Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix  >  Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time.   Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.”   People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality.   A person no longer sees life through the “foggy” glasses of denial, but a person begins to live in reality.   While recovery has thousands upon thousands of personal benefits, the personal benefits do not mean that you’re the loved ones will change along with you, join you, or even be willing to participate with you. This reality is called resistance to change.   Resistant to change can be in the “main person” who has a clear and primary addiction, or it can be in the “co-addict,” or the one who has enabled, adjusted to, joined in, or “put up with” the primary addiction.    The condition of a “co-addict” is addressed in the Codependency Episodes, 32-44.   The question becomes, “How do I do relationship with someone who doesn’t want to join me in this new way of living?”    Recovery From addiction processes and recovery OF who I am created to be is a genuine form of authentic life, without running from one’s own heart.    Resistance to change, then, is a heart problem.   Addiction in and of itself is rooted in denial, which requires that the status quo becomes the primary focus in relational life, not the capacity to adjust to change.   Acceptance of and willingness to change requires the ability to “deny” denial. Addiction is founded in denial. Change is founded on “denying” denial.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix  >  Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time.   Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.”   People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality.   This clear reality contains a new hope that is the soil out of which the ability to live will fully grow.    Recovery provides so much more than abstinence FROM what was harmful. It allows a person to get recovery OF.   Not only does admission of powerlessness (The First Step, episode #106) open the door to recovery, it “admits” a person onto the path of healing and liberation. Admission is an entrance. The healing is in the “connection rupture” from childhood development that blocks the empowerment of dependency resilience. The liberation is in reclaiming the Six Freedoms (Free Resource at chipdodd.com).   There are three steps to begin recovery. The first three steps, however, are just the beginning.  We admit we were powerless over __________ (addiction) and that our lives have become unmanageable. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We make a decision to turn our lives and will over to the care of God as we understand Him. These three steps are from the 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and yet they apply to all addiction and recovery. The primary addiction of all people addicted is control addiction.   Basically, a person who lives in recovery recommits to these three steps every morning for the rest of his/her life.    Here are the first three steps in a nutshell: I can’t He can I will let Him.   Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   FREE RESOURCE: Six Freedoms from Birth   The Power of Admission:   When we admit we have a problem that we cannot stop repeating and this problem creates negative consequences, we have begun the first movement of  recovery.   Admission is often mistakenly related to losing, or what is associated with being a “loser.”     Addiction is fueled by toxic shame. This toxic shame “ranks” everything being about winners and losers, a scoreboard, comparison, ranking, excluding/including and worth.    Our toxic shame mistakenly identifies our admission as being a failure or worthless.   Most recovering people who recount their stories will agree that admission of a problem is very often experienced as relief.    People who are addicted are often tired of being enslaved by the addiction.   Recovery ultimately moves a person away from “ranking” themselves over and over again to recognizing a new way of seeing success.   Success is having a passion plus pursuit that will contend with obstacles and challenges. There is no ranking or even competition. The only focus is keeping the passion fueled.   Success, then, comes in many packages, from planting flowers every spring and “feeding” bees and butterflies, to becoming a neurosurgeon who discovers a new method for brain surgery.   The power of admitting addiction is the first step towards returning to and then becoming “whole” again.    Admission moves a person into their “Six Freedoms from Birth” journey.   Recovery from the sickness of addiction moves us toward recovery of who we were created to become.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

A lively conversation introduces a triangle framework for understanding cycles of victim, martyr, and persecutor. They explore how childhood needs shape identities and how people swap roles in marriage and parenting. Addiction is framed as an escape from relationship pain. The recovery path outlined is feeling emotions, naming needs, and taking responsible action.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE:   Four Realities and Four Promises  Ultimately, every person who becomes addicted to any substance or behavioral  process is running from knowing how to or being willing to contend with four  realities and four promises.   Because the four realities are in conflict with the experience of the four promises,  a person must find a way to integrate the conflict or avoid real life.   We are emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully. We are created to  only be able to find fulfillment in relationship with ourselves, others and God.  As emotional and spiritual creatures, if we run from feelings and needs, we cannot  resolve the conflict between reality and the truth of God.  Four Realties  The best we ever become is still clumsy.  We are all like “giraffes running on ice.” Perfection is not attainable.  We must live life on life’s terms. We don’t make the rules about how life  works. No one defeats death, pain, or the craving to connect in relationship.  To love always requires that we learn how to tolerate pain.  Everything in life is practice. Doctors practice medicine, lawyers practice law. Parents, likewise, are  practicing being parents, as are people practicing being human. Children are  working very hard practicing being children. No one has all the answers. We  are all works in progress, not works of perfection.  It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Whether a person is eight or eighty-eight, we still have questions about  living and life, relationships, love, success, needs, and God.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   FREE RESOURCE:  The Addiction Cycle   Addiction is a disease, but its genesis is related to the trauma, and subsequent toxic shame that occurs relationally.   It is actually a neuro-physiological sickness that originates relationally and emotionally.    When we, as children, reject our vulnerable need for emotional connection with our important caregivers and other emotional influencers, we end up suppressing our true self and this creates toxic shame.   A person with addiction is driven by his/her anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes, and they seek to relieve themselves from this anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes. The need for relief from anxiety and the energy required to suppress genuine feelings and needs sets a person up to seek relief from anxiety.  The relief comes in the form of counterfeit fulfillment of genuine relational connection.   Counterfeit fulfillment “feels” like relationship with self, others, and even God temporarily, but it is not genuine relational connection because the person is avoiding their core feelings and needs.   A person who is addicted continues to struggle in a cycle of escaping his/her feelings.  This cycle is usually associated with what people call “stress.”  This cycle works as follows: An event occurs that a person has feelings about and the feelings need to be addressed. The person has increased anxiety, promoting a “need” for escape. Preoccupation with control over unwanted feelings and negative anxiety begins to be the focus of the “threatened” person.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   FREE RESOURCE:  The Toxic Shame Cycle  Go to Free Resources at chipdodd.com   What is Toxic Shame?  Toxic shame is the rejection of healthy shame.    Healthy shame allows us to recognize and accept our dependence upon others and God as we struggle to live fully in a tragic place.    Every child is “okay” being in need. When we lose our ability to be comfortable needing others, we develop toxic shame.    Ultimately, we become (a)shamed, which means “no healthy shame.”   Addiction grows out of the poisonous ground of toxic shame.   As toxic shame is developing, it begins to disrupt our normal sense of inborn  worth.    Every child comes into life with a sense of self-worth. It is a God-given attribute of being created in His image.   Self-worth drives the child to cry out for his/her needs to be met. It drives him/her to have confidence that their craving is good.  Toxic shame occurs when the normal human responses of the child are rejected, neglected, abused, or simply ignored.    Normal human responses are:  feelings needs desire longings hope    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   We are created to live fully, and we do so through relationship with ourselves, others, and God, as we bring the true heart of feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope to relationships.    Relationship requires vulnerability.    If the ability to be “comfortable” with dependence is fractured in one’s earlier years of life, the result is a set up for that person to feel the need to “hide” his/her heart. Instead of remaining present and connected, he/she has a compulsion to perform in order to belong or matter.    Trauma is experienced when one’s ability to accept their need for dependence is fractured.    The need to suppress emotional pain in order to survive, belong, and matter is the foundation upon which addiction is built.   Addiction is a false fulfillment of how we are created to live.    Addiction is relationship with a substance or process that gives a sense of connection without having to be vulnerable; in other words, a person can distract or numb themselves from having to feel by using some form of avoidance of relationship with one’s self, others, and God.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   What is the purpose for creating this podcast, Living with Heart: From Birth to Death? When Chip and Bryan began Living with Heart: From Birth to Death, they hoped to communicate one central message: Helping people see who they are made to be, so they can do what they are made to do, which will move them to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that bless others.    In today’s episode, they take a break from their current series on addiction to celebrate with listeners the achievement of the milestone of episode #100.    Bryan asked Dr Dodd to explain the driving force that has motivated him to continue in his work.   Dr Dodd’s responses: The most productive time in a person’s career when he/she is in their 60s.  We so often make the mistake of seeing the 60–70-year-old age bracket as a time for retirement or “letting the younger generations have it now” period. Nothing could be more mistaken or sad.  The younger generations need paths to follow and the older generations still need to remain beneficial to their communities.  A wise person once said that the fullest life is one of maximum service. From the age of 60 onward is potentially the most productive period of one’s life for four reasons: The wisdom gained from experience and proven capability are most integrated at that age.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails   The pervasive impact of addiction   The pervasiveness of addiction and its impact makes it a pandemic, perhaps the deadliest human beings have ever experienced.   A pandemic is an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area (continents in the case of addiction.) It affects a significant proportion of the population.  An epidemic is localized.  A pandemic refers to “all demographics.”   Tragically, Addiction impairs the addict’s ability to see the impact of their addiction.  This impairment is called denial. It prevents the addict from seeing clearly and accurately the consequences of his/her addiction.     We have 30+ million alcoholics in this country and 15+ million people addicted to illegal drugs.    For every one person chemically dependent on alcohol or illegal drugs, 3 to 4 other people are emotionally, mentally, if not physically harmed.    These addictions result in emotional trauma, setting up the high probability of tendency toward addiction.    Adding up the numbers using only the impact of addiction upon 3 people is 135 million people in this nation harmed. When the addicted person is added to the number, the impact is monstrous.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.