Emancipate Your Mind

Do you have someone in your life that you love dearly that tends to drive you crazy with their lack of self awareness and emotional intelligence, their inability to empathize, or their inability to resolve or even approach conflict? You’re likely dealing with an emotionally immature person. In this episode, we explore why many of us who come from high demand religion struggle with emotional maturity and how you can create safer, more sane space for yourself with people you love who perhaps were never taught the skills to recognize, work through, and communicate their own emotions and needs making it difficult for them to relate to others in healthy ways. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: Gibson, Lindsay C. Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self involved parents. New Harbinger Publications. 2015 Morton, Kati. Your parents are emotionally immature. June 2019. YouTube. Religious Trauma Institute Facebook Page, Brian Peck, LCSW and Laura Anderson, LMFT ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group to share your thoughts on today’s podcast and ask more questions. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org COME SEE US AT MORMONPALOOZA, OCTOBER 1, 2022 Get your tickets here: https://www.mormonpalooza.com/

This month has been a dumpster fire in the LDS and ex-LDS communities as we’ve watched the LDS church respond to allegations that they’ve been covering up child sexual abuse. Since the Associated Press investigation broke, my Licensed Professional Therapist husband and I haven’t been able to stop reading and researching and discussing what we’ve found. Watching the church respond to the allegations has been disappointing and frustrating but has also revealed the deep rooted organizational narcissism present in the church. However, on Friday, August 26th, Stuart Reid’s Salt Lake Tribune Article was so overtly harmful we felt we needed to discuss the organizational entitlement, grandiosity, and lack of empathy present in both this article and all of the statements the church has released since the article broke earlier this month. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: Reid, S.C. 2022, August 26. Stuart C. Reid: Privacy of the confessional is a God-given right. Salt Lake Tribune. Rezendes, M. 2022, August 4. Seven Years of Sex Abuse: How Mormon Officials Let It Happen. Associated Press. Rezendes, M. 2022, August 4. 4 Takeaways from AP’s Mormon church sex abuse investigation. Associated Press. Church provides further details about Arizona abuse case. 2022, August 17. Official Church Statement. ChurchofJesusChrist.org Proffer, Craig. 2022, August 9. LDS Church responds to AP investigation into sexual abuse. East Idaho News. Fletcher Stack, P. 2022, August 21. Lack of LDS Church transparency in child sex abuse cases stuns AP reporter. Salt Lake Tribune. Schlueter Ross, P. 2015, October 22. Most child molesters ‘religious’, often target church members. Reporter: Official Newspaper of the Lutheran Church McKinney, C. 2010, August 24. Reliability of self-reported childhood physical abuse by adults and factors predictive of inconsistent reporting. Pub Med, Violence Vict., 2009; 24(5); 653-668 Myths and facts about sex offenders. City of Rifle, Colorado. Mortensen, R. 2011, April 18. The Mormon church and illegal immigration. Center for Immigration Studies. (Reid’s quote is in the section titled: Quietly Influencing Public Policy) Atheists roughly as distrusted as rapists, UBC study finds. 2011, December 1. CTV News. A voice for victims: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon Church). HermanLaw.com. 1644: Mormon Church Discouraging Sex Abuse Victims From Reporting- Survivor Stories. 2022, August 19. Mormon Stories Podcast. YouTube. Mormonism Live: 089: Manipulation, Money, and Mormon Sex Abuse. 2022, August 17. Mormonism Live Podcast. YouTube. ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group to share your thoughts on today’s podcast and ask more questions. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org COME SEE US AT MORMONPALOOZA, OCTOBER 1, 2022 Get your tickets here: https://www.mormonpalooza.com/

The final type of narcissism that you’re most likely to run into in high demand religion is the vulnerable narcissist. This type of narcissist will often seem like the perpetual victim of life circumstances. They’ve had a rough life and they need YOU to save them. Their narcissistic supply is the pity and sympathy of others. They want you to take away the burdens of adult life for them and take on the emotional weight of their problems. These types of narcissists thrive in religious communities because empathic people often are attracted to religion as a means to help the world. Having a victim in their midst can appeal to the part of them that gets validation from fixing, enabling, or saving the day. The other kind of vulnerable narcissist is the martyr. They feel an exaggerated obligation to sacrifice and suffer for others, even if you don’t want them to. These types of narcissists thrive on feeling superior because of how much they sacrifice and believe you are indebted to them because of how much they have given up for you. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: Dempsey, K. 2020, August. How to spot a vulnerable narcissist. The Awareness Centre. https://theawarenesscentre.com/vulnerable-narcissist/ Martyr complex and covert narcissism. 2020, July 1. Toxic Ties. https://toxicties.com/martyr-complex-covert-narcissism/ Sullivan, M. 2022, July 16. 6 signs you might be dating a vulnerable narcissist, which is the toughest type to spot. Well and Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/vulnerable-narcissist/ Collier, N. 2021, Feb 22. When you’re in a relationship with a martyr. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/202102/when-youre-in-relationship-martyr Rakshit, D. 2020, Dec. 4. What is ‘the victim complex’ and why do people experience it? The Swaddle. https://theswaddle.com/what-is-the-victim-complex-and-why-do-people-experience-it/ Alethia. 2021, October 27. 23 signs you’re suffering from a victim mentality. Lonerwolf. https://lonerwolf.com/victim-mentality/ Streep, P. 2021, July 20. When a controlling mother plays the victim. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202107/when-controlling-mother-plays-the-victim ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org

High demand religions often teach us to deny ourselves and spent our lives in the service of others. While service because we’re passionate about a cause and care about making the world a better place can be a beautiful part of expressing our humanity, when coupled with the idea that we’re not allowed to have our own needs and desires it can become something maladaptive. One of the maladaptive ways we might try to meet our needs for validation, acceptance, and security in this kind of environment is through communal narcissism. This kind of narcissism is primarily concerned with serving our own personal needs for validation, acceptance, and praise through serving others. The communal narcissist hopes that others will view them as superior because of how empathic, compassionate, self sacrificing, and service oriented they are. While this might sound like a “good” kind of narcissism, it usually comes at a high cost for those that are closest to them: their family, co-volunteers, employees, or even their friends. These people who interact with the communal narcissist behind closed doors may be neglected, ignored, harshly criticized, or even the targets of rage or abuse. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: Gochen E. Gebauer, Constantine Sedikides, Bas Verplanken, Gregory R. Maio (2012). Communal narcissism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2012 Nov;103(5):854-78. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22889074/ Ziyan Yang, Constantine Sedikides, Ruolei Gu, Yu L. L. Luo, Yuqi Wang, Ying Yang, Mingzheng Wu, Huajian Cai (2018). Communal narcissism: Social decisions and neurophysiological reactions. Journal of Research in Personality, Vol 68, 64-73. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656618301491 Durvasula, R. [Dr. Ramani]. (2020, May 28). Communal Narcissists: Everything you need to know . YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF8fiHTbGtY Grande, T. [Dr. Todd Grande]. (2020, Mar 17). 10 Signs of Communal Narcissism . YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bymqKLv6jGA Carter, L. [Surviving Narcissism]. (2020, Nov 9). The Communal Narcissist: “Trust Me, I’m Really On Your Side” . YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDVZHASEwn4&t=746s Johnson, E.B. (2021, May 26). All the communal narcissists that have disrupted your life. Medium.com. https://medium.com/practical-growth/all-the-communal-narcissists-that-have-disrupted-your-life-a2763d506089 Streep, P. (2016, May 24). The communal narcissist: Another wolf wearing a sheep outfit. PsychologyToday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201605/the-communal-narcissist-another-wolf-wearing-sheep-outfit ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org

If you were raised in a high demand religion that prized unquestioning obedience even if it harmed you or someone you cared about, believed that your faith was “the one truth”, and that taught you that your purpose was to convince or save others from the errors of their ways, you were likely groomed to embrace many self-righteous narcissistic traits. You were likely also surrounded by and even parented by others with these traits. In this episode, we discuss how to recognize this subset of narcissism, how self-righteous narcissism develops, how fundamentalist religions encourage the development of these traits, why people with these traits might have seemed attractive to us at one point, and how we can begin to give ourselves space to heal. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: “Love Bombed By a Self-Righteous Narcissist”, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, January 16, 2022 “Religious Narcissists”, Dr. Les Carter, September 13, 2018 “Barack Obama Challenges ‘Woke’ Culture”– BBC World News, October 30, 2019 “Religious Fundamentalism Could be Associated With Increased Sensitivity to Errors”, PsyPost.org, Eric W. Dolan, April 30, 2018 “The Science of Spiritual Narcissism”, Scott Barry Kaufman, Scientific American, January 11, 2021 “9 Characteristics of Spiritual Elitism, Narcissism of a Different Variety”, Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC, PsychCentral, June 30, 2018 ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org

The discussion begins with the fear of recognizing narcissistic traits within ourselves. It dives into the distinction between healthy and pathological narcissism, debunking common misconceptions. Listeners explore the emotional complexities of relationships involving narcissistic personalities. The importance of empathy and self-reflection is highlighted, encouraging personal growth and healing. The conversation also addresses how past experiences shape our behaviors and perceptions in relationships.

In this last installment of our 4 part discussion we explore one final possibility for why it can be so hard for us to rest and relax guilt and anxiety free: we’re trying to avoid our difficult emotions. In order to rest and recover, we have to put away our work and embrace the quiet. Many of us are deeply uncomfortable with the silence because when life is still our own thoughts and emotions are easier to hear. For some of us that have been running away from our feelings about hard things for a lifetime, that can feel terrifying. ___________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: “Are You Addicted to Being Busy?”, Lissa Rankin, M.D., Psychology Today, April 2014 “Stoicism: Not No Emotions, No Useless Emotions“, Rachel Carvalho, April 2021 ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org

This week we dig further into why so many of us continue to work even when our bodies and minds are begging with us to rest. One possible reason may be a pattern called “Insecure Overachievement”. Insecure overachievement is a behavior pattern we use to get validation, approval, and to fill self-worth wounds. Because our self-worth wounds persist, no matter how much we achieve, this cycle becomes compulsive. The good news is, once we recognize this pattern for what it is, we can begin to care for the wounds underlying our behavior and begin to create a cycle of healthy achievement and rest. ____________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES: “5 Signs You Are an Insecure Overachiever”, Michael Lim, Medium.com, June 24, 2021 “Are You An ‘Insecure Overachiever’?”, Laura Empson, BBC Worklife, September 25, 2018 ____________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org

In this insightful discussion, listeners learn about the impacts of recent stressors on our nervous systems. The host delves into the 'fight or flight' response and how to recognize when we are overstimulated. Practical tools for managing overwhelming emotions and restoring calm are shared, focusing on self-awareness and calming practices. The intricacies of the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are explored, offering insights into enhancing well-being amid societal unrest.

Have you ever felt guilt or anxiety when you try to rest, relax, or go on vacation? Do you sometimes feel driven to be productive, even when you’re exhausted mentally or physically? In this series we’ll explore some of the common reasons individuals find themselves unable to be fully present when resting. In this episode, we explore the unique American culture of internalized capitalism flavored with Puritan work ethic that often makes those of us who live in the USA feel guilty for doing anything other than working. ____________________________________________________________________ RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE: “The Protestant Ethic and Spirit of Capitalism”, Max Weber, 1905 Harvard Business Review, 2013, “There Really Is Such a Thing as the Protestant Work Ethic” Pacific Standard, September 4, 2013, “The Protestant Work Ethic is Real” Cato.Org, “What Americans Think About Poverty, Wealth, And Work”, 2019 “Hours Worked in Europe and the US: New Data, New Answers”, August 2016. Bick, Brüggeman, Fuchs-Schündeln, ___________________________________________________________________JOIN THE DISCUSSION Come join the Emancipate Yourself Facebook group for more discussion about the podcast and random thoughts that pop up while I’m researching or in the shower. DONATE TO THE PODCAST: Want to support our work and keep these resources available to all who want or need them? Consider making a tax-deductible donation at emancipateyourmind.org