Absolutely Not

Heather is on the brink of a full blown meltdown coming to ya live from a new state-sanctioned Quarantine north of the border in Canada. She's in town for work and they legit sent her to her room and threw away the key. Tensions are high between she and the microwave, that bitch has been getting too mouthy this week. Heather is spiraling and taking your insane calls!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's dear friend, Andrew Collin, is here to bitch and swindle his way back into our hearts. He's still single and apparently getting "ripped" in quarantine.... not drunk, like in shape... again we don't know what that is like. These two talk about missing the road life, their past discrepancies and honestly try to figure out how they can better themselves in 2020, and really it shouldn't take a lot.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has hit her September shit show wall and is literally stuck under a trundle-bed of emotion. She is pulling out ALL OF THE FEELINGS from 2020 into one solid cathartic shitshow of a podcast. The VoiceMails are dumber than ever, but it does make her feel better to know that y'all are equally as fucked up as she is. We gotta do a wellness check on a lot of you, hussies cause Fall came fast and we are NOT READY.   Visit taoclean.com/absolutely to get 62% off the Facial Brush and sitewide!   Check out Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Match with your perfect therapist at Talkspace.com or by downloading the Talkspace app. And don’t forget to use promo code absolutely at checkout for $100 off your first month.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is chatting with her ball busting, criminal defense attorney, big sis, Ashley. Also known as the Georgia Law Lady, she helps Heather break down some of y'alls most intense Voice Mails to date... such as... "Why doesn't Mcdonald's give out free mac sauce on the side?!!!" They are single handedly changing the world for the better with each bit of sister advice they share! Who knew all this year needed was the McMahan sisters to save the day. That and more!    Check out Vizzy Hard Seltzer at vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Download ​The Gift of Forgiveness with Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt​, inspiring stories from those who’ve forgiven the unforgivable. You can download and subscribe to all of Headspace Studio’s podcasts wherever you are listening to this right now.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather interviews Kate Kennedy of the "Be There in Five" podcast. It's their one-year anniversary since they met and now everything is coming full circle with these two ding dongs. They discuss how Tik Tok has taken over their lives, Being locked up with their dogs and Kate explains her emotional investment into Taylor Swift. They bitch about just how insane this year has made everyone, and they aren't suffering fools any longer! That and more!    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down her trip to Florida and is coming in guns hot after Robin Hijacks the episode. She hits the hotline and lemme tell you what, y'all are bitching more than ever! These calls are getting downright ridonkulous and we're here for it!    Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutley, only at Brooklinen.com.   TAO Clean is offering my listeners 62 % off the TAO Clean Orbital Facial Brush! This discount ALSO applies towards any product, sitewide! Just go to taoclean.com/absolutely  to take advantage of this incredible savings.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather catches you up to speed on her Hollywood ventures, buying a car from the Patriarchy and taking your Voicemails. We are getting dumber as the year goes on and it's very apparent by the shit y'all have called in with this week! Were already in August but it feels like this has been the longest year ever....Lord help us and save us from ourselves!    As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to nodayswastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.    Become a member today by going to Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her hippie trip to Asheville North Carolina, where she experienced Satan at work. Between the Dog fights, Spiritual reads, and kids falling in manholes, it was a wild, but much needed ride outta town. The hotline is buzzing with insane calls of women just truly at their wits ends! The prayer circle just got tighter because the only thing that can get us out of this year is JESUS HIMSELF... AMEN!    Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather has her friend Big Daddy Raymond Padilla in town, fresh off his high horse from his luxury villa in Nantucket. He has decided to run for mayor, in a town he has never lived in - typical Ray. He is bringing all the judgement and heat, per usual, with an added side of SASS. These two giggle and argue on this episode!    Head over to NoDaysWastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order of DHM Detox.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.    All new customers will get 10% off their first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely (certain exclusions apply).   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has her hilarious and ball-busting sister, Ashley, also known as the Georgia Law Lady in the studio. They discuss their fucked up genes, what it was like growing up with Robin and Kyle as parents and how the hell are they gonna convince Robin to drink more water. When these two ding-dongs of sisters get together its giggles non-stop and the dumbest conversations ever.      Go to Prose.com/absolutely for your FREE in-depth hair quiz and 15% off.   Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutely only at Brooklinen.com.    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.