Absolutely Not

Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an LA masseuse (were looking at your Ruben). Buckle up for this wild ride!    Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils of cat-fishing, why all Scottish men are hot and why women should really just lean the f*ck out.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl!    This episode is brought to you by Venus. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a literal pig in shit to be telling jokes again. She's wrestling with a lil razorback aka all y'alls problems from the Hotline too! Shits getting wild, we got ladies suckin on bars of soap In Target!    Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/Absolutely-Not to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idiot?", "Is the world ending?" ya know, light hearted life advice and such. She hits the Absolutely Not Line while shamelessly plugging her comedy tour she is desperate for you to come to.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one at the CDC knows what's going on and we apparently all need to freshen up on our Morris code, because a storm is -A-brewing!    Go to CheapCaribbean.com/absolutely-not to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   Your new nail life is here! Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work environments and future goals.    Go to dailyharvest.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY     Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to see that everyone else is doing as terrible as she is!    Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   To start listening, simply download the Spotify app, sign up for FREE, and search for Armchair Expert.   Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have been up to.   Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off of your order.   Get 10% off your first Versed order when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY.    Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Listen to Armchair Expert for free, now ONLY on Spotify.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally  don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of y'all are coming in with an icy attitude. Heather hits the hotline and answers some of your questions and more.      Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100     Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.