It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
TruStory FM
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.
They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!
Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?
In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.
And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!
Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?
In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.
And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Episodes
Mentioned books
12 snips
Nov 4, 2021 • 35min
HCPs in the Workplace & Using BIFF at Work
Lessons on dealing with narcissistic bosses and other high conflict coworkers. Why such personalities often rise to leadership and the workplace costs they create. Practical communication tools like short EAR statements for conversations and BIFF responses for hostile emails. Real-world examples and debate about famous leaders' behavior. Tips on when coaching can help and when conflict becomes a boardroom crisis.
Oct 28, 2021 • 38min
Using BIFF Responses
In today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses.What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter of daily life, especially on social media or even more so when the communication is coming from someone with a high conflict personality.The challenge with dealing with HCPs, or people with High Conflict Personalities, is that they wage war wherever they can, including on your screen. The problem is that most people respond right away. Why? Because they think they need to defend themselves. We talk about why people do that; why the HCP sends it in the first place; whether or not you need to respond; and if you do, how to do it differently using a BIFF Response.Do you need to respond?Much of hostile e-communication does not need a response. Letters from (ex-) spouses, angry neighbors, irritating co-workers, or attorneys do not usually have legal significance. The letter itself has no power, unless you give it power. Often, it is emotional venting aimed at relieving the writer’s anxiety. If you respond with similar emotions and hostility, you will simply escalate things without satisfaction, and just get a new piece of hostile mail back. In most cases, you are better off not responding.If you do have to respond, use a BIFF Response.Some letters and emails develop power when copies are filed in a court or complaint process – or simply get sent to other people. In these cases, it may be important to respond to inaccurate statements with accurate statements of fact. The best way to handle hostile communications from an HCP is with a BIFF Response. BIFF reminds you to be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm, assuming you need to respond.We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganArticle on using BIFF Response®Online course for lawyers on BIFF Response®Online course for anyone on using BIFF Response®Info on BIFF CertificationBIFF BooksBIFF for AnyoneBIFF for Co-ParentsBIFF for the WorkplaceAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:42) - High Conflict in the Written Word
(04:45) - Using BIFF
(07:30) - What's Happening in the Brain?
(11:13) - When to Respond
(13:08) - An Example
(16:14) - Not Taking It Personally
(17:23) - Three As
(23:53) - BIFFing That Example
(30:00) - BIFF in High Conflict Divorce
(34:19) - Being Disciplined to Use BIFF
(35:25) - BIFF Certification
(36:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Using BIFF at Work
10 snips
Oct 21, 2021 • 34min
Who Are High Conflict People?
Discover the fascinating traits of high conflict individuals who often blame others and evade responsibility. Learn how these unpredictable personalities might actually follow a predictable pattern of behavior. The origins of their traits are explored, encompassing genetic, cultural, and childhood influences. Effective strategies like EAR Statements—empathy, attention, and respect—are introduced as powerful tools for de-escalating tense situations. Plus, hear a compelling story about overcoming workplace conflict using these techniques!
Oct 7, 2021 • 2min
Welcome to It’s All Your Fault!
Exploring the world of high conflict personalities, the podcast delves into their nature and motivations. Strategies for navigating difficult interactions with them are also discussed.
