The Art of Charm

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating if you’ve never successfully set them before, so why are they so important when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships? Why does a lack of boundaries often lead to undesirable outcomes? What formula can you follow to start setting boundaries today? We’ll answer all those questions this episode.What to Listen For What is causing most of the problems in your communication and how can you become more aware of them? Why is it important to set boundaries early on and how do you set boundaries respectfully? How can you be more proactive in dealing with conflict? Who is more likely to win in arguments and why does it not matter in the way you might think it does? What is the best way to approach someone who refuses to acknowledge clearly defined boundaries? Why does a lack of boundaries lead to resentment? How does too much freedom in a relationship lead to you feeling miserable? Why is it important to have clearly defined boundaries between home and work if you don’t have a dedicated work space and how can a lack of boundaries be detrimental to your productivity and your personal relationships? How can you be assertive without coming across as disrespectful? What formula can you follow to establish clear boundaries in your relationships and how can you make it a respectful cooperative effort? Setting boundaries in a relationship can feel like you are telling someone how to act - but in reality, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries allows you to be comfortable being yourself while communicating who you are and who you want to be to the people you care about. We all have different definitions of what it means to treat someone well and respect their time, so if you don’t communicate YOUR definition of what that is, don’t assume people can read it directly from your mind.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.Resources from this EpisodeEpisode 767: How to master communication in a relationshipEpisode 725: Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael VenturaCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Relationships are a two-way street, but when it comes to communication it’s important to understand people have a variety of preferences when it comes to how love and affection are given and received, so what are those preferences, how can you identify what someone’s preferences are, and how can you implement all of this information to build new relationships and strengthen existing ones?What to Listen For What can you do to strengthen the relationships in your life? What can you do if you think you’re a great listener but people around you keep complaining about you not listening? Why is it a recipe for disaster to look for someone to complete you and what should you be looking for instead? What are the Five Languages of Appreciation and how can you pick the best one for each of your relationships? What are the three parts of communication and how does your awareness of each part help to mitigate miscommunication? How do you identify the love languages of family, friends, and coworkers? Why are openness and vulnerability mandatory when it comes to figuring out the love languages of the people in your life? What little signals can you pay attention to so you can get an idea for how your loved ones communicate? In order to deepen the connections we have with the people around us, it’s important to understand how the people around us prefer to be treated. Just because you view the giving and receiving of affection one way, doesn’t mean everyone else does as well. Some people prefer to show their appreciation through words, some prefer to show it through gifts, and some prefer the spending of quality time together - and that’s just to name a few.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.Lumen5 is empowering everyone with the ability to create short-form videos in a matter of minutes. You can transform an article, blog post, or text message into a video. Enter your text and the Lumen5 A.I. will help you summarize your content, and automatically match it with videos and photos. Right now Lumen Five has a special offer just for you! Go to lumen5.com/charm and you’ll get 50 percent off your first month.Resources from this EpisodeEpisode 719 Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a RelationshipThe Five Love Languages by Gary ChapmanThe 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary ChapmanThe 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary ChapmanLearn Your Love Language with this QuizCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Personal transformation is a long and arduous process, but we all have to start somewhere, so how do you know when it’s time to make such a drastic change, what can you do to stop from feeling overwhelmed in the beginning, and how do you know when it’s time to graduate from one step to the next?What to Listen For Why is making a list important in accomplishing your goals? What can you do to deal with the fear of public speaking? What simple exercises can you do right now to expand your comfort zone? How did Michael Herold get his start as a public speaker and coach? What steps should you take when starting out as a public speaker to make sure you feel ready on stage? Where can you get practice as a public speaker if you don’t have a coach and you’re not taking classes? How can you be more appreciative of your significant other after you two settle into the comfort stage of the relationship? How important is it to set aside time for one another when you’re in a relationship? What steps can you take to alleviate feeling overwhelmed when you embark on a journey of self-improvement? How are confidence and competence related when you’re working on your social skills? If your social skills feel rusty, what simple step can you take today to start improving? What can you do to overcome feeling burned out? For many, embarking on a journey of personal transformation comes after life punches you in the face - that could mean getting fired from a job, getting kicked out of school, going through the end of a relationship, or losing a loved one, just to name a few.But why does it take such a jarring event to motivate us to improve?Because transformation is difficult and painful, so to be willing to make a drastic change in yourself means the pain of staying the same must outweigh the pain of change. If you don’t feel the pain of your current situation, then what are the chances you’re going to choose to endure significant pain over a long period of time to change the situation you’re in?A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Manscaped is #1 in men’s below the belt grooming. Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for manscaping with the right tool for the job. Get 20% Off, Free Shipping, and a free travel bag with the discount code CHARM at Manscaped.com. Your balls will thank you!Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.Resources from this EpisodeMichael Herold - Speaker and CoachMichael Herold on Facebook762: 3 Signs That it’s Time for Change | Transformation Toolbox 1763: Had Enough Pain, Yet? | Toolbox 2764: Brett Bartholomew on why drive matters more than motivation and secrets to peak performance765: Parents, Part 2: Warren Farrell on The Boy Crisis and Dad DeprivationCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The role of the father in raising children is often downplayed in society, but what do fathers bring to the table that mothers do not, why does the absence of a father have such long-lasting effects, and what steps can we take today to be there for our children?What to Listen For What is dad deprivation and what role does it play as a child is growing up? What is the purpose void and why is it more important now that more children are growing up without a father? What are the two primary purposes in a man’s life and how has the development of society made it more difficult for men to feel fulfilled in either one? How does porn become addictive to young men and how does it shift the way men view women, sex, and relationships? What are the primary differences between mom-style parenting and dad-style parenting? What is the single biggest predictor of success and how do you teach it to children? How do you teach postponement of gratification to children and why is it so important to building the life you want? What is the difference between being aggressive and being assertive? What can you do to reverse ADHD? What role do family dinner nights have in a child’s development and what 5 things can you do to make those family dinners constructive rather than destructive? What steps can we take today to improve as parents? The father in many shows and movies seems to be there just for comic relief by being a hardass or totally incompetent while the mother is portrayed as “the real parent.” But the father’s role in raising kids is significantly more important than we tend to give it credit for.As Warren Farrell stated, “Children who have father involvement are far less likely to be obese, far less likely to have ADHD, far less likely to do worse in every single academic area, and far less likely to be depressed or commit suicide.”And those are just a few of the effects that a good father has on his kids.It’s crucial there be a balance of masculine and feminine influence in a child’s life in order for that child to grow into a well-rounded human being able to handle the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. It is the tension created by the difference between the parents that allows their children to find a happy medium that works for who they are.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!Resources from this EpisodeWarren Farrell’s websiteWhy Men Are the Way They Are by Warren FarrellThe Myth of Male Power by Warren FarrellThe Boy Crisis by Warren FarrellCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Coaching athletes, or anyone for that matter, does not come with a simple one-size-fits-all approach, so what does effective coaching look like, what do you need to know about those you’re coaching, and who do coaches get coached by?What to Listen For How did Brett Bartholomew get started in the world of strength training and coaching? How do you get buy-in with athletes you’re coaching to make sure they follow your program without getting distracted by all the other information they’re bombarded with? What do you need to know about your athletes in order to best coach them and how do you tie it in with a responsible message? What is the Harvard 4 Drive Model and how can you start using it today to teach or coach more effectively? What 3 steps can you use to better relate to other people and build better relationships with coworkers, students, and athletes? How do you develop self-awareness and what should you look for in your own life to start with? What are the 3 stages of internal identification and how does it relate to the development of self-awareness? What is imposter syndrome and how do you deal with it so you don’t sabotage your career or relationships? What kind of coaches do coaches get coached by? What is the difference between being responsive and being reactive? How can you be more responsive without being reactive? How do you find your own motivation and help others find theirs? How do you stay motivated as a coach? There are a variety of factors that influence your ability to coach someone effectively. First and foremost, your athlete (or student) must trust and respect you, otherwise, she won’t believe you know what you’re doing. So you must build a working relationship with your athletes, and that means understanding their self-awareness levels, working together to identify their strengths and weaknesses, what drives them and what their ambitions are, and getting a feel for how each one learns best.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.Resources from this EpisodeThe Art of Coaching with Brett BartholomewHarvard 4-Drive Model - Harvard Business ReviewCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all know change can be hard, so embarking on a journey of self-development and transformation means there will be pain involved - but is it possible to endure pain without also suffering? Why is it important to have a larger overarching goal throughout your journey, and what actionable steps can you take today to reduce the time and energy it might take to reach your transformation goals?What to Listen For Why is pain an unavoidable part of personal transformation, and what is the best way to approach such pain? What is the difference between pain and suffering? How do you figure out your values and why are they important when it comes to pursuing a fulfilling life? Why is it important to have a larger overarching goal on your journey toward self-actualization? Why is a reactive mindset counterproductive to happiness and fulfillment in life, and what steps can you take to turn your reactive mindset into a proactive one? What one question can you ask yourself to take back power and control over your life? How do you find meaning in terrible situations so you can thrive? What signs can you be on the lookout for to identify if you are struggling with resistance on your path to transformation? What 3 questions should you ask yourself in order to put your transformation goals into achievable steps? When you work out or train for an event, it’s important to push your body to its limits at various times so those limits can grow and you can improve as an athlete. You know when you are approaching those limits because of the pain you feel in your muscles, but if you stop when your muscles start to burn, you will not achieve the same results as someone who pushes through the pain to run the extra mile or get one more rep in.When confronting resistance or pain on your journey to self-actualization, you can choose to suffer in response, or you can recognize the value of the pain and push through it.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.Resources from this EpisodeEpisode 762: 3 Signs That it’s Time for ChangeImplementation Intentions: Strong Effects of Simple PlansHow to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale CarnegieThink and Grow Rich by Napoleon HillEpisode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness | w/ Russ HarrisEpisode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit | w/ Steven HayesCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transformation can be accidental or intentional, but if you are going to change and grow as a person, wouldn’t you want to have a say in how you grow and who you become?What to Listen For Why are only the courageous drawn to self-development? How do you turn envy into a motivator rather than trying to hide it or eliminate it? What question can you ask yourself to make feelings of envy work for you? What is experiential avoidance and how is it correlated with low levels of life satisfaction? What are “doomers” and “bloomers” and how do doomers become bloomers? What should be your next move if you reach a point in your life and realize you haven’t accomplished anything? Why might procrastination be doing more damage to your future than you think, and what can you do about it? If you want to change your future, where is the best place to start and why might it not be the place you think? What is the difference between living life on the offense and living life on the defense, and why does one of the two make it far more difficult to achieve your goals? How does the pursuit of self-actualization lead to a snowball effect? What is the 5-5-5 technique and how can it prevent you from falling into a powerless state of mind? Self-development is only for the courageous. You must have the courage to face yourself and be honest about who you are and what you want. You must have the courage to identify your weaknesses and ask for help so you know where to start and what to work on. You must have the courage to live life on the offense so you can take intentional steps every single day toward who you want to become, even if it means falling and getting back on the horse.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.Get $100 off the ‘eero base unit and 2 beacons package,’ and 1 year of eero Plus. The new eero (2nd generation) and eero Beacon allow a customer to build a WiFi system that’s more perfectly tailored to their home than ever before! Visit eero.com/charm and at checkout enter discount code CHARMSun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.Resources from this EpisodeThus Spoke ZarathustraProcrastination and the priority of short-term mood regulationEpisode 718 with Chris “Drama” Pfaff - Overcoming Social Anxiety in Your CareerPower affects performance when the pressure is on: evidence for low-power threat and high-power liftCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where do you even begin if you want to get better at meeting people? Improving your communication skills is an excellent place to start. Communication is important in relationships, and even more important when dating. We’ll dig into best practices, tips and strategies for dating and meeting new people with Dr Laura Berman.What to Listen For What drew Dr. Laura Berman to relationship and sex therapy? What is the current state of sex ed in schools and why is it so inadequate? How does porn affect the way you get aroused and why is it doing more harm than good? What is the fundamental problem with the paradox of choice when it comes to dating and dating apps? Why is it so important to think about how you want someone to make you feel and how does clarifying that make dating easier? Can you use DNA to find your perfect match? What is the best way for you to approach dating in the #MeToo era? How quickly should you move from dating app to meeting and why is it risky to draw it out? Where can you practice conversational skills in low-risk areas and what happens if you don’t practice these skills? How should you go into dating as a parent and why is it so different? If you are dating as a parent, when is the best time to bring up that you have a child? What can I do if my mind goes blank every time I try to talk to someone I’m interested in? How do you keep the intimacy going in a long term relationship? What is the biggest behavioral predictor of sexual health in a relationship? What is the “want” underlying the desire to “spice it up” in the bedroom? What do you do if you realize your partner is no longer attracted to you? How do you rewrite your story so you can break out of dating the same type of people? Remember: A big part of having good communication is being honest with yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you know what you like and don’t like, you know what you’re good at and what you’re not. That automatically filters out potential dates or relationships that come racing in from your dating app. And if you are honest with other people about who you are and what you want, it makes it easier for them to decide whether or not they want to keep spending time together.Being honest with yourself and with other people saves you headaches, confusion, and time - and time is the most valuable thing we have as human beings. A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Vistaprint wants you to be able to “Own the Now” in any situation, which is why our listeners will get 500 high-quality, custom business cards starting at $9.99. Use discount code CHARM at Vistaprint.com.SAXX Underwear’s patented BallPark Pouch is a game-changer! They have internal mesh panels that keep everything in place, and they're made with super-soft, moisture-wicking fabrics, allowing our boys to breathe and even repel B.O.! Go to SAXX Underwear at SAXXunderwear.com and use the discount code CHARM at checkout to get $5 off – PLUS free shipping on your first purchase!Manscaped is #1 in men’s below the belt grooming. Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for manscaping with the right tool for the job. Get 20% Off, Free Shipping, and a free travel bag with the discount code CHARM at Manscaped.com. Your balls will thank you!Resources from this EpisodeDr Laura BermanQuantum Love by Dr Laura BermanDr Laura Berman on FacebookDr Laura Berman on TwitterDr Laura Berman on InstagramDr Laura Berman on YouTubeUncovered Podcast with Dr Laura BermanCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This month and next, we decided to dedicate two episodes to parents and the valuable role parenting plays in our development as social beings.On this episode, AJ and Johnny speak with Dr. Alexandra Sacks, about Matrescence - the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. You might be thinking, "well we call that pregnancy," but matrescence is broader than just the changes a mother goes through during pregnancy.Just as teenagers go through hormonal change and a reshaping of identity, matrescence operates in a similar fashion. Understanding and preparing for this life chapter can bring a more rich and meaningful experience to parenthood.Dr. Sacks is a reproductive psychiatrist at Columbia University Medical Center and Host of a new podcast called, Motherhood Sessions.gimletmedia.com/shows/motherhood-sessionsAccess a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating can seem like a torturous uphill battle for many men and women, but it doesn’t have to be - understanding how and why we are attracted to one another can have a significant positive impact on your ability to find happiness in your love life, but how do you take the science behind attraction and use it to make dating fun and engaging? What is signaling theory? What are fitness indicators and why are they so important to understand in the dating scenario? What scientifically is shown to make you more attractive in terms of signaling? How much of our behavior is guided by natural selection and what does the answer imply about humanity? When you want to dance in a social setting, what is more important than being able to dance well? What are many people doing wrong when it comes to their profiles on dating apps? What should you include in your dating app profile? Should you get professional photos done to use on dating apps? Why are we entering a new era of dating and what can you do to ensure you’re able to adapt? Why is working out a crucial foundation to start with when it comes to working on yourself from a self-development perspective? What is a tender defender and why should you aspire to it? What does it mean to stay true to yourself and how might you be interpreting it in a way that sabotages your behavior? As a parent, how do you create an environment for your child to develop grit, success, and resilience when they reach the dating age? Remember that you are alive today because every one of your ancestors was able to find a partner and start a family. You have the genetics to find the relationship you want, but it will likely take work to find it. Not only is it important for you to want to work on yourself for the sake of striving to be the best version of yourself, but it’s also important for potential partners to see that in you, so they know you are open to new ideas and experiences as well as always wanting to work on being the best partner.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Hiring used to be hard. Multiple job sites, stacks of resumes, a confusing review process. But today, hiring can be easy and you only have to go to one place to get it done: ziprecruiter.com/charm. ZipRecruiter is so effective that 4 out of 5 of employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate through the site within the first day.Access a World of Knowledge! Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm.Proper Cloth makes it EASY for men to buy dress shirts that fit perfectly without setting foot in a store or paying a fortune. Get $20 off your first custom shirt by going to propercloth.com/aoc.Babbel is the new way to learn a foreign language. You can try Babbel for free. Download the app or text discount code CHARM to 484848. Resources from this EpisodeThe Mating Mind by Geoffrey MillerGeoffrey Miller’s websiteCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices