The Overwhelmed Brain

Positive thinking leads to denial which creates negative emotions in your body eventually leading to depression. What?? Sounds like a great first topic. Little spats in a relationship that lead to massive blowups have an origin. The unspoken words are what cause those big explosions. It's time to connect emotionally rather than logically to diffuse the emotional bombs before they explode. What is toxic? Do we call people toxic just to avoid our own personal growth? A listener challenges me on the topic.

Mom criticizes her, makes her feel bad and unworthy, yet this listener still wants a relationship with her. Do you let go or do you find a way to relate that won't be toxic to you? What happens when there are early warning signs in your relationship but you choose to ignore them? Are they signs of worse things to come or can you overlook them and expect your relationship to get better? Do you change for someone else to keep them in your life, or do you want to attract the person that accepts who you really are? The path to a long-lasting bonding involves not settling and not changing for anyone, but are you willing to take being alone for a while until that happens? Bypassing your instincts to follow your guilt instead could be a dangerous path into denial and maybe even betrayal. Should you follow your instincts even though it could lead to a truth you don't want to know? Today's episode was brought to you by Casper. Get an awesome mattress at a great price at casper.com/brain. If you want $50 off, use the code "brain" during checkout and you'll be a happier person.

When you are so knowledgeable about your problems, you may have a tendency to be closed off to the solution. The "I know" syndrome can keep you from finding out the root of your emotional distress. It's time to get to the root and release the grip it has on you. When your partner can't seem to trust you completely and holds back their emotions around you, there is something you can do to meet them where they are. It's not easy - in fact it's a process - but it may save your relationship. One thing for sure, it's not about trying to fix them. In closing I talk about how other people can help you bypass your own intuition getting you into trouble or submitting to their control of you. It's time to take back control of life by understanding how to hold on to those "something doesn't feel right" feelings. Visit Casper.com/brain for your $50 discount on a fantastic mattress

Does your partner corner you into a no-win situation? Do they ask you questions that make you wrong no matter what you say? I talk about double binds in relationships and a couple ways to get out of the no-win questioning that often happens in both non-abusive and abusive relationships. For segment two I talk about lashing out and where it comes from. Are they new emotions that seem to originate in the moment or are they old, stored emotions that derived from a single point in time? Regardless, lashing out can be quite damaging to a relationship so it's time to get a grasp on what's happened in your past. During the close of the show I address the person who takes the blame for their partner's cheating. Some people are convinced they are the cause for their partner taking conscience steps to cheat. I have news for those people: You are not the cause and I share with you why in this segment. Today's episode brought to you by Honest Tea. Visit honesttea.com/podcast for refreshingly good bottled tea.

Is succeeding in a stressful way better than not succeeding at all? In this first segment I talk about how creating a deadline with accountability keeps you on task and even makes you more creative. In segment 2, a woman writes to say that it's never too late to honor yourself. She did so with a toxic family member and is now starting a new way of life without his involvement. In segment 3, I talk about the issue of judging others for things that you yourself do. It's like telling the alcoholic not to drink alcohol while you're drinking alcohol. Is it ever good to judge the behavior of others when you do the very same behavior? During the close of the show, a wife cheats then lays her guilt on her husband making him feel worse than he already feels. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - the legal insurance plan that helps you keep your rights.

When you obsess about someone you want in your life or someone that broke up with you, what can you do to stop the never-ended thoughts? What about when you go so far as to stalk them and find out everything you can about them? This is a two-part segment because there's a lot to talk about. In segment two a woman wants to know if she heals and grows will her husband see that she is better and want to stay in the relationship. However the husband has been manipulative and unkind to her, letting her know that she's the one with the problem and she's the one who needs help. Can they save their marriage or are they doomed to fail? During the close of the show I talk about Justine Sacco and how her life was ruined because of a misunderstood joke on Twitter. Public shaming takes the stage in this segment. Visit getoutofthemess.com for your legal insurance to protect your rights.

Standing up for your boundaries can have the consequence of being called out. I address critical feedback from a listener who calls me out on what she believes to be smug and superior behavior. Can someone with a fear of abandonment be in an intimate relationship with someone who has a fear of commitment? That's a great question that I help a listener consider. Do you overshare? I read a message from someone who says her oversharing is a big problem in her life, causing all kinds of boundary violations for her. I end the show talking about what it takes to go full no contact from an emotional (and other) abusers. Visit getoutofthemess.com to keep your rights when the bullies come after you

Do you trust your gut? Do you want to? I tell you how in this first segment where I share how I almost got conned by a store clerk. In segment two, high school sweethearts get married then divorced ten years later. After a lot of emotional abuse and healing, he wants her back but she's not ready. Is reconciliation possible? In closing I tell you how to make decisions that allow you to do some time traveling so that you can get an idea of how you'll feel after making them or not. A packed episode brought to you by getoutofthemess.com

You will get the results you want as soon as you accept responsibility for your role in every problem in your life. What is your level of success? Segment one will help you measure it and come up with a game plan for you. Segment two talks about the how important relationships are, especially the one with yourself. Almost every relationship issue you have with others needs nurturing in yourself. Nurture you and your relationship will be healthy and toxic-free! In segment three I read a letter from someone who is sick around her partner who has ADD and ignores her most of the time. What do you do when you have a romantic relationship where your partner is more focused on work than you? During the close of the show I talk about the best way to handle the continuously criticizing family member.

When you pursue someone you want romantically but they don't want you, the result is often hurt feelings or worse. What about when you love someone so much that you want them to love you back and they won't? Should you continue your pursuit? If you try to convince them that being in a relationship with you will be the best thing for them, it may create a very unstable and probably short union. Love and being in love are two different things - when you learn to love, you learn to release. This release may highlight that the pursuit isn't really about love at all. In segment two, I read an email from a woman who eats out of anger because her husband doesn't want to be with her sexually. Now she's overweight and knows she's going down the wrong path but isn't motivated enough to lose weight. She still wants to be intimate with her husband but their growing anger and frustration with each other is keeping them distant. There is a path to closeness but it may involve taking risks that could lead to the end of the relationship. The upside is that it could also lead to the most powerfully bonding future they could possibly ever have. During the closing of the show, a listener reaches out to me and asks me if it's a good idea to tell her sister to get help. Her sister has already refused her advice but she is watching her sister and her family decline as things seem to get worse and worse. The more she wants to help them, the more they feel judged and like she's interfering. There is a line that you have to draw with yourself when someone doesn't ask for your help. It involves some humility, a whole lot of faith, and your ability to show up as the best version of you. Your best self can lead to someone wanting to learn from you. Today's episode is brought to you by the most affordable legal insurance plan around. Visit getoutofthemess.com for more info.