Absolutely Not

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her trip to Detroit with a new respect for the thin women of Michigan and the attitude of the TSA precheck staff. She hits the hotline and asks the age old questions like "Why dont Boomers drink water?" to "Do people in Charleston have pubic hair?"   Sponsors:   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Rright now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20 at Nuuly.com   Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely   f you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving my listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at Goodr.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather  hits the Absolutely Not Line and the voicemails are SHOCKING! One caller is getting fired from her job for being with child, while another is out-of-the-blue allergic to pulled pork. It's literally a game of survival. We have deep embarrassing confessions and some triggering core memories. No stone is left unturned on this insane episode!    Sponsors:   Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Go to Nuuly.com and enter the code ABSOLUTELY20 and sign up to get $20 off your first month.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back after way too many difficulties joined by best friend of the show, Raymond Padilla. They talk about everything from the royal family to Ray almost losing an arm after his monkey pox vaccination - and Robin joins in after being bamboozled by the MOMA.   Sponsors:    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.    Right now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20   For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely   Use code “ABSOLUTELY15” for 15% off Poppi on Amazon and get sippin'.    Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the hotline with some wildly new and improved SCAMMMMS! After a weekend of dealing with Robin's international catfishing fiasco, Heather is on High alert to the tricks and deals y'all are trying to pull. As if we didnt have enough shit to deal with already- The hotline is filled with 1200 back cracks and a frantic 911 call from Australia!   Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100   Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely   For listeners of this show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line to solve the world's problems. However, after the first voicemail she quickly realizes we need to call animal control. On this week's episode- we've got a lady with a bat in her designer bag, a lady on a cruise to nowhere, and a mom trying to navigate how to save teenagers from turning to the darkside!   Sponsors:  Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely.  Go to goodr.com/absolutely and get 15% off when you use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.  Use code ABSOLUTELY15 for 15% off on Amazon and get sippin' Poppi soda.  Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ at Talkspace.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has business consultant and friend, Raymond Padilla come to the Absolutely Not Headquarters for a full take over. It's the Board Meeting no one wanted to sit down for, but absolutely needed to attend. We're getting our ducks in a row while simultaneously fixing the world's problems by using the 5 pillars of efficiency. Ray also asks for donations at the end because Heather is sure as hell not paying him for his time or knowledge.    Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely   Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.   Get 35% off site-wide at CozyEarth.com when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.   Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY EatDeux.com   Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at Article.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live from the PANHANDLE of Florida, aka 30A.  She is back from Mississippi and narrowly skirted death on the highway, only to have a new lease on life. She is taking no bullshit and dishing out some of the best advice she's ever given from the hotline. Like- Why heterosexual couples should never own catering companies- to what to do if your teeth are falling out. That and more!    Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com   Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- After a wonderful weekend back in the college town of Athens, GA- Heather is shooketh to her core taking a walk down memory lane- the nostalgia of sorority row, the tequila shots from locals are all flooding back to her hypothalamus. She hits the Absolutely Not Hotline to fight with a woman who doesnt like Tang- another broad bitching about getting a titty on her back during a massage- and makes a public apology to the Mid Atlantic.    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at VisitRitual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Head to EatDeux.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off and free shipping.   Get 35% off site-wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY at CozyEarth.com   FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is wondering if her August invite to the hamptons got lost in the mail? So weird- no one has invited her to stay at their mega mansion while Robin skeets down the long island highway on a crotch rocket on her way to a tj maxx. She hits the Absolutely Not line in hopes that the invitation is on the voicemails.. but looks like she'll have to wait till next summer.    Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY   Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Cozy Earth is providing an exclusive offer for my listener’s today. 35% off site wide when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is hitting the Absolutely Not Hotline to answer your hard hitting questions- like "Why can't we make Tanning Booths a thing again" or "What should I  do if I have Alopecia on my head but not my crotch". Heather dissects her own quarter life crisis while simultaneously helping your figure out yours- its a real team effort this week!    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Visit AthleticGreens.com/absolutely for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.   Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY at eatdeux.com.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.