered - Theresa's slow connectionTypes of episodes: Quotes and Question, Guests, Shoot from the Hip, Coaching One Another - Listeners, what is your favorite episode type? Learning from other people's perspectivesModeling getting tough feedbackTitles engage people - "Click Bait"Being more strategic about marketingPeople interested in the content more than who we are as peopleUsing other people to challenge our thinkingElement of spontaneity and funStanding on other people's shoulders for visibilityDo you like the "The" and "Episode" bookmarking the episodes?Resources Mentioned:Rituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fajardo and Kursat OzencFrom Physical Space to Virtual Space  by  Gwen Sterling-WilkieMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailEnjoy this spontaneous, unplanned conversation which turned into an episode :) BIG IDEAS:Relationship being more important than the giftDo gifts pollute or change the relationship?Polluting versus enhancing? What do we do with compliments?Genuine connections over the "connect and pitch"Link between connections and gifts to worthinessWhen we don't accept a gift, we rob someone of the joy in givingThe 5 Love Languages, - Touch, Service, Words of Appreciation, Gifts, Quality TimeThe gaps between how we like to give and receive loveAdapt love language to a work situationSupporting peer-to-peer displays of appreciationUnderstanding our love language based on what we like to giveReferrals from the heart, or referrals for a percentage?Transparency in making referrals"Send the elevator back"RESOURCES:The 5 Love Languages by Gary ChapmanTake the 5 Love Languages QuizWorkHuman More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:What is money good for?Big Ideas:Two kinds of money --  those that fulfill our needs, and those that we think will fulfill our needs, but don't.Indigenous tribes that don't use money. Question of whether it is essential?"Money isn't the problem. Money isn't good or bad. Money itself doesn't have power or not have power. It is our interpretation of money, our interaction with it, where the real mischief is and where we find the real opportunity for self-discovery and personal discovery. The tool doesn't have power.When you have money, you can make different choices.Yes, you can have power without money. (ex Rosa Parks)Is causation, money then power, or power than money? Power on a spectrum in line with money.Choice as a sense of powerVoting with your feet Difference between local and global economics - buying local and the sense of community that comes with itWe have a role in how the money is distributed.Supporting the local economy and local employmentThe 3 Toxic Myths of Scarcity : #1 There is not enough, #2 More is better, #3 That's the Way it IsExperiencing companies wanting more (people, skills, objectives, etc.)Band-aids as the only support because 'That's Just the Way It is."The relationship between value and money. Does the price determine value?Value-based versus time-based pricingMatching your pricing to regional values and the marketValue can differ even if price is the same (too many external factors)Price has to be high enough to be taken seriouslyUsing internal resources to respond to a scarcity of external resourcesSupport becomes more apparent when times are scarceLook for new relationships/resources when times are scarceLimits and constraints create innovationWe often have resources within us, that we forget about because we often think of assets outside of ourselvesIf you don't have time, what do you have? Spending matching valuesMoney being like waterCharity being a redistribution mechanismIf money doesn't come to you, where will it go? Is this place "better"?Resources Discussed:The Soul of Money by Lynne TwistJerry Maquire movieStretch by Scott SonensheinTED talk by Lynne TwistThink Again by Adam GrantMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us Fan MailCheck-In Question:What do you think people regret the most when they look back on their life? Big Ideas:Different stages of life: the call, the messy middle, the resolutionLife being one long journey, with lots of small hero's journeys throughoutStage 1: Ordinary World; Stage 2: The Call to Adventure; Stage 3: Refusal of the Call; Stage 4: Meeting with a Mentor; Stage 5: Crossing the 1st Threshold; Stage 6: The Adventure (enemies, shadows, etc); Stage 7: The ElixirSaying no in my mind, and not feeling like I had a choice.When our ego says that we don't have a choiceWhen our mentors muddle the waters by giving us another perspective, which doesn't align with our values or intuitionWho is the 'right' person to ask? Going to the outside for advice because we don't trust ourselvesHaving a challenge network (band of pirates) to rattle us and keep us integrityUse criticism as a way to reinforce our valuesCan you refuse a call and be the same afterwards?Choices aren't always crossroads, but exits on a highway.Archetypes: The Hero, the Mentor, The Threshold Guardian, The Herald, The Shape-Shifter, The Shadow, The Ally, The Trickster -- all at the service of the hero. The journey is the hero's search for identity and wholenessWe can't always see the arc of our own hero's storiesOur blinders can prevent us from seeing the truth of our lifeImportance of getting perspective to see the stories we are inLook at your life as a story Sometimes we don't see when we need to go to the balcony to get perspectiveIs the shero/heroine journey different from the hero journey?Resources Mentioned:The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie WareThe Writer's Journey by Christopher VoglerThe Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph CampbellUntamed by Glennon DoyleThink Again by Adam GrantRoger Fisher and William Ury from the Harvard Negotiation ProjectMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm