Mutual Understanding

A lively chat about using clicker and positive reinforcement ideas from animal training to shape toddler behavior. They compare shaping, behavioral momentum, and ping-ponging easy and hard asks to build cooperation. Topics include paying kids for chores, using contrived incentives for new experiences, tiny habits for adults, and when bridging efforts should respectfully stop.

Apologies for taking forever to edit this podcast we recorded or Feb 7. We talked about the Iran situation some which was all before the US attacked, but there was some other stuff too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

Relatively rambling as usual, especially the second half I think. I hope some of you enjoy it!Some links:* Kave on X* Kave’s blog (with his excellent Inkhaven posts)* some tweets of mine about being stuck in puzzles* Justin Wack and the Big Time Hack* Scott Whiskers* Mutropolis* Golden Idol games This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

Join Montessori educator Matt Bateman, founder of Montessorium, and author Aaron Stupple, a non-coercive parenting advocate, as they dive into the complexities of freedom in parenting. They discuss treating children as moral agents and the philosophical roots of autonomy. Aaron challenges traditional parenting questions, while Matt emphasizes ‘freedom within limits’ like routines and school. They debate the role of persuasion and authentic reasons behind behavior. Their engaging conversation balances practical approaches with the importance of respecting children's autonomy.

A bunch of this was me trying to understanding Shea’s metaphysics of value and also where he sees property rights as coming from. It may have been more repetitive than usual, since I kept asking him to explain stuff again, but it was helpful for me at least!We reference this series of blog posts about proposed reforms to zoning laws. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

Shea started out talking about recognizing thought processes as value-laden, and then we got into ~psych debugging a way I think some of my thought processes haven’t been respecting what I think are the correct internal property rights. Shea updated somewhat about what I mean when I’m saying things in an IFS framing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

Some things we mentioned include:* A Positive Account of Property Rights* the original instructions for we-ness* someone's write-up of the we-ship experiment that Malcolm ran (the one where we did the "goodbye for now, Malcolm")Malcolm also posted the same conversation but with video to his YouTube channel if you want that!I’ve included some automatically generated chapter timestamps in case that’s useful.Chapters00:00 Exploring Internal Family Systems and WeSpace03:01 Collective Selfness and Group Dynamics06:00 The We-Ship Experiment: Collective Consciousness08:59 Navigating Individuality within Collectivity11:58 Fractal Nature of Selfness in Groups15:02 Understanding Self-Energy in Group Contexts17:55 Projection and Responsibility in Group Dynamics20:49 Defining Boundaries: What is Us and What is Not Us?27:00 Navigating Relevance in Conversations29:55 The Dynamics of Group Triggers32:57 Exploring Collective Self and Shame36:12 Understanding Boundaries and Ownership39:00 Moral Layers in Property and Boundaries41:54 The Complexity of Group Dynamics44:58 Fairness and Communication Styles55:58 Earning Attention and Communication Dynamics57:03 Navigating Group Dynamics and Proactive Engagement59:00 Establishing Boundaries in Communication59:51 Finding Solutions in Parenting and Communication01:00:55 The Importance of Shared Information in Conversations01:03:05 Addressing Safety and Container Dynamics01:03:59 Self-Sustaining Dynamics in Group Settings01:05:55 The Role of Leadership in Group Containers01:07:54 Exploring Collective Self and Attunement01:10:01 Unpacking Self and Group Dynamics01:11:57 Ego Awareness and Self-Modeling in Conversations This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

I probably should have split this up into two episodes, but instead it’s all together. The first part of the conversation is basically about how Shea thinks military conflicts should work in the modern world, with the recent Israel and Iran war as a jumping off point.We talked about The West Wing speech about a proportional response.I tried to summarize what I thought Shea was saying about his theory of conflict, and how it analogized to interpersonal conflicts between individuals.And then, at 1hr 28min in, we switched topics and talked some about how both of us have big families as atheists, which is pretty uncommon. I have plans to make a mini series of podcast episodes with various atheists who have large families, so this is sort of the first episode of that. (But I expect me and Shea to revisit the topic later too.) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

I had a fun time catching up with my former cohost!Some links we mentioned:* Ben's website* Ben’s substack* Good Strategy Bad Strategy* my blog This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com

We talked about the scarfgate and it turned into a whole thing about how discussions of ethics should work. We didn’t even really get to the part about “high agency”! We did get to analyzing how I pirated music when I was in college. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mutualunderstanding.substack.com