Art Creativity & Wellbeing

Greetings! In today's conversation my guest, Jessica Lahey, and I discuss some big and weighty issues… This would be a good episode to listen to away from sensitive ears or wearing headphones. (It's an awesome episode, just awesome for us grown-ups : ) I feel an immense sense of gratitude to Jess for coming back on the show (she is a returning champion! Click this link to listen to our first conversation: https://weturnedoutokay.com/054.) Jess is the author of the new book The Addiction Inoculation (which you can order by clicking here! Squee!) Her ideas on educating kids, fostering a sense of trust while keeping children accountable to themselves, and her fearless examination of her own journey with substance abuse are what my gratitude is based in. But Jess brings so much more to our conversation. She's funny, not afraid to laugh at herself, and super supportive of her audience, her family, and fellow writers. Talking with Jess is a learning opportunity about: – What gaslighting is and how it hurts children – How we can protect our kids against addiction – How we can develop the most important habits (spoiler: it's through play and gamifying) ALSO! It's the first in our new segment, Triumphs & Misdemeanors, where we get to hear your voices and either celebrate how you have knocked it out of the park – or commune with you if you share an epic fail… Listen after my conversation with Jess to hear today's Triumph, and so you can write down the phone number and contribute your own Triumph, or Misdemeanor! Click weturnedoutokay.com/359 to view this conversation in video, and for the bazillion links too! Key Links Click here for Jess's new book, The Addiction Inoculation – you are going to love it! Celebrate my birthday with me on Monday evening April 19! I'm hosting a Wisdom/Insight Party, the chance to be in community together, learn from each other and support each other after more than a year in the pandemic. It's completely free with no strings attached. Just come and enjoy! Invitations are going out to those of you signed up for my free newsletter, so click this link to sign up: https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Click this link for the masterclass I'm teaching, "What's the pandemic doing to my child?"… https://weturnedoutokay.com/pandemicclass Click here for Jess's blog post, "Something Had to Give," about the alcohol addiction she confronted as she started writing her NYT bestseller, The Gift of Failure Click here for the book Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker Click this link for my conversation with Ingrid Ali and Hamilton Graziano, the biracial couple Ben and I struck up a friendship with while we were on our second honeymoon, and they were on their first: https://weturnedoutokay.com/176 Click here for the Being Black at School organization begin by Kelly Wickham Hearst To help black children not feel gaslit Click here for the show Hot Ones with Sean Evans Click here for Shane Lopez's book, Making Hope Happen Click here for the documentary Follow Through, about a student of Jess's Click here for On Being 40 (ish) , and anthology which includes a piece from Jess Click here for the #AmWriting episode where Jess and cohost KJ brought me onto their show! Click here for OkayCon 2020, the Free virtual Summit, where I brought you 10 great conversations about getting through the pandemic (recorded in March and April 2020). Get my first book FREE… It's called Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, and parents find it extremely helpful in getting good behavior from their kids! Click this link: https://weturnedoutokay.com/pdnt Thank you so much for listening today! You rock! __________________________________________ This episode is located on the web at: https://weturnedoutokay.com/358 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Greetings! Today I get to share a powerful conversation with Chloee, my one to one coaching client. Chloee has a toddler and the challenges she faces in caring for her daughter are likely concerns that you also have, regardless of the age of your children. Here's what you'll learn by listening: – How to address the challenges that Covid brings – How to make a crucial choice, one that we all must make every day – How to deal with temper tantrums, especially when we must say "no" to our kids I encourage you to be coached while you listen. By that I mean: when I ask Chloee a question, hit pause. Consider the question for yourself and your situation. Even, write down your responses. (And if you want to experience the power of coaching with me, I am opening up some spaces for a few completely free, no-strings-attached, deep and magical coaching conversations! If you'd like one of them to be yours, write me, karen (at) weturnedoutokay (dot) com !) I'm excited to listen back to this one with my Mom Hat on, because I'm sure I'll learn so much from this talk with Chloee about how to handle the concerns she raises with my own kids (who are 16 and 20!) This is a digest episode, which means that you should stay tuned after my conversation with Chloee! Listen for: – How to handle information overload – A new program I'm offering, "What's the pandemic doing to my child?" – An update – including the phone number! – for our new podcast segment, Triumphs and Misdemeanors (this segment starts in our next episode! Squee!) What's the Pandemic Doing to My Child? – A new program I'm offering you might be interested in… Working with private clients over these last several months, I’ve heard again and again of worries about what the pandemic is doing to children. As a child development expert, not only do I know the answer to that; I know what to do about it. Beginning in May 2021 I will offer a five-week program covering: – The toll that long-term confinement and sequestration from others can cause – Strategies to handle this long-term confinement and limit the negative impacts – Creating a home environment that supports the social and emotional development your child needs – Dealing with reentry including handling anxiety, bullies, and other social concerns All along we’ll be diving into your specific questions and issues. To make absolutely sure that you have a plan going forward we’ll spend our last class time together in a Q&A, so you can have all your concerns addressed and questions answered. We will even have an accelerator call – an extra session to spend together – before the program begins in May so I can be sure I’m addressing your concerns and giving you all the support I can. If that sounds good to you, I’m offering a special earlybird price… Sign up for my FREE weekly newsletter to be notified of this and other programs I offer: Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Cheers! And thanks for listening!! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Greetings! In today's episode we examine the process of getting what our heart longs for, in a coaching conversation with one of my 1-to-1 coaching clients! As you'll hear, Regan is a mom and an attorney, currently (along with her husband) working from home while their children are home as well, in in virtual/hybrid school. Regan gets courageous and vulnerable with us today. She shares the dream of her heart for her kids… and what she's doing each and every day to help make that dream come true. In our conversation you'll learn: – How to get your heart's desire – The importance of big dreams and tiny action steps – Making both your superpower AND the dark side of that superpower work for you in achieving your dreams Lately I've been asking coaching clients "what makes my coaching magical?" (You'll hear Regan and I talk about this in this episode.) The answers I'm getting back are fascinating – it turns out that something I'm really good at is helping parents stop treading the conventional path and do what works for THEM, and their family. We all have dreams. What are you doing to make yours reality? If you're ready to go on the adventure of your life with me as your guide, write me, and let's talk! Plus… This is a digest episode, so in addition to our conversation I'm bringing you a story that I recently sent to the folks in my free email newsgroup! Click this link to get weekly letters like this delivered right to your inbox: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly I share about the "Parents Working from Home" free virtual summit that I'm honored to be included in (happening this coming Saturday 2/27, 10 AM to 1 PM EST). And, I give you an update on a new segment of this podcast: it's called Triumphs and Misdemeanors, and I hope you will be a part of it! Join us! Key Links: Click here for psychologist – and friend-of-the-podcast – Shannon Connery's recent episode of her Fix Yourself podcast, in which she talks about energy level and a way to think of it that's been really helpful for me recently. Maybe it will be helpful for you, too! Click here for the weekly planner that Regan and I discuss in this episode. The planner was once exclusively for people in my Ninja Parenting Community, but I am sharing it here with you today in hopes that it will help you to see your entire week in one half sheet piece of printer paper. Enjoy! Click here to sign up for the free Parenting While Working from Home Virtual Summit taking place Saturday February 27 from 10 AM to 1 PM EST. (Also I'll be stopping by the Facebook group associated with the Virtual Summit between noon and 1 PM EST. Maybe I'll see you there!) Click here to read the story that I share today in the latter part of this episode, called "What my Italian relatives know about the off-season." (This is also where you can see the picture I mention in today's episode, me in Venice in 1992, wearing *quite* a sweater : ) Click the following link to view the show notes from today's episode on my website: weturnedoutokay.com/357 _________________________________________________ Get my best advice for handling the challenges that come up on your parenting journey, through the We Turned Out Okay podcast: Listen in your favorite podcatcher! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Due to the content of our conversation, today's episode is going to be a good one to listen AWAY from sensitive ears… I think you're going to love today's conversation, I know I did! But some topics may be a little intense for, well, littles. Greetings! I am super excited to bring today's guest to you, educator and parent coach Sarah Scheldt, M.Ed.! In today's conversation I'll introduce you to Sarah, so you can come to know her and the incredibly helpful, giving person she is. Today Sarah discusses: - How to handle your kids' toughest days and biggest feelings - How to take care of yourself in the midst of everything going on in your life - Handling when we do push ourselves too far Early on in the pandemic Sarah wanted to reach parents outside of her classroom of kids. So she created an amazing free Virtual Summit on "empowering kids." I felt so honored to be included in the expert speakers for that summit! Sarah's second free online series, Kids' Healthy Bodies, starts on February 15! (Yay! Click here to sign up!) In our conversation today Sarah shares on how this upcoming free Virtual Summit will help you get a handle on talking to kids about potentially tough topics like their own bodies, sex, consent, and stopping child sexual abuse. I'm honored to be a part of this series as well, talking about what to do if you have been the victim of sexual abuse… and you are now raising kids. There will be experts on all kinds of topics around children and their healthy bodies, so be sure to sign up! I know you're going to love today's conversation… If you'd like to see us visually, in addition to listening, you can find the video for this conversation by clicking https://weturnedoutokay.com/356 I hope you find our talk super helpful! Cheers! Karen Links from today's conversation: Click here to sign up for Sarah Scheldt's upcoming Free Virtual Summit on Kids' Healthy Bodies – I'm one of the expert speakers, so I know how awesome this series is going to be. Click here for the Yo-Yo Ma documentary, Distant Echoes, on the time that Ma spent with the Bush People of the Kalahari Desert, learning how they make music – and meaning. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Greetings! Today I've got five ways that parents I work closely with are keeping going… Because even though we can see some hope on the horizon, circumstances on the ground are, shall we say, not ideal. So if you need a little help getting good behavior from your kids, feeling seen and heard and cared for in your life, or feeling happy inside, here are five ways you may not have considered yet to accomplish those tasks.… Plus the Parenting News Segment returns today, with reports on how to not use social-emotional learning for evil, and also something called "toxic positivity." Join us! Here are the links that come up today: This episode's home-on-the-web is weturnedoutokay.com/355 In the first few minutes of today's show I share (a little bit) about my experience of being sexually abused when I was seven years old. This comes up in my first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, in the chapter called How to Help if Something's Wrong; you can buy the book by clicking here I share about being hospitalized with diverticulitis last fall in episode 349: Kindergarten Evals, Parent-Teacher-Conferences, and Lessons I learned from being hospitalized last week, weturnedoutokay.com/349 Beloved Ninja Parenting Community alum Jen came on the show in summer 2019 to talk about how she got control over the direction her family is going: weturnedoutokay.com/288 In episode 300 of We Turned Out Okay, two amazing and close friends of mine, licensed mental health counselor Janine Halloran and veteran preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso came on the show, and unbeknownst to each other (or me) they both brought the same topic: Social Emotional Learning… Weturnedoutokay.com/300 Speaking of Janine Halloran, she's going to be an expert speaker in the Parenting in Place Masterclass Series this winter! Register for this awesome series by going to parentinginplacemasterclass.com Today I share that I am planning a new segment of the show… that it's going to include input from our wonderful listeners… and the first people who will know about it are those who get my free weekly newsletters! Find out what's up by subscribing for these newsletters yourself: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly If you want to start getting my free weekly newsletters AND you've got reluctant or unhappy readers at home, sign up for my free Guide to Creating Happy Readers at weturnedoutokay.com/readers Thank you for listening and reading! You rock! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Greetings and best wishes for 2021!! This is my annual goals and sharing of the Word of the Year. (Last year's: ENOUGH. I apparently was really prescient in January 2020... This year's: EXHILARATED. Should be fun!) As with everything in the pandemic, it's different from other New Year's episodes that have come before. But I hope it's helpful for you as you create a good life, and a good year, for your family and yourself. Some of my goals last year I completely, epically failed at bringing about. Some of them I did a little bit better with. One of the most important things I learned was to make a goal be "a place to come from," rather than something to work towards. Seriously, this has been a huge game-changer for me. I share about that process and give you ideas for trying it out yourself today. Finally I read you one of my most recent newsletters, "Hello 2021! Please be kind to us." You can get these newsletters delivered for free right into your inbox just by signing up for one of my free guides available at weturnedoutokay.com… Or go to weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Key Links: Click weturnedoutokay.com/312 for last year, January 2020's Goals and One Word episode. Listening back I was such a pre-pandemic naïve little baby then! I've grown a lot in 2020. I bet you have too. Ultimately this is a good thing, I think. We are such badasses now! Click here for a book I am loving, 100 Truths You Will Learn Too Late by Luca Dellanna Click weturnedoutokay.com/books to see the parenting books I have written Click here for my most recent newsletter, "Hello 2021! Please be kind to us." Click weturnedoutokay.com/354 to watch the video of today's episode. Cheers! I hope 2021 is REALLY kind to you This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Hi friends! This is a bonus episode that I recorded to help you in the wake of January 6, 2021's storming of the United States Capitol Building by domestic terrorists, or (as you'll hear in today's episode) people that featured WTOO guest and NYT best-selling author Joshilyn Jackson calls "known jackasses." I want to give you some resources to help you remain calm – because that is what your kiddo needs from you today. I am more grateful than I can say that you are listening, I can almost feel us holding hands and standing together today… I will have links posted (at weturnedoutokay.com/353-5) ASAP, but for now I just want you to be able to hear my words and know that you can remain calm, for your child and for yourself. No matter what is going on in your world, or in the wider world. And I am here with you. xoxo, Karen This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Greetings! I've got a whole slew of awesome questions for you today (you can read the questions in their entirety just below : ) Here are the Key Links that come up in today's episode, located at weturnedoutokay.com/353 You should go to that link above if you would like to see the video of this episode (instead of just listening in audio)… Cheers and thanks for listening! Karen Links that come up today: My free guide to raising happy readers: weturnedoutokay.com/readers If you'd like to get useful tools and parenting ideas in your inbox each week, without the guide to happy readers: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Click here for one of the many wonderful Elephant and Piggy books by Mo Willems Click here for a book that your family might enjoy with new readers, You Read to Me, I'll Read to You How NOT to teach your child to ride a bike: https://weturnedoutokay.com/092-how-to-teach-your-young-child-to-ride-a-bike/ Click the following link for one of the very early episodes I did, about how kids develop grit: https://weturnedoutokay.com/002/ Click the following link for my conversation with Amy Anderson, about how to know if your young child is consenting: https://weturnedoutokay.com/066 Click the following link for my conversation with Carey Andersen, sharing her story of her child's nonconsent to a bad kindergarten situation and what they did about it: https://weturnedoutokay.com/045 Click the following link for my conversation with Debbie Reber of the TiLT Parenting Podcast: https://weturnedoutokay.com/350 Okay, just below are the questions! Thanks for reading and listening! Cheers! Tish: What do I say to my 6 year old who can't seem to keep his hands out of his pants? How do I win when trying to get 2 6 year old(s) to practice reading and not lose my mind?  It's a nightmare everyday. I've tried to bribe, threaten, prayed loudly, and I can't seem to find anything that works. It's not as bad when they are out of school and we can do it in the mornings but the evenings are a nightmare every. single. day.  Not doing it is not an option.  We'll be further behind than we are now. Whether we think this is "right" or not doesn't mean they will change their policy.  We are on Book 4 out of 12 we have to read to go the 2nd grade.   Surviving... because this too will pass.     Anonymous: We are in the midst of struggling mightily on [my five-year-old’s] second med trial for ADHD. This one is not making any difference at school except he’s even more talkative and then he’s having a huge emotional crash and sobbing meltdowns in the evenings. Working with the doctor to figure out a new plan this week! Other than that just powering through end of year work chaos. Trying to stay positive as I hear this is so common to have to try a few meds but it’s hard! So we are in survival mode but going to make the most of the holidays! [Karen:] FYI I have discovered some biases in myself, and as a result I'm going to do some more research into this whole issue – meds, ADD, ADHD, coping mechanisms both for kids and parents. This deserves at least an episode, and possibly a series. Stay tuned   Jen: My daughter, age 8 already, wants to ride a bicycle again. She had a typical bike fall a year ago (a scrape on the knee, just a run of the mill slow-speed fall that comes from learning how to balance) and has been avoiding the bike ever since. Typical for her high anxiety. She tells me she's afraid of falling again and she wants to ride on the school running track, which we did one time when she was 5, before we knew it wasn't allowed. She is also concerned that the training wheels send an unpleasant rumble into her body when she rides on asphalt. Uneven pavement or rocks or sticks make her afraid of falling. My concerns are the school rule, and driving 15 minutes or less. Our rural home has no paved areas at all, and so any riding involves packing up the car and driving to a safe place. But every time we talk about biking, and try to work out where we might go, she gets frustrated that nothing meets her criteria. We simply can't use the running track. She understands that intellectually, and she isn't asking me to break the rule. She's hoping, I guess, that I have some amazing cushiony place where she can fall without risk of hurting herself. Since I don't, she gets frustrated and cries that she'll never be able to ride a bike. She wants to get good enough to remove the training wheels, because she sees her 6yo sister without training wheels having a ball, and she doesn't want the unpleasant rumble that comes with leaning onto the training wheels. I'm at a loss here. How can I support her desire to practice, when the practice itself is too scary for her?   Mumma Bear: What’s in my mind is more emotional development tips and techniques. Im  still battling with somewhat ‘explosive’ outbursts from Lil Bear and I’d like a bigger range of tools for this moment in our lives. I feel like I’m pretty emotionally immature (although my best friend says, No way - listen to yourself!) and that I wasn’t really taught to process my feelings  (not a top priority  in the 1970s!) or really ‘deal’ with them. So I most frequently find myself thinking, “Just get a grip, kiddo!” So, for me, just keep those tips coming.       Celia: Once we can start doing “stuff” again, how do we make sure we don’t overdo it and still hold onto some of the unity and rhythm we’ve found as a family while we were isolated from other forces?   And... this year E turns 5 and “should” start kindergarten. She turns 5 in late august and our cutoff is sept 1. She’s already the “baby” in her preK class and I am assuming a lot of parents held their children back in 2019 since our district was virtual, so she’ll be likely joining kids who are already 6 and maybe even close to 7. How do we know if she is ready for kindergarten???   Thanks so much for all of your support this year! I have high hopes for your 2021 :)   Q: "Perhaps we should be instilling resilience by still expecting them to try their best. Because being emotionally healthy and trying one’s best are not mutually exclusive during Covid." This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today I am so thrilled to share this conversation with a returning champion – Erik Wagter – and his wife, author Sally Wagter. Together Sally and Erik are raising a family, and their older son has autism. (My conversation with Erik, way back in episode 75, is located here. In fact when their son was young Erik and Sally were told "he will never live a normal life" because his autism would prevent him from using language meaningfully or even making meaningful connections with anyone. Thank goodness, Sally and Erik refused to believe that. They charted a different path for their family. Now their son has gone far beyond anyone's expectations, playing music beautifully, enjoying deep and meaningful friendships, and living a truly examined and thoughtful life. Sally has written a book about her experience raising their son, called Miracle in Slow Motion. You can find the link to this book, as well as Erik and Sally's podcast, at releasingmychildspotential.com. We talk about all this and more in today's conversation, even diving into one of my favorite topics, the toll raising children takes on parents (whether kids are typical or diagnosed with special needs). It's part of a digest episode, so you'll hear our wonderful conversation and then I will read you a recent newsletter that I wrote called "Changing bras," which looks the toll parenting takes on us from a slightly different angle (Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly to get newsletters like this delivered into your inbox each week : ) Find this post, and the links we discuss, in your browser by going to weturnedoutokay.com/352 If you're interested in subscribing to the We Turned Out Okay Playbook, which I share about during today's episode, go to weturnedoutokay.com/playbook I hope you enjoy this episode! Cheers – Karen This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Enrollment is OPEN for the 2021 Year of Empowerment! Enroll now to save 33% on your Year of Empowerment: This special ends New Year's Eve, December 31 2020 at 11:59 PM EST. Don’t miss your chance to empower 2021 for you and your family. Details at weturnedoutokay.com/empowerment : ) "In 25 years, what will matter to me?" When Katherine Reynolds Lewis, author of the outstanding book The Good News About Bad Behavior and today's guest, shared this question during our conversation, I knew it had to be the title of the episode. It encompasses all the most important ideas that Katherine brings. The ones that keep reminding me about what's most important. It's not grades, or how perfectly our kids sit during online schooling. It's not the world's cleanest house, or how perfectly we manage our home. The most important thing – the thing that will matter most even 25 years from now – is the connection and the relationship that we have with our loved ones. Today's conversation is so full of connection, and love, and hope. It's part of a digest episode, so you'll hear our wonderful conversation and then I will read you a recent newsletter that I wrote called "Kind words." (Click weturnedoutokay.com/weekly to get newsletters like this delivered into your inbox each week : ) I hope you enjoy this episode! Cheers – Karen PS you can watch our conversation (instead of just listening) by going to weturnedoutokay.com/351… This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe