Absolutely Not

On this episode, Heather is in LA and welcoming her favorite bitch, Jackie Schimmel, who is about to head out on her own tour- Dim the Lights. They discuss how we all need to zoom out, berating each other's husbands, and social boundaries. Jackie takes Heather down on her unsolicited kindness to strangers while Heather then gets to the bottom of why Jackie didn’t join us on the cruise. Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully). Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/absolutely.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self. Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is on the up and up after the events of the last few weeks. She chats about how turtles and cardinals are now showing up as signs, what it was like 100 years ago, and how she plans to spend her time in Europe. While her life may be hectic right now, she turns to your voicemails to bring her back to reality. She hears about Louisiana gay uncles, how comfortable people have gotten in public and totally unhinged church facebook group requests.Episode Sponsors:Find Duke’s Mayo at your local retailer. If it’s not there, riot (respectfully) Visit dukesmayo.com for more information.Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 months at OpenPhone.com/absolutely.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Right now, ABSOLUTELY NOT listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to CornbreadHemp.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is back in the Atlanta studio after a very stressful and eventful week. Definitely feels like she can't get her neck above water and brings you along her insane days. She relives her experience at the emergency vet that could rival The Pitt, getting her pap on her anniversary, and receiving a very special gift that may be light at the end of a very long tunnel. She then takes voicemails about how the rest of the world is also on on fire and one caller's decision to move to the USA.Episode Sponsors:Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code ABSOLUTELY15.To find out what all the hype is about for yourself, go to cakesbody.com. You can even use code ABSOLUTEY for 20% off your first order this summer.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!Right now, Splendid is offering our listeners 20% off when you go to Splendid.com and use promo code absolutely at checkout or when you shop at Splendid in stores.Head to BranchBasics.com to shop their Premium Starter Kit and save 15% off with code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we're pulling another classic episode out of the archives for the newcomers. This one features one of the wildest voicemails we've heard yet, a mom having to break the holy water out for her daughter, and a surprise cameo from Robin.Episode Sponsors:Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutely.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Go to cokeurl.com/simplyPOP to find out where you can try Simply Pop!Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to SkylightCal.com/ABSOLUTELYTo explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes her friend from the internet Tinx to the pod after they both separately went to Beyonce the night before! They question why they have never met up for a 3 martini lunch and why finance bros get to enjoy them all the time. They connect on being pulled in too many directions and how they should start the Artist Way this summer. With an overdue book proposal, Heather asks Tinx about her book writing process after her new bestseller- Hotter in the Hamptons.Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY!Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com.Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com/absolutely.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The host dives into a whirlwind of recent NYC adventures and the necessity of self-care. They share a humorous struggle with tenosynovitis, the chaos of beauty routines, and a cringe-worthy encounter with cosmetic scammers. From the oddity of overpriced coffee to dreams of Everest (not really), laughter takes center stage. The importance of online therapy, sustainable fashion, and personal health revelations round out a lively discussion, peppered with relatable anecdotes and reflections on life’s unpredictable nature.

On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions.  They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters.Episode Sponsors:For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutelyVisit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.comVisit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!Give the “dads” in your life a unique, heartfelt gift you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth! Right now, save $10 during their Father’s Day sale when you go to Storyworth.com/absolutely!Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather welcomes Kelsey Cook to the podcast studio. Kelsey is another fabulous comic that is on tour and has released her new special, Mark Your Territory. They connect on never being to Coachella, the similarities of boomers and millennials, survival jobs and where they stand on Crumbl cookies. Kelsey also finds out that she is actually another race because she is a red head.Episode Sponsors:Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to joinbilt.com/absolutelyVisit JustThriveHealth.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off your first 90 day bottle. That’s like getting a month for free!Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspodVisit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.Schedule your free consultation now at Sonobello.com/absolutely.Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode, Heather is in the studio after a big weekend performing at her home theatre - The Fox. She chats about how doing a show at home can be more stressful than any other cities and how the acquaintances come out of the woodwork to get those free tickets. She tries to relax on Sunday by putting out all her lawn furniture for the summer but the heat index had other plans. She is excited to get to NYC for her show at the Beacon and her week in the city. She gets to take some voicemail about the after party, a lost photo and a hot take on recording comedians.Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELYGo to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch Calendars by going to SkylightCal.com/ABSOLUTELYCancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today. Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On the episode, Heather is feeling nautical (and musical) in a fully bedazzled ship captain’s hat. She has some hot takes on the newly appointed American pope and shares some of the gifts she received on the cruise. She dives into Robin’s controversial stance on why dining out on Mother’s Day is an absolute no and then provides advice to your voicemails about breakups, cocktails, and short skirts. Episode Sponsors:Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/absolutely. Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com.Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip. It’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.