Mastermind Parenting Podcast

In this episode, I share a clip from my FB Live interview with Danielle Atkisson who runs the silver lining Mamas fb group. I started the clip on the tale end of answering a question from a mom that is worried about her 11 year old anxious daughter and how it’s hard to understand her bc they are opposites. We also went on to discuss defiance, sibling fighting and of course I share some stories from my own life. At the end of the episode I talk about my upcoming 30 day brain retraining parenting course, Closing the Parent Gap Basics. Enrolment closes April 28, 2018. You can read about it here. Http://www.randirubenstein.com/cpg Topics covered: Sib rivalry and conflict resolution The Calm Down Corner (time out alternative) Assertive Communication Anxiety Shaping beliefs Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I discuss the documentary Screenagers and the silent addiction epidemic that we are facing as a society. I had been wanting to attend a screening of Screenagers and was coincidentally invited to be a panelist at a private school in my home city. Needless to say, I had a pit in my stomach as I watched the reality of what we are facing in terms of screen addiction and how it affects our kids and ourselves, frankly. The documentary validates much of what I teach when it comes to looking for a quick pleasure fix in the form of a screen. The movie includes the latest research in neuroscience and how screens affect our dopamine receptors in the same way as hard drugs. When our kids grow up on screens, we are literally hardwiring them for drug addiction. Super scary. I happen to love technology myself. It’s the reason why I can create a podcast and share it with you. I struggle with many of the issues mentioned in the film and I think that what many of us can take away from the film and the subsequent conversation is that we are entering uncharted territory. Rules and regulations are needed and right now we are educating, increasing awareness and beginning the conversations that must happen to keep our kids safe in this new virtual reality surrounding childhood. I share my thoughts on how to handle adopting tech rules in your household as well as how to conduct a productive conversation with your kids about this. And as always remember that whether it’s technology, sleep, food, school work or whatever the subject concerning your family, the steps are to: Adopt a set of rules Repeat them often Follow through consistently. Technology rules that are productively communicated is a great example of how to set your family up for success rather than constant fighting and stress surrounding this very present modern issue. Topics covered: Screenagers documentary https://www.screenagersmovie.com/ Screen addiction https://nypost.com/2017/12/04/heres-how-to-tell-if-your-child-has-a-screen-addiction/ Dopamine and screen addiction http://yourbrainhealth.com.au/dopamine-cause-digital-addiction/ Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids-and How to Break the Trance book quote: “Brain imaging research is showing that stimulating glowing screens are as dopaminergic (dopamine activating) to the brain's pleasure center as sex. And a growing mountain of clinical research correlates screen tech with disorders like ADHD, addiction, anxiety, depression, increased aggression, and even psychosis. Most shocking of all, recent brain imaging studies conclusively show that excessive screen exposure can neurologically damage a young person's developing brain in the same way that cocaine addiction can.  Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

Why Time Out is Bogus In this episode, I discuss time-out; the punishment that many of us have used to replace spanking. We are often misguided to believe that it’s this progressive humane improvement when it’s potentially just as damaging emotionally as spanking is physically. I know many parents are simply looking for resources to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong. The punishment model has rarely been questioned in years past and yet, all the researchers and experts tell us that it’s ineffective. It accomplishes the opposite of what we want - stronger connections with our kids and effective measures for teaching appropriate behavior. Punishments like time out and spanking are divisive, polarizing and teach our kids not to trust us. One of my favorite new quotes that I coined recently is, “We don’t own our kids. Owning people is called slavery...not childhood.” Slavery is illegal. Our kids are little people. Our job is to teach, guide and keep our little people safe. Punishment does not teach anything other than teaching our kids to lie to us and become sneaky when doing things that will result in a punishment. When we punish our kids rather than having productive communication, we teach them not to trust us. The research and child development experts report that kids under the age of 12 do not change their future behavior based on punishment. They are actually incapable of doing so. The REAL way we teach kids appropriate behavior is by establishing rules, repeating them often and following through consistently. When the rules are broken, we teach them how to become calm and calmly discuss the situation. When everyone is calm, we empathize and find out what’s underneath the misbehavior. Then we state the rules, set a boundary and possibly enforce a logical and related consequence. We follow through consistently. This is the recipe that leads to changing the convos in your home even when your kids are behaving like total turkeys. Your welcome. Topics covered: "Why time out needs a time-out" article in Psychology Today Wikipedia definition of time-out:  Time-out (also known as social exclusion) is a form of behavioral modification that involves temporarily separating a person from an environment where unacceptable behavior has occurred. Punishment defined:the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense. Dr. Ross Greene   The Calm Down Corner: A time-out alternative   Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

I discuss kids that I refer to as “sensitive nervous system kids” who present as challenging and willful and how they are usually misunderstood and frequently misdiagnosed as having conditions like ADHD. As parents we are often confused about what to do and what our options really are when it comes to these strong willed kids. Unfortunately, when we turn to traditional resources we are often led down a 1 size fits all path and it’s often not the right one for our kids. I’m on a mission to let other parents with a strong willed or sensitive nervous system kid know that there other solutions to consider besides the classic ADHD with a side of anxiety diagnosis that so many of these kids receive from western medicine doctors and therapists. These kids that repeatedly act out at home and/or school are often misunderstood when we try to attack the behavior with old school punishment tactics in an effort to shut down the misbehavior. Basically I shared my thoughts on this situation and the misunderstood rabbit hole I’ve seen many families with sensitive nervous system kids go down. When a kid acts out, the way most of us have been raised, we think we need to establish a boundary during those moments by restating the rules and teaching about acceptable behavior. This never works to shut down the behavior. In fact, it usually exacerbates it! When a kid acts out, they are trying to let the adults in their life know how they are feeling on the inside. They want to feel better, behave better and they want our help. They need our support, not our lectures, in these moments. The real solution is to get curious and investigate what’s underneath the behavior so we can really understand what’s going on. Our kids have to feel like we are on their team to trust us to help them process through their big emotions. Empathy and having positive communication is how our strong willed kiddos begin to allow us to guide them to behave better. Start empathizing and ditch the lectures. These sensitive nervous system kiddos thrive with this new productive parenting conversation. Topics covered: Empathy ADHD Sleep Screen addiction Conscious Discipline https://consciousdiscipline.com Dr. Ross Greene http://drrossgreene.com Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, I talk about one of the most powerful things you can do to help your kid through a hard moment; the skill of walking in their shoes to empathetically convey that you understand your child’s perspective.  This tool discussed in today’s conversation will help you to immediately improve the conversations in your home with your threenagers and your teenagers. Perspective taking is a form of empathy. I like to call it: Walking in your child’s shoes. When you imagine walking in someone else’s shoes and then discuss a situation from that place, it is very connecting for you and your child. Your child will feel really seen and valued when you communicate that you get what it truly feels like to walk in their shoes. In life when we are trying to have a productive convo with our kids, it’s important to see the other person’s perspective before  we even begin the conversation. We typically start a conversation by trying to convince the other person why they should see our perspective. This never works. The opposite, describing the situation from the perspective of walking in their shoes, is what helps us to communicate productively and find a peaceful resolution. When we see other people’s perspectives, they are then inclined to see ours as well. Topics covered: Empathy Perspective Taking Dan Pink quote: Daniel H. Pink Quotes. Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place. The brain and the emotional center development https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-psychology/chapter/structure-and-function-of-the-brain/     Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode, we are going to discuss strong willed kids. These kids present as defiant and defensive. Everyone seems to walk on eggshells around these kids. Most likely, these kids have a highly sensitive nervous system. Smells are smellier, tastes are more intense, tags are scratchy-er, noises are noisier.When you have a highly sensitive nervous system, the world feels overstimulating most of the time and even more so during early childhood. These kids are often exhausted from the overstimulation and irritable as a result. The adults in their lives often mistake their cranky behavior. These kids frequently feel misunderstood and behave defensively. I have an interesting theory about these kids. I believe they are catalysts for change. I will teach you how to see your kid’s strong willed-ness as their super power.   Here are some pointers if you have a strong willed kid: Stay on top of basic needs: Sleep and nutrition. Get the sleep thing figured out. 10-11 hours a night of sleep is a necessity if you have a highly sensitive nervous system. Structure and exercise is important. Get them outside and away from screens. Solo sports like swimming can be phenomenal. See his point of view. Understand how he’s wired. Topics covered: Highly sensitive people (HSP) http://hsperson.com/about-dr-elaine-aron/ Larry David https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARq0QDBIUaQ Swaddle technique from Happiest Baby on the Block https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4SnaQ1DVJM Randi’s email randi@randirubenstein.com if you want help with your strong willed child     Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

In this episode I cover some specific mistakes we make when it comes to our kids going through the hard stuff. Whether your kid is struggling with school work or a rough patch socially, as parents we want to fix the hurt and take away their sadness, disappointment, insecurity, etc. There is a single tool that fixes negative emotions only - EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It’s called empathy and there is a very specific way to model empathy with your kids when life throws a curveball their way. In this episode I will teach you the tool that many therapists use but in real life language so your kids don’t think you’re acting weird.   I share stories from my own life and the mistake I’ve frequently made with my own kids. The mistake involves jumping into solutions and trying to fix our kids without successfully empathizing first. I also share how the roots of that mistake come from a very well intended place of trying to be a good parent. I think you might relate to it. Topics covered: Empathy The skill of active listening. To learn more about this skill https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html "Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust”. https://participedia.net/en/methods/empathetic-listening Conscious Discipline https://consciousdiscipline.com/     Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

As parents, we frequently find ourselves in a gap between the parent we want to be and the one we currently are when our kids are pushing our buttons. This is usually when we either yell (fight) or check out (flight). That’s right, we go into basic survival mode and many families find themselves living in a state of survival which often looks and feels a lot like everyone walking on eggshells. This is the opposite of what we want the vibe to be in our household. The Parent Gap is the name of my book and you can grab your copy here: www.mastermindparenting.com/book Closing the parent gap involves mastering your mind and retraining the old programs that show up every time you get triggered and lose your cool. I tell a story about a client in this episode that was dealing with her strong willed child who also happened to be addicted to playing on Mom’s phone. I know many of us can relate to this scenario in this day and age. I discuss why her approach wasn’t working and what to do instead. Here’s the clip from Willy Wonka that I referenced when describing her approach https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9ZD3_ppcPE Creating a cohesive team rather than living in a home that feels divisive and combative is obviously the goal for us as parents. This episode will break down a real life scenario and describe how to get there without bribes, threats or punishments. Changing the conversations in your home refers to  a tangible communication model using consistency, empathy and conversations that are actually productive rather than the old school lectures that fall on deaf ears.   Topics covered: Technology addiction Why shifting from lectures The Parent Gap theory & book Limit setting Script to use with raging kid      Get my book! Hear about my family history and the tools that have helped me replace old parenting patterns that simply don’t work with these puzzling kiddos. It's my way of paying it forward as a human that wants our kids to experience a kinder and more generous world. Head over here to get your copy >> https://mastermindparenting.com/book Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!   Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe from the podcast app on your mobile device.   Leave us an iTunes review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.