Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise!    Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Ready to shake up your protein Ritual? To make trying something new easier, Ritual is offering my followers 10% off their first 3 months when you shop online at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   From exercise, to errands to sunset –I love my goodrs. You can go to goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY to get FREE shipping   Money can’t buy happiness. But not worrying about your money comes close. See for yourself why Chime is so loved at chime.com/absolutely   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help.    Sponsors:   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   You can now get ready for any occasion in head-to-toe Steve Madden. Use code ABSOLUTELY20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase at SteveMadden.com   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   If you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving Absolutely Not listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at goodr.com/ABSOLUTELY   Right now, you can get up to 45% off their best-selling products when you purchase select holiday sets by visiting ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is breaking down the pre-holiday anxiety we are all feeling in the back of our throats. The next week is going to be filled with family fights, food sensitivities and lots of farts! Heather walks you through your step by step Holiday survival guide so that you don't lose your shit on your Aunt Regina before the mashed potatoes even hit the deck. She hits the Absolutely Not-line and tries to give some sage advice to fellow stressed out holiday hosts- but remember at the end of the day- have your emergency cigs on stand-by.   Sponsors:   Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Brooklinen's Biggest Sale of the Year is only for a limited time, and the deals don't get better. Visit Brooklinen.com and get $20 off plus free shipping on orders $100+ with code absolutelysnot.   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY ​to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show.   Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.   Visit SteveMadden.com and use code ABSOLUTELY20 FOR 20% off your first purchase.   Start a new healthy habit today. Visit seed.com/ABSOLUTELY and use code ABSOLUTELY to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed's DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from a weekend of shows in Florida. She was not invited to Tiffany Trump's wedding but instead spent the weekend slingin' jokes and searching for a new therapist in West Palm. There is something bout that Florida humidity that stirs up forgotten emotions and family trauma. We are working through all the feelings leading up to Turkey Day and answering your questions on the Absolutely Not Line.   Sponsors:   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   Athletic Greens is going to give you is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   This Holiday season gift Away at AwayTravel.com/ABSOLUTELY   Visit SteveMadden.com and use code Absolutely20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchase   Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com   If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Space Camp, aka a weekend of shows in Huntsville. She met a scientist at a bar that told her we only got a few weeks left- and wondered why can't the aliens fix our heavy periods? "Surely some bitch in outterspace knows how to stop a heavy flow?"- ya know that kinda vibe.   Sponsors:   Check out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on orders of $100+.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Get 10% off your first 3 months of Ritual when you visit Ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY & add Essential Protein today.   Go to LittleWordsProject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh off her comedy special taping weekend- full of gratitude and adrenaline. She witnessed a fight over a snack break in the back kitchen of a salad joint and was ready to jump in and pop off, if need be. She's back with her weekly dose of unsolicited advice such as- "How to spice things up in the bedroom" to "Is it ok to eat del taco alone in your car to avoid your in-laws?"   Sponsors:   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-boosting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY    Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/ABSOLUTELY   With each can only 25 calories and 5g of sugar or less, Poppi can be found on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide   See for yourself why Chime is so loved at Chime.com/ABSOLUTELY   Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% off by using code ABSOLUTELY on SpritzSociety.com   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has a few biohacks for her early girlies. She hits the Absolutely NOT-line and comes up with a genius idea of how to start a men's therapy group under the full disguise of a man named Harry.    Sponsors:   Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely   Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/absolutely   For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely   So start your credit journey with Chime at Chime.com/absolutely   If you go to GetQuip.com/ABSOLUTELY, RIGHT NOW, you’ll get your first refill FREE.   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has a very exciting announcement for the new tour! It's a big one! She hits the Absolutely Not Line only to give life changing advice for a young listener, help a woman keep her job at the gym and navigate what to do if you've dated a murderer.    Sponsors:   Go to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $30 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely30   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE   Go to paireyewear.com/absolutely for 15% off your first purchase   Go to littlewordsproject.com/ABSOLUTELY or enter ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 30% off your first order   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather recounts a scary moment from Trader Joes, how her life flashed before her eyes and why she was mad at Robin. She also hits the Absolutely Not Line- We've got grown men sucking on hard candy while they sleep, children getting tattoos, Ole Randy shits the bed and more!      Sponsors:     Check out Brooklinen.com today for their luxurious home and bedding essentials, and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 or more.     Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely     Go to Talkspace.com and make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show     Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com     From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts.     Produced by Dear Media     Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather hits the hotline to answer questions like " Why Kentucky" and " How do I  stop scrolling the internet for my ex's"? The fact that folks come to Heather for actual advice is alarming but dammit she's hitting the advice line HARD. Heather also has a guided meditation for anyone over 30 who is feeling the weight of the world.    Sponsors:   Go to DailyHarvest.com/absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/absolutely.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.   For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.