Social Skills Coaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:07:45 Technique One Shotgun Statements00:09:09 Technique Two Barnum Statements00:11:45 Technique Three ignoring the misses00:14:38 Technique Four passing off failures as successes00:17:11 Technique Five Keeping It VagueHear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo• We can improve our information extraction skills by following some of the techniques used by fake psychics when they do “cold reading.”• General principles for cold reading include being subtle, open-ended, and allowing the other person to guide you—without them realizing that you are not doing anything magical but merely working with the information that they provide.• Shotgun statements are random statements made in order to see what response you get so you can follow it up on what sticks.• Barnum statements are those that are likely to be perceived as relevant to individuals, even though they apply to almost everyone. Barnum statements are broad guesses that look specific but actually have a high probability of being on the mark.• When using shotgun or Barnum statements, a cold reader can also ignore their misses and focus on their hits, concealing the fact that they are guessing.• Another way to mask misses is to pass them off as successes retroactively, or rework your claim to make it seem as though you were right all along.• Cold readers deliberately keep things vague to start with, and then fine tune their approach according to the feedback they receive. They begin with a non-committal, low-stakes guess and then, by degree, inch closer to the truth using their audience’s response or lack of it.• A key principle in cold reading is to pay attention to reactions of all kinds, including nonverbal ones.• Expert cold reading combines all of these techniques seamlessly and swiftly to give the impression that the “psychic” has plucked accurate information from the air, when in reality, it has been fed to him unwittingly by the audience all along!#ShotgunStatements #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #ColdReading #BarnumStatements #/home/russell/temp/KingEpi-2023-05-23-06-54-yZQ96NEHwQ/psychic-mystic-clairvoyant/1-woman-in-gray-and-black-striped-long-sleeve-shirt-sitting-beside-black-table-7267741-Pavel-Danilyuk.jpg

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:08:38 Psychologist Craig Malkin's book Rethinking Narcissism00:10:59 The Soft Startup 00:13:19 The Empathic Communication Toolkit for Handling Conflict 00:20:47 Use techniques like the Positive no or the Soft Startup https://adbl.co/3shIydQ• To be both assertive and empathic, use techniques like the “positive no” or the “soft startup” when setting a boundary. • When managing conflicts or difficult communication, remember to use open-ended questions; focus on strengths; let the other person lead; normalize rather than pathologize; and use open, conciliatory body language to show that you are on the same side. #Communicating #Communication #Conciliatory #ConversationalTools #CraigMalkins #DifficultConversation #EmpathicAssertion #EmpathicCommunicationToolkit #EmpathicStruggle #Empathy #ExpressEmpathy #Gottman #JulieGottman #Narcissism #NonviolentCommunication #SimpleEmpathicAssertion #UncomfortableConversation #UnconsciousMessage #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home00:01:34 Talk WITH people and not TO them.00:03:07 Dr. Karl Albrecht in Psychology Today00:15:53 Sustain Conversations with Conversational Threading and Useful Acronyms 00:22:50 Useful Conversational Acronyms The acronym HPM 00:25:17 Another useful acronym is EDRHear it Here - https://bit.ly/3GAwNag• Having charm and charisma is not about you. It’s about the other person and making them feel heard, liked, and supported.• Dr. Albrecht explains that conversations contain three elements: declaratives, questions, and qualifiers. The rule of three tells us that we should not have three declarative statements in a row and should instead mix it up with a question or a qualifier. • It’s not really about the content of what you say but the emotional implications and the energy in how you say it. • Conversational threading is a technique that will help you ensure you never run out of things to say. Listen to what the other person says, pick out a few noteworthy threads, then run with one of them. When the conversation dries up, return to these threads and pick up another one and follow that instead. Be patient, ask open-ended questions, and listen for emotions. • Being a good everyday conversationalist is about being open-minded, spontaneous, and genuine. Keep things flowing! #Albrecht #CasualConversation #Communication #ConversationalAcronyms #ConversationalNarcissist #ConversationalThreading #DeclarativeStatements #DepthTechniques #DrKarlAlbrecht #EDR #EmotionDetailRestatement #EverydayConversations #HPM #RhetoricalQuestions #SkilledConversationalists #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homeHear it Here - https://bit.ly/ExtractInfo00:01:16 From Patrick King's book how to Extract Info, Secrets and Truth, let's take a look at the importance of eye contact and then spend some time discussing active listening.00:03:34 Effects of Eye Contact and Social Status on the Perception of a Job Applicant in an Employment Interviewing Situation00:03:56 Accurate Intelligence Assessments in Social Interactions, Mediators and Gender Effects00:05:34 A 2016 Japanese study by Kajimura and Nomura titled When We Cannot Speak eye Contact Disrupts Resources Available to Cognitive Control Processes During Verb Generation00:06:22 Helping Children Think Gaze Aversion and Teaching by Phelps and Doherty Snedden, researchers found that kids told to look away while thinking and solving problems showed a 20% increase in performance.00:07:51 Eye Contact, Distance and Affiliation00:22:41 Label Emotions • Eye contact is essential for building trust. If you aren’t able to use eye contact, people will find you untrustworthy. The optimal eye contact period is around three seconds of eye contact at a time, with sufficient rest between gazes.• Active listening is a valuable skill set that any person should master, but the techniques of active listening can also help you improve your elicitation abilities and gather more information about people. You need to comprehend, retain and respond to the information people are sharing with you.• You can build rapport and connection in many ways, for example by restating, reflecting, summarizing, labeling emotions, probing (gently!) and using silence to encourage the other person to open up. Open-ended or leading questions (like those covered in the previous chapter) can subtly guide a person to open up to you.• Avoid giving advice, lecturing, sermonizing or judging.• Active listening techniques are best used when you would like someone to open up with you and share their true feelings. Other techniques are more appropriate for detecting deception.#ActiveListener #Binetti #CommunicationSkills #DohertySneddon #EmpatheticReflection #EyeContact #GazeAversion #GazeDuration #Kajimura #Kressler #LieDetection #NeuroLinguisticProgramming #Nomura #NonverbalCommunication #PupilDilation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruth

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu• People-pleasing behavior can stem from a harsh inner critic, who is the one telling us that we are not worth anything unless we serve others, or that we do not deserve to have our needs met or boundaries respected.• We can push against our inner critic by becoming aware of its voice and honestly answering some questions, such as: is the choice I’m making ultimately for me or for someone else? Is this voice in my head serving my interests or working against me? The inner critic, however, is there for a reason, and we can ask what that reason is. Seek to understand what that function is, then consciously choose to meet that need in a healthier way.#InnerCritic #NegativeCoreBeliefs #Peoplepleasers #Peoplepleasing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #&StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-homehttps://adbl.co/3shIydQ00:01:33 What to Say, What Not to Say 00:03:34 Avoid Diminishing 00:05:00 Avoid Dismissing 00:06:14 Avoid Leading Questions 00:07:11 Avoid Advice or Personal Anecdotes 00:09:31 Acknowledge Their Courage 00:09:56 Ask Empathic Questions 00:10:48 Compliment Their Character 00:11:55 Show You Care 00:12:34 An Empathic Statement Formula 00:18:18 Nonviolent Communication/NVC 00:20:48 To use NVC, we must always remember to: 00:23:40 Feelings 00:26:19 Needs00:29:49 Requests 00:34:15 When the Shoe Is on the Other Foot 00:38:43 Let's take a moment to summarize • In empathic communication, we should always seek to understand first and to create connection. Empathic statements can help, but avoid deflecting, diminishing, dismissing, dominating the conversation with leading questions, or giving advice or personal anecdotes. Instead, ask empathic questions, compliment something in their character, or do something practical to show you care. • The nonviolent communication model consists of four components: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. First, become aware of the objective facts of the situation and separate them out from interpretations, assumptions, and judgments about those facts. Next, share what you are feeling, remembering that feelings are connected to our needs, met or unmet. • Then, express these needs without blaming and without confusing needs with strategies used to meet those needs. Finally, finish with a request for that need to be met. Avoid requests that are vague, impossible to fulfil, framed as what you don’t want, or framed as a demand that can’t be refused. A request does not entitle us to receive what we ask for, so we should graciously accept if it isn’t granted. #DrMarshallRosenberg #Empathic #EmpathicConversation #EmpathicStatements #NonjudgmentalPerspective #NonviolentCommunication #NVC #Rosenberg #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TrainYourEmpathyPhoto by sumit-kapoor and Pexels

00:05:40 Posture and Body Orientation 00:09:33 Eye Contact 00:10:54 A study led by Dr. Arthur Aron00:11:53 The Power of Eye Contact by psychologist Michael Ellsberg00:13:03 Kara Ronin’s “triangle technique” 00:13:41 Paralinguistics 00:15:08 The Four Ps of Voice 00:17:37 How to Improve Your Vocal Variety • When reading someone’s body language, pay attention to microexpressions, their overall posture and orientation in space, as well as their degree of eye contact. Paralinguistics refers to information carried in the tone, pace, pitch, etc. of the voice. • Think in terms of overall openness or closedness, but remember that no single detail is decisive and conclusive and that observations should always be compared against a baseline.#Communication #ConfidentSpeaker #DrArthurAron #EyeContact #InvoluntaryFacialExpression #MichaelEllsberg #NonverbalVocalCommunication #Paralinguistics #TriangleTechnique #VerbalCommunication #VerbalExpression #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTrainingPatrickKingPhoto by fauxels and Pexels

https://www.audible.com/pd/B094NZS81Q/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWU-BK-ACX0-258377&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_258377_pd_us00:02:54 “Stimulus Generalization as A Mechanism for Learning to Trust” by Oriel Feldman Hall00:03:23 “Trust in Close Relationships” by Rempel, Holmes, and Zanna 00:03:56 More Is Better 00:08:59 “Attitudinal Effects of Mere Exposure,” researcher Robert Zajonc 00:09:43 Credibility 00:10:50 Gass and Seiter in their book Persuasion, Social Influence, and Compliance Gaining sought to study credibility.• Trust has been shown to work in a linear fashion. The more you see someone, the more you trust them, regardless of interaction or depth. This is known as the propinquity effect and can be used to your advantage in making people feel psychologically comfortable with sharing more with you.• Credibility is a notch above trust; Trust is about people feeling that they can believe you, and credibility is where people also feel that they can rely on you. There are also proven ways to create an aura of credibility around yourself. These include highlighting qualifications, showing your caring and empathy, showing similarity, being assertive, showing social proof, not contradicting yourself, and avoiding being overly polite.#Festinger #Schachter #Credibility #Credible #DirectTrust #Familiarity #OrielFeldman #RobertZajonc #ThomasSmith #Zajonc #Zanna #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo #Secrets #andTruthPatrickKing

Hear it Here - adbl.co/3To6NDu00:03:25 Feelings Are Never Right or Wrong 00:05:26 People Are Responsible for Their Own Feelings 00:07:30 Understand What the Goal of Communication Is 00:09:18 Applying Self-Knowledge and Asking for What You Want • Assertive communication is not about force or coercion (aggressive) or pandering and submission (passive-aggressive) but about speaking confidently from the heart. To achieve mature, healthy communication, remember that feelings are never right or wrong, but it matters what we do with those feelings.• Other people are responsible for their feelings, and ultimately, the goal of communication is not to control others but to connect with them and get our mutual needs met. Finally, an important skill is to ask for what you need from a position of self-knowledge.#AggressiveCommunication #Assertive #Communication #CommunicationSkills #GoodConversation #AssertiveCommunication #NegativeEmotions #Passive #PassiveCommunication #Peoplepleasers #PoorCommunication #Reframing #SilentTreatment #SpeakLoud #SpeakClear #AndSpeakFromTheHeart #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #&StopPleasingOthers

00:03:07 Can I just observe without judgment or evaluation?00:07:41 Brian Grazer is the author of the bestseller A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life.00:10:39 Type 1: Diversive Curiosity This refers to being attracted to novelty.00:11:03 Type 2: Epistemic Curiosity Epistemology is the philosophical branch of inquiry related to the theory of knowledge itself.00:11:51 Type 3: Empathic Curiosity The type we are interested in here.00:14:16 Keep the Spark of Curiosity Alive 00:17:25 Resist Superficiality 00:20:47 No Such Thing as Boring 00:21:26 Artist and composer John Cage gives this advice: “If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four.00:23:51 Random Acts of Kindness • Avoid psychologizing. When we interpret people’s experiences, we are no longer fully listening to them. • Empathy is impossible without curiosity. Curiosity is about more than asking questions—it’s about having a sincere desire to understand someone else’s heart, mind, and complete experience. It requires imagination, a hunger to learn, and an open mind.• The main thing that gets in the way of real curiosity in empathic listening is the impulse to insert our own opinion, perspective, or frame of reference into the conversation. Imagine that learning to be interested in others is not a boring challenge, but a gift and an opportunity. • There are three kinds of curiosity: diversive (interest in novelty), epistemic (deeper inquiry into knowledge itself), and empathic. Whenever you notice mild interest in novelty, see if you can explore and amplify it till it becomes richer empathic curiosity. • Keep the spark of curiosity alive by consistently asking why, digging beneath the superficiality of a situation, and challenging yourself to see nothing as boring. • Random acts of kindness can make us more empathic. Try to be more alert to other people’s needs and respond spontaneously to them. • Kindness is a shift from focus on the self to focus on the other. Continually ask yourself, “How are other people doing? What do they need?”#Empathy #Curiosity #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #TrainYourEmpathy/home/russell/Dropbox/NMGMedia/Stock/JPGs/3182752.jpg