Absolutely Not

Heather is fresh off her weekend in Ohio where she had a genital injury but things are turning around now that she is reunited with her BFF, Raymond Padilla. He’s a pillar of every community but also a full liability. They discuss “tying one on” and squirting through life.   Foria is offering our listeners 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/Absolutely or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout!   I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY or grab some at Whole Foods, Sprouts, and 7-Eleven.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fresh off an amazing weekend of touring and is jazzed with the spirit of the Lord, We rebuke any evil in the name of Jesus... and ALSO answer your horrific voicemails on the Absolutely Not line.   If you need a little support to help you through the end of the year, or want to start building towards a better upcoming year, Talkspace is here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Canopy has a special offer for Absolutely Not listeners! Go to GetCanopy.co code ABSOLUTELY10 at checkout to save an additional 10% off your Canopy purchase.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather finally gets her mother to sit down and give her 10 minutes of time. Robin has an extensive pro's and cons list of dating must-haves, and good luck to anyone at all that can live up to her list of demands. Naturally the conversation is as ADHD as the kid named Terry in your first grade class, but here we are folks.    Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual. That’s 10% off at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more humbling than coming home to your mother screaming about parking prices. She's taking your calls on the Absolutely-Not-Line, and it seems like y'all are struggling to keep your shit together just like Heather. It's refreshing to know, that October is off to a hot mess and no one can fit in their jeans either.    Right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ABSOLUTELY   Right now, when you go to thepillclub.com/ABSOLUTELY The Pill Club is offering a $10 donation to Bedsider.org for every Absolutely Not listener who becomes a patient.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening returning to the US after her Italian adventure.    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Get free shipping on all water and merch at liquiddeath.com/absolutely. Or grab some at Whole Foods or 7-Eleven.    Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with being bamboozled with overpriced laundry and glass sculptures. Jeff joins in to justify the need to photograph everything and his observations on Italy’s rich culture.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   If you need a little support to help you through the end of the year, or want to start building towards a better upcoming year, Talkspace is here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   So, go on--get comfortable, and get it for less at Brooklinen. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media.      See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waiting for the hotel to kick her out once they realize she cannot actually afford this lifestyle. Jeff and Heather discuss the rose and thorn of their trip thus far and hopefully their marriage makes it to the next stop, Firenze.   This episode was brought to you by Venus for Pubic Hair and Skin. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on everything, MUST BE REAL NICE SHERYL, to blow up your own facebook with insanity.  She's hitting the Absolutely Not line and its very clear y'all are rolling into fall on the hot mess express.   Get more time back to *do you* and take care of yourself this summer! Go to DAILYHARVEST.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from the Hotline and giving you a hot safety tip reminder!      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely     Get 10% off for first time users in when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.     Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild college memories. Buckle in for this one!    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.    I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.