Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off a 3 day gal-a-palooza girls tip to Minneapolis where she was promptly roofied & witnessed a shoot out. The Midwest is a crazy place where you should never trust a nurse named Chet. She is extra sassy and still chugging electrolytes while she takes your calls from the Absolutely Not hot line!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back in the studio, fresh from Asia and answering your phone calls and hot fire voicemails. Things take a turn for the best when she calls back a feisty fan who leaves a day-drunk message. Heather also updates us on her 10 year anniversary bamboozlement when Jeff essentially "Cartier" teased her! It's a whole cluster-fuck of love, money and voicemails on this latest episode.   Shop Biossance.com and use discount code 'absolutelynot20' for 20% off!      Produced by Dear Media.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her very own Gayle King, Raymond Padilla. He is coming In "guns hot" as the kids say, sassier than ever. They catch up on life and take your voicemails from the "Absolutely Not" line. It's a giggle-a-minute and sometimes Ray and Heather truly feel like they are doing the Lord's work by breaking down the world's top problems..... one cunty comment at a time!    Check out ​www.gomacro.com​ and use promo code: ​absolutely​ for 30% off plus free shipping for a limited time!   Get 15 % off your order at buyraycon.com/absolutelynot !   Produced by Dear Media.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back from Asia, feeling like a piece of pickled kimchi with the Jet-lag and soy bloat but ready to take on the week! She gives you a full cultural recap of what she learned abroad, and how she is ready to star in her own travel show... if someone will fund it. She feels like Samantha Brown wrapped in her newly made, custom fit, red silk robe while she sips hot tea like a bad bitch who has learned something. She touches on all the sassy things y'all Dm'd her about while on the road and dont worry she is still coming for you SHERYL. love and light and all funny things on this episode and more!  Shop biossance.com and use code: absolutelynot20 at checkout for 20% off!  Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this weeks episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is still on the road with her bff and travel buddy, Chris Ketner. They have one more week in Asia and while they recap their travels they also hop on the scale to realize Asia isn't exactly "Parasite City". Coming in guns hot and splitting their Old Navy jeans from excessive noodle consumption these two ding dongs realize they have to get their lives right while some how still DOING THE MOST in Asia. For a full itinerary and rundown of cities like Ho Chi Min , Chang Mai and Koh Samui, check out this week's episode, of ABSOLUTELY NOT!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of The Absolutely Not podcast, Heather gives you live and in the moment updates from her trip with Tony award winning producer and bestie, Chris Ketner. When Chris isn't on the road hold Heather's hair back on "THE FAREWELL COMEDY TOUR", he's helping her expand her mind and life by an epic friendship trip to Asia. They talk all things travel, how to stay "regular abroad" and their fail-proof plan to start "shredding for the wedding" in Vietnam! Follow along while these two ding-dongs have some fun abroad.    Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her T.V. business buddy and fellow creator, Jen Zaborowski.  This episode is a rare-BTS look at a project they've had in thr works but are too afraid to discuss because, well, thats Show Business.  Since Heather deems herself as "White Oprah" it would only be appropriate that she introduces you to her "white Gayle" aka.. JEN. These two talk about hollywood schmucks, Britney spears, private school and how much they hate nannying. After a quick glass of a french Sancerre, these two basically take their tops off and spill all the the dirt. It's wild what two white women will say after a glass of wine! This and more on Absolutely NOT!    Thanks to our partners:   Head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off.   Get started on Skinsei.com/absolutely with a free diagnostic and get 20% off your first order with code ‘absolutely’.   Shop in-store, online at TheRealReal.com, or download the app, and get 20% off select items with the promo code REAL.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off her Mexican vacay with a strong case of diarrhea & more sass than ever. After being completely bamboozled by Guy Fieri at the Cancun Airport, witnessing a full blown drug deal and almost fighting a women doing crunches on the beach, she is back in one-piece in the USA. There is a lot to be grateful for in the New Year, but it also doesn't stop us from remembering where we came from.... ya know the bathroom at the Cancun Airport... did I mention Guy Fieri poisoned me????? All this and more on the latest episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast!    For $20 off your Buffy bedding, visit Buffy.co and enter​ “absolutely”.   Go to Fabletics.com/absolutelynot to get 2 leggings for only $24 when you sign up as a VIP.   Visit theRealReal.com, promo code REAL for 20% off select items.   Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this Episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather tackles the most complicated and bitchy Voice Mails yet. We wrap up the year with gratitude and lots of grundle sweat coming to ya live from Hot Phoenix Arizona! It has been a full year of absolute abundance and blessings from above but she's also ready for a friggin Margarita. Ya feel me Claire? On this episode ?heather encourages y'all to leave your creepy uncle Dan in 2019 and get those magazine clippings ready for our Vision Board party in 2020. Let's end this year on a high note, doing what we do best, Absolute -Not "ing".  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather sits down with fellow comedian, Becky Robinson. She is a true ding-dong goof ball in every sense of the word and were are HERE FOR THIS LEVEL OF STUPIDITY. The girls cover all of your pre-holiday needs, butt stuff, relationships, how their upbringings turned them into semi-successful comics and Becky shares about the time she got her mom drunk after a dr.'s  appoitment! All of this and more on the Absolutely Not Podcast!    Get 30% off your first order by going to LucBelaire.com/ absolutely.   Get 2 leggings for only $24 ($99 value) when you sign up for a VIP- go to Fabletics.com/absolutelynot to to advantage of this deal now!   Go to DollarShaveClub.com/absolutelynot to save on the ultimate shave gift set!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.