The Circuit of Success Podcast with Brett Gilliland

Elle Nelson is a Mental Performance Specialist and former soccer player. Elle has turned her professional athletic career to helping individuals and teams harness the power of their minds for success. In addition to running her consultancy, Rise Over Run, LLC, Elle works with corporate clients through Limitless Minds. Brett and Elle get personal with conversations about their own practices for self-growth, and Elle leaves listeners with a challenge. Join us as she shares her experiences in personal growth, balancing priorities, and communication in parent-athlete relationships and personal settings. [Powerpress] https://youtu.be/HFkQDxHDDhQ Brett Gilliland: All right. Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I am your host, Brett Gilliland, and today I’ve got Elle Nelson with me. Elle, how you doing? Elle Nelson: Hi there, Brett. Good, thank you. How are you doing?  Brett Gilliland: I’m doing great. I’m excited to have you today. We’re gonna talk, um, for those listening and, and watching, uh, we’re gonna have 50% of this is gonna be about us as parents. Uh, raising children with sports. Elle was a, uh, dual college athlete. You’ve played golf, uh, I believe in France, in England and the United States, uh, at a, at a very high level. Um, you, you know, you’ve done the college thing, so I want to talk parenting slash sports, and then I also want to talk business, mindset, culture, all that type of stuff. Sound good? Elle Nelson: Absolutely looking forward to it.  Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Well, you are with, uh, IMG. So that’s, uh, anybody in the sports world probably knows who IMG is Down in, I believe in, was it Bradenton, Florida? And, uh, and then, uh, Limitless Minds is another company that you, uh, that you work with and you also have your own, uh, consulting company. So you are busy and, uh, we’ll dive into all that work that you’re doing. But I’d love to kind of just pick your brain a little bit on what’s made you the woman you are today. Uh, to wake up and get to, you know, kinda work for three different companies and run your own deal.  Elle Nelson: Yeah, absolutely. Good question. Diving straight into it. So what’s made me the woman I am today, I, I mean, I think a lot of that, of course we could start early on, like with my parents, we, we won’t go into all of that detail, but I think I had parents who instilled pretty strong values in me from a young age, right? It’s like if you start something, you’re gonna finish it. You’re gonna give it all you’ve got. Um, Whole heart, whole head in the game. And uh, my dad came from a pretty heavy sporting background. He played hockey in college and up in Canada. So sport was something that I was involved in from a really young age. And then I ended up getting into, um, you may have said golf, but it was actually soccer. Brett Gilliland: Oh, did I say golf? I’m sorry. I, I play golf, so. Elle Nelson: No, it’s totally fine. I figured that was the case. Uh, yeah. But I was like, oh, I’m pretty sure he knows that. But it’s fine. Uh, so soccer was my main sport and I got into that from a pretty young age. I ended up doing the club thing, high school thing, traveling. Uh, and then to be honest, I think like big picture answer, a lot of my mess up, a lot of my obstacles adversity that’s made me who I am today more than anything else. Yeah. Uh, I, I ended up like getting into quite a lot of trouble when I was in high school. I was a pretty bad kid for a while. I think my mom even threatened to like put me into a group home. At one point I ended up quitting soccer for a year, my junior year. And when I did that, I was also in a car accident. So I was just getting into a lot of trouble and. After that year, I realized what I actually wanted and I started doing it for myself. So I realized before that point, I was doing it for my parents. I was doing it for other people to please them, and that for me, even today, I see that it’s like a really big turning point. Where I started making my own decisions, uh, doing it with good intention, knowing that even the tough decisions and the decisions that scared me, like going away for college and playing soccer in college, I had a lot of doubt in myself, but I knew that I wouldn’t regret it, that I would grow from it regardless of how it went. So from that point forward, I started making the hard decisions, um, becoming more resilient and choosing to go for what I wanted and doing it for the right reasons.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And how do you think that you, you chose that? I mean, it, it’s hard as a kid, right? I think you said your junior year, so you’re, you know, clocking in at 17 ish years old and, and to make that decision to say, I’m doing this for myself now. What was it, what was that, maybe that light switch moment, that aha moment that made you think that?  Elle Nelson: I think for me, it, it, part of me felt like at that age, I hit rock bottom in some sense. Um, like I, I had gotten in a car accident where I was drinking and I was just making poor decisions and acting out, and I didn’t quite know why. Uh, so when I got to this point where I was like, who cares? I’m not playing soccer anymore. I’m not doing anything for anyone. I don’t know if I wanna, you know, stay in school. It felt like I had nothing to lose. And so when I got to that point, it felt like, Any decision I made, what’s the worst that could happen? I’ve already figured out what happens when I don’t have any of it, and that’s when I said, well, what is it that I actually want? Like, what, what is it that I want? Where do I wanna take things? And, and for me, that was the turning point where I chose soccer. I committed to school, and seeing where I could take both of those things, but I, I kind of needed that. Because it made me do it for me and not for anybody else.  Brett Gilliland: So what would, what message would you have for that 17 year old, you know, Elle now, or that 17 year old girl or boy listenin’ to this, or their parents are listenin’ to this? What, what message would you have for them to not have to go through what you went through or your parents went through with that? Elle Nelson: Yeah, I, so, I mean, I, I won’t give advice to my younger self cuz to be honest, I don’t think my younger self would’ve even accepted it at that time.  Brett Gilliland: She might, whatever, buzz off. Elle Nelson: If I could have tried.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Elle Nelson: If I could have tried, uh, or talking to parents and to younger athletes now, I would say to, um, You know, have open conversation and explore ideas. Uh, I think sometimes, like when I work with younger athletes and I ask them, okay, why is it that you do this? Why is it that you play your sport? A lot of times the first answer is, well, I don’t know cause that’s what I do. And so we spend some time exploring that. Like, what is it that you like about it? Does it bring you joy? Are you doing it for social reasons? Where do you wanna take it? And then having that conversation with parents as well, because sometimes there’s a misalignment of goals. And I think for me, um, and it’s not just about sport, right? This could be academics, this could be life. You know, what is it that you want out of your life? Why do you do the things that you do? Sometimes with my parents, they wanted me to play sport for different reasons than I wanted to play sport. Um, they wanted a certain career path for me that was different than what I wanted for myself, but we never really had that open conversation. So there was just like some tension that existed because we just assumed that we were on the same page and we didn’t have that open communication around what both of us wanted and how my parents could support me in that, how I could be understanding and kind of compromise some of the things that they wanted for me. I think that conversation wasn’t really happening at that age, and I’m sure a lot of that was due to me not really wanting to have those conversations or realizing that that would be helpful. But I would encourage that from a really, really young age cuz it can just help with support and kinda navigating the changes that are happening at a young age.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. How, how did you, like, how did your parents handle you? Cause obviously you were, uh, successful at your sport and, and you did take a year off and, and, um, and all that stuff. But how did they handle, like, what did they do well, and if you’re open to it, maybe is there anything that they maybe didn’t do well that as a parent and people listen to this, they’re all parents with kids, what we could do on the, on the good and the bad side to help our child, uh, succeed in what they want to do. Elle Nelson: Yeah, good question. I think, um, at, at first I would probably say that my, my parents took like the helicopter approach for a while. I don’t know if you’ve heard that term, like the helicopter parent, where they were, you know, I was the first born child, so I was the one they were cautious with. There were a lot of restrictions. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah.  Elle Nelson: They wanted to make sure they did all the right things and so they monitored every little thing that I did to the point where I think I felt like I didn’t have, um, I didn’t feel independent. I didn’t feel like I was making my own choices. And so I started to rebel. And I think part of that you can probably see in my career path now, like I, I like to choose what I do. I like to do multiple things. Um, and so when they were telling me what to do and kind of trying to restrict me a lot of the time, uh, not that the, the rules were bad. I think that they were just constantly like, okay, who are you going with? Where are you going? How long are you gonna be there? Uh, let me talk to their parents. I think there weren’t very many opportunities for trust or letting me make the decisions and kind of live with the consequences.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Elle Nelson: And I could have used that a little bit more. So I think it got to the point where they realized that that wasn’t working. Like they were suffering and I was suffering. And so then they kind of took the opposite approach and they were like, do you know what? Hands off. So when I quit soccer, they were like, Bad decision, don’t agree with it. But instead of saying, no, you’re gonna tough it out, you’re sticking with it, go back in, finish that. They were like, okay, that’s fine. Brett Gilliland: You do you.  Elle Nelson: It’s good. Yeah. And so they backed off. And when they backed off, I started to realize, oh, okay, actually. I am grateful that they were supporting me, but maybe that support could look a little different. And then as I got older, you know, like going into my senior year when I started playing soccer again, we had more conversations around what that support could look like and how we both could compromise on things and they can feel respected with the rules they enforced. But I also felt like I could earn some trust and have some autonomy. So I would say, um, That one of the best things that they did and that I did, was having those conversations around what that navigation could look like, what that support, what that trust, um, and autonomy could look like.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah… Elle Nelson: Because… Brett Gilliland: I think that’s huge. I mean, Go ahead.  Elle Nelson: Oh, go ahead, go ahead.  Brett Gilliland: Well, I was just gonna say, I think, and again, I, you know, I have four boys and so, you know, you certainly wanna, uh, protect them and, and guide them, but you also wanna let them kind of fly the fly away, right. And, and hopefully come back and, and, uh, but it’s scary as a parent, as, you know, with a kid driving and all that stuff. And my 17 year old, uh, you know, ironically is my oldest first born. And so, uh, I’m, I’m, I’m exactly where you were at with your parents and my son plays soccer and. And so it’s, it’s great and all, but it’s like, it’s one of those things too, like I took the approach my parents did. So you couldn’t, as a child, you couldn’t get me off the golf course. I mean, it was sun up, sun down. Um, you know, I would, I would miss social stuff until it was like dark where I literally couldn’t see the golf ball. I mean, it’s all I wanted to do. Me and a couple of my buddies, Derek and Blake and these guys, we would just play all day long and, and, but my parents never forced me to do it.  Right? They never forced me to do that. And so I’ve kind of taken that same approach with my kids. But then there’s also the times where I regret, personally for me, I didn’t challenge myself more. I think I could have done more with golf, but I didn’t have a challenge, uh, to myself or from others that made me want to go to that next level. So I’ve struggled with that. Right? Is how do you hold our kids accountable? How do you be there? How do you support ’em? To go to that next level if they want to go to the next level. But how do we challenge the heck out of ’em in a respectful, loving, kind way?  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Your thoughts on. Elle Nelson: I think you bring up a, I think you bring up a really good point and I, I wanna like, I should have thrown this in early on as a disclaimer, and this is something I say with both parents and young athletes that I work with, is like, there’s no one right way. It’s not like a black and white type of relationship. Relationships never are. It’s very gray, and I think that’s the most beautiful part of the process. Um, um, Remind me. Okay, hold on. Sorry. Remind me the last part of what you said. Cause I, so just like… Brett Gilliland: How do we challenge our kids, right? How do we challenge our kids enough but you not be over the top, but yet like, you know, like to even take my fourth boy for example, you know, I’ve got, I’ve got a junior, I’ve got a freshman seventh grade in, in third grade. So no matter what, right? But pick any of ’em. How do you challenge that person if they want to do it? Bet. I’m a big believer in that if they wanna do it, this is their passion. I’m never gonna say, I’m not the dad that’s like, you’re gonna go do golf and you know, my first two don’t really even, they like it, but they don’t really care. I would love to have a golfer, but I’m not gonna push that, right? So how do we push our children to do what they love, to get to the level of, whether it’s D one or D three, whatever they want to go, or professionally, how do we do that?  Elle Nelson: Yeah. So, uh, two things come to mind. I think one thing is setting the example yourself. Uh, so how do you demonstrate that that’s what you do on a daily basis? You know, is it something around being active and signing up for a marathon or a 5K and showing them that you’re putting in the work you’ve committed to something and you’re gonna follow it through and it shows up and it’s reflected in your behaviors and your choices day to day. Uh, you know, being open and, and honest and vulnerable to the extent that you feel comfortable of like, Hey, this is the job, this is the career that I have, and my kids get to watch me. I, I think of it like if I were to have kids, I’m working from home, so they would kind of see me do what I do and see that I’m working hard every day. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Elle Nelson: See that I’m passionate and that when you’re passionate about something, it doesn’t mean that it’s always easy and that the hard parts are where you can grow the most and they can see me work through that. They can maybe hear me talk about it. It’s not complaining, right? It’s not focusing on the problem, it’s focusing on the solutions, and they can actually hear the way I talk about what I’m going through and how I’m going to overcome it, how I’m going to stay committed to what I’m, you know, working on or passionate about what my career path is. So it’s kind of living that out. I think that’s one of the most important things or the best things you could do.  Brett Gilliland: So lead by example?  Elle Nelson: Yeah, lead by example. Would agree? Disagree? Disagree. Any thoughts on that?  Brett Gilliland: Oh, I would a hundred percent agree. I mean, I think it’s, um, it’s, yeah, it’s critically important for that. And, and I, I’m very open with my kids and, and, you know, work and, you know, I don’t get into details, right, and names and all that kind of stuff, but like, hey, I struggle with something today and, but here’s what we did and here was a solution and I’m a big journal guy and here’s what I did in my mind, you know, we can have a pity party and cry about it all day, or I can go to my journal and I can work my way out of this. Whatever that problem is, to your point of what’s the solution? Yeah. Don’t, let’s not just Right. Keep adding fertilizer and water to the problem. It’s like, hey, there’s a problem. It’s how we deal with it now. Mm-hmm. Let’s go in my way of journal our way out of it and put a game plan together. And I think it’s important for them to see that. Elle Nelson: Yeah, complete because it, it transfers over to like, if I were to come home from work and I’m like, oh, you know, John and Susie were so terrible and this is so hard. I didn’t talk to ’em about it, but I’m just venting cuz I’m frustrated when I’m home. Right? And I don’t like this, and oh, I’ve gotta go to work today. Your kids are gonna see that. But then we can’t blame them when they’re like, oh, I don’t wanna go to practice. It’s gonna be so hard. We’re gonna run. I didn’t like that. The coach should play me. Right? Like, we are modeling the behaviors. And so if they reflect those, we can’t really be mad at them because, we we’re doing the same thing. So lead by example is number one. I think two would be like, what is success? What is success? What is it that they want to achieve? Because success can look very different. But then beyond that, and I think this really transfers into the corporate space as well It’s like, what are our values? What is success? But then we have to dive deeper than that. It’s what are the behaviors that are gonna reflect it day to day? So if they say, you know, I wanna play D one. Okay, well what is it that you need to do? What is it that if you do consistently on a daily basis, it’s going to help you achieve that? It’s going to help you find this process. We know this process isn’t gonna be easy, but that’s where like the good stuff is. Yeah, like that’s where we grow. It’s not just the outcome. I think our society especially, we’re so focused on the outcome and if I get here, I’m gonna be happy. And if this happens then I’ll enjoy it. Or all I wanna do is win this national championship. Well then all these coaches that win the national championship, they get there and it, it doesn’t take long for someone to ask, okay, same thing next year. Right Now, all of a sudden they didn’t really get to enjoy it that much. It’s already back to the grind. So if you don’t like the grind, You’re gonna make yourself miserable eventually.  Brett Gilliland: So that’s so funny you say that. It’s like, I find that I love the grind, I love the journey, and I, I actually, for me, I do better when there’s more chaos than when there’s not chaos. Right? Yeah. It’s, I don’t know, it’s, it’s kind of weird, but it, uh, when what, when you said that you gotta enjoy the grind, it’s true. Like I, I’ve enjoyed the last. Eight years, nine years of building a business and being on the grind. Right. It’s, it’s a lot of fun. But, but again, to your point is you gotta, you gotta want that. Right. And, and another thing we were talking about too is I think it’s important that my wife and I, we’re not the family. It’s like, oh, it’s, you know, here it is. Sunday night we got, oh, the old Mondays. Thank God it’s Friday. Versus thank God it’s Monday. And it’s like, no, let’s ha I mean, every day is the same for us. Right. But, but you gotta find passion in what you do. And if it’s, whether it’s your kids. The kid playing soccer or the parent at work. I mean, if you’re not loving what you’re doing, man, you need to make a change, you know?  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Completely agree. Um, my favorite day of the week is, is Monday. I’m gonna be honest. And it’s, it’s not because Monday’s the, the easiest day of the week. It’s cuz I love what I do and I’m excited to show up. I’m excited to build momentum for the week ahead because I’ve trained my brain to think that way. The process really is the best part. Um, And I, I think it’s like that, are we focused on the outcome? Are we focused on just, you know, winning the game or are we focused on achieving mastery and what we’re doing on a daily basis? Because if we can focus on achieving mastery, the outcome takes care of itself.  Brett Gilliland: That’s right. And I always say clarity proceeds mastery. Right? So the clear, to your point earlier, do you wanna play division one? Do you want to play professionally? And I can’t remember who it was, but somebody was saying maybe it was Bryce Harper or somebody, you know, plays for the Phillies and the major League baseball. And he was like, So many people said they wanna just make it to the major leagues right now once you get there, it’s the hardest thing about being in the major leagues on any professional athlete is staying there. Right. It’s not getting there. I mean, it’s hard to get there, of course, but staying there. Mm-hmm. From guys I’ve talked to, but it’s like his goal is to be a Hall of famer. Well, getting there versus being a Hall of Famer, that’s two different things. My work ethic must be different. My choices, my food intake, my exercise. Everything’s different if you’re trying to build a hall, a hall of fame career. And that’s that clarity I think that we all need per personally, professionally, uh, as a kid and as an adult, right?  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Completely agree. Yeah. So what part of, um, go ahead. Oh no, I was just gonna say, part of that I think is getting clear on, on your values too, cuz that’s going to dictate and drive the direction you wanna go. That’s, that’s a whole nother conversation. But what were you gonna say?  Brett Gilliland: That’s another podcast, right? So, um, let’s talk about your webinar since we’re on this the Kid thing and, and I think this is important. So you, you have a April 6th. You have a webinar, which it’s $10 a person. So this is, this is not a barrier of entry problem here, right? Um, but this is called College Ready. It’s for parents, it’s for kids, it’s for coaches. So talk to us about this webinar and what it’s gonna do and what people can get out of it.  Elle Nelson: Yeah, absolutely. So it’s April 6th, five to 7:00 PM Pacific time. Uh, and that is going to be trying to provide as well rounded of an insight as we can into what preparing and going into college looks like. So it’s gonna have college coaches, strength and conditioning coach. Uh, I’m gonna be on there as well. From the mental performance sports psychology side. We’ve got, uh, a youth international coach, a sport recruiting company, so we’re trying to cover all angles. Uh, and then we’ve got two coaches, division one and division three. So we’re trying to provide insight into eligibility, what college coaches are looking for when it comes to film, how you can stand out to college coaches, uh, how you need to prepare your body to reduce the risk of injury, and go in ready to play. What type of mental attributes do you need? What are the differences between college divisions? It’s gonna have a live q and a Wow. So that way you can get all your questions answered in one place. Uh, so that’s really the goal of it, is to… Brett Gilliland: I love that. Elle Nelson: …and make sure it’s cost efficient. Everybody has access to it.  Brett Gilliland: And where do we find that? What, uh, where do we go? Assuming there’s a website we can sign up. Elle Nelson: Yeah, so linktree.com/sportspsychology. If you type that, you’ll see a link to register. And then you can also, um, find that link on my Instagram, which is the @signriseover.run.  Brett Gilliland: Perfect. We will put all that in the show notes too, Ellie, so everybody has an access, uh, easy link to get to that. So that’s awesome. That sounds like an amazing event. And, uh, I think I know what I’m doing from seven to nine Central time on April 6th. I already see where I’m gonna set my house. I’m gonna watch it. We’re gonna have some fun. We’re gonna learn. And, uh, so you mentioned recovery. So this is, we’re gonna bleed into now, into the, uh, into the culture and the mindset and the business side of this, uh, this podcast. But this goes, this is kind of a way that can help both. So what do we do for recovery, um, to help our bodies? So if we’re an athlete, as a child, Me, a 45 year old guy that likes to work out is a little sore today. I did legs yesterday, so I’m a little sore. Uh, what can we do to, uh, recover and, and feel better? Elle Nelson: What can we do to recover and feel better from a physical standpoint?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Elle Nelson: Oh, okay. Let, let’s take it back to my college days. Um, so I, I mean, day after something tough, I would say, Like, we’ve got all these new things now with the, uh, thera Gun rolling out. Movement is medicine, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Elle Nelson: Like lighter, longer movement, whether it’s a walk, whether it’s a bike ride, get some type of movement in mobility work, flexibility work, especially if we’re tired and sore. So any sort of post-game day for me would look like that. Brett Gilliland: I’ve been writing this stuff down.  Elle Nelson: What would you say, what’s, what’s on your recovery day today then, Brett?  Brett Gilliland: Mine will be stretching and, uh, maybe some yoga and, uh, I’ll probably still get on the rower and, uh, I don’t work out on Wednesday mornings. Um, And so, cause I do a, uh, Tuesday mornings I work out really early, and then Tuesday night I do about a four mile walk when my youngest is at soccer practice. So give myself Wednesday morning to just not have to, uh, dive right back into exercise. So I’ll fit it in sometime today and get it done. But I, I think, you know, for me it’s, it’s, there’s the ice bath people talk about and, and I’m not perfect at that, but it’s, uh, it’s certainly something that is, is helpful. I, I feel completely different after three or four minutes in an ice bath at 40 something degrees, it is absolute hell for 30 seconds, at least for me. And, uh, you know, you see people get in these things and they act like nothing happened. Well, I get in it and you think I’ve been shot, uh, every time it happens. And so I think it sucks and, but I do it. And it feels better. Uh, so that I do a sauna, uh, for recovery, I think is a big deal, but the stretching and just moving your body is, is a big, big deal.  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That cold exposure therapy is becoming more and more popular. I’m seeing that all the time with how people start their day, like the cold tubs that you can have at your house now. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Elle Nelson: Yeah. That’s becoming more and more popular. So I, I’ve, I’ve gone through phases where I’ve tried it, but I’m similar to you where I’m like, especially in the morning and if it’s already cold outside. Yeah, it’s, it just feels so cold.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah. It, uh, it does. It’s absolutely terrible. But I will say it’s worth it. Every time I do it, I’m happy I’ve done it, but it is hell, uh, getting into it. So for those listening, just give it a shot, especially here in the Midwest, you can just turn your bathtub on. Just the cold water only. And it’s, you know, in the wintertime like this, it’s really cold. Um, and so yeah, give it a shot.  See if you can last three or four minutes in there. And, uh, but you gotta focus on your breathing cuz your heart rate goes about a mile a minute. And, uh, just, but the breathing part is huge. And which leads me to my next question is, I saw on your Instagram the, uh, the post of Lionel Messi. Right. And so during the World Cup, he’s got a, he’s got a, I think it was the extra kicks, penalty, kicks, uh, at the end of the game, they’re in overtime, double overtime, whatever it was. Talked about. Breathing, right? Breathing. Mm-hmm. Shoulders up. That was the post. Talk to us again from the business mindset and then the kid playing sports. Why is breathing so important and what do we need to focus on there?  Elle Nelson: Yeah, I mean, breathing is is huge. It can be used for so many things in so many different ways, so it’s something that I talk about pretty early on when I’m working with clients just because it’s one of the easiest things to grasp, right? We do it naturally, but actually if we can do it a little bit more efficiently or with purpose, it can help us calm down. It can help us refocus. We can also use it to kind of like boost our energy, hype ourselves up a little bit too. So I think there’s a lot that we can use breathing for, um, And then like even from a workout standpoint, right? We’re supplying oxygen to the body. We can get more out of our body when we’re supplying that oxygen. So there’s so much that, that the breath and breath work can be used for. In that particular case, when I shared the video, so talking about the World Cup, it’s like these high pressure moments, high pressure situations. So in sport we can see that in really important games, really important moments, um, in every single sport. So I think like free throw is penalty kicks. That can be good examples. Um, so there’s that. But then there’s also giving a presentation. About to deliver some type of workshop, have a difficult conversation. We can use the same breathing in those moments as well. And what it is, is it’s just moments where if there’s high pressure, we might be carrying some tension. So for me, I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders. I don’t know. Do you carry tension in your shoulders or have anywhere in your body that you carry tension? Brett Gilliland: I do. Mine’s right, right here, kind of in my neck slash left shoulder.  Elle Nelson: Okay, let’s, so, so oftentimes it’s like through the neck area and the shoulders. Yeah. And so what we do is we take a big deep breath in and we tense everything up. Right? Right. So we tense up the area that we know is holding a lot of tension already and pressure. So we tense it up to acknowledge that we know it’s there. And then deliberately on that breath out through the mouth, we drop the shoulders, we release it. So by doing that, we’re releasing tension, but also we’re drawing our focus away from whatever might be causing anxiety and choosing to be back in the present moment. Because to think about the breath, we have to be present with it. So all of a sudden we’ve let go, even if it’s first let second, we’ve consciously let go of whatever was holding us back, and we’ve decided to be in the moment so that we can be our best in that moment. Does that make sense?  Brett Gilliland: It does. And I, and I, I a thousand percent believe that, and because I’m, I’ve been meditating and breathing, whatever we want to call it, mindfulness, uh, for, gosh, probably a decade at least now. And it, it, it was a game changer, life changer for me, and I, I share this all the time on here and in public with people is, is that breathing part is hard When you’re having a, an anxiety moment or a stressful moment to believe like, oh, a couple deep breaths are gonna help. Yeah, whatever, man. Buzz off. Right? This is, You know, whatever cuckoo talk, but it, it’s so dang true, right? And, and it is just, if you start to believe it and you start to try, just give it a chance. Give it a try. It is a life changer for people that struggle with that stuff. And it’s, for me, I can be in a moment, in a meeting and just start to feel it for no reason. But you can just kind of do some deep breathing, right? Breathe in through the nose slowly, out through the mouth. You know, people talk about box breathing. I think that’s important for our success in any aspect of life.  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. I think so as well. And it’s, it’s even like the, this is something that I do every single night before I go to bed. So I’m one of those people who just, you know, right before you fall asleep, your mind starts to just relax and all of a sudden those thoughts, right. You’ve been trying to control your brain all day to stay focused on tasks. So now you try and go to sleep and, and my thoughts, I don’t know how you are, but like my thoughts are like, Right. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Right.  Elle Nelson: it’s like I come up with the craziest inventions, the conversation I had two years ago. My brain will go a million different directions, and so I use my breath and it’s kind of a form of meditation, but I think that word can be kind of off-putting sometimes. So I just use my breath and I pair it with a tide, like an ocean tide. So as I breathe in, the tide comes up, breathe out. Tide goes down and I picture an ocean. So it’s a form of imagery and visualization as well. And that’s my way of relaxing, clearing my mind. And it’s like any thought that comes, I don’t fight it. I let it pass. I’m observing it, I let it pass, and I go back to my ocean, back to my breathing every time I’ve done it. I’m not kidding, Brett. I fall asleep in three, four minutes tops.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah. So you’re laying in bed like, like ready to go to bed when you’re doing that. Yeah.  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I go to bed a lot with just a meditation going off on my, you know, my phone, which I shouldn’t have it right next to me, but it’s in the nightstand next to me. And you know, I’ll have that kinda peaceful music going and do the same thing, that breathing and I, I need to probably visualize the ocean, but other. My only thought would be I would be like excited and thinking about the ocean that I wouldn’t go to bed. Cause I’d be thinking about vacation or something, but, but I’ll give it a shot. I’ll give the ocean thing a shot and see what happens. But, uh, yeah, yeah, no, it’s, it’s critically important. What, what are some other things, Elle, if I followed you around, would I see, so I get the breathing at night. Um, what other thing, obviously there’s exercise in there, I assume daily, or at least five or six times a week. What other things am I seeing that you do to be at the top of your game?  Elle Nelson: Yeah, I. I mean, I’ll go with the first thing that pops up in my mind. I would say my self-talk out loud and in my head. I used to be kind of embarrassed about the things that I say out loud, but I am not embarrassed anymore. If you’re around me, you might hear me say something to myself and I, I have to work at it every day.  I think it takes a lot of practice, a lot of consistency. Just like you have to show up at the gym every day. You can’t just stop and think, you know, your, your muscles are gonna stay the exact same way. Right. Like, you have to be consistent. And so my self-talk is very consistent. I’m trying to create a default mindset very intentionally. Um, that’s not, oh, I’m always gonna be confident. No, I might not always be confident, right? Because I think confidence is like a feeling. It can come and go, but I’m gonna be courageous. I’m gonna make the tough decisions. I’m going to lift myself up. I’m gonna focus on solutions. And so I think you can hear that in the way that I talk to myself. So, I’ll give you an example. I, I might be, um, talking to someone or in and around having a conversation and something might come out of my mouth like, oh, that was so annoying, I didn’t like when that happened. And then I’ll, I’ll actually out loud go, hold on. Let me try that again and I’ll re-say it and, and I will say something like, um, Do you know what that I had a response that I noticed with that. So in the future I’m gonna try and conquer it like this, like I will out loud and other people will hear me cuz I will literally be like, hold on, let me try that again. Which I, I’m not embarrassed of because I’m sh you know, kind of demonstrating to others that I wanna practice what I preach and I’m hopefully encouraging other people to do the same for themselves. It’s like we tear ourselves apart all the time. It’s so easy to do that. It’s not helpful. So I wanna challenge myself to do hard things. I wanna challenge myself to try things I’m afraid of. I wanna challenge myself to, you know, create a new default mindset, and that means. Consistently kind of talking to myself the way that a good coach or a good friend would. Right. It’s challenging and challenging myself, but I’m making sure it’s helpful and not hurtful. So… Brett Gilliland: I, I love that because it’s funny, I, I have, uh, for some reason, I’ve got, and I, I agree with this, so I’ve lived my life that way, but when it comes to my golf game, I’ve been telling myself I’m absolutely terrible at putting over the last probably five years I’ve been saying that, well, guess what? My putting’s getting worse, right? So this year, 2023, I always say to myself, I’m getting better every day, right? I’m getting better every day. And I know that today I’m gonna be on a conference call that I don’t have to talk much. I’m looking right over there at my putter. And the seven golf balls and the little hole I’ve got, and I practice, I do 21 putts a day. Right? And I’m getting better every day. And so I’m telling myself that this is the year I’m gonna become a phenomenal putter. And, and, and who knows, right? If that happens. But I believe that there’s a better chance of me telling myself that, that I will end 2023 as a better putter than I started it. And you can use that putting analogy for anything, right? I’m gonna be better at presenting in the boardroom to potential clients. I’m gonna be better at whatever. But you gotta tell yourself that, right? I’m getting better every day. I’m getting better every day. So I love that.  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm.  Brett Gilliland: That’s great stuff. So how do we, how, what’s, what’s the path to build better confidence again for the business person, the, the student athlete? How do we build more confidence?  Elle Nelson: Yeah. So I think there’s a lot of different ways that I could take that. Um, I think we have a lot of different sources of confidence. So figuring out what those sources are is the first thing. It’s, you know, is it rooted in affirmation from others? Like getting positive feedback all the time. Is it getting awards and recognition? Is it in noticing that I’m mastering or kind of unlocking certain skills? Is it noticing that I’m improving in a certain way? Like there are a lot of different sources of confidence. Are they coming externally or internally? Because we wanna make sure that it’s not just through a reinforcement by others. Because sometimes we don’t have that luxury. Sometimes uh, you know, our boss doesn’t give a lot of positive feedback. Not because they don’t think positively of us, but they just don’t think about giving that feedback all the time. Right, right. Like, we might not always have the luxury of getting that. We might not always have a coach who’s gonna lift us up cuz they’ve got a whole team of people they’re working with. So we have to make sure that we reframe and look at sources of confidence that we have more control over, so that way we don’t feel like we’re just being impacted by things all the time. Right? Like all too often if I’m working with an athlete or if I’m working with somebody in the corporate space, it’s like all I had, I delivered a really great presentation or workshop. I’m feeling on top of it, very confident. I had a great practice, great practice for a great game. I’m feeling on top of it, oh, I didn’t do very well, or somebody called me out. Now I’ve got low confidence. It, it’s exhausting. It’s up and down. It’s up and down. It’s so it’s got to be focused on that, that process too, which again, is something that’s in our control. It’s noticing. Notice the little wins. Notice when you tried something that the you six months ago wouldn’t have tried. Notice when you were just a little bit more consistent in something that you’ve been trying to improve on. Notice when you’ve achieved a certain skill that a year ago you didn’t think you’d be able to do, or you got that promotion that you didn’t think you were in. I think the promotion can be a bigger example, but there’s more day-to-day stuff that we often don’t notice. We just expect it or like, okay, now what? We got it now what? Because we’re constantly hard on ourselves, so it’s making sure our confidence is at least somewhat rooted with things that are in our control. And then recognizing when we make progress, like give yourself some credit. We don’t do that very often.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Would you I think those, would you allow me to give a shameless plug to my own journal that I am so pumped? This is, uh, my journal, 22 years in the making is now live on Amazon, so, but my point of bring, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Um, my point to this is, is that every day it, it made me think of gratitude, right? Things that you, little victories, little things that we’ve gotta be thankful for every day. And when we write those down every single day, you start to have more gratitude in your life. Isn’t that crazy? Well, it’s not ironic. So that, that’s something I have people write down anywhere from three to five things in this journal and their daily planner, uh, every day. But at the end of the 90 day worksheet or the 90 Day Journal, there’s a gratitude worksheet. And this gratitude worksheet talks about, you know, month one, month two, month three is actually go through your telephone, look at all the pictures you’ve taken, look at all the things that you’ve done, the experiences you’ve created with friends and family. Hopefully write those down one after another. All the things we’re thankful for. Month one, month two, month three. And then at the end, let’s go ahead and pre-book some amazing experiences with your wife, your her husband, your kids, your friends, your family, whoever. And get ’em booked, and now let’s have an amazing next 90 days. Right? And so just keep rolling through that, uh, I think is important, is what came to my mind when, when you so eloquently talked about how to build confidence. I think gratitude’s part of that. Elle Nelson: Mm. Yeah, I would completely agree. It’s like what, what you focus on, you attract, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Elle Nelson: So if you’re focusing on the things that you’re grateful for, you’re more likely to notice those things. If you’re, if you’re not, it’s not that those things don’t exist, we’re just not looking for them. So what you’re looking for, It multiplies. So I, I think when you mentioned that gratitude, if that’s a practice that you have consistently, it means you’re gonna be looking for the things that are going well. You’re gonna be grateful even for the adversity. You’re gonna be grateful because you’ll be able to notice more often how you’ve grown from it.  Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Elle Nelson: I am significantly more thankful for all the not so good times. All the times where I didn’t make the team all the times where, you know, I didn’t get such great feedback because I struggled with it, but then I was like, wait, I’m struggling because there’s room for growth. Like, yeah, this is a message that’s being sent to me. Um, and that gratitude journal and reflection is such a good way to reinforce that. Thank you for sharing that too.  Brett Gilliland: Absolutely. Thank you for letting me, um, I’m gonna have some fun. This is the second time I’ve done this and I’m gonna, I’m gonna put you on the spot here, but it’s your Instagram account, so you’ve already gone public with it, so this will be nothing embarrassing. Elle Nelson: Okay?  Brett Gilliland: Uh, but I want you to pick a number between one and 10.  Elle Nelson: Okay, I will choose nine.  Brett Gilliland: 1, 2, 3. All right. Now pick between, uh, one and three. Elle Nelson: Three.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. Thank God you didn’t pick one because it was, uh, so basically what I did is I went to the 10th row of your Instagram account and I, uh, picked, and the row you picked was the Lionel Messi was number one. So I’m like, oh, great, this is gonna backfire. I already already talked about the Lionel Messi quote. And so you said number three. And so that one says, Uh, build a life you love. Uh, things I like my day to consist of coffee, learning, movement, helping others, pausing hard to do, but always worth it. Laughter, enjoy pushing your limits. What daily habits are your non-negotiables? So that’s a great quote, right? And are great posts and it’s got the life of Elle right there in your video. So, so walk us through that post. Why are those things important? Why do we share that and what do you hope others get from it?  Elle Nelson: Yeah. Oh, I think this is really actually related to your, um, gratitude journal because it’s the, the power of consistency and habit and the things that are non-negotiable in my day because they keep me grounded to my values and on track. So for me, I mean the things that you mentioned in there, like movement, being active every day, finding time to pause so I can be in the present moment. Uh, like all of those things are really important to me because it reflects who I am, what’s important to me, or it helps me stay on track and stay plugged into what’s important to me. So I feel like the best version of myself when I have those habits, uh, and those habits help me mentally, physically, and spiritually. So what I would recommend, I mean, this is something that it’s not gonna be the same year after year, after year. I think there’ll be some minor changes based on what’s going on in my life. But for the most part, if I look at the last, like even 10 years, all of those things that I listed have been pretty consistent for me in my day and usually as part of my morning. Uh, so I would recommend for anybody who doesn’t have a morning routine or at least some type of routine throughout the day. Try and find even the smallest of things, even if it’s two, three minutes a day, to incorporate things that are reflected in what’s important to you or helping you be the best version of yourself. I. So that’s, yeah, that’s… Brett Gilliland: And my guess is, um, you know, we, we don’t go way back, but my guess is, uh, what I’ve learned about you already through my research and through today is it’s, I would even almost call it boringly consistent, right? I mean, you just show up every day, even on days you don’t want to do it. Um, you show up and you do it. And I think I even saw one that you said, A crappy run is better than no run. Right. So it’s an all or nothing attitude that we have and, and I’m stealing the words mm-hmm. Out of your post there. But it’s so true. I think so many times in business and in and in personal lives, whatever, it’s, it’s all or nothing. Right? We can’t have a crappy day, and I’ve learned to even celebrate a crappy day because I still got up and made some things happen.  Elle Nelson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it, in that, it’s like, what are you looking at? Are you looking at the fact that you didn’t do as well as your highest standard? Or can you look at it with like appreciation and some gratitude that like, Hey, I still did something. It’s not all or nothing. We all too often think it’s all or nothing. Yeah. Uh, right. Like I, I wanna make the team so I either go and talk to the coach and say, I wanna be on the team, or else I’m gonna quit. It’s, it’s not like, okay, what’s the in between look like? Yeah. What does this conversation look like? What’s the compromise or what can I do? And that’s reflected in habits day to day. I think that it’s celebrating when it’s not as good.  Brett Gilliland: Well, this has been absolutely awesome. Uh, Elle, where can our listeners find more of you? Elle Nelson: Hmm. Uh, find me on Instagram and LinkedIn probably. Uh, More so than other places I would say. Okay. So Instagram, I think I already mentioned earlier, @riseover.run and then LinkedIn as well. Uh, yeah, probably there… Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Elle Nelson: …more so than anything else.  Brett Gilliland: And you’ve got your Link Tree. For those that don’t know what Link Tree is, you can check it out on her. Um, Instagram handle. I’ve got one as well. And it just kind of shows you anything that you’d want to get from that person. So that, uh, that’s good. That’s great. Elle, it’s been awesome having you on the Circuit of Success. And, uh, we’ll, we’ll see you, uh, on April 6th, uh, at your webinar. And, uh, for those people that listening, she does respond. Hence how we’re together on, uh, on this podcast today. So reach out, um, any questions you have for Elle and Elle it’s been awesome having you.  Elle Nelson: Likewise, Brett, it’s been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.

Sean Donohue joins us to discuss the importance of building a healthy parent-child relationship through trust, mentoring and emotional connection. Sean shares his perspective on parenting styles and encourages parents to slow down and find a healthy balance between being an authoritative parent while also being flexible and emotionally connected. Throughout the podcast, Sean discusses the impacts of parenting and personal growth. Whether you’re a parent struggling to connect with your children or looking to strengthen your bond, this week’s podcast is full of valuable insights from a family coach’s view.  https://youtu.be/npnjB22Q_zk Brett Gilliland: Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland. Today I’ve got my buddy Sean Donohue with me. Sean, what’s up man? How are you?  Sean Donohue: Hey, Brett. What’s up? Hey, really happy to be here. Brett Gilliland: It’s good to be with you. You, uh, you coming to us from California out there and, uh, what’s, what’s your hats say? Appeal to heaven with a tree there. I like that. You, you always got the coolest hats.  Sean Donohue: You know, thank you. You know, I, uh, actually find patches online and then I put ’em on, ran random hats cuz I want to have like unique hat. This hat An appeal to heaven. Uh, it’s got a little tree on it. This was, uh, one of the first United States flags. In fact, George Washington and the homies, they needed a flag to put on their ships because they didn’t have a country. So they came up with this flag and appeal to heaven so that they could distinguish between our, our ships and the freaking, uh, Great Britain, uh, communists that were coming down trying to steal our, uh, all our stuff. Brett Gilliland: That’s awesome, man. I have no idea.  Sean Donohue: Cool. It’s cool. Cool story, huh?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, its very cool story.  Sean Donohue: [inaudible] I’m surprised I don’t see this patch or this flag more often because, I mean, it’s just like America. You know what I mean?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Screams America, even though I didn’t know it screamed America. I love it.  Sean Donohue: It really does. Brett Gilliland: Right. Well, Sean Donohue is the family coach man. You are, uh, big on, uh, social media and have made a, a wave, I guess on TikTok. I’m new to this TikTok thing. My, my kids told me I had to get on TikTok, but you’ve got like, what, 500,000 million, whatever it is. Followers and, uh, some good stuff. And again, you are the family coach. Uh, you and I have spent a great deal of time together in the year of 2023. Uh, I’m always very transparent and vulnerable in these podcasts, and so, uh, Sean is the guy that helps me, uh, with my crazy life, right? With, you know, running a business, having four kids, a marriage, all the things that we do to try to, you know, just live life man and be the best we can be. I have, uh, personally hired Sean and working with him in 2023 and it’s been phenomenal. And, uh, so I had to have him on the podcast. And so here we are today. But with all that being said, Sean, if you can, I always have people that give us a little lay of the land and what’s made you the man you are today, because you don’t just wake up and help hundreds of thousands of people, uh, have better families. So what is it that has made you the man you are today? Sean Donohue: Oh my goodness. Well, I’m a little flattered by the invitation because, uh, I’ve, um, I love being on People Podcast, Brett, but I consider you a friend and a client, so I’ve never been on a friend’s podcast before, so this is like really cool because I feel like I know you, I trust you. I feel like, uh, you know, you have helped me to be a better man just by our times together and sharing life together. And so that’s, uh, so thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Brett Gilliland: Thank you.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, I think that, to answer your question, um, the first, the first thing I think of actually when you ask me about who I am as a 44 year old man, married for 18 years, uh, three daughters is other men. Other men. Uh, I do love my, my own dad and I do. I did have a good experience with my stepdad growing up, but it was, uh, I didn’t, no, not my primary mentors. I had to reach out to other men when I was in my teens in twenties and thirties because I was just a hot mess of a man. And I don’t really blame myself because, you know, you don’t know what you don’t know. And so I had, uh, some challenges in my childhood and my young adult life, and I just craved to be a healthy man. I craved to be a good dad and a healthy businessman, and I knew I didn’t have it. I knew I didn’t. I knew I had to get it. And so I got it from books and then I got it from going up to other men, just surrounding myself with other healthy men who were smarter than me and knew a lot more about life. So that’s the first thing I think of, man.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s awesome. And, and again, you’ve been doing this family stuff for 20 years, right? Because social media is new and, and you’ve kind of gotten this crazy following, but yet this is what you’ve really dedicated your life to, uh, uh, as being in that world, right? Sean Donohue: Yeah, man. The first, uh, I was just telling my, my, one of my daughters about this. First thing I ever got passionate about was actually standup comedy and comedy writing. I did that even before I was 21. I even performed in the comedy store, which is only 21 and up when I was 20 years old. And then I started volunteering with kids in afterschool program and youth groups and Christian type stuff, and I, it just was this calling. It was like, I’m not supposed to be in entertainment. I’m supposed to be spending my life around kids and around, uh, families. And so yeah, I was, now I’m an old man and I’m not as cool as I used to be, so I don’t connect with the kids as well as I used to. So I spend most of my time now just, uh, being with like-minded parents who are in the thick of it. Yeah. And so, yeah, the social media thing has been really fun. It’s, it’s a grind. It’s a whole different gamut. It comes with lots of pros and cons. But yeah, it has been helpful to help me just help people and, and spread the l, spread the love and to put tools in people’s toolboxes, Brett.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah. I’m a, I’m a big believer in coaching. You know, I, I’m a, I love sports and, you know, you think about whether it’s the best golfers in the world and, and you know, you look at, even yesterday the masters got done and you know, I’m watching John Rom after his round. You know, he is, Loving on his wife, his kids, but you, you see the people, right, that are there for him. And, and I said, okay, that guy knows a mental mindset coach on tour. That guy’s a nutritionist, that guy’s a strength guy. I mean, they, they’ve, they’re surrounded with people, right? That, that are helping them get to the level they want to. And I think that you and I both believe this obviously’s what you do for a living. It’s what I do for a living. Helping people with their money, uh, and their goals and their dreams and aspirations. But how important is coaching and spending time with others and learning from them?  Sean Donohue: Well, he actually saw that social media post you made, and I totally agree. I mean, you look at these athletes, these professional athletes, they’re just surrounded by other people. They are not in it alone. And what’s so cool about what’s happening between me and you and everyone listening to this podcast right now, Brett, is that you know, men, we’ve always had a growth mindset towards different things. You know, like this is not a new term. Uh, now it’s the term’s like 15 years old, but this is not a new psychological concept of men. We are, we are builders, you know, we are creators, we are artists, we are providers. And, and so, you know, I wasn’t, I wasn’t, you know, I wasn’t there back in the 1700s when my relatives in Ireland were grinding, you know, planting potatoes and trying to keep their, you know, families alive. But I have a, I, I have a feeling the old Donohue’s of the past, they were men of great strength, and they were fighters and they would protect their family, but they were always growing to try to improve their land, improve themselves. But now what’s happening is that we have a generation of men, just like everyday, men like you and I, who have a growth mindset towards parenting, towards family life. It’s like, I don’t, I can’t speak for our dads. They’re not here right now, Brett. I don’t think our dads are going to like a parenting conferences, you know, back when we were growing up in the, uh, seventies, eighties, or nineties, or whenever y’all grew up.  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: You know what I mean?  Brett Gilliland: Totally. Yeah. You’re totally, absolutely right. Sean Donohue: Yeah. So, so I, I mean, I wasn’t like, You know, I, the reason I got here is because I had to learn mostly from women about the art of parenting and family dynamics. And so yeah. Now we’re here because, you know, we might say family is the most important thing. We might have our last name tattooed on our back, or we say we love our kids more than anything. But what’s so cool is that now we have, like we are. As men, we are very different, uh, than our, than the generations before us because we’re really into this thing called parenting. It’s like, yeah, we want our kids to obey and cooperate and respect and become successful. We also, you know, we want to be close. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Sean Donohue: We want to be connected. We want to mentor them. Right. That is like, You know, I love the word coaching, but really the word coaching is, is very similar, just the word mentoring, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: So we wanna mentor, and that’s what our kids today need more than ever. They need our connection, they need our mentoring because without a healthy parental figures in their life, we already know what’s gonna happen. They’re gonna be a freaking hot mess, and they’re gonna cause more problems, you know, in society and in their families. And that’s what we’re seeing all, all around, everywhere we look right.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And I think too, it’s man, you look at business people and, and, and non-business people, but this is really anybody, these families that have a tight, cohesive unit. I mean, that, that’s what I pray and hope for, right, with my four boys is that they want to continue to be around me and, uh, yeah. And all that stuff. And I mean, that’s the definition of success now, right? It’s not the, the success in business as much as the success that when my kids kind of go to college and go away, that they want to, uh, come back around and, you know, like yesterday I keep talking about the masters, but I, I got to. Spend the day on Easter Sunday and watch the golf tournament. My mom and dad and a bunch of other families were around, but we were dialed into the golf tournament because that’s what I remember, you know, doing as a kid. And so it’s cool to do that and I want to continue to do that with my kids. And are you seeing a big change in that? Sean Donohue: Yeah, definitely. My work is, uh, I think very, I’m happy to say, It’s very effective. You know, lots of happy clients hap and when you say change, I also see like change happens when a, when a mom or a dad gets motivated to create positive change in their family, in their dynamics to break those painful cycles. It changes the world. I mean, yeah, we talk about how influential media is on our kids and that’s fine. It’s true, but the most powerful person, you know, in a child’s life is their own parents. Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Sean Donohue: And just to compliment you, I mean, you just, let me affirm you for a second. Like, you know it, if you ask 10 people, what’s the definition of a successful man, you’re gonna get 10 different responses. But for me, for sure, I view you as very successful. Because what is success? I mean, success is, I really don’t even know much about your business. I, I did. Look, I love your social media. I love, but I mean, look what you’re doing, you. You’re really, uh, you have a loving family. You have four imperfect, imperfect kids. You’re an imperfect dad, and you’re in the grind, loving them, learning with them, sharing problems with them, you know, uh, humanizing yourself to them. And now you’re st you’re, you’re in this role of being their, their father, but also being their mentor. And now you’ve shifted clearly part of your business where you spend your free time. You know, on a podcast, giving encouragement, giving support, giving free knowledge and mentoring, coaching to so many people, cuz we could all learn so much from you about all these things. Like you have your book out and your calendar and this, this whole, all these, you know, trying to be successful in all these different areas of our lives. So just, yeah, happy to be rapping with you about this stuff, man. Brett Gilliland: I love it. I love it. So, so let’s talk. So most of these podcasts I do are around mindset and business and success, right? And, and I’ve had people say, Hey, have you ever thought about doing some parenting stuff on here? And so that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. So, uh, obviously you can’t dive into the details of your clients and, and tell us all that stuff, but in today’s world, you know, it’s, it’s crazy. It’s, you know, the constant notifications. It’s social media, it’s our kids want our phones and we are busy with as parents and all this stuff, right? We, we all live kind of the same life. Uh, I call it the, the, the treadmill of life. And, and we have to really take ourself off the treadmill of life. And I do it through coaching with you and, and through other things. Um, but what, what’s the constant themes that you’re seeing amongst families that you’re helping right now and who you’re coaching? Sean Donohue: Oh man. Well, the biggest, yeah. Uh, two things come to mind. The first thing come to mind is when you were used to back in, when we were growing up, when you used to think about a really hurting child, a hurting teenager. I mean, I would guess the most of us would be thinking about those, uh, you know, those kids that were just party hard, right? They’re getting caught up in pot or violence or drugs like that you see in the movies. You know what I mean?  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: It, that was, those were the, the troubled kids. It’s like the, uh, you know, like he didn’t think that movie Dazed and Confused like that Matthew McConaughey figure that we love to quote. What does he say? Like, he’s so funny. That’s like the movie that made him funny. Like, that dude was like a creeper cuz he was like 18, 19 ,20. He is flirting with high school girls. Like we all laugh, but that’s the type of kid you would think about back in the day of like a troubled kid. But nowadays, I mean these screens have in, they’ve not only impacted the entire childhood experience, they’ve impacted the entire parenting experience. Our screens have even impacted the human experience. And so we are seeing, I’ve been seeing so many problems, you know, come up with screens and how they are impacting our family dynamics, how they’re impacting us as husbands or wives trying to be close and connected to each other. And so it is just causing so many problems and, and furthermore, what’s caused even more problems at these companies like Google and Apple, I mean they are just all in it for the dollar. So they have just screwed us everyday parents with giving us all this technology without very many good, helpful parental restrictions or knowledge about how to use it. Now we’ve come a long way in 10 years, in the last 10 years cause I’ve been doing this for a long, longer than that. But yeah, there’s just a lot of hurting parents out there right now because of screens and these parents, you know, they feel lost and they feel confused, frustrated, like, what is going on here? Brett Gilliland: So what, what do you do and whether it’s you personally as your family or, or you know, the families again that you work with. What, what are the tools? I know you talk about the toolbox, right? The parenting toolbox and, and I don’t get to see your toolbox and you don’t get to see my toolbox and all that stuff, but like what’s in the toolbox now for those parents that these kids, man, they want these phones, right? They want ’em and it’s hard to get ’em away and Right, and to take it away sometimes can be like World War III starting, right? So, What, what tools are you helping, helping parents with, and how are you even helping your own teenage daughters, uh, get off the phone and spend more time away from that stuff? Sean Donohue: You might, you might really love my answer and you might hate it because I don’t, I think my answer is sometimes frustrate people because I don’t really answer questions directly. Sometimes I feel like they direct me, but, so let me, um, let me, let me, uh, let me answer this in a few different ways and let me get your thoughts on it. Cause I’d love to get your thoughts cuz I feel like this is a, a weird answer and maybe you think it is or maybe think and it’s not weird, you know, parenting is like never about what it’s about. So on the surface it might be about screens or it might be about your kid won’t empty the freaking dishwasher. Or clean up the freaking dog poop or the cat litter box. On the, on the, on the surface, it might seem like your kids getting salty when Gram and Grandpa come over for Easter because they want to do X, Y, and Z. But it’s never really about that. It’s, it’s always about something else. So how I help people solve problems to be the parent they want to be and to raise the kids that they want is to slow down and first. Like realize that, you know, mindset is everything. How you look about your life and your parenting is everything. So when it comes to screens, for example, it’s almost never about a screen. It’s normally about trust. Either you have trust or the relationship is lacking trust. Either the young person has sh shown to you that they’re trustworthy around a screen, which is the world’s most powerful device. Hmm, or the young person has shown you, look, I’m just a young person and this is a very powerful device that’s affecting my psychology. You know, my emotions, my identity, and I really need your help in developing a healthy, trusting relationship with this screen. So that’s first thing I think of Brett.  Brett Gilliland: I like, yeah, yeah. But, but again, I think that’s, it’s easy to say that, but what happens when you get, go in and, and they’ve been wanting to just sit on their phone for, you know, an hour and a half, two hours instead of, you know, coming out of their room. And maybe there’s parents out there, uh, and I know I’ve done this in the past, like, get off your damn phone, right? Like…  Sean Donohue: Right, who hasn’t done that.  Brett Gilliland: Don’t do this, go do A, B, and C. So like that doesn’t work. It doesn’t work.  Sean Donohue: No, it doesn’t.  Brett Gilliland: Right, and and so what are you doing again, if, if it’s a tool, right? It’s a hammer. What’s that hammer for you that maybe gets your daughters off the phone and a and last… Sean Donohue: Yeah. Here’s like a, here’s a, there’s a lot of ways I can answer that question. Lots and lots of answers, but here’s like a, here’s like a really kind of a, a profound but kind of silly way of looking at the answer to that question. Um, I’m not really into like the food pyramid. Or the food my plate, I think they’re stupid. Like, you know what I’m talking about that?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Sean Donohue: I’m also, I’m really not into, um, like those stupid posters that if you go into like a freshman health class, you’ll see all these posters. You’ll see like a, you’ll see this homeless dude, he’s all cracked out and he looks homeless and it says like in the caption, like, kids don’t do crack. Or it all started for me the first time I took that one joint in ninth grade. Right. You know those posters like fear mongering posters?  Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Sean Donohue: These things suck because they don’t reach anyone’s heart. They don’t reach the heart. It’s almost like if you go to the community pool and it says, you know, No roughhousing. It’s like, screw you, dude. Roughhousing is like the best part of going to the pool. You know, let’s get some chicken fights right now, like, I’m not gonna listen to you. Or like some skinny, like 14 year old lifeguard. They, I can’t even save me if I, you, you know what I mean? I don’t care about these things and because they don’t really reach my heart. So, so much of parenting, um, is about really reaching our kids’ hearts, and this is not easy. And it’s not easy because of a lot of reasons. One is because, uh, their hearts might be more into what’s on a screen. Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Sean Donohue: Two is a lot of us, we didn’t learn skills from our parents on how to really reach the heart, like we didn’t have good modeling or teaching from our parents about heart to heart connection or really having these intimate close relationships with our kids. Many of us, we don’t really even know how to share our hearts to our kids. Some other people are really, really bad at listening. They suck at listening. I mean, Americans suck at listening. We’re like some of the world’s worst listeners, but parents are really sucky at listening. Cuz if you think about it, the more you actually listen to your kid. The more crap you’re going to hear that you don’t like. Right? And then like a math problem, then you’re gonna get tempted to get triggered to talk or to to react, to lecture, to pep talk, to teach when they’re just trying to talk and open up to you. So the, the thesis of this long-winded question, Brett, is how do we develop, The question is not how do we get our kids? How do we get them off a screen When grandma and grandpa come over, the question is, is how do I develop a really close, connected relationship with my children so that they really know my heart? And they know that I know their hearts in a way so that they want to care about me and they want to follow the rules of the house, and they want to empty the dishwasher and clean the dog poop, not because they’re afraid of getting in trouble or getting yelled at or scolded, but because they love me, they love this family, they love grandma and grandpa, and we can trust them. Around these powerful devices like screens, so that their hearts are really connected to the family and the family values, and they know how to prioritize the distractions in our life. That’s, that’s a long, that’s a long question.  Brett Gilliland: No, and it, it is, but it’s, uh, it’s, it’s a big one. Right? Because again, you can fill in the blank. If it’s not screens, it’s the trash, it’s whatever. Uh, um. So again, for you though, how, how do we do that though? Because it doesn’t just, you don’t just say, Hey, love this family, care for this family, and then all of a sudden help.  Sean Donohue: Let me ask you. Brett Gilliland: You’re right, you’re right.  Sean Donohue: Okay. How about this, this, hopefully you’re cool with this. Can I ask you a question?  Brett Gilliland: Absolutely.  Sean Donohue: All right. Saw on your social media, cause I liked it. You recently took your family to my state, California for the first time. Mm-hmm. Um, I have a feeling that you guys had some great family time on this trip. Yeah. Making memories, you know, frolicking in the Pacific Ocean. Just being together, just sharing life, laughing, eating, barbecuing, just making memories. So tell us some about some of the stories that you experienced last week, and do you believe that some of this bonding took place and it’s gonna help your sons become better men and to do better with their chores, to receive your coaching and your mentoring more because you just spent quality time. You know, just bonding and being with your family.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. Yeah, for sure. There’s no, and again, it’s, it was the times where they would come up and, you know, put their arm around you and this, this is awesome. This is the best trip ever. Right? Yeah. Like, yeah. That for sure that happens. But then there’s also the times where, you know, it’s four boys and it’s, it’s time to go to bed on vacation. Right. And Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: And dad’s frustrated and exhausted and so you’ve helped me with that and through that stuff and, and so how do we do that?  Sean Donohue: Yeah. Well, um, did you, uh, did you speak from your heart? Yes. And we can say to them, Hey guys, love you guys so much. We had a great day here in Santa Monica, and I know you’re ha having a good time. And I know you’re teenagers, you’re young men, but it’s really your mom. And I really want us all to go to bed cuz we got a big day tomorrow. Tomorrow. It would, it would mean a lot to us if you go to bed. Do you guys want to go to bed? Are you gonna go to bed right now? What would they say? Let’s do some role playing here. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah. We’ll go to bed now.  Sean Donohue: Alright, cool. So, hey guys, can I trust you guys because this iss, I’m serious about this. We got a big day tomorrow and we got your younger brothers right here.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: And he’s little, so we gotta, I really be out. Need to be able to trust you.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, I think that’s a big question, right? That again, you’ve helped me with is that can I trust you? Like even the, the trash, right? No, nobody, no kid. I shouldn’t say no kid, but most kids don’t want to just, Hey, son, take out the trash. Oh, okay. And they jump right on it, right? They, they may not wanna do that. Yeah. But hey, can we take out the trash and then instead of demanding that it be done in that moment, right? It, it’s, can I trust you that you’re gonna get this done? You know, and whatever in a timely manner. And that, yeah. So what can I trust you is a big question.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, because what we’re doing here as parents, you know, what we’re doing as parents is so much more than meets the eye. Your kids are never gonna take class, for example, on the psychology of trust, how to build it, how to break it, how to repair it, what it even is. And so our kids, they, we want them to be able to trust us, to take them on nice vacations, to provide food for them, to support them. But what one of the things we’re doing here and kind of we’re talking about here is this us stepping into the role of what’s called an emotion coach. Hmm. Where we’re not, we’re teaching our kids a lot of things, whether it be a great California vacation. We’re teaching them about the importance of family time, the importance of working hard and celebrating your successes. But in this little role playing, we just did, we’re also teaching them about, The psychology of trust and why it really matters in this relationship. Because if these kids were to be defined to you and they’d be up at 3:00 AM on a Santa Monica vacation, like I, I would be pissed. Would you be pissed?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Yeah. Because it’s such a violation of like trust, right? It’s like, guys, I brought you out here to the West coast and I’m able to trust you to like work together with this schedule because we’re gonna wake up at 9:00 AM. And you guys are young and you have a younger brother, and so see, so yeah, it’s, I’m not saying you can’t demand your kids to go to bed, your teenagers to go to bed at 11:00 PM you know, on a, on a vacation. Do whatever you want. I’m just telling you look more than meets the eye because yeah, if you can really have your kids look in the eye, say, yeah, you can trust me to empty that dishwasher, and then you have something beautiful, you have something in your relationship with your kids that a lot of parents don’t have, which is a trusting relationship. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s the qbq, right? The, I call it, the question behind the question is that, can I trust you? Or whatever the question is. I think getting them involved in that versus, and, and again, I’m not perfect at this. I’ll still make the demand, but what I find is when I actually slow down, ask the question, it goes better, right? Ask the question of what needs to be done, let them come up with the idea versus. Damn it. Go to bed, right? Like,  Sean Donohue: Oh my gosh. Brett Gilliland: I don’t know, man. I think it’s a lot different. It’s a whole hell of a lot different. Sean Donohue: For sure. Yeah. Here’s the, here’s like a, okay, here’s like, here’s the story I just thought of. Okay. All right, man. So you got four kids, you got three teenagers or two.  Brett Gilliland: Uh, getting ready to be three. Yeah. One’s turning 12 next year. I got two or 13. I mean, next week I got two.  Sean Donohue: Yeah. We parents, we think in our minds, this is our mindset, in our poor mindset thinking, Brett, we think that parenting should be like something we see in the movies. Like these kids just should naturally just obey us, but that’s just not reality. Especially in 20 20, 20 23. It is just, obedience is not, it’s not like it used to be. And so raising kids, especially like raising changers is really more like this. It’s more like, imagine your plane went down and you’re there on an deserted island. It’s just you. You’re the only adult and the whole island. It’s filled with teenagers. Okay. You with me? With this example? Yep. Yep. Now you’re wise, you got grays, you got gray in your hair. You’re like, I know a lot about lies. So naturally, as LA could tell you are you speak up, you’re like given direction. Okay, we need food or food, we need water, we need shelter, we need spears, we need some farming, we need some someone to do the sos. We need to do this. Right? This is what most adults would probably do. You vibing with me? Brett Gilliland: Yep. Yep.  Sean Donohue: Especially men like me and you. It’s like, let’s take charge and let’s do this. Right. We’re giving out direction. It’s almost like it was one of the best shows of all time Lost. Oh my gosh. Like I think Jack, he was like, he kind of took charge in a sense, and it was like a fairytale because people kind of submitted themselves under Jack, the leadership and the TV show lost, but that’s just a total fantasy.  Because in the real world, you can’t just go around and tell people what to do, and you can’t just go around tell teenagers what to do because they don’t want to do that. They’re very selfish beings, just like we are. They wanna do things their way, on their time. So what should you do then? Well, and the, and what, what I kind of help parents do using this as like an analogy is how do you build, you know, trust and relationship with the people in your life? Remember, they don’t, like, for example, you know, they don’t really know which they don’t really care what you know until they know that you care. They don’t care what you know until they know that you care. How do you teach them about teamwork or how, you know, treating your sibling with love and respect while you’re driving in the minivan? It really matters. It affects the whole family, right? How you, if you don’t do your chore, then that’s going to create like a chain of negative vibes because then one person is, the adult is gonna be like, Hey, you didn’t do your chore. And then it’s gonna go over here and then it’s gonna go here. It’s like a web of connection, A web of positive, good connections or like this web of this train. We’ve all felt that. You felt that, right? You filled it on a, you fell it on a vacation, on vacation. It’s like highs are so high and those are so low. Like you have a big blow up on VA family vacation. It’s like the worst, right? Oh, it’s like, what the hell? You drive all this, you go all the way out here, you’re spend all this money and the kids are acting like bozos. It sucks. So, yeah. So what is, what, what research shows us now in conclusion, is that authoritarian parenting, um, is not very effective. It doesn’t produce obedient kids. It produces defiant kids or sneaky lying, disrespectful kids. On the other extreme as we’ll call it like passive or permissive parenting research shows us that’s not very effective to create great kids because kids need parents. They need morals, they need teaching, they need wisdom, they need boundaries. And so what we’re kind of talking about on this podcast, Brett, is how do we thrive as everyday authoritative parents, emotion coaches. Parents who are really connected emotionally to their children, who wanna listen, who wanna, who want to be close and empathetic and want to hear. But we’re also the parents. So we set the tone, we set the values, but we’re flexible, right? We’re those like managers that you wanna work with. We care about your feelings. We know that you’re different than us. You have different ways of looking at things. You’re not like a, you’re not like a Bonzi tree that I can snip and mold just to my selfish liking. You’re more like this wildflower and you grow, where you grow, how you grow, and I wanna, I want to share in this whole thing called life and have this privilege cuz it is a privilege. Of mentoring you. That’s like a little thing. And then you can take that to the island and you can bring love and order to that deserted island to a group of young people who desperately need it. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I think, and hopefully it’s okay if I share some of the tools we’ve worked through. I’m not, I’m not taking your thunder away from your coaching and going too public with that.  Sean Donohue: No. Let’s, um, let’s get… Brett Gilliland: but I think it was, you know, I look at the three things, and I’m looking back through my notebook, through my journal, is, You know, what are my desires, right? What are my desires in my relationship with my wife? What are my desires for my relationship in with my kids in our business? Whatever it may be. What are my desires?  Sean Donohue: Yep. Brett Gilliland: When those desires aren’t met, what are my reactions, right? What are my reactions? How am I reacting? Do we act out? Do we place blame? Is it control what, whatever, right? Whatever the words are that you want to use. But I think it’s been really important to me is to find out what my buttons are. Right. We all know, like if, if you and I were best friends and together every day, I would know your buttons. Right. And I would know exactly what button to push to piss you off if I wanted to, right? Sean Donohue: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Brett Gilliland: And our kids and our, I can do it to my wife, I can do it to my kids, I can do it to whoever, right? I know what button to push. And I think the more I have found out on what my buttons are on that stuff, that, that’s the game changer for me is, ah, I realize the button is getting pushed. Now I have to control my reaction to that. So when you hear that played out, that way… Sean Donohue: We get a little deep. Let’s get… Brett Gilliland: Let’s go. Sean Donohue: …little, let’s get a little deep with each other right now because. Yeah. Based on what you just said, I feel like you kind of gave me permission to ask you this question. Yep. Um, one of our first times talking to each other in a session, you struggled in picking some of the words to really know yourself. Yep. Um, it’s like you, uh, you had more words that were, that I would determine as just like, kind of not as descriptive words, like angry or frustrated. I’m not a big fan of those words and I think you aren’t either now cuz  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: And I invited you to go deeper, pick big, get to know yourself, pick some deeper words. So do you feel comfortable sharing? With me or with anyone. What are some of the words that you’ve landed on that like when these buttons get pushed for you, it’s like really hard and then I can go after you.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I mean, if my buttons get pushed and it, again, whether it’s go to bed or whatever it may be, it could be disrespected. There’s, there’s guilt, there’s invalidated, un cared for, it’s powerless, unappreciated, right? Those are the things for me that, uh, that hit, that’s what it hits me at home. Right? That’s what it hits me right in the gut. And then that’s where there may be a reaction. And, and again, you know, you and I joke, it’s like, well, you know, it could be a hell of a lot worse. Right? We’re very lucky with the families that we have, but I think if you wanna be that best parent possible, we have to understand those, those buttons and what those things are and then how we react with those.  Sean Donohue: Thank you for sharing those words, cuz those are, those are big words and. Somebody, uh, I just started a podcast. It’s called the Sean Donohue Show. Um, we only have like few episodes released, but my co-host Jordan, he’s a weatherman on the Weather Channel and good buddy of my grew up in San Diego together. He even asked me on the last episode, which I think…  Brett Gilliland: The weather man in San Diego. That’s a tough gig. I’m just kidding. Hey, 72 and sunny again. My god’s getting hotter there now.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, when you grow up in San Diego, there’s like so many cultural things that are different than like how you grow up everywhere else. Like I’m in Northern California now near Sacramento, but San Diego is, there’s like a ton of different things. I, I, I wish we could talk about it right now, but we gotta talk about parenting, but, okay. Yeah. It’s attracted rather man in San Diego, right? So we grew up in San Diego, but uh, he asked me, Sean, why do these words matter? You’re always like picking on words. Yeah, if you don’t like the word mad or angry, why on the last episode? Because, uh, as you know, you know, Brett, maybe more than anyone, like mindset is really important. It’s how do you talk to yourself, how do you counsel yourself? In those moments. So what I have determined and found is that one of the ways that we as parents can best be the best parents we can be is to get to know our words and to talk to ourselves. So when this, when your kids are acting like bozos and they’re acting out, You then don’t, you don’t just react, you talk to yourself, say, what’s happening with you? Well, I don’t know. I’m feeling really, I’m feeling really in, you know, invalidated right now. Why? Well, because it’s like I, what I say, it’s like they’re saying it doesn’t matter. I hate feeling invalidated. Right. What else? What else are you feeling? Yeah, I’m feeling really unheard. Yeah. Why are you feeling unheard? Well, because I freaking already said it, the dang kid twice. He’s just not hearing me. Right. So why is that so hard for you? Why is it so hard for me? Well, because I hate feeling unheard. But why? Feeling unheard is a normal part of parenting. I know it is. I know, I know. But yeah. What are you gonna do about it? I don’t know. I’m just talking to myself right now. That’s what I’m doing. Right, right. What are you gonna do after this? I dunno. Okay. Well, remember your training. What should I do? Well, I feel like I’m doing it right now. Right? You’re talking to yourself. Right. So, Right. Unheard. Yeah. Because when I go to work, people respect me there. Like they listen to me. I don’t feel unheard at work and I come home, we run these little humans that I freaking bought them new lacrosse sticks. I take them on vacation in Texas. I just bought ’em new Nikes for $150 and now they do me like this. I’m feeling so unimportant right now in their lives and I just want to freaking punish them. I want to teach them. You don’t. You dare. Treat me like this or you know what? Maybe not. Maybe I’ll just have some whiskey, I don’t know, maybe four or five glasses. So maybe six. I don’t take the edge off. You see what we do? Don’t take the edge off, right? And why? Why do we do all this? It all goes back to because the adult in this is feeling unheard and, and validated. Mm. This is how we escalate things so quickly in our minds. I mean, parenting is so emotional, you know?  Brett Gilliland: Right. That’s amazing. And you’re right, man. We did. Yeah, absolutely. So what, um, that could go a thousand different directions. So what, okay. What do you do? If you’re okay with sharing, like in the moment, cuz it’s you, you can’t just ask yourself these questions and know your desires and know your reactions and know your buttons and never just still like, be fired up. Right? And, and so what do you do? Help us parents and, and again.. Sean Donohue: Oh man, I get fired up.  Brett Gilliland: I don’t think so.  Sean Donohue: What? Um… Brett Gilliland: How do we do that?  Sean Donohue: Okay. Yeah. Let me, um, uh, about two months ago you and I were chatting about that bracelet on your wrist. I think it’s like a, is it called a whoop. Brett Gilliland: The whoop the whoop bracelet, yep.  Sean Donohue: Can we, can I answer a question by incorporating that and getting your thoughts on the whoop?  Brett Gilliland: Absolutely.  Sean Donohue: All right. So, so I’m really intrigued because I have two clients now, um, that have talked to me about the Whoop Brett. You and this other man and you’ve, uh, is it true that the whoop can tell you even your sleep patterns and your recovery patterns? Is that, is that true? Can you tell us a about that?  Brett Gilliland: That is true.  Sean Donohue: And then I’ll build off that.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, absolutely. It’ll tell me my recovery based on numerous things, but from, you know, basically what I ate the day before to my sleep, to my, you know, water intake, to if you had alcohol, if, I mean, if you had stress, no stress. I mean, it’s all sorts of stuff that were really comes into how my recovery is or how my sleep was.  Sean Donohue: So I was, uh, working with this man. We’ll call him, uh, give him a, I’ll give him a weird name. I’ll give him a unique name. We’ll call him Sebastian. Right? I dunno, that’s not a new name. I dunno. I just making up names. But, and uh, and he was, uh, taking my advice cuz he was letting me coach him. I was working with like two, three days a week. Cause he was going through some hard stuff with his, uh, partner, his girlfriend, fiance. And he says to me, Brett, Like, oh my gosh. Like, I feel so funny this week my whoop is telling me like my body is doing really, really, really well. But his workout patterns hadn’t changed. His diet hadn’t changed. So tell me, you’re the whoop, you know more about it than me. What do you, what do you think happened with this man? Why was the whoop telling him that he’s in the green, which is like positive sleep and recovery? What’s your take on this? Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Well, I would assume, and this you did not, uh, tell me about this, and you did not, you’re not paying me to say this, but I would assume that the more clarity he has and peace he has internally, um, the better his recovery’s gonna be. Right? So when I handle stress better, and whether that’s meditation, Or just anything, right? If I’m, if I’m on my A game, my recovery’s gonna be the same, even with the same amount of water, same food, same sleep. You can vary on your day, right? So I would say the fight or flight, uh, there’s less flight or less fight. Yeah. Uh, if you will, because of the coaching and just more self-awareness.  Sean Donohue: Um, I’m, I’m a big fan of, uh, Andrew Huberman, which is this scientist from Stanford. He’s been on joe Brogen a lot. I just was looking at his YouTube as like huge today, so I’m know Andrew Huberman, but let me do my best Andrew Huberman.  Brett Gilliland: Well, it’s funny you say Andrew Huberman because he’s part of the, he’s part of whoop, he, he’s an, uh, he’s one of their spokespeople now on stress management side of that. Sean Donohue: Yeah. Right. So, uh, let me do my best impressions. So, alright, so in the science of love and attachment, we often talk about it with. Our partners, right, our spouses. But I am a, I teach about attachment theory, um, through a, a parenting point of view. And I usually think about it as in our goal is to develop healthy attachments with our children, so they feel attached to us. But I feel like we need to speak more about how attachment theory is, uh, really all encompassing in our lives, even as our children’s parents. So oxytocin is the love hormone, which is essential for like bonding, but that’s not only bonding with our, our spouses or our partners, but also for our children to bond with us. So if you go and you spend on this money, on this amazing vacation, but you ruin the vacation by arguing or with screens, you may not be having this oxy oxytocin. Released and you’re like missing out on even the point of a family vacation is not just to do X, Y, and Z or to fill it with dopamine. Serotonin is the this, it really controls happiness and wellbeing, and it can change depending on concentration, daydreaming, but really where that releases is when trust is being built, safety is being built. Empathy is being shared. So we, if we think about how do we be the best parents we can be and raise amazing adults, we think about it. It’s, it’s in those, it’s in these moments. It’s in these moments. Whether you’re driving your kid to school and you just share a little. A little time of chit-chat or a little positive word. It’s when you grab your daughter by her shoulders and you look at her and you say, gosh, I just, I love you so much. You are so beautiful. You are my girl. It’s when you look your son in the eyes and you say, I just, I’m just so proud of the man that you are. And are becoming, it’s, it’s not only in those sweet special moments of Christmas when you’re sitting down and all is right in the world and all the presents have been open. You feel like, gosh, this is like a dream come true. But these moments, they can happen every day For us, we just have to slow down and realize, like, this is it like, This is like parenting is so temporary. It’s today our kids are only gonna be this age for one day. I even said that to my family just yesterday. It was yesterday and one of my daughters, my wife wanted to take a picture cuz we went to church. My wife wanted to take a picture and one of my daughters don’t blame her at all. She was hungry, you know, she was salty and she’s like giving my wife attitude about a picture. And she said, probably said something like, why we taking a picture? Right? You know, I, I could’ve let that push my button. I could have reacted, I could have scolded, I could’ve, you know, gone into, uh, you know, given some type of weird lecture or gotten weird on Easter. But I was, I wanted to be the adult in the relationship, and I just said to her, look sweetie, let’s just do this for mom. You guys are only gonna be this old today, so let’s just take a beautiful picture. Of course the pictures sucked because the sun was in our eyes and in I, uh, it didn’t work out. But who cares? That’s just part, that’s,  Brett Gilliland: That’s another story, right?  Sean Donohue: So, yeah. So, so yeah. So what, what, what I, what I, what I do for myself is, is I, this is so the first thing I do to myself, cuz you asked me what do you do? I’ve given you an example of what I do. I talk to myself. And this is how I talk to myself. And yeah, I can tell you stories about my self-care, checking my freaking puppy for a walk or walking down on the lakes. We live on a lake or, you know, watching the warriors in the playoffs or, uh, you know, going fishing, which is my jam or backpacking. But the, the number one thing we can do as parents, as business people is the art of mindset of learning to talk to ourselves in a healthy productive way.  Brett Gilliland: Hmm. That’s strong. Isn’t cause the, the negative self-talk is the complete opposite, obviously, but how damaging that can be.  Sean Donohue: Oh, we, we all know we could, you and I can nerd out right now. You want to share a co couple things and I’ll share a couple things. Let’s get vulnerable. What are some negative things that you say to yourself sometimes that sabotage, you know, your. Mindset and I’ll share some things after you.  Brett Gilliland: Well, there’s just even like little things like it could be, you know, my wife and I were joking about this yesterday is, is the, the place we were going to have food, uh, with everybody, family and stuff has not always been the best. It’s, it’s good, it’s it, it does the job and does all this stuff, but it’s the mindset of going into it. So I can focus on the bad fried chicken. Or I was able to focus on the wonderful breakfast that they have and the salad. Yeah, man. And so that, and that’s so stupid, right? But it’s true, right? That that can impact how my, that’s how in can impact my day on that. And, uh, it’s, it’s all about what we focus on.  Sean Donohue: Well, it’s actually, it’ll impact your parenting, right? Yeah. If you spend all this money and you focus on the crappy fried chicken, I think you said, or bad, whatever it was. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Yeah. That’s gonna, and then, and then if you, you know, and then that might even affect one of your kids, cuz they’re like, dad’s being, being moody or whatever, and then that’s gonna just set up a chain. Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: You know?  Brett Gilliland: Right. Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, I think that’s, you know, parents are teachers and every home’s a school, so we’re gonna teach our children the most important lessons in life. It’s not a school teacher’s job or principal’s job to teach our children these important things. And one of the things we want to teach them is that this person is allowed to have their feelings. It’ll be moody or to be negative, and that’s okay, but let’s not let that or what they’re going through. Make us, you know, go through something. And that is very challenging mindset right there. That’s a very challenging truth because what we have in a lot of families is this chain reaction where one person gets all butt hurt about something that’s, that, you know, you work with teenagers when you say butt hurt. Have you heard that term? I just, I really like that. Brett Gilliland: I have, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s a good one.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, it’s a good. And then it just sets a chain reaction, and now you’re back in the car and it’s like, what the crap There goes the day. You know what I mean? Right. I mean, that’s just, that’s sad, right? Yeah. That’s why we want to be the adults in the relationship and not to be in a codependent relationship with a child. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Easier said and done.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. It made me think too about, I’m a big believer in having my kids, you know, go and do and create their own experiences, right? So California can be an experience since that’s new, but I also want my children to believe in themselves enough to go make things happen, right? Go create things like in business, in life. Things don’t just happen, right? You don’t just become successful as a, as a parent coach by sitting around and saying, I’m a parent coach and putting a TikTok video out. I mean, it’s the work, it’s the effort, it’s the grind, right? And then you become successful, but you made it happen. I’ve been successful by making it happen. And, and so, you know, the, it’s, it’s funny and how kids work, but they, they know about all about YouTube, right? So the two things that were mandatory when we went to California go to Dobriks. There’s a guy named David Dobrik, I guess, on social media, YouTube. Sean Donohue: Yeah he’s very famous.. Yeah. What is, well, what is Dobriks? I know about David Dobrik. He’s a huge YouTuber. What?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, so David Do Brick has his own pizza joint in, uh, in, on, uh, Sunset Boulevard in Cal, in LA and so we had to go there, right? We buy the cool hats like you guys wear there.  Sean Donohue: Oh, yeah. [inaudible] gotta get some swag. Yeah. If you’re gonna go there, yeah. Brett Gilliland: Get some swag. You know, that’s how David’s making probably millions off of YouTube and selling pizza. There’s damn good pizza, by the way. But then the other one was cool kicks, right? So this, this shoe store, uh, called Cool Kicks that my kids only know because of YouTube.  Sean Donohue: Oh, okay.  Brett Gilliland: We go, it’s where they sell overpriced Jordan’s, right? It’s, you know, there’s a 500 pairs of Jordan’s in there and you’ve gotta pay an Arm and leg for ’em. But anyway, um, my point to this is, is make things happen, right? My 15 year old walks up to the owner of the store. He’s on YouTube live Again, how they know about it while he is on YouTube live and says, Hey, why don’t we have a dunk contest? And if I win, I get a free pair of shoes. He’s like negotiating with the guy, right? And is so…  Sean Donohue: …a dunk. Did you say a dunk contest?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So they have a basketball hoop, like an eight and a half foot tall basketball hoop out in the, like in the lobby area that, you know, the big shoe store. The dudes like ask the people on the screen, right? And so next thing you know, my son’s holding court on their YouTube channel asking, and of course they do it. I’m not bragging about this. My point is creating opportunities, right? As parents, I think we have to teach our kids to go create opportunities. So he ends up shockingly getting beat in the last dunk, right outta three dunks, and he get 25% off his shoes in a free sweatshirt. The rest is history, but it was a cool experience and they think it’s the best thing of the whole vacation, right? But my point, that long story again, is creating experience, man, let the kids go fail on their own and get told no. Like, I don’t know if the guy was gonna say, this is the stupidest idea ever get off my show kid. But he loved it. Right?  Sean Donohue: What a great story. Let me, uh, you know, don’t, you know when you’re arguing with your wife or your spouse are, don’t psychoanalyze me. Uh, can I, can I, can I, in a positive way, can I psychoanalyze the story?  Brett Gilliland: Yes.  Sean Donohue: I mean, um, I love this story. That’s a five star story because this is, uh, that, that story could, I’m just psychoanalyzing you for fun. We’re just having fun here. It, it really says a lot about you and your wife. This is the type of man that you have raised. You have built a loving home where your kids love you, they trust you. They respect you. And so they care about your morals and they care about your lessons in life. And so, uh, and they, they see that in the you and they value it, right? And so they, uh, you have instilled this quality in him. And so this story is about him. But from an outsider’s point of view, it’s also just a great story and it’s a great success story for you Dad.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Well, thank you man. It was, it was cool. It was very cool. And, uh, but again, about creating experiences. I think you create your own future so that achieving a future greater than your past, we have to go create it ourselves. Sean Donohue: And here’s a, here’s a tip. Let’s all be like Brett. Uh, let me try to, um, let me try to expand on this teaching that just told us. I’ll just say the same thing Bretts did in a different way. So as parents, we want our kids to follow our rules. But we also want them to adopt our values. But they’re very different things, right? They’re very different. And the more you realize that they’re different, the better. The more you realize that there’s like maybe 20 rules for our kids to follow, but there’s probably 20,000 values. So Brett is talking about one of his values. Go out there and create your life. Be bold. You know, be adventurous. Don’t be afraid of rejection. Don’t be afraid of public embarrassment.  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: You have been verbally and non-verbally teaching your sons that since they were in diapers. And look what you did. Now they could be like, oh, screw my dad. Oh my God, my dad, he’s such a lecturer. Gosh, my dad, this, my dad, gosh, all my dad cares about is making money. My dad is, so this, he’s on his podcast all the time. He talks more to the podcast people and he does us, all he does is come home and I, I give us lectures. That’s not what is happening here, right? Brett Gilliland: Right.  Sean Donohue: He’s, he’s, uh, he’s like becoming a chip off the old block because you’ve built a connected, attached relationship and now you’re seeing your values come to fruition, and that story is just one example of that story. So good job, dad.  Brett Gilliland: Well, thank you. And that’s not why I told the story, but it’s uh, I do appreciate that. It is, but it is, uh, it’s important to, I think for us as parents out there to go out there and, and have our kids let them go fail. Right? Let them go fail and that’s okay.  Sean Donohue: Failure beautiful. Failure beautiful especially when our kids fail and they know their parents aren’t gonna bail ’em out, but their parents aren’t gonna lecture them. They’re not gonna shame them. Like the world’s greatest coach, their coach is gonna be there.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Sean Donohue: Um, to give ’em a pat on the back, maybe give ’em a hug, maybe be that, uh, shoulder that they can cry on, and they look at me in the eye and say, I believe in you. I’m your biggest fan. Yeah. You got this. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So let’s end it with this, uh, coach Sean Donohue. What’s, what’s the one thing if I followed you around, you know, as a parent, um, but I think it’s important for self-care for yourself. If I followed you around every day. With a camera for a week, what are the no miss items that I would see you doing to make sure you’re at your best? Sean Donohue: Oh, definitely. Uh, taking walks down to the lake is so key. Like if you, if you ask your local psychiatrist or therapist, they might say for you to get on some medication, everybody. But, uh, yeah, the, just, there’s, I just, uh, I, uh, I take walks to the lake. I played, uh, pickup hoops this morning at 5 45 in the morning. Nice. At my, uh, the local gym. I played pretty, pretty well. My game’s pretty decent. And, uh, and the, the number one thing I do is, but I’ve tried to model in this, in this, um, Episode Brett is everywhere we go, our mind goes with us. So you want to go on a Jamaican vacation, go for it. You wanna take walks to the lake every day? Do it. You wanna move to Florida for a better life? Do it. But everywhere you go, your thoughts are going with you.  Brett Gilliland: Amen.  Sean Donohue: So the most powerful voice in our life is our own voice. So how we talk to ourselves really matters. How we define success really matters. How we care for ourself really matters. So as we do this emotional work in parenting, as we try to regulate our emotions over a dirty cat box, we’ll or over a salty teenagers complaining on their vacation. Realize, you know, before you react, talk and be your own counselor, and, uh, care for yourself in excellent ways.  Brett Gilliland: Hmm. Strong. Very strong, my man. Where do our listeners find more of Sean Donohue? Where should we be sending them? We’ll put it all in the show notes here.  Sean Donohue: Yeah, thanks. Yeah. You can find me on social media as the family coach on YouTube. My new podcast is Sean Donohue Show Instagram, TikTok, or you go right to my website. We can get a whole bunch of free goodies and articles. Uh, and that’s parentingmodernteens.com.  Brett Gilliland: Parenting modern teens.com. Sean, it’s been awesome being with you today, my friend. And, uh, having spent, you know, hours with you, um, you’re making a huge impact in the world, brother, so I appreciate it. Sean Donohue: Hey, you’re making a huge impact in your world and, uh, some of that is through your business, Brett, but you’re changing the world to your parenting and these four boys you’re raising. So keep it up.  Brett Gilliland: All right, man. It’s great being with you today. Thanks a lot. All right, thanks.

Join us for a candid conversation with Ryan Lewendon, the lawyer who played a pivotal role in the BodyArmor acquisition. Ryan shares his experiences working with high-profile clients such as Kobe Bryant and Ryan Rapole. He provides an inside look at the legal and strategic considerations that go into his day-to-day business endeavors. Ryan offers valuable lessons for anyone interested in the world of start-up businesses. Listen as he shares his unique perspective and insight.  https://youtu.be/3bIo37aHUaU Brett Gilliland: Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland, and today I’ve got Ryan Lewendon with me. Ryan, how you doing?  Ryan Lewendon: Great. I’m doing great, Brett. Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.  Brett Gilliland: Absolutely, man. You’re coming to us from New York City today, is that correct?  Ryan Lewendon: That is right. I’m in, uh, Manhattan at my, uh, at my apartment, just, uh, Pump to pump to speak. Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Awesome, man. Well, I know you also have an office in California as well. Uh, Giannuzzi Lewendon Law Firm, uh, is a high growth food, beverage, and personal care industries is who you guys are serving. You guys founded it in 2011. Uh, you represent over a thousand consumer products. And here’s the one that my kids were excited about. I told you before we started recording. It says, uh, most notably Ryan represented Body Armor in Coca-Cola’s, largest ever brand acquisition with Coca-Cola, purchasing the remainder of Body Armor for 5.6 billion dollars at an enterprise value of 8 billion dollars man, talk about that a little bit, man. Cause that’s, that doesn’t just happen overnight. So that was a long journey, I’m sure, right?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, my firm Giannuzzi Lewendon, we, we differentiate ourselves in really two ways. One, We’re contextual experts in consumer, right? So we only work with consumer brands. We only work on the brand side, and it’s all sort of everything topical or ingestible. So that’s food, that’s beverage, that’s spirits, that’s baby, that’s pet, that’s beauty, right? And um, I got into the industry through Vitamin Water. So my partner Nick, and I. We’re the first lawyers for Vitamin Water and we get everything for Vitamin Water from every min, every round of financing, every distribution agreement, manufacturing agreement, every celebrity partnership, 50 cents deal with Vitamin Water. We had his, uh, own flavor and equity in the brand was one of my first deals at a law school and Jennifer Anniston’s deal, which became, we went with Smartwater. That became one of the longest running CPG partnerships of all time. I think it went over 15 years after the sale to Coke, we did everything, uh, through the sale of Coke for 4.8 billion in 2007. Um, and from there we realized we had this great perspective on how to grow and scale a C P G business from the ground up. Right? Mo most lawyers kind of have this top down perspective on their clients. Like they know what the legal aspects are, but they don’t really know how or why the business is built or why it grows, or why the people in the industry are important or how they interlock. And because of our experience of Vitamin Water, we realized we had this great viewpoint on it and we realized that these, these entrepreneurs who were growing these fast businesses, um, it was very valuable to them. So, uh, you know, Nick and I sort of, Put a little end cap on the career. Um, you know, last year with, uh, the Body Armor deal. Um, that’s a company that I had worked with since, uh, 2011 when we started the firm. Um, you know, we left a bigger firm we were at and, and started this firm and, um, you know, it was, it was a great experience just from, you know, everything from, you know, the Kobe deal to the keurig Dr. Pepper deal to the Coke deal and, um, yeah, it, it, it was a, you know, it was a overnight success that, you know, happened over 10 years. Right. It, it was right. He was, you know, Mike Repole and, and the team. Um, and you know, Mike was also the, one of the co-founders of Vitamin Water, so we knew each other really well. And, um, just a, a great prolific entrepreneur who, you know, uh, one of his sayings is, success is best when shared. Right. And, um, you know, he’s someone that I would say kind of. Proliferated the, the, the, the tech concept and CPG of sort of like paying everyone in options and making sure everyone was sort of, you know, uh, an equity owner in the business. And, um, you know, we carried that over from Vitamin Water to Body Armor. And when that company sold, you know, like it made a couple billionaires, maybe like, I think maybe 10 or 2000 millionaires, but it made. Over 800 millionaires on that cap table.  Brett Gilliland: Wow.  Ryan Lewendon: And those were all, and those were all employees, right? They were all employees and former employees and service providers. And there was almost no private equity in that business. Whatsoever. It was all basically individuals on that cap table. Um, and so, you know, you just see the redistribution of wealth from that one deal was, uh, so immense and, and changed a lot of people’s lives. Brett Gilliland: Um, oh, for sure.  Ryan Lewendon: But really starts with, you know, someone who’s a phenomenal entrepreneur, who’s, you know, not willing, um, to, uh, you know, Keep it all to themselves or someone who wants to focus on sort of building a team and making sure that team’s incentivized and making sure that team is, um, you know, highly motivated. Right. And you know, by the way, I was a recipient of that generosity. Um, so, you know, I certainly really appreciate it and  Brett Gilliland: You’re like, we can’t afford your law bills, but we can give you some stock in the company. Right.  Ryan Lewendon: E Exactly, exactly. And um, um, just gimme one sec. Uh, yeah. And it was just, it was phenomenal. Brett Gilliland: That’s crazy. So, let’s talk a little bit about, if we can, before we, I wanna keep diving into some of that stuff and the learnings and all that, but tell us a little bit about your background. So like, you don’t, again, I always say you don’t just wake up and start doing this and representing 50 cent and Kobe Bryant and Generat Innocent, all these brands, all this stuff. Not representing them per se, but working with them. Um, what, what was your, your backstory there. What, what got you started?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. So, you know, I, um, I went to college in New Orleans at Tulane University and uh… Brett Gilliland: I was, sorry to interrupt, but I was gonna say we have that in common, the green wave.  Ryan Lewendon: Oh, I love that. Brett Gilliland: I didn’t go to Tulane, but my high school was, uh, Mattoon. GreenWave, which I think it’s the wind blowing through the corn. It’s very scary, very scary when you’re playing us.  Ryan Lewendon: I love that. Green Wave. All right.  Brett Gilliland: That’s right. Ryan Lewendon: Um, so I went to college down there. Uh, you know, I, I, I kind of studied molecular and cellular biology. I, I, I first wanted to be a surgeon. I realized that, um, You know, pretty early on that I don’t like dissecting people, so that was gonna be a somewhat of an impediment to continuing that.  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Ryan Lewendon: Um, uh, and then, you know, it’s sort of like I worked at a research lab in genetics and over a summer and I realized I wanted to do something a bit more, um, people facing. Right. Um, I wanted something where I interact with people a bit more. So, you know, around my, uh, senior year, I’d been working at a bar and I ended up running it. My senior year and a year after college and I was kind of trying to figure out, you know, what do you want to do? Um, and um, you know, while I was running the bar, I started to see how people’s sort of tastes were fragmenting, like, you know, um, people were coming in, they were like kind of. Wanting more Artisinal products. They wanted like an Abida amber instead of a Miller Light. And they were like asking for sort of like those smaller, more craft manufactured products. And you know, then there were kind of entrepreneurs were coming in and pitching their sort of craft spirits and stuff to me. And you know, then I would, um, Then I would have people, like people would be asking for it at the bar. And I, I, it kind of stuck with me how people’s tastes were changing in terms of what they were consuming. And they wanted sort of, you know, things that meant a little bit more to them. They wanted something that wasn’t really put out by, you know, a big conglomerate. And, um, I ended up going to law school. Um, you know, I wanted to maybe work in, um, You know, in the medical field somehow. And, um, you know, when I got outta law school on the corporate side, I, I basically got this job working, um, uh, for my, my now partner Nick, and you know, the Vitamin Water when like that was an early client that kind of stuck with me. I realized, oh yeah, this is something. You know, I’ve, I’ve seen a little bit, and this is something where people’s tastes are changing. So, you know, I lobbied to get myself on the account and, um, you know, working, working on the Vitamin Water stuff was basically my education. How to sort of scale and, and grow a cPG business. And um, you know, luckily after that sold, uh, Nick and I went to our, uh, our first trade show together. It was in Boston in 2008. It was Expo East, you know, and we kind of like, you know, had an idea like, Hey, maybe there’s more people who need this type of, you know, um, representation right need. Brett Gilliland: Right. Ryan Lewendon: Like a brand first representation or a founder first representation. And we walked that show and we were like, Hey, we’re lawyers. Does anyone need a lawyer? And uh, people were like, well, I’m not getting sued right now. And we’d be like, no, no, no. That’s not what we do. We help you like structure the company. We help you build your infrastructure. We help you do your rounds of financing. We help make sure your voice remains relevant in the boardroom as you add in all these different layers of, you know, uh, people and partners that have, you know, different sort of, um, uh, experiences and levels of success and make sure that you remain sort of that driving force in the company and people are like, oh yeah, wow. I need you, you know, I had like six employees. And now I have 68 employees and my lawyer’s like my uncle’s friend and they don’t know what a billback is and they don’t know what a distributor does. And I just need someone with a contextual basis in my industry. Right? And we left that show with like Vida Coco and Happy Baby Organic Baby Food and Hint Water and Pirate’s Booty and Pretzel Crisp, um, and Ziggy’s Yogurt. All his new clients, and they’re all companies that were like, Doing a couple million dollars in revenue at the time. And, um, they’re all companies that we subsequently help, you know, scale and sell for hundreds of millions of dollars each. Or, or in the case of like Vida Cook, we helped ’em go public two years ago for like a billion dollars. Right. And, and that sort of stretch I’d say was really our, our sort of, Education on how to scale and grow those CPG brands. And um, you know, from 2008 to 2011, we were working on that and it was 2011, Nick and I, you know, decided to leave the firm we were at and, and start this firm. You know, we moved down to like a little space in the meat packing with, you know, one of their lawyer, uh, his name’s Anthony Iuzzolilno, he’s one of our partners now. And, um, you know, we sat in an office, the three of us, for a couple weeks until. You know, we were tired of answering the phone ourselves and, you know, then we Right. I put it out on Craigslist and found a, a really, a really amazing office manager who, um, Really helped us out for those first years and, and helped us sort of get the office together. And we just built it from there, kind of like by, from scratch and, and by word of mouth and by, you know, executing for our clients. And, um, you know, we hired lawyers straight outta law school and trained them sort of in the, sort of like the way that we worked and, um, taught ’em about the industry and. Um, taught ’em how to sort of also be contextual experts and, and consumer and yeah, we built it, you know, we built it brick by brick from there. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, it’s amazing. I, I love that. And it’s reminds me a lot of our story too, of, of just leaving a big firm and starting your own deal and believing in yourself and, and really betting on yourself. Right. Cuz it’s scary and you think it’s gonna go right? And you’ve built the relationships, but you don’t really know, man. It’s just betting on yourself. So talk to us about those early days of your firm and then maybe even like the early days of this, even Pirate’s Booty, that stuff’s all over my house with the kids and, and, and Body Armor and all these companies. How are they doing that? Because like right now I want to go out and hire 10 more people, right? But there’s, there’s constraints to that stuff. So how do you do that? How do you find that when it’s a really all hands on deck when you’re building something early on?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. Well, I will say, look, I, I’d say, you know, the toughest year of the business was definitely the first year. Yeah. I, I don’t think I ever worked harder in my life, you know, just because you’re, you’re managing the work that’s coming in, but you’re also sort of like, you know, trying to pick out the chairs and what paint color do we want, and like, you’re setting all this stuff up and you don’t have the other hands to do it, you know? And so you’re, you’re, you’re doing all that and you’re also managing. Um, you know, getting the work done for the clients and, you know, the clients are a bit more demanding. They know, they know you’re a, a new firm. They know that. Brett Gilliland: Right?  Ryan Lewendon: You need the business. And so they’re a bit more demanding of your, of your time. And, um, the toughest part about that was not knowing if it was gonna work. You know, like the first year, you’re, you, you’re working as hard as you can. You’re trying as hard as you can and, and there’s no guarantee that. It’s gonna work out. Right, right. Or that you know, or that your thesis is, is gonna be correct. Um, and you know, like I’d say those couple years were, were especially the first year, you know, in terms of the hours I put in and the emotional sort of energy I put in, it was, it was, it was definitely the sort of toughest part. Um, you know, obviously when you start to see the sort of fruits of success, it’s a bun, it’s a lot easier to sort of keep putting in. Right. Brett Gilliland: Right. Ryan Lewendon: But it’s, it’s. It’s that first period where you’re not seeing the return on investment, uh, yet that, um, you know, c carrying forward is, is probably the hardest, but it’s also probably the most important, right? Like that’s what, you know, the ability to sort of, sort of get. You know, kind of escape gravity and start to take off. It’s, it’s the hardest part. Going from zero to, you know, a million or, or 3 million or 4 million in sales or revenues is, is oftentimes kind of across the board. The hardest, the hardest to do. Um, but, and it takes a certain amount of faith and conviction and just will to sort of push it forward in those earlier times. Um, and you know, I’d say that like, We worked until, you know, everybody was working until 11 or 12 at night. And then, you know, when you realized you were doing that for like a month, then you’d hire another person. Right. But the first couple hires we hired purely out of like critical mass. Right. And it was like, hey, you know, cuz, cuz especially in the earlier times, you don’t wanna hire somebody. And, you know, not have enough work for ’em or, or think, hey, this is a little blip and it’s gonna go away. But, you know, we, we would work. And, um, you know, when we realized that we were sort of at a, at a space where, you know, the work was steady and we were, and we were working too hard, we, we put another person in and then, You know, then we made it work. We made, we made sure to keep it, you know, busy enough. Um, and, uh, you know, being efficient in those, in those couple days, in those first couple years and the first couple hires is, um, is so critical to businesses. Right. And, and I think that, you know, a lot of people think, Hey, you’re gonna start a business and, and it’s gonna be, you know, it’s gonna be fun, which it is. Brett Gilliland: Right. Ryan Lewendon: But, you know, Nobody really prepares you for, especially if you’re coming from like a bigger place where you have a lot of infrastructure.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: Nobody really prepares you for sort of doing everything, right, like answering the phone and you know, being the one to take out the garbage and, you know, being the one to grab the coffees in addition to sort of making the deals and all that type of stuff. But, you know, and I see that like what’s outside of my own experience with the firm, like, you know, I’ve, I’ve seen the, um, You know, the Pirates booties of the world and the Vidi Cocos of the world and you know, the Mary Ruth’s Organics of the world, you know, when they’re earlier on. And you know, I’ve had those relationships with those founders where, hey look, you know, you’re going through the bumps early and you know, you have the moments of, you know, you have those moments where you’re like, is this worth it? Is this gonna work out? And, um, you know, not necessarily seeing the on their side, but not necessarily seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yet. And then I’ve seen them, you know, Go past that and grow past that and, and, um, you know, create that goodwill and create that, you know, cr bring in the people, get the people to buy in, bring in the first couple hires, and create that bandwidth in the business. Um, you know, it’s, it’s really a, it’s really an amazing, beautiful thing, um, to see, you know, a founder and entrepreneur do those. It’s, it’s, it’s quite literally sort of creating the magic, you know, it’s creating, it’s creating something, you know, without throwing the money in on top of it and throwing, you know, throwing this sort of like, you know, the, the big infrastructure, the big sales pieces. It’s, you know, getting people to buy in and it’s, you know, getting the people to take a chance on you. You know, there’s nobody that’s been, I’ve seen be successful that didn’t have some period where someone took a chance on them, right? Like, whether it was a, a manufacturer who was like, I like your product and I’m gonna, you know, gonna take you on with, you know, low minimum order quantities. Or whether it was a retailer that’s like, Hey, you know what? We’re gonna stock this. You know? Hey, we’re, we’re Whole Foods regional. I like you. Yeah. We’re gonna put, we’re gonna put you in. You know, or whether it was, you know, a, um, an entrepreneur who, you know, met up with a, with a, with a celebrity who really liked the concept and said, Hey, we’re gonna launch this together and leverage their network to really bring it out to a wider audience. Um, there’s, there’s always some function of luck in success.  Brett Gilliland: Right, right.  Ryan Lewendon: Um, you know, and, and you know, obviously the adage that you create your own luck. It is very true. Right. And it’s, and it’s the people that are constantly working. You know, to make that, make that hopeful situation where, where the luck occurs, occurs, um, those are usually the people you see, see, get there. But there’s always like a, there’s always some turning point where someone just takes that leap and, and it’s the entrepreneur who gets ’em to do that.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Well, I think it’s their passion, right? And so, I mean, I, I, one of the questions I wrote down is, How, how have you aligned your passions with your work? Right. Because again, if you’re body armor and you’re gonna go talk to Kobe Bryant, I mean, Kobe Bryant’s not just gonna listen to anybody, and you gotta have some passion. You better have your dang story lined out and, and you better, better, uh, better have some great presentation skills. Right. So talk about those times with Kobe and then also talk about for your own time with how have you aligned your passions with your work? Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. I mean, you know, look, He partnered up with Body Armor, you know, in, in, in part for, for a number of reasons, right? One, he had a pa, he had a passion about, you know, a better product, right? And he also had a part, and he also had a passion about, you know, this is kind of like towards the later half of his career. He had a passion about becoming, you know, a businessman and, and yeah. And succeeding in the business world as much as he had in the, in the sports world. Right. And, um, you know, he found a great mentor in Mike Rapole there. And, you know, I, I would say that if it wasn’t for Mike and the relationship Mike had with Kobe, uh, Kobe probably would’ve done something else, right? Or he might not have partnered up. I mean, Kobe didn’t just. Kobe wasn’t an endorser of body armorer, he was an investor. You know, he, he invested 7 million dollars in the company, um, you know, for about a 15% stake. But, you know, he made more money on that investment than he did in his entire N B A career.  Brett Gilliland: Isn’t that the one where I read, sorry to interrupt, but I read when it happened. I mean, this was after he had passed obviously, that he made, didn’t he make like 700 million or something crazy like that? Off the, off the, the deal.  Ryan Lewendon: That’s right. That’s right. And you know, and it’s, and it’s, you know, and, and that’s something, look, Mike told him you’ll make more money on this than you, than you have at, you know, playing basketball those years and, and eventually when the company sold and, and look, it was, it was it. Kobe recognized Mike’s passion and his drive for, you know, disrupting the sports industry. He rec, he saw Mike’s vision, which was, which was an absolute, you know, He, Mike gave me one of the best presentations ever when he was really getting ramping up BodyArmor and he laid out, you know, exactly where the company would go and what he thought it would do the next couple years, and he laid out, you know, what the line extensions would look like, and he laid out. You know how he was gonna take shelf space from Powerade first, and then he was gonna take it from Gatorade, and why it would be easy to take Powerades shelf space now. And, um, you know, it, it’s not that everything happened exactly how he laid it out, but it was pretty darn close. And, you know, I will say that I say it on corner all the time now, especially in this climate. Right. With this type of economy, you need to have a great North star and you need to have a great vision. And the earlier that you can sort of put that together, the better because you know, I mean, Mike had a, a preeminent vision for BodyArmor. And that’s what allowed him to bring Kobe in. Cuz Kobe, I mean, Kobe saw the same presentation and Kobe told me a very similar thing. He’s like, I mean, it didn’t happen exactly how he said it, how Mike said it, but it happened pretty darn close. He had a, he had an absolute vision for the product and you know, the times where you could go, like in the mid 2010s where you could put a slap of business plan together. And just go out and raise money on that. That doesn’t exist anymore. Right. People need, or especially earlier stage, like the hardest time to raise money is this zero to 5 million in revenues, period. Where people are now. Yeah. Yeah. And like if you don’t have a great vision for the product, if you don’t have an idea about where you want it to go, If you don’t have like a villain that you’re like, you know, matching up against or trying to take down, you know, people aren’t gonna sign up like for your company at this stage. Like people are much more risk averse. So, you know, you gotta have that passion and you gotta have that sort of vision for a business these days, especially if you’re sort of in that, in that startup world. Um, more so than you needed to. Sort of 10 years ago or so. Right. Um, but you know, in terms of my passions, I mean, look, I, I love health and wellness. I mean, um, I, I, I ran track. Um, I love the products that I work with. I love entrepreneurship and, you know, if I didn’t love those things and I didn’t love the tactile nature of what I do and the fact that like, Did that you can help someone start a product that you believe in that’s better for, you know, people and to put that into the world and then to see it on, on shelves, right? Yeah. But I didn’t have, I wouldn’t be able, I wouldn’t have been able to put the hours in than I need to put in to grow my business the way I need to grow it. You know? And, and, and I would say to anyone who’s looking at doing anything similar, Today that, you know, you have to align your passions with your projects. You know, you have to align your passion with your work because, you know, it, it, it’s in, in an economy like this and you know, that’s uncertain and going in a recession and where people are sort of more fickle with the risks that they’re taking, you know, they’re, people are gonna be betting on. And people are gonna be working on with the passionate people, right? The people who, you know, are doing this for more than just a paycheck, right? They’re doing it for, you know, something else, right? They’re doing it for the personal reward. Um, it, it’s just, you know, I, I, I don’t think in today’s, today’s world where, you know, you’re start looking to start a business and it’s, and it’s clear that you’re only looking to do it, to be able to sell it in a couple years or whatnot. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: You’re not gonna get the support behind you that you would be able to get in better times. Right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: You gotta be, you gotta be doing it for more than that.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. People wanna be around a brand, don’t they? I mean, they wanna be around something that they can, you know, have some legacy with, I think. Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. Yeah. And, and look, I think. You know, more than that, I think people are looking at brands and platforms as like, you know, they’re looking to get more out of that. They’re looking for them to stand for something. They’re looking for them to educate them on something to be a little bit more than just, a product, right? Like Yeah. You know, you look at, you look at brands, like you look at a Goop or you look at, uh, like An Honest Company or, you know, you look at, uh, am Amir Roots Organics, um, even like a Vital Proteins and you know, they, they, they stand for more than just the product, right? They’re like a longevity or their health and wellness. And you look at like how they’re getting the consumers and it’s because they’re putting out content and they’re educating people on, you know, how to be healthier or how to eat healthier.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: Or, or they’re educating people on, Hey, look, the stuff that a lot of people are consuming their, their negative things about that. Um, and so like I do think today’s world. People are looking more for like platform type brands that can sort of mean a lot more for them, right? Um, just the way that we’re now consuming information. I think they’re looking like people don’t want mass market and info and they look at some of these like really passionate, more artisanal, unique brands as as good educators, um, as a, uh, in addition to, you know, product offerings.  Brett Gilliland: Right. So let’s talk about you, you mentioned this kind of briefly, you didn’t say these words, but I hear daily habits. So, um, if, if I followed you around every day and, and I see the things that you do, whether it’s personal, professional, whateverit is. What are those habits that are locked in for you that are happening every single day? Ryan Lewendon: Yeah, that’s a great question. Um, you know, my morning routine, um, you know, I I, I get up, I, you know, I stretch. I, you know, I have a, like a, a protein rich breakfast, and then, you know, I either work out in the morning or work out at night, but like, you know, there’s a, there’s a workout three to four times a week. Yeah. Um, you know, it’s, it’s. The habits of, especially at night, and then on the other end at night, it’s, you know, taking time and putting down the phone at some point. Um, and like taking a time to disconnect from, you know, the constant communication, right. Um, in a and to get an, and to get a night’s sleep, right? Like my habits on sleep, you know, are, have improved, you know. Like since my twenties exponentially, right? Yeah. Getting a good night’s sleep and getting a, a, a night of sleep that, like, you know, getting six, six to eight hours basically, uh, of good sleep is like preeminent in terms of functioning. Um, And, and then look in terms of like work, um, it’s, it’s organization. Um, it’s simply organization. Um, you know, I, I sort of, I, look, I’ve got a practice that’s very high volume. You know, we’ve got over, you know, 1500 companies that we work with in the consumer space and, you know, and of various sizes, right? Of companies are doing a billion dollars in revenue to hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue, and all the way down to someone who’s like kind of just starting a business and start, you know, have an idea in their head and, you know, they, they both require, you know, similar but different levels of attention and, and detail and time. Um, you know, and organizing my calendar and organizing my space and like being and sticking to that and organizing my time, um, you know, and, you know, being intentional with my time, right? Like, there are, there are endless opportunities to spend your time and the, and, you know, and, and allowing, you know, people well-intentioned or not to like encroach into that or to take over your time or to take more of your time than you can give at the, at the moment. Um, prohibits being efficient, right? Yeah. And, and my, my whole business is, is predicated on being very efficient. So being very organized and intentional at that time, uh, is something that, you know, and work I do sort of day in and day out. Yeah. And then lost is making time and making space for sort of like your loved ones and my girlfriend and my family and, um, you know, making sure that I’m carving out time every day to spend with her and with them and to speak with them and, you know, um, on a regular, regular basis. And just to kind of stay grounded with those people that you love and are important. Um, and to not let sort of like the, you know, the, the daily busyness, um, take that away.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Which is hard to do, especially like you said with these phones, man, you gotta put ’em down at night every single night. And I’m a big believer, shameless plug here, but I’ve got a journal, I’ve just put it on Amazon. Uh, this has been, you know, 22 years in the making and it’s everything I do in one spot and it’s, it’s like been a game changer for me as I’ve been testing over the last year and a half. And now to finally have it go live, but what is it for you that you use that is like, if I see you around again, I could probably grab it. Like, for me it’s these black journals I have everywhere that I’m writing stuff down. What is it for you that I would, uh, if I steal it from you, man, you’re not gonna be happy.  Ryan Lewendon: It’s my right there. So, yeah, look, I mean, everything is organized in my Outlook calendar and then in my Notes app. Yeah. Um, on that phone. You know, I, I, I, uh, I’ve got two phones, you know, that’s like my work phone, that’s my work calendar. Um, yeah. And, uh, you know, everything’s in the calendar. Everything my whole day’s in there. Um, You know, and my whole life is in there. Um, and, uh, you know, anything I gotta follow up on is in my notes app. Um, so it’s all digital, but it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s similar. It seems like a similar sort of, uh, vein. As with the journal, um, and you know, if I don’t have that phone on me, I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t commit to planning anything. Brett Gilliland: Start to freak out.  Ryan Lewendon: Cause I don’t, well, I’m just like, Hey, I gotta, I don’t have my work phone on me, so I don’t know what, what dates I’m free. It’s just all in there. Um, but… Brett Gilliland: So let me ask you that. Do you do that? Do you leave the work phone at home? If you’re gonna go out maybe socially on the weekends or something like that, and then, and then only take your personal phone.  Ryan Lewendon: It depends. It depends, but, but it’s, it’s a good way of disconnecting when I want or need to do that. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: Um, you know, it is, it depends on, look, it depends on the time. It depends on whether I feel I need to disconnect. It depends on the deals I’m working on, you know?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: Something. Right at the moment, are we, are we close to the cusp of it? Can I afford to not, you know, be reachable for in a couple hours? But you know, the good thing about having the two phones is you can leave that one. And you can discount from that. Um, and you can go, you know, take a walk with Jessica and like, you know, just. Just have that space in your life. Yeah. Um, so, you know, it’s a little bit more laborious, carrying around two phones, but, um, you know, it does. Brett Gilliland: Price you pay, right. Ryan Lewendon: It does provide for that. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: So this, uh, sticker here means future greater than your past. That’s it’s our firm’s mission. It’s our, my personal mission as well is achieving a future greater than your past. Again, I always say this doesn’t mean you had a terrible past, but when you hear that, what comes to mind for you, for your firm, for your clients, a future greater than your past? Ryan Lewendon: Future greater than your past. Yeah. I love that. Um, yeah, I mean, look, that, that’s, that’s what I work for every day, you know, it’s continual improvement and it’s, you know, I, I would say that I live by something similar. Um, you know, it, I think that, to me that means consistency, right? The, to me, the way to build a future that’s greater than your past. Is to be consistent, right? And whether that’s, you know, being consistent with your workouts, even when you’re tight on time, whether it means being consistent about showing up, right? Like, you know, I’d say so much about my business in terms of the business development is just showing up, like show up to the trade show, you know, show up to Expo West every year, you know, no matter what’s going on, show up, spend the time, invest it with the community, right? Um, you know, show up to, you know, the, the, the gathering in New York on Wednesday night. Um, you know, even though. You know, you’d rather have a night in right? Or you, or you feel like you’re having a night in, just show up. Um, and be consistent about that. Right? Like, and, um, you know, it, it’s, I would say consistency for me is how you keep building, right? And how you build something great. Um, and I would say that, um, um, in terms of like, uh, my clients, that seems to be the same thing, right? Like, Building a seat a consumer products brand is about being consistent. Putting yourself out there, maintaining, getting through the sort of the, the, the hard times, right? Just continuing to show up, continuing to put your product there, having a great vision for where you’re going, but putting in that day-to-day work and building that sort of business brick by brick. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s great. What, um, how do you keep it going? Man, there’s, there’s plenty of people out there and, you know, the, the business I’m in, I’ve, I’ve seen people that have, you know, enough money, they could be done tomorrow, right? They can turn the keys in and be done, uh, but they choose not to. Uh, so I’m always, I, I’m always fascinated by this, you know, it’s pur purpose and passion, right? Uh, but for you, what is it? Why do you keep it going and what’s the story behind that?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah, I mean, uh, it’s, it’s for a lot of reasons. One, you know, uh, I love what I do. I love the industry. I love being part of it. Um, I would say like, my life for better or for worse is like, so inextricably linked to this community of, of, of consumer products. Like, you know, a lot of my best friends are in the community. They’re my clients, they’re companies, they’re service providers. Um, you know, I, I am. I’m, so I interact face with it. Like, you know, when I’m not working and when I am working.  Brett Gilliland: Even for fun.  Ryan Lewendon: Even for fun, right. Yeah. And, um, you know, like that, I, I’m good with that because I love it and I love the, like the people in the community I love, and it’s just, I, it’s just a warm, embracing place. So one, you know, finding a place where your passions intersect with your, with your projects and your work. I is it, um, but look, my value systems are, you know, I, it’s not just my personal situation, but it’s also the commitment I’ve made to the people I’ve hired in the firm. And it’s about creating something that’s, you know, lasting for them and it’s creating a, uh, an opportunity for them to move up in the firm and become partners and become equity partners and have an opportunity to participate, you know, even in a greater sense with, with that wealth and, you know, creating a, a legacy that, you know, uh, maintains itself in consumer goods and. And, and the help that we’ve been able to put there.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: So, um, you know, and, and it’s fun man. It’s, it’s fun like, you know, the, the work I do like working with these entrepreneurs and. You know, helping them strategize and, and sort of, you know, beat the odds and change the industry and change the game. I mean, it’s always evolving, right? Like the next disruptive product is, is coming at the, trying to change the industry in another way. So, you know, it’s not repetitive, it’s always changing. It’s always, it’s always challenging. Um, and, um, you know, it’s just, it’s just fun.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And, and you say that it’s one of the six, I have six Fs I talk about all the time is your faith, your family, your fitness, your fun right, your firm and your finances and, and I think, man, if I can’t have fun walking around here every day, you know, doing what I do and having fun with my clients, why in the hell are you doing it? Right? Change it up, man. So those people that are listening, if you’re not having fun, figure out how to have fun. And, uh, you can do that and, and work all at the same time.  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah. And, and look, I’d say like part of that, um, is like aligned with being who you are, right? Being your authentic self. Like if you can be the person you are when you’re off work the same as you’re on work and like you can sort of express yourself and you’re not sort of like, you’re not putting on a front and you’re not putting on a mask and you’re not, you’re not changing your, your personality or proclivities for what you’re doing in the business world. Um, it’s much more effortless. Right. And I, and I’d say in today’s world where like everyone’s a bit more educated on each other, and everyone’s a content consumer. Like people wanna know who the person they’re working with is. Right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: They want to know more than what they’ve done. They wanna know who they are, they wanna know what they’re into. They wanna know what their value system is, right?  Brett Gilliland: That’s right.  Ryan Lewendon: And and more often than not, they want someone who’s living what they’re working with, right? They want someone who’s actually consumer of the products that they represent.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Ryan Lewendon: Or actually as a belief system that aligns with the products they’re working with or, or things they’re working with. Um, so, and, and I feel I’ve been able to do that in my job. You know, I feel like that this industry and just who I am, um, and what I do in my work is, has been able to align pretty effortlessly. So, um, if you can find a way to do that, I think like the rest of the things that, you know, always work for every single person. Um, is a lot easier to achieve.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I mean, and again, this isn’t, and you’ve said it without saying it, but the, the clarity and the vision and the passion, I think are the three things. I mean, you’re working with these brands that are literally changing the world and their industry, but clarity of their vision and their passion is what works. And that’s what we gotta do every day. Every single day.  Ryan Lewendon: Totally agree  Brett Gilliland: So, this is a fun one. I’ve been doing the last few guests. Uh, I’m gonna have you pick a number between one and 10. I’m on your Instagram, so, uh, We’re gonna, so one through 10, pick a number.  Ryan Lewendon: Uh, seven.  Brett Gilliland: All right. And then one through three. Pick a number.  Ryan Lewendon: Uh, two.  Brett Gilliland: All right. So two. This was a post. It says Early morning, run through the center of the universe. It’s got a picture looks like of you and downtown New York, maybe down there. So, so let’s talk about that, man. Randomly just picking pictures on somebody’s Instagram page. Talk to me about that. Why did that post hit you? Why did you share it with the world? Ryan Lewendon: Oh man. I think at the time, you know, I love, uh, first of all, I love New York City. I’ve lived here since 2004. Um, you know, and, and I live downtown and, um, I’m in soho and our offices in the meat packing. And, um, and you know, like many people live downtown. I’m sort of in my little microcosm down there.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Ryan Lewendon: But, um, but I was, uh, I was up in Times Square and like, you know, Sometimes even as a New Yorker since 2004, you, you stop for a moment and you look and you see like the awe of New York and how inspiring it is. And even like Times Square is this, is this, there’s some beauty to it and it’s size and it’s scale and the people, and I remember running through there and I, I think I stopped at a stoplight and that, and I, I just, Saw that and I saw the people and the, and, and you know, the sun was kind of setting and I was just, I just fell in love with New York again, you know, and, and, and every New Yorker has those moments where you’ve been in New York and your head’s down and, and you’re working and you’re moving fast. Every once in a while you pick your head up and you, and you, and you look around you and you feel why you love New York City. And, and that’s what. That’s what did it right there. And, and, um, yeah, that was a good moment. Brett Gilliland: I love that man. And you could see your passion. I mean, you, you lit up, man. You’re, you’re smiling, you’re, you’re fired up about it. And then that’s, uh, that’s cool. I’m, I’m glad I asked that. So let me, let me ask you another question, and this is, um, I’m always curious about this. I’ve never asked this, so I’m gonna ask him, be very vulnerable about it, but. We, you, we don’t know each other, right? We don’t have a relationship. Uh, I randomly reach out to you. I, I can’t even remember if it’s through Instagram or LinkedIn, but we got connected. Um, I see your story. It’s amazing. You’ve got 1500 companies you said you represent. Why in the hell are you spending time with me and our listeners and giving of your time and doing that and sharing your story?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah, that, that’s a great question. Well, well first I think what you’re doing on the podcast is great. When I reached out, I saw it. I thought it was really cool. But it’s kind of what I alluded to before. It’s, it’s just about showing up, you know? I mean, yeah. Um, like you said, we don’t know each other. We hadn’t really met before. You’re someone I don’t have a relationship with yet. Um, and. You know, and you, and you probably have a viewer base that I, that I haven’t met yet, and it’s just continuing to expose yourself and connect with new people, right? Like, you know, I worked in this consumer good space, which is a relatively small industry, and, um, it’s very easy if you don’t continue to step outside yourself and outside your current circles. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Ryan Lewendon: You find yourself in like echo chambers. So I’m always trying, I’m always trying to step outside that and to meet new people and to meet new groups, um, and to continuously, you know, not be in situations where you’re imminently comfortable because you’re, you’re, you’re known and you know everyone. Right? I love being in, I love being in rooms where I don’t know everyone or I don’t know anyone. Right. And I love, you know, the opportunity to learn more about people and to learn more about new groups and new experiences, new instances. And I think that’s the way you grow, right? I think if you don’t do that, you start to sort of stagnate. Or you start to be around the same people with all the same ideas. Um, you, you, you really run the risk of missing something good.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. That’s in line with what I, so I’m 45, but when I turned 40, I wrote down my 40 things I’d learned in business and one of ’em was, take the lunch. Right? Just take the lunch. You never know. I mean, how many times have you been called? I get this next idea. Right? And they wanna take this big shot guy, he’s helped all these people and, but you never know, man. You take the lunch. And sometimes nothing happens, right? Sometimes you take the lunch and you sell a deal for $8 billion, right? Whatever. Uh, but you gotta take the lunch and you gotta show up as what you said. So I love it. Where do our listeners find more of, uh, of you, Ryan? Where do, where do we send people?  Ryan Lewendon: Yeah, well, well, you’re just on my Instagram, my Instagram’s, uh, just Ryan Lewendon, r y a n l e w e n d o n. Uh, our firm’s website is, uh, www.gllaw.us and my email is Ryan, r y a n at gl law.us (ryan@gllaw.us). Feel free to, uh, email me or hit me up on LinkedIn. Um,  Brett Gilliland: Awesome.  Ryan Lewendon: I need the both, but you know, always happy to sort of speak to new people and uh, and get connected.  Brett Gilliland: Awesome man. Well, thanks Ryan for being with us. What a ton of takeaways from me, man. I got a couple pages of notes here, so I appreciate your time and joining me on the Circuit of Success. Ryan Lewendon: Thanks so much. I had a great time. Appreciate it.

Julie Hruska is a successful businesswoman and a dedicated mother to three. Her experience as a successful entrepreneur and coach offers valuable insight and actionable advice for anyone seeking clarity and action toward their goals! Julie discusses her latest project, a TV show called “The Next Level with Julie Hruska,” where she interviews successful people and gathers advice for anyone seeking it. In this episode, Julie Hruska provides practical tips and strategies to help you achieve your goals and reach new heights both professionally and personally. https://youtu.be/xKjgZ5NRMBs   Brett Gilliland: I’m your host, Brett Gilliland, and today I’ve got Julie Hruska with me. Julie, how you doing?  Julie Hruska: I’m awesome. Thank you so much for having me today, Brett.  Brett Gilliland: Well, we are happy to have you. You’re in beautiful Asheville, North Carolina. I love that place.  Julie Hruska: It is so pretty here. I actually grew up in the Midwest where you’re at and, um, I didn’t like the cold winters, so I came south. I didn’t quite get far enough south to avoid winter, but it’s, it’s beautiful here.  Brett Gilliland: Yes it is. We went there, uh, I guess maybe two summers ago on a family vacation. My wife, who’s also named Julie and, and, uh, our four boys and so little Biltmore mansion, if everybody’s not been out there, it’s such an awesome place, a great part of the country. Julie Hruska: Yeah, it, it’s amazing. There’s so much to do in the outdoors, and we do have the best of all worlds. And we’re not too far from the beach too, which is like my favorite place.  Brett Gilliland: That’s, that’s right. Well, uh, Julie, if you can, um, we’ll, we’ll dive into what you do for a living and all that kind of stuff, but you are a high performance, uh, strategist, uh, certified high performance coach, speaker, trainer. I know you got a TV show coming out called The Next Level. You’ve got some group coaching called Next Level as well. Um, but before we dive into that kind of stuff, can you just maybe give us a little lay of the land on what’s made you, the woman you are today?  Julie Hruska: Oh, wow. That’s, that’s such a complex question. Right. So I grew up in the Midwest, um, in a very traditional conservative Christian family. Um, I was very much raised to become a wife and mother, and so I lived out that path. I got married at 20. Um, started having kids in my early twenties. I have three beautiful kids, so they’re the blessing of that part of my story. But, um, as I went through that life, I started to realize that I was losing my identity. I was very unhappy. I was very anxious. And, um, my oldest son is severely dyslexic and so he needed to go to a special. That was quite expensive. So I looked at going back to work and I’d been out of work, um, for a while, staying at home with my kids. So when I went back to get my master’s degree, there was a program, um, out in Colorado Springs, Colorado for brain-based gender differences. Um, I was a educator at the time, so when I went out there for the first time in over a decade, People were calling my name, they were asking my opinion. I was no longer Ethan, Erin, and Sidney’s mom. I actually had a name. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Julie Hruska: Which seems foreign to a lot of people who haven’t been through it, but for me, I really lost a sense of self. And so in that moment, it was like an asteroid literally hit me in the head and woke me up. And the wool came off my eyes and I realized all of the things that weren’t working in my life and very much that I had adopted my parents’ belief of what life should be and not my own. Brett Gilliland: Mm-hmm.  Julie Hruska: Um, so unfortunately, um, when you have that kind of awakening experience, some people celebrate that, but for me it was terrifying. Because I realized I was in my early thirties and I had followed someone else’s path. And the unraveling of that, the really stripping things down and looking at who I am and why I was created and what my purposes in the world was very challenging. I had to face the fact that my marriage was toxic. Um, there were a lot of unhealthy patterns that were affecting my children, so I ended up getting divorced. I ended up with full custody of my oldest son, primary of my younger two. And um, then kind of had to go from there. At the time I was teaching kindergarten and um, for anybody that knows about education in this country, you really can’t support a family of four on a kindergarten salary. So that started my move into, I’m a teacher. What else can I teach? And, um, from there I actually got into teaching power yoga because of the mindset and empowerment that I found during my divorce and during the process of recreating my life. And as soon as I quit my salary job to teach yoga full-time, I realized that yoga was just one of the tools. For being your best self. And really it was the deeper issues. It was looking at what really holds people back. It’s not that you can just take the messy. Kind of chaos of a person’s life and pile on these great tools, you have to start over. You have to build a foundation. And so I realized that I needed to do advanced studies. I got my certified high performance coach training. I went beyond that, um, and did some mindfulness, some psychology, CMEs, and really, Got to the point where I could help people dive into the root causes of their challenges.  Brett Gilliland: Hmm. Yeah, I think that’s the biggest part of it, isn’t it? I mean, we can do all these things, but if we don’t dive into what the issue is, it’s uh, we’re just putting band-aids on it, right? Julie Hruska: Right. And, and as you know, it’s like that bucket. You plug one hole and then another one spouts out. So same, like I was saying, with the foundation, you have to really like demolish the old. A lot of times it takes that some people have a good foundation already and can build upon, but a lot of times you have to go in and just really excavate all of those limiting beliefs, all of the things that hold you back, and then start over and create that firm foundation with clarity, courage, energy, productivity mindset mastery. I could, this is, this is the stuff that I’m really passionate about because it does help people change their lives, both personally and professionally. Brett Gilliland: Yep. So let’s talk about that. Let’s, let’s dig a little deeper. So you said one of the tools was yoga is what you found. And so, you know, I’m, I’m, I’m picturing or trying to paint a picture here of this toolbox, right. And we’ve got Julie’s toolbox over here to the side of you. And you, you open it up and, and you’re gonna need a different tool for every different project that you go work on, right? So if you had to fill up your toolbox, if you will, with uh, all these tools, and you’re gonna go to the hardware store now and you’re gonna go buy these tools, what, what are the tools we’re putting in there? What, what’s, what’s going in there besides the yoga?  Julie Hruska: So yoga doesn’t have to be, I used to, when I started, when I shifted from doing yoga, mindfulness, and meditation and health and wellness coaching to high performance, people were completely freaked out. They’re like, are you gonna make me do yoga? I’m like, no. Brett Gilliland: No. Julie Hruska: You don’t have to do yoga to live your best life. But health and wellness is a tool. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Julie Hruska: You, you have to make sure that you have some great forms of exercise in your tool. The nutrition, the hydration, the sleep. Those are the basics that sometimes we don’t think about when we’re facing challenges or when we’re hitting a wall in our lives. So those basics are really important, and then you get to your mindset. And examining the things that really hold people back. Those limiting beliefs, that fear of failure, the BS excuses and stories that we tell ourself that maybe started in childhood, that you’re not good enough, that you’re not capable, and we just repeat them and we look for other examples of how that’s true. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Julie Hruska: To hold ourselves back, but oftentimes it’s subconscious, so you have to get in there and you have to do the work.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, and I think coaching too. And, and, um, you know, you obviously have your next level coaching program, but coaching is so important with that. And, and if you think of the best athletes in the world, just, just think of sports, they all have coaches, right? Tiger Woods had a swing coach in his prime and. Justin Thomas has a swing coach, a nutritionist, and all these people, right? And, and so Michael Phelps, I mean everybody. And, and so for you, what are you finding that the people that do hire a coach, where are you starting with them and how do you go through that process to find that That kinda what I would call the Pandora’s box, that everybody’s got stored inside. Julie Hruska: Yeah, that, that’s a really great question, Brett. So what I do with my clients is we really dive in 75 to 90 minute with my one-on-one clients, um, individual SE session where we look at career relationships, health and finance. And we determine where they’re functioning at, their optimal levels and where they’re not. Because you have to look at yourself really clearly in the mirror. You have to have that real and raw conversation to say, you know, honestly, when I pull it all back, when I take off the mask and the facades, here’s what’s working in my life and here’s what’s not. And then we take the things that aren’t working, and create a plan to optimize their lives.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. And the planning is huge, but let’s go back to that toolbox cuz um, I like to skip around and keep going on conversations where whoever’s popping through my, my brain here. Um, but when you, when you look at those tools in the toolbox, so hydration, sleep, exercise, um, you know, those are just three of the ones that you mentioned. Julie Hruska: Right? Brett Gilliland: Do you, if, if I followed you around, you know, with the camera for the, you know, for the next week, what am I gonna find that are no miss items for you? Like what, what’s happening to you?  Julie Hruska: Um, ooh, daily. That’s really good because those are just like the basics and then you have to pile on the clarity, your mindset mastery, um, your energy, all of those things. Vision is really big there. Um, so if we were following me around every day, what’s a non-negotiable, hydration exercise, um, clarity. I am very big on clarity. I believe it’s the foundation of all success, and so I like to end my day by looking ahead at the next day and the rest of the week and make sure that my priorities are aligned. So when I wake up, I know exactly what I’m doing. I don’t just wake up and go, well, you know, let’s, let me check my email. Right, right. Because an email is a convenient organizing system for other people’s priorities.  Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Julie Hruska: And in fact, if you wake up and you check your email right there, you’re losing 30% of your productivity. Right there, because you’re taking your energy that should be intentional and you’re giving it away.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And this is my shameless plug here. I’ve never, I haven’t announced this on a podcast yet, but I created my own, uh, my own journal. Julie Hruska: That’s fantastic.  Brett Gilliland: And it’s got the not for sale yet because, uh, but it’s now officially on Amazon. You can type in achieving your future greater than your past, or My name, Brett Gililand, and buy the Journal. For those interested, they hear me talk about it all the time, but, but my point is, is that I, I call it focus 90, right? And so it’s how do I spend the next 90 or the first 90 minutes of my day on my 90 day goals? So 90 minutes, what are my goals for the next 90 days? And I can only spend time on those goals and that first 90 minutes. Because what I found is when I do that, I win the day. Right? If I can win the morning, I win the day.  Julie Hruska: Absolutely. Brett Gilliland: You talk about clarity. I always said I read this in a book years ago, clarity proceeds mastery. Right?  Julie Hruska: Mm-hmm.  Brett Gilliland: So if I wanna master something, I have to be very, very clear on where I’m going and why I’m going there. So when you hear me say that focus 90 first 90 minutes of the day, what comes to mind for you?  Julie Hruska: Um, productivity and the time blocks that I have my clients, um, add to their lives. So yeah, we have three priorities every day. Three main needle moving priorities. Um, depending on what industry you’re in, those could be projects that you have for work. Um, they could be an assortment of things. For me, it might be preparation for my clients.  Brett Gilliland: Mm-hmm.  Julie Hruska: Client calls, um, those things. So whatever they are, you have your three priorities. And then the way that I do it, and you can do it differently, if you were doing 90 minutes, you’d have three 30 minute blocks. But you would actually have to go to 25 minute blocks because you have to reset in between. Brett Gilliland: Right. Julie Hruska: So with 90 minutes, I tend to do it with three hours. It’s a little longer, but it’s your first priorities. Those three needle movers have 50 minutes to an hour of time for your situation. If it was 90 minutes right, you’d have 25 minutes per priority, and then you know that you’re moving the needle forward. So it’s constantly focused on action. Action is the key, and so many coaches, this is why the word coach is sometimes frustrating. It’s gotten really watered down. So many coaches talk and talk and talk, but for high performance, it’s all about action. It’s, here’s a tool for organizing your day, like your planner, or like the method that I use for productivity. I have a productivity like one page planner that my clients use, and it’s all about, here’s the focus, action. Focus, action, focus, action, clarity, productivity.  Brett Gilliland: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think again, that, that what comes to my mind is there’s a plan, right? And there’s a discipline process for the plan. And, and people, again, hear me talk about this stuff, but it’s, you don’t brush your teeth 14 times on Sunday, right? You, you brush ’em twice a day, minimally, right? It’s twice a day, minimally, and it’s showing up every day. And I think that’s about life. Julie Hruska: I’ve never heard that and I absolutely love it. I feel like my teenage son could use some of that. It’s like, you know, you don’t wait until like your whole room is smelly to go take a shower.  Brett Gilliland: That’s correct. That’s.  Julie Hruska: And you probably know that with your four boys, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, exactly. It’s like, why does the room look like this? This is crazy. But it’s true, right? And, and so many times I think the, the daily habit of showing up and, and it’s like investing money, you know, you invest money. A dollar today doesn’t just automatically turn into a dollar a $2 tomorrow, right? Julie Hruska: No.  Brett Gilliland: You’ve gotta do it over time. And I think when people are, you know, driving down the road listening, It’s showing up today and making that one choice. Control the controllable, make that one choice if it’s eating, like today for me, is always a discipline. I, I love french fries, but it was a choice to have a salad with my food today, right? And, and I think those things have to happen for us daily. So, so again, back to that clarity. How do you find clarity in your life? Um, so then you know what you’re looking at every single day.  Julie Hruska: Right. So I wanna go back real quick to discipline and high performance habits, and then we’ll get to clarity. Brett Gilliland: Yes.  Julie Hruska: So what you were saying speaks right to what I do. It’s about developing high performance habits that move the needle forward. So like you were saying, with a journal or productivity planner, it’s, this is what you do and you wake up every workday and you do that. Some people do it seven days a week and, and I actually encourage my clients to have some equanimity in their life to actually schedule their family time. Their date nights with their partner to actually schedule that in, because if it’s not on the schedule, it tends to get pushed back. So those are important things. For clarity, I like to start every day with an intention. What’s my intention for the day and what I do personally, um, and with my clients, because integrity is really important. I think I, it’s my job to lead the way and serve as a role model for others. Um, so what I do is I start my day with three words. Three words that define who I am and how I wanna show up in the world. And from there then I look at the, the task, the productivity plan. Um, for me right now, I get up and take my son to school first, and then I come back and do this. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Julie Hruska: Um, because I, I’m a night owl, so, you know, they’re all of these high performance people that are like, get up at 5:00 AM. Well, you have to do what works for you. Yeah, and there is no cookie cutter recipe. I know that all of the gurus out there would love you to buy their books and their programs, but the reason there’s such a high failure rate is because it’s not customized. Brett Gilliland: Yep. Julie Hruska: It’s one of the reasons that I’ve been doing customized one-on-one coaching for most of my career, because when it’s customized, it’s more effective. So you have to find what works for you. But whenever you wake up and whenever you start your official day, it’s about setting an intention. And creating a plan that has, that’s followed with action. Brett Gilliland: Yep. It’s, I love hearing you say that too, because I, I was the guy early in my career too, when I, I’m not, I’m a night owl as well, and my wife is, my kids are, and, and so getting up for me at, you know, five o’clock in the morning is brutal, you know?  Julie Hruska: Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: And, um, But I, but then I would beat myself up over it, right? And then I’m like, all right, I’m gonna do it. And then I would do it for a week or a week and a half, and then I’m just like, you know, my eyeballs are bleeding I was so tired and, and it’s like, well, this sucks and it wasn’t sustainable. And I think over time you collectively have to find out what does work for you, right? Julie Hruska: Right  Brett Gilliland: Because the 5:00 AM thing doesn’t work for me, but I can get up at six and I can do it. And that’s, that’s fine. And I can come back to it after the kids stuff, uh, you know, once you get the kids to school and everything. So I think it’s perfect. I think we’re, we’re very much in line. And, and you keep you and go back to your other one that you were gonna talk about as well. Julie Hruska: Um, so with clarity, you know, um, Is that what you want me to go back to?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah.  Julie Hruska: So with clarity, it’s also about aligning everything you do with your overall vision of the life you want, and is this action taking you closer to the life you want or moving you further away? And when you look at everything through that filter, it’s very easy to say absolutely yes or absolutely no. Brett Gilliland: You’d rather say, what was the book? I can’t remember what it was, but one book I read, it’s either Gotta Be a Hell Yes or a Hell No. Right? There’s no in between.  Julie Hruska: Yes, I didn’t know if I was allowed to use that language on your podcast so. Brett Gilliland: You can do whatever you want.  Julie Hruska: Cause I’ve actually heard, am I allowed to use it? Brett Gilliland: Yes you can. Yes, absolutely.  Julie Hruska: No, I actually say it’s a fuck yes or a hell no. Brett Gilliland: I like it. I like it.  Julie Hruska: Cause that’s like really feeling it, right? That’s that passion. And you want passion. If you’re not passionate about what you’re doing, do something else. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Julie Hruska: Because that’s sustainability. That discipline comes in. Like if you hate your job, It’s gonna be really hard to maintain the high performance habits of having the discipline to get up to create your productivity planner to work every day toward the goals. If you don’t feel aligned and congruent with that, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. I agree. So do you have like a scorecard or like how do you know it’s working? Is it just based off of feeling, or do you have something where you kinda slow down and help yourself through that?  Julie Hruska: Um, personally I have the way that the, um, high performance program is set up, there are definitely ways that you can check in with yourself, but I look at it as progress. So I’m very task oriented. If I have my productivity planner, I have three major projects. Each project or task has to-dos underneath. So I very much like to print it out, check it off. So that’s how I personally measure progress. Of course, there’s the greater. Like looking at the entirety of the end of the week, how am I doing? Am I living aligned and congruent with the best within me? Am I completing the task that move the needle forward so I can create, you know, an empowering experience for my clients, create financial abundance for my children and support them in their dreams and, and ultimately from a personal level.  Am I feeling good? Am I thriving? Do I have that energy and that excitement about life? Because this really is it, right. You get one life. That’s my personal belief. And so with that life, if you’re not passionate and happy and fulfilled by what you’re doing, you have to ask yourself why you’re doing it, because our time is finite. This is it. So that’s one of the ways I measure success as well, is really look at, am I feeling good? Am I feeling energized? Am I serving my clients with that energy as well? And then my kids, are they supported? I have three kids. Um, like I said, I started young, so two are in college already. Mm-hmm. I have one that just started high school and, um, that’s so important because we’ve been given these children to shepherd and steward to become their best selves, and so it’s really interesting in my line of work to see. How they’re showing up in their lives based on the role model that I’ve been.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. How, how do you find yourself, uh, I mean, and one will ask you, are you good at this or not? Uh, and then if so, how do you do it is how do you stay in the moment, right? Because I think a lot of people, they’re listening to this podcast. They’re hard charging. They, you know, they get after it in life. What do you do to be in the moment, uh, and what can you help us with there?  Julie Hruska: That’s a great question and this is where I, I see every chapter of my life has come together to create the really, like a holistic approach to the way I live and the way that I work with my clients. Sustained present is key to really enjoying life and also serving at your highest level. I’m a big fan of breath work. Um, like we were talking about with the productivity planner, and I said, whether it’s 90 minutes or three hours, you have to take incremental breaks. During those breaks, I like to stand up, stretch close my eyes, because your eyes are the number one way you lose energy, and especially when you’re on the screen all the time, your energy is just pouring out so you close your eyes and breathe. 10 deep breaths really like rooted and grounded in your feet. It is taking that deep inhale from the base of your spine to the crown of your head, an exhale soften release. When you block out the senses and you tune into your breath, you become more present. And then after that you can, you know, come back, open your eyes, set an intention, what’s next. Brett Gilliland: And it’s, it’s the more I’ve done with meditation and practicing that it’s, it’s amazing that it does just bring you to a whole sense of a, of a different senses in your body. I mean, that you can feel you are in the moment and your heart rate slows down and people probably get tired of me talking about it, but it, it’s, for me, dealing with anxiety for so many years, it, it was the biggest game changer is learning about breathing and, and it sounds so simple, right? Cause we all just, thank God we wake up every day and we get to breathe. But how are you breathing? Right. That’s the, that’s the key. Those deep belly, you know, deep breaths are, are different than the from the chest, right? And, and those things are extremely, extremely helpful. So you’ve used the word action, um, you know, numerous times today, and that’s one of the circuits of the Circuit of Success, hence the name of the podcast. It’s your attitude, your belief system, your actions ultimately get your results. So when you hear actions, what comes to mind for you there? How important is that.  Julie Hruska: I mean, it’s everything. Thoughts are great. You have to master your mindset, but it won’t get you anywhere. You can’t think your way into success. Yeah. So action is key. The way that I see it is you can control three things in your life, your attitude, your effort, and your action. So it starts in the mind setting, the intention of who you are and how you wanna show up in the world, and then following that intention with action. Which is integrity, right. Right there your words and your actions align. And so when you live from that space, that’s how you achieve the success that you’re seeking.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And when you see this future greater in your past, when you hear that comment, um, that’s our mission as a firm. It’s my personal mission. Julie Hruska: Mm-hmm.  Brett Gilliland: Um, achieving a future greater than your past, what does that mean to you?  Julie Hruska: You know, I truly believe that anything is possible if you have the vision and you’re willing to wake up each and every day and dedicate your life to pursuing that purpose and pursuing it with passion. Yeah. So there is anything really, really, truly is possible and your future is, is there, it’s yours for the taking. You can envision the life that you desire and make it happen. Last summer, one of the, I love to travel and I love to share that with my kids and really expand their awareness. So last summer I, um, tried it out, can I work and can I travel? And I spent 33 days in Europe. It was amazing. I went to five different countries and I was able to be with my kids. The first part of the trip I was alone. Then my son joined, and then we met my daughter who was studying abroad and the second part of the trip I was with them and so I was able to be with them during the day. Then at night, cuz they’re old enough, they’d go out to dinner, do their thing. I would get on Zoom and work with my clients and finding that equanimity. Everyone has the potential to live the life they want, but you have to overcome your limiting beliefs to do that, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Absolutely. Julie Hruska: And then you have to create that vision and take the action to make it happen.  Brett Gilliland: So, let’s go back, if you don’t mind. Um, and let’s talk about those. I, I call ’em the quote unquote dark days. I have no idea about your past or what those days were, but you, you spoken, you shared that, that you had some, you know, troubling times with, you know mm-hmm. Marriage, different things like that. So what advice would you have? We’re not diving into that stuff, but what advice would you have? For somebody, cuz it’s easy to say um, oh, I, you know, it’s just think positive and, and everything can happen. And, but when you, when man when things suck, you know, and you try to tell yourself, oh, just be positive. Like, you’re just like, screw off. I don’t want to hear that. Right. So exactly how do you help somebody pull them up out of the hole with you and then, and then start to think that way? Julie Hruska: Yeah. Um, I like mantras. That again, comes from my yoga, mindfulness, and meditation background. Um, the mantra that hit me was one courageous step at a time. Hmm. And so I like to encourage people when they are in that dark place, like is there that one? One little glimmer of light or hope that you can hold onto, and then it, it’s tough when you’re laying in bed in a fetal position, right? You all the anxiety, all the stress of the world is right there with you. You have to go into that self-talk and it’s the, okay, Julie, come on. You got this. Just get up that one step and you focus on one step. What’s the next step? Okay, you got that. What’s the next step? And sometimes you do have to tiptoe through life like that. And that’s, you know, the challenge. I’m not a psychologist, I don’t wanna give advice. Obviously if you have like in that realm, if you have severe depression or extreme anxiety, Go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist, get the help you need. Some people need medication for it. Other people can, you know, work their way through it with some of these strategies. Brett Gilliland: Mm-hmm.  Julie Hruska: Um, but if you are one of those people that is working through it, It’s about that next step and really keeping it small, bite sized, manageable, getting out of bed for so many people that have the intensity of anxiety and depression on their shoulders. That’s a huge step. And then getting active that, you know, the chemicals, your body, chemicals when you exercise. Brett Gilliland: Yeah,  Julie Hruska: That’s so important. So get up, get dressed, get out of the house. I don’t care if you go stand in your driveway. Right?  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Julie Hruska: Just get out of your house. And then that was what was so jarring during the pandemic. The minute that the lockdown started to happen, I was like, I am terrified for the mental health of the world. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Julie Hruska: I wasn’t, I was less worried about covid than I was about the mental health because when you lock yourself in and you’re not around people and you’re not taking care of yourself. All of that darkness finds a place and takes root.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah. I, I always say this, we talk about solitary confinement. You know, it’s one of the worst things other than, you know, the death penalty. I mean, it’s one of the worst things you can do to a human right is put ’em in a dark room by themselves for 23 hours a day or whatever it is. But I look at it from the business landscape. I see a lot of people that you start to see them. Kinda put themselves in solitary confinement, right? So if somebody’s doing that to themselves, it happens to be listening to this right now, I would just say reach out. Right? Reach out to somebody, like you said, get up, put your sweatpants on and a sweatshirt, and go sit in your driveway and walk in a circle for a while.  Julie Hruska: Yeah, walk in a circle. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, I mean, just do walk something. Julie Hruska: During Covid, I became friends with all of these cute, I call ’em cute little neighbors. I, I have a, a lot of older people around me for some reason. And, um, when I would, I’d go walk my dog. Which is a saving grace too. Having a pet Yeah. When you, when you’re feeling alone, can be a really nice thing. Um, and I started to meet all of these wonderful neighbors that I wouldn’t have met if I wouldn’t have gone out there.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Julie Hruska: And, um, so about support, you were talking about people that operate in a vacuum business, people that kind of self confine or, or pull back, um, I operate really well on my own, but I have learned the importance of creating a supportive circle of people that are at the next level or similar level to me, because those are those growth friendships that help us become the best version of ourselves, and I think we don’t, we underestimate the need for that. In our society to really make sure you’re surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people, podcast, right coaches, um, you have that support circle that can help you become your best and thrive in all areas of your life.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So let’s talk about your, uh, your next, uh, project here. The Next Level TV show on Rvn, uh, the network there. And so let’s talk about that.  Julie Hruska: Yeah, so this is a really exciting opportunity. It’s called The Next Level with Julie Hruska. It’s gonna be housed on RV N television, but can be accessed on Hulu, Roku, or Apple tv. And it’s really about, you know, kind of getting the message out there bigger and broader. I interview successful people on their path, on the things that they’ve overcome to achieve success, and then they share their advice. So it can be anyone from so far I’ve interviewed, um, a founder of a shoe company, a NCAA coach, the head of, um, New Jersey’s, African American Chamber of Commerce, and all the different people that I interview have amazing and compelling stories. And the thread that runs between all of the stories is we all face challenges in our lives. They’re all very different, but we all face some. And the difference between achieving success and not achieving success is that resilience and those success strategies and, and so it’s my intention with that show to really empower everyone who listens, not just to get inspired by these successful people, but also to take away those nuggets like, like with your podcast here. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Julie Hruska: That they can apply to their own lives and become better because TV is full of junk and nonsense and so many shows are on there and they just talk and you, you leave them and you’re like, okay, that was nice. But it doesn’t really help you in life, and I want everything I do, whether it’s my post on LinkedIn or when I’m on podcasts, like your wonderful one here, or when I’m on my TV show, I wanna make sure that I’m helping people become better, that their time listening to me or reading the things I’ve written empower them to be their best self. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Julie Hruska: I feel like that’s my purpose in life.  Brett Gilliland: I love it. It’s good to have a purpose in life, isn’t it?  Julie Hruska: Yes. It’s so important and, and again, going back to that toolbox, if we bring it full circle, it’s the health and wellness, the clarity, the mindset mastery, the plan and strategies, those high performance habits that show up and, and courage, courage, energy, being intentional about the energy you bring into every space.  So all of those things go into a successful person’s toolbox. And then you have to customize it, right?  Brett Gilliland: Right.  Julie Hruska: If you like to wake up at 10:00 AM but you work your plan from 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM good for you. Like I am never going to tell people you must do X, Y, and Z, because that’s a bunch of BS. It’s, it’s a bunch of bs. And all of those people, and I know they’re, they’re crushing it. They’re crushing it out there. They’re the gurus with their books and their plans. But the reason that people listening right now, if you followed some of those plans and you then feel bad that you weren’t able to stick to it, it’s because it wasn’t yours. All we can do as coaches and as experts in our fields, Is provide people with the tools, but then they have to pick and choose which ones work for them, which ones honor their lives and their vision and their mission and purpose and passion. And when you do that, that’s where the power is.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So where do our listeners find more of Julie Hruska? Julie Hruska: I am on LinkedIn. I live on LinkedIn, so Julie Hruska, last name is H R U S K A. Connect with me there. I always love welcoming people into our community. I have a really actively engaged community there. And, um, I love it. I’m just so humbled and honored to be there. I also have a website, powerfulleaders.com and look out for the show. It’s gonna be rolling out soon, depending on when this, um, podcast is launched. Um, it’s on R V N television. The next Level with Julie Hruska. Like I said, I’m getting some really interesting guests and they inspire me and they motivate me to continue the work to help everyone become their best self.  Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Well, thanks so much, Julie for being on the podcast. It’s been, uh, a ton of fun if time flew by and I got a lot of takeaways, so I appreciate your time today.  Julie Hruska: Thank you, Brett. Thank you so much for having me. This is a lot of fun and I really hope that everyone out there listening can gain some new awareness that will help them take their life to the next level because it is like, get out there, create a wildly ambitious vision, raise your ambition, deepen your discipline, and do the work. Take the action to create a life that you love.  Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Thanks so much, Julie.  Julie Hruska: Thank you, Brett.

Brett Gilliland speaks to Elizabeth Connelly and Katie Martin, both strong female figures within Visionary Wealth Advisors. Elizabeth touches on her early experiences as the only woman in executive meetings, which was normal for her in the beginning portion of her career. She emphasized the importance of hard work and perseverance in a male-dominated industry. Elizabeth also talks about the support she received from other female professionals.  Katie Martin shares her experiences as a young mother in the industry and her advice for women today pursuing a similar career. Katie shares her experiences in her position and how she aims to encourage women to take control of their financial futures. Both professionals have learned to balance a home and work life and found themselves successful. This episode is incredibly insightful for women and other professionals seeking a career in a male-dominated industry.    https://youtu.be/fhG4ILGs1QU Brett Gilliland: So we’re live here ladies. So we are, uh, we’ll let some people join here for a little bit and, uh, before we get started, um, but we’re excited today to celebrate Women’s History Month. Here at Visionary Wealth Advisors and I’ve got two, uh, distinguished guests. Katie Martin is with me, and also Elizabeth Connolly is with me. So we’re excited to, uh, spend some time today and get to know them and their careers and, uh, how blessed we are to get to work with them every day. So, again, I will wait just a little bit longer to make sure we are live in kicking. It’s 11 o’clock and, um, also going over to YouTube to check that. Um, right now. So, um, we are here. Okay. We’re live on, at least on, on YouTube, so, so that’s good. So we’ll exit out of there and then, uh, go over here to LinkedIn and uh, make sure we are live there, which it looks like we are. So, uh, yes, we are live. So. Alright. Great stuff. Well, I wanna get started. So again, I have, uh, Katie Martin with me. Katie Martin is a Chartered financial analyst, A C F P, certified Financial Planner. We have Elizabeth Connelly with us who is a JD, a certified trust specialist, and a certified IRA specialist with two distinguished careers, uh, that you all have. And we get the fortune of working with you two every single day here at Visionary. So if you could, these are always big open questions I know, but I’d like to start with you, uh, Katie, if we can, and just share a little bit about your career story. And, uh, what’s made you, the woman you are today?  Katie Martin: Sure. So I started in a rotational program at an investment firm right outta college. And at the end of that time I moved into our investment research area. So, um, I started as an associate analyst doing some, helping out, some equity analyst. And then in 2005 transitioned into a new area, which was our manager research area. So it was exciting to be the third person on that team and then help to play a role in growing that team from three to over 30, um, over the course of the next 10 to 15 years. So it was, um, It was a great opportunity to take on increasing responsibility over time. Um, you know, eventually I be, uh, was responsible for leading a team of analysts and then also leading some cross-divisional projects at the firm. So I did that for about 17 years and then reached a point, um, in my career where I decided it was time to ch make a change and look, to pivot to a role that was more autonomous and flexible. But most importantly was one where I had, um, wanted to feel like I was making more of a difference to, um, to an individual and working with individual clients. So that’s how I found Visionary. And I’ve been a wealth management advisor at Visionary since October of 2019.  Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Great. Well, thanks for sharing that story. And, uh, Elizabeth, how about you?  Elizabeth Connelly: So a little, I’ll go back a little farther than Katie did, uh, when I was little. I played like a lawyer. I sat at a, a dining room table and I would argue with my brother, and my brother would have this old stethoscope around his neck cuz he wanted to be a doctor and we’re little bitty kids at that time. Well, he is a doctor and I am a lawyer now, so we, it came full circle. But in my career, all during my life, when I went to college, I tried everything. You know, I, I, computer science, things in math, things in business. But I had an advisor, I had a female advisor at that time, an academic advisor, and she told me that I was gonna take the LSAT because I had shared with her at one point in time that I played like I was gonna be a lawyer. Well, somehow I, I passed that exam in a decent way and she said, well, now you’re gonna apply to law school. So I applied to one law school, St. Louis University. I got in and I said to her, well, now what am I gonna do? Because I had accepted a job at Macy’s in their management training program. Um, I was getting ready to graduate college, and she said, well, you’re gonna go tell them you’re not taking that job. And you’re going to law school. So I went to law school and it, it was fun. When I was there, I, I always wanted to be a litigator and in my young mind, I worked in a firm, I’d got to try a wrongful death case, and the life of a litigator is up and down and up and down. And so at that time I thought, well, I would like to be married and have a family someday, and it wouldn’t fit, right? Mm-hmm. That’s what my young mind. So I specialized. I went over and I interviewed for a job in the banking field, and there started my career. I was so lucky, unbeknownst to me because I walked into an environment where I handled both institutional and personal money, and most advisors specialize in one area or the other. So I actually grew up in my field doing both. And I am forever grateful for that. And over the years I had various opportunities that I took advantage of and found my way for client purposes into the arena that I’m now in. So the independent, uh, registered advisor, um, and it has been wonderful and it’s the exact right place for clients. Brett Gilliland: I mean, you do an amazing job of it. So, uh, that, uh, it’s a big deal. So I, I, I’m a big fan of these defining moments, right? I think we all have defining moments in our careers, in our lives. Um, I think back to, you know, my first year in the business was 2001. I started late oh one, but 2002, great year, 2003. Terrible year. Right? Like surprised to even let me stay on as a financial advisor. I just didn’t do much. Right. As a, as a advisor. I’m curious for you two, Katie, we’ll start with you on any pivotal moments or defining moments for you. In your career and to help you take action to where you’re at today. Katie Martin: Yeah. So I put some thought into that after we had our initial conversation to prepare for that. And you shared your, you know, very specific example of what kind of got you to where you are. And so I tried to think if there were any points in my career that I would define as that one pivotal moment. And I. I don’t know that there is anything quite that specific. And what I would say is it’s really more of a culmination of things for me. So I guess I’m somebody who’s kind of always thrived on that external validation. So when I was in school that meant, you know, seeing if you can get good grades. And then when I was in my corporate role, that meant kind of moving up to that next role in my firm. Yeah. And so, um, you know, when I finally got to the point where I was in my existing role and looking to what would be next and realized that I wasn’t so sure that that was something that was right for me at the time. It really forced me to go back and think a little bit harder about, okay, what is that next step? And so I, I kind of point to that as what it was that got me to kind of make that change that I needed to make at that time. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Were you, were you always a good student? Like was it easy for your parents? If you look back, you could have that discussion when you’re in high school. Cause and the reason I ask, I joke, this isn’t about, you know, kids and stuff, this podcast, but you know, we’ve got four boys, you’ve got two girls, you were a girl, you are a girl. My, my, my wife, obviously. She talks about the difference of what it was like when she was doing schoolwork and these boys. Right. So do you see a difference there?  Katie Martin: Yeah. I mean, I, I was fortunate that school always came easily to me, so it was easy for me to get good grades, and that was something that was important to me. Now, if you try to put me on a softball field or a volleyball court, then the story would be a lot different. So, um, and, and yeah, when I look at my, when I look at my own kids, You definitely see kind of the difference. It’s always, I mean, we gotta have a whole separate conversation on how different kids that are raised in the same environment from the same parents. Brett Gilliland: It’s crazy.  Katie Martin: Parents can be, but um, so yeah, so I think being good in school was fortunately something that was kind of easy to me.  Brett Gilliland: Good. Uh, Elizabeth, what about you? What was some of those defining moments in, in your career?  Elizabeth Connelly: You know, I’ve thought about this a lot and so my career started at a time where there were hardly any executive level females. And so my path was very different than nowadays, and I would say there’s not any one moment factually, not in a complaining way, any female. I, I was never at a table where there was another executive female. I would be in, in boardrooms and wherever I was, and everyone was a man. And so in my world, You didn’t have a, a pivotal moment, you had to survive. Katie Martin: Mm-hmm.  Elizabeth Connelly: Is what I’m saying. You had to survive. And so I made up my mind early on what I wanted to do and what I wanted to achieve, and I knew I just had to do it with perseverance, diligence, and not really speaking out because in that day and age, if you spoke out, you lost your job. I, that’s just kind of how it was. And so instead of pivotal moments that are obvious. They were more internal pivotal moments that I would achieve. I always had in my mind what I wanted to achieve by what age that I was, and I just worked and worked and worked to make that happen. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: That’s great. So let’s, let’s talk about today how you will, uh, stay with you, Elizabeth. Is how do you support women today from, you know, from mentoring, just being there for ’em? What, what’s that role look like for you and, and how, how open is your door for that?  Elizabeth Connelly: My entire career, my door has been a hundred percent open. I have encouraged, I seek out women just quietly in whatever environment that I am in, and I offer to them that at any time they may come and speak to me and whatever they say to me will stay there. I have been, I hope, supportive my entire career. I still have people call me from early in my career to talk with me about how to prepare to ask their boss for a raise, how to react to questions that they’re gonna be asked in a review. Um, I have. My friends in, in my world will ask me to talk with their daughters or their granddaughters, both from how do you present yourself, how do you approach school, how do you stay true to yourself, but how do you have a respectful voice in, in the world in which we live today? And so just quietly, I, I just quietly am available and I let people know that. And as it’s taken advantage of, which I’m delighted, then I say to them, Feel free and tell your friends, I get emails, I get phone calls, would you help so-and-so? I don’t know so-and-so from Adam. But I always say yes.  Brett Gilliland: I think it’s amazing too, how many times people though may not take you up on that. Right? It’s like you got this unbelievable career, this success, all the stuff, and people may not take action to do that. Would you agree?  Elizabeth Connelly: I would agree. I think there’s a lot of fear and women in particular, even today while we’ve come really, really far. There is a lot of internal fear that people have that you have to overcome. Brett Gilliland: Uh, katie, what about you? How, how’s the mentoring, the growth, things that you’re doing in today’s world to help the, the future, uh, of America really for the, in women in business?  Katie Martin: Sure. So, you know, I, before I get into that, I would just confirm what Elizabeth was saying in terms of her door always being open. I mean, as someone who’s been in this role longer than I have, I’ve certainly appreciated her willingness to have conversations with me that have, and, you know, be able to talk about those things that, like you say, it takes, it’s, it can be hard to get up the courage to share something where you might look vulnerable with somebody else. So, um, I, I would just would like to validate what Elizabeth said she’s willing to do. So, I guess in, in my view, kinda the way I think about working with, uh, women today, I mean, one of the main ways that I work with women is that the vast majority of my client relationships, the, the female is the one that is probably the one I have the closer relationship to. So, You know the McKenzie’s done surveys on this and two thirds of the women. Um, two-thirds of women, even though the vast majority of women are breadwinners or co breadwinners in their home, they still don’t consider themselves to be investors and, uh, feel that their finances are top source of stress for them.  So, you know, I view it as my mission to help create peace of mind for these busy women who are interested in taking control of their financial future. I mean, they’re, they’re experts in what they do, and so to be able to hopefully be the person that can help ease the source of stress to allow them to show up better in other parts of their life that are, you know, more important to them, is what I kind of view my greatest contribution to be. Brett Gilliland: And, and have you seen that, and this is for both of you here, whoever wants to take this question, but have you seen a difference? Cause I know I have as a, as a person’s been this business for 22 years now, the amount of females I talked to on the phone about the whole plan and their investments has changed dramatically, right. And, and so have you two seen that as well in, in your time.  Elizabeth Connelly: I absolutely have, and I knew early on in my career. Just dynamically. I knew that women control a lot of things, but we weren’t allowed to let that show, right?  Brett Gilliland: Mm-hmm.  Elizabeth Connelly: So I knew that and I watched that happening, and in meetings that I would have early on in my career, I requested that both the man and the woman be there, and I always spoke to both of them. Katie Martin: Mm-hmm.  Elizabeth Connelly: So that was a little bit unusual, but that was my quiet way of trying to get women more in the center, if you would. And today I have many individual female clients, not just couples and so forth. So it has changed considerably.  Brett Gilliland: Um, talk to us a little bit about, you know, go back to when you were a child, right? And, and how was the support you received from, whether that’s to today as, uh, you know, adults have been the business for a while. That who is that mentor you look for now, or have you had in your career that’s helped get you where you are? Katie.  Katie Martin: Yeah. So as I, I think about the, um, mentors that got me to where I am today. I mean, I think one of the best ways to figure out where you’re going next is to have somebody to emulate. So I think of the people that have been willing to, um, provide the constructive feedback to tell me things that maybe I didn’t wanna hear, but were necessary to hear and be the one who, you know, demonstrated both professionally and personally what it was that I wanted to pursue in my career. Brett Gilliland: Katie? Uh, Katie, I just talked to Katie. Elizabeth, what about you?  Elizabeth Connelly: So what I would say there is from the time that we were little, my parents raised us that we would be educated. They come from little tiny towns and their upbringing was quite different, And I did not know that you had a choice about going to college. I had no idea. I knew you had a choice about what you did after that. So I would say first my parents, and I can remember as a child, my dad ta. I come from a family of eight children and there were six girls and two boys. And my dad would always say that he raised his girls to take care of themselves. And I did not understand what that meant when I was little. So I certainly did when I got older and every one of us can take care of ourselves. So I looked to that moment from my very young years. And then I will say that when I went to college, there was a gentleman there that was the first person I met. I was on a work study, um, and he was so incredibly kind to me. He was the director of admissions. Well, I later learned he had three daughters, and I think he just, for whatever reason, took me under his wing. And to this day, he’s now well into his eighties and to this day, he has referred his family to me. Mm-hmm. I have clients all over the country because of him, and so his belief in me meant everything. And he stayed with me. And every decision that I’ve made in my career, I’ll never forget when I joined Visionary. He called me up and told me how happy he was for me.  Katie Martin: Mm-hmm.  Elizabeth Connelly: It was, it was wonderful. So that’s what sticks out in my mind.  Brett Gilliland: Well, I think it’s cool. I, I look back and, you know, again, startin’, in 2001 I remember coaching a basketball team. I didn’t have kids at this time. And, and I think some of the people I met there that still refer business and it’s, those relationships are huge. They’re absolutely priceless. So thanks for sharing that. The, um, let’s turn the page to this. Um, and I say this with a smile because, I think the, the women I’m around you two, my wife, others, it’s kind of that can do all attitude, right? Can women do it all? Um, how do you accomplish that in your daily life? You know, you got family, there’s children, career, education, your health, I mean, all the stuff, right? How do you do that? Can you do it all? What are your thoughts on that as a, as a female in business right now, Katie?  Katie Martin: So the answer is no, you cannot do it all. And it’s unrealistic to even think you can, I mean, by nature. It’s just not possible. And that’s whether they’re male or female.  Brett Gilliland: Can I interrupt you for a second, don’t you think though that, that people, they have that kinda complex, right?  Katie Martin: Yeah, yeah.. And I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to try to do as much as you can. I mean, it’s, it’s a worthwhile pursuit, but I think about it, um, you know, just to try to, Set expectations that it’s not possible to do it all. And the way I tend to think about it is you have to prioritize. And so, you know, I think that, um, setting what those priorities are and then having the courage to make those ti make the time for those things that are important to us is about the best we can do. And I think that you also can appreciate that your priorities might shift over time. So, um, you know, Season of life that I’m in, my daughters are 14 and 11 years old, so I, I’m very much starting to feel the, um, the shortness of how long it is until, you know, in about seven years I’m gonna have all the free time in the world. So to speak. Um, and so I think, you know, the way I approach kind of my time I spend at work and my time at home right now looks a little bit different than it did 10 years ago when they were little, and 10 years from, from when? Um, from now as, as they’ve moved on to other things. So, um, I think the best we can do is to just, you know, be true to what it is that’s important to us, whether it’s, you know, work, family, um, hobbies, charitable work, whatever it might be, and then, Be the one that kind of defines how you allocate your time to those things. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Do, do you have anything you can share with those, uh, maybe the young moms that are listening and or young or older moms that are listening that, that, how do you do that? Like, what’s your daily process behind that?  Katie Martin: Yeah, so I think, um, you know, I’ve worked my entire time as a mom and so when my kids were little, they went to daycare and, you know, I, I harbored guilt at, you know, the fact my husband dropped my kids off at daycare at seven o’clock in the morning and I might be picking ’em up at 5:30. I mean, it closed at six, so you had to be there before then. Um, and so there certainly were times when you’re in the car driving to work and it’s like, oh, I know my kid doesn’t feel a hundred percent today, but you know, I have to get to work. And, you know, it’s like, am I doing the right thing? But you know, I appreciate now in hindsight that in some respects it was almost a little bit easier then because I knew my kids were taken well, taken care of. They knew that I was gonna be there for anything important. I didn’t miss anything that was, in my view, important to my kids as I was growing up. But now that they’re older and that season has shifted a little bit, Um, you know, they’re gone all day at school, so I’ve got all day to devote to those things are important. But when I’m at work, then that means that I kind of need to focus in and get my work done because I might need to leave work at three o’clock to pick somebody up from track practice or, you know, go to a soccer game or whatever. Um, because right now that’s the kind of stuff I don’t wanna miss. So I think it’s just, and this is still a work in progress, but trying to be as present as you can with the time that you are making for the things that you’re doing is, um, something that I think is important to think about.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Elizabeth, what about you? That that can-do attitude or can do-it all attitude? What do you say about that?  Elizabeth Connelly: So I echo all of Katie’s comments. I will also say that for me personally, and, and I would say this to young women, you can do it all just not all at one time. And I think Katie was mentioning this as well from the perspective that at different times in your life, you focus your energies different. And I have two children also who are now grown, and I never missed a darn thing for them. And I made sure that the activities that I did as a mother, that they were ones where I was present with my children. So instead of being in charge of the gift wrap, I went on the field trip. You know those, you make some choices that way. And so if you know in your mind all the different things you wanna do, I, I feel like every day your life, my life is in service of others of some sort. You know, you, I have a husband, I have children, family clients, et cetera. And my greatest joys come from them and helping them be the best people that they can be. And so, Whatever I, whenever I think about that, I just can’t do one more thing or something happens that’s a health issue or some other issue. I think to myself, what I was told, and that is there is nothing you can’t do for just one day, and sometimes I’ve had to break that down into 15 minute increments and I would literally sit there. Move it outta my mind and say, for this 15 minutes I can do this. And I just believe if you have that continual focus that you will accomplish what you want to, it may not be in the timeframe in which you would like it to be.  Brett Gilliland: And, and so, and, and you know this, we’ve had this discussion, but um, you may not know this Katie, but we, Elizabeth sent me, so I, I, I had a fear of flying, right? Katie Martin: Mm-hmm.  Brett Gilliland: I didn’t fly for eight years. And. Ms. Elizabeth over here sent me this very nice card before I was getting on my first plane ride. It was June of last year, June of 2022. And she said in the card, there’s nothing you can’t do for 15 minutes. And I’m like, you have no idea. You don’t know I’m gonna be scared of death, but I get this little travel rosary. And I’ve got this, you know, I’m superstitious, so I put this, it’s on my finger, it sets the crosses in my hand. And, and it is amazing because when I sat in that plane that first time and those doors opened, I thought, that’s gonna be the freak out moment, right? And so I had this overwhelming sense of peace and, but that, that thought kept coming through my mind. There’s nothing I can’t do for 15 minutes. Now, you may have to tell yourself that a lot on a three and a half hour flight to Tahoe, but you can do it, right? And so I also think it, it reminds me of a story, uh, I heard at a conference one time and, and I started doing it when my first child was born 17 years ago. I put every Wednesday on my calendar at 3:30. I went home, right? And the first time I did that, I was scared of death. Like, you know, babe, you don’t understand I’m gonna do, I had all the reasons in the world why it wasn’t gonna work, but it worked. And so would you guys agree with the comment? If you put it on the calendar, put your family stuff on the calendar and build your work life around it, you’ll make it work. Katie Martin: Yeah. I mean, I think one of the things that I can look back on with pride, and maybe it was naive at the time, but I was going to ask for what was important to me when it came to my family. To me that was, that was a priority. So, you know, when my first daughter was born, there were only a handful of people. So this was back in 2009. At that time, a handful of people who worked from home. So it was, and by work for from home, I mean, working from home one day a week. So when I, uh, was going to have my first child, I’m like, well, this is very important to me that I am able to work from home one day a week. Now, that didn’t mean my, my child wasn’t there with me, but it was just kind of one day to change the routine up a little bit, to hopefully make our family time a little better. And so, I asked for that. And it was, you know, and I was, my company was very gracious in granting that to me with the understanding that it was a privilege. And I’ll tell you, I worked harder on that day that I was at home because I felt like I had something to prove, to make sure people knew that it wasn’t a vacation day, it was a day that I truly was working. But I think that just in general, I’ve been a bit unapologetic about ever making time to do those things that were, um, were of highest importance to me. You know, really people said yes when I asked. I mean, nobody was, you know, telling me, no, you can’t do something like this. So I think sometimes we’re afraid to ask and you just kinda have to do that. Brett Gilliland: If you don’t ask, you won’t get it, will you? Katie Martin: That’s right, that’s right. Brett Gilliland: Elizabeth, anything on that?  Elizabeth Connelly: So my path, uh, um, quite a bit older than Katie and I would say that I never missed anything, but I had to take a vacation day. Yeah. If, if a woman asked forsomething it, it was greatly frowned upon. So you learned not to ask for that because it just set you back further. And so you would take a vacation day. The number of times I would take my children to daycare and drop ’em off and the phone was ringing when I got to work, that one of ’em had thrown up. You know, you, you have this panic inside yourself, so you watch all the days you have for vacation or sick days. So that was more my reality. During the, the majority of my career until more now. And you know, it’s interesting because I’m so grateful. My whole goal was for women to have it better at this part of my career than I did, and hopefully myself and other people, maybe a little bit paved that way. But when I had my two children, and then when I, Anna was, when I, Anna was born, I did not know you did not get paid for maternity leave. I, I had no idea. And, um…  Brett Gilliland: They did not pay you for maternity leave?  Elizabeth Connelly: No. And I will never, ever forget that sinking feeling. Like, what are we going to do? And I’m not gonna be able to stay home and take care of her for very long. It’s just a d it’s a different world now. And I, you know, the, the leave for mothers, for fathers for adoption, I, I think it’s all wonderful. And so my path was just a little bit different and I’m glad for where the world’s evolved to today.  Brett Gilliland: When you think about it, that’s not that long ago to think that how fast this changing, you didn’t get paid. Elizabeth Connelly: Yeah. Not 1 cent. Brett Gilliland: That is amazing to me.  Elizabeth Connelly: And I was even, even worried about the insurance piece of it. Right. You know, like, do I lose my insurance during this? It was a different world then.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So let’s talk about now the, the leader that’s listening to this and, and this will be out on a podcast later as well. Um, but, but talk to the leader of the organization or really anybody in the organization, but what is it that companies can do now to support women more in the workplace? Better than we’ve even done in the last? 20 years, 30 years, however long it’s been. Right. What can we do differently, Elizabeth?  Elizabeth Connelly: I like to think that you recognize people as professionals. You looked as their skillset, their, their presence, their skillset, communication skills. And I believe that that females have that in droves. They’ve just never been allowed to show that, so to speak. And I feel like the leaders of any organization, if they tell themselves when they’re looking at a position or looking at culture or the direction of their organization. Recognize professionals, then let them be the professionals they are. And when I think about Katie saying when someone asks you for one day at home or, or what have you, If instead of making an immediate decision, you look at that person and what that person’s contribution is to your firm. If they ask you for something, it’s because they want it and need it, and they will, like Katie said, do everything they can to not lose that. Those are your best people. So say yes. Say yes when a good person asks you for something. Brett Gilliland: Say yes.  Katie Martin: Yeah, and I think, um, I very much agree with what Elizabeth was saying. And then to maybe expand on that a little bit. I think just trusting that the person you’ve hired to do the job has the ability to do the job. So you, you know, you explain to them what it is that, um, the role will be, and then you give them the autonomy and flexibility to do it in a way that is true to them. So if you hire good people and they’ve got the capability to do it, know that they will ask when they need assistance and then just, you know, sometimes that might mean that the work gets done a little bit differently or perhaps on a different timeframe, but trust that they’re gonna get it done. Brett Gilliland: So this next question I, I think is gonna be hard for both of you because I, I know you both well enough, you’re not gonna talk about your biggest accomplishments, even though I’m gonna ask the question. Um, but I’m gonna start with you Elizabeth. So you were a, or are a Forbes top woman wealth advisor several times. You’re a hundred, uh, 100 of the St. Louisans to know, to succeed in business. A hundred. That’s a big deal for you and I, Katie. We get to know one of ’em, right?  Katie Martin: I know.  Brett Gilliland: And, uh, a who’s who, an American Marquee Lifetime Achievement Award and nominated for Lawyers of Distinction several times. So I could go on and on, um, about those awards, which those are so well deserved. But I think about you and your Cree. You told me a story about an engagement ring and, uh, that client story. Uh, talk to us about that, why that matters more to you than all these other accolades that you’ve gotten.  Elizabeth Connelly: My greatest thrills are when my phone rings, and I am a person who answers my phone when my phone rings, and it’s someone who wants to tell me something that those are my greatest moments. One of them was a young guy who, um, I had a family group. I had accounts for his parents, and I had gotten to know the boys. Well, he called me before he called his mom and dad to tell me he was gonna get engaged that night, and he wanted to ask me about how he was gonna pay for the ring. And so we rehearsed how he, what he was gonna say to his parents and how he was gonna say it. And it was just the most darling moment, um, to know that somebody thought enough of me to call me and ask that and rehearse for their parents. Um, so that, that was a truly great moment for me.  Brett Gilliland: That’s amazing. So, and, and if you could, maybe Elizabeth we’ll have you do this as well, but talk about the designations and the career and, and you’ve said some amazing things before we recorded about Katie, but I, I’d like to hear it from you and your perspective and your experience in the business on what you’ve seen from Katie’s business mind and the things that she’s accomplished. What, what are your thoughts on Katie in, in, in that wo world.  Elizabeth Connelly: So Katie has a designation that’s a chartered financial analyst that designation, very few people have it across the country. Almost everyone who has it is a male. It is incredibly difficult to get, and I have told Katie that I so admire her for actually going after that designation. In a time of her life where she’s a wife, a mother, a worker, a coaching at whatever, and she decided to do that, uh, that, that was just amazing and remarkable to me. Um, I find that she’s very unassuming. Uh, so that’s just something she did in her career. But I find it to be amazing that that was something that she accomplished. Brett Gilliland: Yes. So I know you wouldn’t have said all those things about yourself.  Katie Martin: Yeah, it was my face red cuz it feels red.  Brett Gilliland: No, it’s perfect.  Katie Martin: But thank you.  Brett Gilliland: Yes. So some of your thoughts on your, uh, biggest accomplishments in, in the field?  Katie Martin: Yeah. So, um, you know, kind of similar to what Elizabeth was describing, I think of my biggest accomplishments as those, those most gratifying moments of feeling like I’ve made a difference to someone. So in my former role as a leader of analysts, when I could see someone that I led either reach that next level or feel like I was really getting through to them in a way that perhaps I hadn’t seen previous leaders do, I mean that was some of the most rewarding parts of being a leader in my, in my career at the time. Now, I would point to those times where somebody will say, I feel so much better because I talk to you. I mean, that, that’s what I’m here to do. I, I mean, anybody can recommend an investment or, or whatever it is, but to feel like you are earning the trust of someone and then making a difference in something that’s extremely important to them is gonna be the most gratify is is the most gratifying thing in my role. Brett Gilliland: So, um, skipping some stuff here, but how, how do we go, how do we balance your professional personal life? Right. We talked a little bit about this earlier, Katie, but what, what’s some of the strategies that you have now you’ve done over your career again, that, that mom that’s listening to this right now and, and, and what, what advice would you have for them? What strategies would you have for them to help them go from that point A to point? You know, z quickly.  Elizabeth Connelly: What I would say is, I had a CEO at a company who I, I asked one time, how do you do everything? And he said, you know what? We all have the same 24 hours in a day, and you have to sit there and you have to decide on that day, what are the most important pieces, and then you organize your day that way. So whether you calendar it, how, however it is that you accomplish it, I calendar everything. I even calendar times to think about different things.  Brett Gilliland: I love that.  Elizabeth Connelly: But that’s what you. And you can do it when you break your day down that way, you will focus that way, um, and just do it over and over and over again. Brett Gilliland: Oh, I, I call it boringly consistent, right?  Elizabeth Connelly: There you go.  Brett Gilliland: Just be boringly consistent. Show up every day. And you, and you mentioned some of these earlier, but anything else you’d like to share, Katie, on that front?  Katie Martin: Uh, I mean, it’s all very similar. It’s identifying what, what is important to you. And I kind of do it over the course of, um, you know, maybe a week at a time. And then every day start to think about, okay, I know I needed to get this stuff done this week. What absolutely has to be done today? And I do that both personally or professionally, you know, thinking about. The things that are coming up this weekend, what do I need to take care of today because we’re gone tomorrow night. You know, all those kinds of things. So you can do whatever you put your mind to. You just have to put, you know, put the emphasis on your time, on the right things. Brett Gilliland: Uh, write it down, right. Katie Martin: Right.  Brett Gilliland: I mean, track it, write it down. Um, challenges, Katie, for you, challenges maybe you’ve faced in your career, um you know, as a woman in business, uh, in your profession, how have you overcome some of those things throughout your career? Katie Martin: Yeah, so, um, you know, the reality of the roles I’ve been in both as an investment analyst and then also as a financial advisor, is that they are male dominated and, you know, the reality of it’s been that most of my leaders have been male and they’ve been very supportive and great to work for, and, you know, have always helped me get better. So I, I, I, I can certainly speak to that. However, what I would say that is, um, one thing that I have felt over my career is that most of my peers are also male, and so the relationships that my peers were able to build with the same male leader was just different than what I could, I mean, You know, I didn’t get the invitation to go play golf. I mean, that’s kind of a, a cliche example, and it also could be because I’m not that great of a golfer, but I think the, the, you know, the reality is to go out to lunch or grab a drink after work or something like that. The dynamic is just different when you’re talking about a male and a female than it is if it’s a male and a male or a female and female. So, um, I think that’s, that’s one of the things that has been something that’s always been a little bit in the back of my mind in the roles that I’ve been in. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And do you think that changes? I mean, how, how do you change that?  Katie Martin: Yeah, I mean, I think, I think some of it is just, and this one of the other things that we had talked about is how to be more inclusive. I think it’s just trying to, you know, get to know what’s important to each individual person. Whether it’s a male or a female and, and trying to find common ground on which you can establish more of a relationship. So maybe not everybody likes to play golf, but maybe there are other things that are important to me that I would have in common with ’em that we could ,you know, build more of a common ground on. Brett Gilliland: Uh, I don’t think she’s talking about me, just because there happens to be a golf ball right over my head here. I’m like…  Katie Martin: No, it’s, no. Brett Gilliland: I’m just kidding. Uh, Elizabeth, what about you? Some of the things you’ve had to overcome . Elizabeth Connelly: Ka Katie said it well, uh, that has been a, a big deal is the personal relationships and it is a male female thing, and that, that’s cultural, right? Not cultural to affirm, but to our world that we exist in. And that, ha that has been very hard. So what, what I did to overcome that, is in my walks of life, I would seek other individual female executives, and they would typically not be from my arena. They would be from other arenas, and we would s put together little support groups and do regular times together and even travel together. I have one great story that there were four of us. There was a lawyer that practiced in a firm, did murders and acquisitions, a female owned construction company. A woman who ran a like a furniture for hospitals and schools, and then a woman who ran a flooring company. And we went on a, we called it an executive Women’s weekend, and after that weekend, the furniture and flooring merged their businesses. The construction person did the construction on their new facility, and the lawyer did all the contracts. And so, I to overcome the reality of the world in which we lived. That’s what I did, was tried to seek out in little ways how to just keep going, right? Perseverance. I never gave up. I just worked harder and harder and harder. Brett Gilliland: Oh yeah. How, how much did you have to advocate for yourself? I, I had a, and the reason I asked that, I had a, um, woman on my podcast, I dunno, maybe two weeks ago, and she talked about, she was this young professional woman, she’s working at a big accounting firm in St. Louis, and she raised her hand and she went in and basically said, here’s why I’m the person for that job. And that was a defining moment for her. Right. So did you have to go in and, and do that, advocate for yourself to make something happen?  Elizabeth Connelly: So close to 40 years ago, the, the only female there, if you tried to advocate to yours for yourself, you were pushed to the side. You were still doing all the work for which someone else was putting their name on it, but you were pushed to the side. So what I told myself early in my career is that I had to prove myself by being the best performer. And numbers don’t lie. Right. And so that’s what I mean when I worked harder, harder, harder because I knew that somebody couldn’t say that I didn’t add value if my numbers were better than everybody else. And so it was just a different time. Just a different time.  Brett Gilliland: And I think that’s what’s great about our business, right? I mean, the results speak for themselves.  Elizabeth Connelly: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: You, you either have clients or you don’t. Right.  Elizabeth Connelly: Right.  Brett Gilliland: And I think back to a story you told me if you, if you’re comfortable sharing this, um, but the 50 cents an hour deal, right. Can you, can you share that story?  Elizabeth Connelly: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: Cause again, that’s still, I think about it often cause it blows my mind just in your working career. This is how much it’s changed.  Elizabeth Connelly: So what he’s, what Brett is referring to is, I wanted so bad to have $5 when I was this young teenager. And I went around my neighborhood, everything what I could do. Wash your car, um, sweep your porch, whatever it was, because I needed $5. I washed one of my neighbor’s cars and they gave me 50 cents, and I vacuumed, I did everything. I knew that a boy who had done that before got several dollars. And that was true for babysitting. Even when I went, finally worked a W2 job at a dime store. I was paid less than the men were paid, but I was the person who did the work, who they called when they needed somebody to fill in and so forth. So that was the world back then, and I feel like the women who migrated quietly through that and persevered through that, hopefully, led to some of where we are today. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, absolutely. I’m, I’m thinking back to my house, having a male babysitter with four boys that would never have done, that would not been well for our home. So, um, what, what’s, what’s one piece of advice, Katie, you’d give your younger self now? So when you look back, you know, your career, what, what advice would you give yourself? Katie Martin: Yeah, I think the big one for me is to not be so afraid to fail. Um, you know, I, I talked earlier about this, you know, need to achieve and I think that, you know, to the, the point Elizabeth was just saying, or you were asking about needing to kind of raise your hand and advocate for yourself. I mean, there are, you know, it’s a pretty common study to show that women need to feel like they’re a hundred percent qualified for something before they would apply for a new job. And I think, um, in my career that’s been, um, that’s been the case. I, I feel like I needed to be confident that I was going to succeed before I was willing to take the risk to do something new, whereas, You know, I wish I would’ve learned earlier on to trust that I was going to be able to figure it out. And yes, I was gonna make mistakes, but the mistakes that I made are where I was gonna get the biggest growth and the the best opportunity to learn.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. What about you, Elizabeth? Elizabeth Connelly: I would say going back to early part of my career, there’s nothing I would tell my young self because I would’ve been fired for, for what I would’ve told my young self to do. Mm-hmm. But today, what I would say to to young women, Have a voice. Use your voice. We have a voice. Now do it respectfully.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. And last question, um, but your hopes, your aspirations, you know, for that next generation. Let’s pick, you know, Katie’s two daughters, right? 11 and 14 years old. What’s the aspiration you have for them? Long, long-term professionally?  Elizabeth Connelly: Long-term professionally, for that age group? I would like to think that the world would look at skillset s instead of male female. Look at qualifications, recognize qualifications, and I think if we all diligently work toward that, and if leaders try to have that mindset when they’re looking at candidates for positions, that’s the best thing we can do. Brett Gilliland: Katie. Katie Martin: This maybe takes it in a slightly different direction than what, what you asked, but I think, um, it’s, I would encourage women to take control of their financial future early. So one of the best ways to build wealth over time is to start saving and investing early. So to the extent that you start in a role to, you know, to feel like you’ve got ownership of your finances, because that’s ultimately what’s going to give you that freedom and flexibility later on to pursue whatever it is that’s important to you. Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Well, uh, ladies, I haven’t really enjoyed this conversation. It’s, uh, lots of takeaways and, and I’m assuming I can say this, uh, publicly, that for anybody watching this that wanna reach out to Elizabeth and Katie, Doors are open emails. You can find ’em on our website, visionarywealthadvisors.com. Uh, but it’s been a privilege having you both and just so thankful. I know I speak for Tim and myself, uh, to have you both, uh, amazing advisors, um, in the firm. And so thank you for being with us today.  Katie Martin: Thanks for the opportunity.  Elizabeth Connelly: Thank you.

We sit down with Coach K, as his team calls him, who leads his girls’ basketball team to win the state championship. Coach K touches on the experiences throughout the successful season, from the beginning to the big game. This last season has proved to be a significant one, his Lady Panthers set a school record in wins with 34-4 and were the 4A champions this year! Listen as he discusses the team dynamic, as well as the highs and lows of the entire season and the emotional moments of the state championship game. Brett Gilliland: Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland, and today I’ve got a state champion coach with me. Nick Knolhoff, how you doing?  Nick Knolhoff: I’m doing great. Thanks for having us.  Brett Gilliland: Anything exciting happen lately?  Nick Knolhoff: It’s been a whirlwind, you know, ever since we won a couple weeks ago, and, you know, the girls have been so recognized in getting these, all these accolades, so it’s been great to see them get all this praise for what they’ve done. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, it’s awesome. We got a number of the girls here and, uh, maybe we’ll get them up here later. You think? Should we… Nick Knolhoff: I think we should. Brett Gilliland: Should embarrass them a little bit.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Get ’em in here. Get, get the assistant coach in here as well.  Nick Knolhoff: Yes, yes. I mean, what and what a first year she walked into, you know, first year. Brett Gilliland: First year?  Nick Knolhoff: Assistant with me. Yes.  Brett Gilliland: Well, I think it’s, you’re the, you’re the reason then, right?  Nick Knolhoff: She was, she was the missing factor.  Brett Gilliland: She was the missing factor. That’s right. Well, I’m gonna call you coach, if that’s all right.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah, no problem.  Brett Gilliland: So, uh, if you can coach, maybe for those that are listening to this or watching this right now, that may not know exactly who you are, but they followed the run. I know for me, I didn’t have a kid on this team, but I, I know a lot of the girls on the team and, uh, and I’m sitting in a hotel room for my son’s soccer game. I’m in Indianapolis, Indiana. It’s pouring down rain and I’m in a hotel room and my eight year old and I are watching the game and we’re going crazy. It was awesome. So it was a semi-final game, uh, and then got to come back and then I was at an event. Uh, for a, a gala charity event. And when, uh, Ms. Shannon here made two free throws to go to overtime, I may have screamed Yes. Really loud in the event when I was supposed to be quiet. So, uh, that had that going for me. But again, so if you can Coach K, tell us just a little bit about you. What’s made you, the man you are today, you’re upbringing, all that kind of stuff, if you will.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah. Um, ever since I’ve been little, um, I’ve been in a gym. My dad was a coach for 20 years. Um, he was at West Junior High, uh, which is a junior high in Bellville for like 16 years. Um, and everything I can remember of being over there in that gymnasium watching my dad coach hanging out with his players. Um, then he went on to coach at Althoff with Greg Leeb and then he was at Bellville East doing freshman for them. So I’ve just always been involved in around basketball my entire life. With that being said, it’s part of the reason why I became a teacher, um, because I just knew I wanted to be a coach. Um, so I’m in my 15th year, uh, Wolf Branch School. Awesome. I’m the athletic director there as well. Uh, that’s where I began my coaching tenure. I did that for about eight years there, doing the boys and the girls. And then I got my first varsity job over at Althoff Catholic, um, for two years. And then this position became available and the rest is history. I’ve been here six years now at O’Fallon.  Brett Gilliland: Oh, that’s amazing.  Nick Knolhoff: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: And didn’t I see, uh, recently six coaches of the year awards? Uh, ever since I’ve taken over at O’Fallon Yes. I’ve won the I B C A Coach of the Year for the last six years.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah. Brett Gilliland: That’s amazing. My kids go to a Althoff, so if that’s okay.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah, no, I, I, they, you know, they gave me my first opportunity. Um, so I. Love everything about Althoff.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yeah. Well, that’s awesome. So, and your dad now, I think, was with you on the court, right?  Nick Knolhoff: He was, he’s now retired. Um, he has all the time in the world. He just wants to be around the sport and coach with me again. So he sits on the bench with me. Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: That’s incredible. So, and you played, uh, basketball growing up? I assumed didn’t just coach… Nick Knolhoff: You know, I wasn’t very good. Um, I knew what to do, I just didn’t have the athletic ability. Part of that is I can envision things on the court, um, which allows me as a coach that I can see things form. Um, I think the best aspect I have is my X’s and O’s during game times, and I kind of see a couple plays ahead. Um, but other than that, you know, I played at East, didn’t get much playing time, and then I did play JV basketball at McKendry. Brett Gilliland: Okay, nice. And how long ago was that? I’m just kidding. You don’t have to answer that. Um, and so when you think about the basketball this year, I mean, you’ve obviously been around it, you’re basically your whole life, like you said. Um, what was the biggest learning and some of the biggest turning points for you when you think about this season, the run that you’ve all had and the, the rec, what was the record again?  Nick Knolhoff: We were 34 and four. Brett Gilliland: So 34 and four. Phenomenal record. Uh, I remember going to the, uh, the game in Alton, or I mean here in O’Fallon against Alton. I mean, the house was packed. It was awesome. But what, what did you. About these girls and about basketball and just about the game, uh, this season? Nick Knolhoff: Their leadership, their character, everything just kind of fell in line this year with these girls. Um, you know, I’ve had these seniors for four years now. Um, we did have a great team during Covid, um, that we didn’t get a chance to make this run. Um, and so they kind of saw the writing on the wall that this could be their last opportunity with the type of talent that we had this year. Um, but as far as team chemistry, you know, I’d always said our secret sauce is our team chemistry. These girls get along with each other on the court, off the court. They’re competitive. We’re able to have competitive practices, but then they can turn around and be best friends.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Nick Knolhoff: Um, it from the start of the season to the end of the season, we really didn’t have the internal bickering or, or, or, we had a lot of camaraderie, um, and it just kind of seemed to flow and I just kind of saw like, okay, we’re getting along, we’re starting to click at the right time. We really do have a chance to make a run here.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. That’s amazing. So when you saw that, obviously you had, uh, some, I think a couple mid-season losses, right? That were not supposed to happen.  Nick Knolhoff: So our four losses were five or less points. So we’re talking two possessions in these games. Um, we were very close and could have probably ran the table. Um, and I know they would’ve loved that, but, you know, I hate to say it, but sometimes the loss helps you. Um, and we put a schedule together that challenged them. You know, I think we had seven games where teams were in the Final Four, whether they’re in Missouri or Illinois. You know, we played Oakville, we played Mater Dei, we played Peoria. We got third at State in Illinois. We played vsan, we played, uh, Cape Notre Dame who got fourth. And I think three A. And then we also played Eureka, who got fourth and six A in Missouri. So we played championship level talent all year. And then we traveled to Evansville, Indiana to play one of the top teams there. They were 25 and one when they got upset in the second round there. You know, they thought it was their year too and they got upset and that happened. Um, but we went and traveled to their place to play the best teams this year.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. What did you do as a leader? Um, from the culture standpoint, you know, for me, from a professional standpoint, culture’s huge, right? It’s, there’s really not much else you can say about culture other than it’s one of the biggest things for our entire company. And so I would assume it’s the same whether it’s at a school or on the team, but what did you learn about culture and how did you, as the leader, put that into those girls? Nick Knolhoff: I’m still trying to, and they do a great job. Um, you know, Mr. Molar, our AD at o’Fallon has great pillars, um, you know, compete fiercely, lead boldly and love strong. And I truly do try to build on those within the program. Um, you can compete and, but you can also compete and lose games and then they need to know how to lose as well. Um, you can lead boldly and I try to push that onto them to where they’re leading each other sometimes. Which is necessary for when they leave the program cuz you know, you’re not, basketball’s not always gonna be around and then love strong. You know, I tell the girls all the time that I love ’em. I’m their biggest fan. Um, one of the knacks on me, I can tell you is that people say I’m not hard enough on them sometimes. Um, but I’m not that type of old school coach. Uh, I think girls need to hear a lot of positive reinforcement as well, and I try to tell them things that they do well. And just kind of gain the respect through that aspect. Brett Gilliland: You think they’d agree with that?  Nick Knolhoff: I do. I really do.  Brett Gilliland: Like, I don’t know if some of those practices, maybe, maybe not, but, and, and so obviously, you know, I’m looking at that some of these girls here and you’ve got, you know what two that are going to play Division one basketball, I think, is that right? Two?  Nick Knolhoff: Yes, yeah.. Brett Gilliland: And then, and any others going to play basketball? I know one’s going to play softball. I mean, so you had quite the talent on the team this year, and how did you get that to come together and mold it to where you don’t have that one person that just says, this is all about me.  Nick Knolhoff: We, they really understood their roles. You know, it’s, it’s probably one of the first years where I didn’t have to have a, a player-coach meeting or a parent coach meeting. Um, they just kind of bought in and they were the biggest fans of each other. Um, they knew who we wanted to get the ball to in certain situations, you know, Shannon Dows going to Illinois State. Jay Lapelle is going to Indiana State. You know, Malia’s going on a college scholarship and Layla Jackson’s going to, um, University of Illinois Springfield. And you know, one of my biggest challenges this year was I kind of started to start two freshman there at the end over two seniors. And I was like, worried about how that’s gonna play out. And you know what? They took it under their wing. They became the biggest fans of each other. And you can see ’em. I go back and watch these state games where my seniors have their hands around them. They’re, they’re helping ’em on the. Um, it’s just really good to see that they kind of stepped up into that role as well for them. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And you can’t teach that, man.  Nick Knolhoff: No, you cannot.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. What, um, so talk about, uh, kids, uh, and parents in today’s world. So let’s maybe turn the page from a little bit, we’ll come back to the girls, uh, basketball team now, but talk to us about parents and maybe what we can do better. I’m a father of four boys. Um, you know, that, that after the game talk in the car, uh, the practice, I’m a big believer and let the coach, coach, I mean, you know, one of the kids here, Claire, you know, her dad, Steve’s coach, my kids basically their whole life. And, you know, I don’t call him and complain or do this stuff and it, that’s just what I believe. Um, but what, what is your thought on that and what would advice would you have for those parents that are watching right now.  Nick Knolhoff: You know, you have a tough loss or you’re, you’re on a losing streak. The girls are already hard on themselves. The parents are hard on ’em. There’s no reason for me as a coach to be hard on them as well. And my belief is coaches are human too. You know, the game is fat. Basketball is fast paced. Yeah. It’s not like baseball where you can do a double switch. I make decisions and changes on the fly. And sometimes they’re the wrong one. Sometimes we do things wrong as well. Yes, I can hear the chatter. You know, there’s always 350 coaches in the stands, questioning what you do. Um, but you just gotta believe in yourself that what you are doing is right for the team, not that individual player. And that what you are doing is right for your team going forward. And yeah. Uh, today, Today’s day and age, it’s very hard to be a coach because you get questioned on everything you do. Same as a teacher. Um, parents do feel like they have a say, which they do. And, um, which is really difficult when they try to confront a coach after a well fought game. That you may have came out on the losing side on, um, I just really wish, you know, they took a step back themselves and realized, would anybody like it if they came and questioned them during, their, whatever their profession is.  Brett Gilliland: Come in my office here and question me, right. Nick Knolhoff: Right, right. Um, the girls give everything they have and I tell ’em, you can only control what you can control. Can’t control if the ball’s not going in that night. Um, but you can maybe play better defense or you can give better effort, but there are things we as coaches do that we make mistakes during certain games. And that’s just the human aspect of the game. Yeah. And we don’t need to be necessarily criticized for it all the time.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So the, the hence the name of this podcast, the Circuit of Success. There’s, there’s four things that I believe is, is your attitude, your belief system, the actions that you, you take every single day, and then ultimately the results you get. Right. So the result was state championship, we got the result.  Nick Knolhoff: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: Fair? Nick Knolhoff: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. We got the result. So when you hear the word attitude, talking to these girls, but talking to other people, watching or listening to this, what, what’s, what would you say when you hear the word attitude? Nick Knolhoff: Uh, you reflect how your attitude based on your body language and practice, and it’s not about you, it needs to be about your teammates and your team, and you can portray your attitude based on how you are verbally or non-verbally doing that in practice. Um, you gotta have a good attitude about everything. Um, there are teams where sometimes they go on a losing streak, you know, how are you gonna react to that? So you’ve gotta have a great mindset. To be able to achieve what we are able to do.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I call it the bounce back theory. I, I have seen, I’ve been in business for 22 years, that the, the people, the most successful people that I’ve had the fortune to be in around, um, they bounce back really, really quickly, right from negative stuff. Whether it’s a missed shot or a bad presentation at work, they bounce back really, really quickly. So when you hear me talk about that, Do you have any thoughts on this season? Anything like that, that could say, here’s what happened. We bounced back and we changed our attitude and we changed it pretty quickly. Nick Knolhoff: It’s funny you said that too, because, uh, I would say that to them in the locker room, um, after a loss, you know, in the Highland tournament, in the Macu tournament, it’s tough to have that bounce back game to play for third place. You know, that’s not the game you want to be in. But you gotta be able to bounce back. You gotta not have a losing streak during the season. That’s a goal now that we have, is that we are not gonna go on a two game losing streak and bounce back. Um, things aren’t going your way. You lose your starting spot, you’re losing some minutes. How is that gonna affect you? Or is your attitude still gonna be there for your teammates and help them out and to be honest, um, there were a couple scenarios throughout the year that it challenged me and it challenged them, but they were able to bounce back and have great attitudes for the most part, for the entire year.  Brett Gilliland: And so when you hear the word now belief, so the second circuit on the circuit of success is the word belief. When you, when you hear that word, what comes to mind? Number one. But number two, I think what you said earlier is, you know, there’s 350 coaches in the stand. What I heard there was a strong belief system in yourself and in your coaching ability, right? So what do you, what do you hear when you, when you hear the word belief? Nick Knolhoff: You just gotta believe in them. Um, and that’s the only way that you can go as far as we did, is that they also have to believe in you. Everything that you are doing in your program. And I’m talking off the court stuff, you know, how do you relate to them in practice? How do you get to know them outside of the game of basketball? Um, can they believe in you and trust you in those situations that they’re going to respect you? And I tried to tell them all the time, you know, in timeouts, you’re never gonna see emotion in my face as like panic mode. I’m under composure. Funny story too, in the state game we were losing and, uh, I, and during the time out, and the lady actually said it on the, on the NFHS. I told them, um, first of all, I asked them if they’re having fun and we were losing. Uh, the second thing I said, well, you don’t want it to be easy. You want it to be hard because everything that you want has to be hard because then the end, it’s more satisfying when you do get what you want. So in the third quarter there, um, that’s exactly what I told them. They believed in what I said, and they were able to pull it out. Um, just over the top thrilled of these girls and how proud I am of what they accomplished.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So then the, the, the third one is action. Um, we have to take action, right? You gotta show up on days you don’t wanna work, you still gotta do it, right? You gotta, you gotta show up, you gotta work on the free throws, you gotta, in the boardroom at work, whatever it may be. You gotta hear that. So, um, action. What’s that mean to you? Nick Knolhoff: You know, like right now, I already sent out our June schedule for next year. Um, it’s, it never ends. It’s yearly, you know, we’re already going into June. You know, but from November 1st to March 1st, when these girls, five months is a long time to spend together every single day.  And there are the dog days of practice where like you got the injuries, you’re not feeling well, you don’t want to be there. You got other things on your mind outside of basketball with family or friends or school. Um, it’s just a grind. Um, but we were able to continue to put everything together. Put it, put what we were thinking, our goals into action. You know, one of our goals was to be undefeated at home. We start small, you know, uh, we wanted to win against the team that was state ranked. Uh, we wanted to win a regional again for the third time. We wanted to win a very first sectional in O’Fallon history. And then from there everything was brand new to us and they just kind of went all the way. Brett Gilliland: So how did that process go? Was that you deciding that as the head coach is that you come to practice and look at them and say, Hey, let’s create our goals and what are they like? Share with us how you do your goal planning. Nick Knolhoff: At the beginning of each season. I find a couple of clips, um, motivational clips, um, to show them and kind of how I want the season to go and just to motivate ’em a little bit. And then I make them come up with a theme for the season. Last year, or sorry, two years ago, I showed him the Ernie Johnson, the I Love You clip that he gave to Alabama football team.  Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Nick Knolhoff: And we’ve kind of broken every huddle since then for two years doing that. Uh, just, I, I love you. We do everything for each other. Um, and that’s actually going to be on our state ring as well, cuz that means something to them. Um, and I sent that to Ernie Johnson and he replied back to me in a dm and he FaceTimed the girls, surprised them before one game, uh, two years ago. Um. Brett Gilliland: That’s cool.  Nick Knolhoff: It was awesome. And, and then I also showed a clip saying, good, you know, if things happen to you, just say it’s good. If you lose, it’s good If something bad happens, good. It’s meant to be that way. Um, and this year, um, they came together, my seniors came together and they, they put move as one with like a chain link. You know, we’re gonna do everything together. We’re gonna, we’re gonna win as one, we’re gonna lose as one. Um, we’re coming together as a, a tight-knit unit and playing for each other.  Brett Gilliland: And let’s walk through that state championship game. So, double overtime , right. Double overtime win. Shannon, what you had what 0.5 seconds left, or what was left on the clock when she had to make those free throws. You remember exactly. You probably remember exactly. Nick Knolhoff: In in regulation.  Brett Gilliland: In regulation. I’m, I’m sitting here watching it on the screen. I’m nervous.  Nick Knolhoff: So actually, so what happened was we ran a, we ran a play and we turned it over. Surprisingly, you know, I looked back at that game and to be honest, I think their coach lost them the game um, because it was so loud, we had turned the ball over. I’m screaming foul. We have to foul. We have to foul. And their coach takes the timeout with like 30 seconds to go when we were gonna foul, they just, no one on the court could hear me. Yeah. Um, so then they have to inbound the ball. We lost track of a girl somehow and they got a wide open layup. And miss the layup, you know? Otherwise, if they don’t shoot that we’re fouling, they’re shooting free throws. They might be up four, so then we get a run out. Shannon gets fouls with like 17 seconds to go and with ice in her veins, she just knocks ’em both down. You know, cuz in that timeout we talk scenarios. She makes one, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna go for a steel cross half court, then we need to foul. She makes ’em both. We’re just gonna play it straight up and see how it goes. She makes ’em. Luckily, Beaumont comes down and doesn’t hit a shot and sends it to overtime. Um, and then in the first overtime, um, they got up three and they were boxing one on Shannon and we ran a play called Loop. I had her kind of be the one in the corner where she comes up to either pass it back to Layla for a three or then to Josie for a three. And then somehow in that we didn’t get a shot, but the girl left Shannon. And Layla drove and dished it to dj, and I don’t know how demise saw it, but she whipped it out to Shannon in the corner and nailed that three. I don’t know how she saw it either. But she saw you and why the girl left you? I have no idea.  Brett Gilliland: Right, exactly.  Nick Knolhoff: Because it was a boxing one for her. Um, and she drilled it, and then we had to pray in hope that Beaumont didn’t hit another shot. Yeah. And then we, we won it in double overtime. Brett Gilliland: Oh gosh. Incredible. Incredible.  Nick Knolhoff: You know, everyone, everyone I talked to, like you said, we love the support of everybody that actually tuned into the game and watched it. And everybody that has spoken to me said I couldn’t sit down. I was like three feet from the tv. Like it was that good of a game that people were on the edge of their seats standing up and just now that you know, the scoring can look back at it, it’s like, oh, awesome. I know what’s gonna happen here. But in the that moment, I can only imagine what people were watching the game. You know, because it was a blur to me on the sideline, you know? I’m just taking it all in and I’m just, I was satisfied that we got to that game. Um, winter Lowe’s, I was just over the moon joyous. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yes. I think talk about the community too. Cause I mean, we talk about, that’s one of the values of our firm, Visionary Wealth Advisors is community. And, uh, I, I’m a believer if you make a living… cause that was actually an Althoff gala, and I’m sitting at a table, you know, there’s eight or 10 people at our, at our table and it’s coming down to crunch time. I’ve got my little phone up propped against, you know, a little flower thing or something. There’s people from, you know, Althoff that are coming and watching that game, right? We’re all watching, everybody’s going crazy and it, it is just really cool to think. But that does, for the Commu Fallon right now, there’s a lot of a Fallon people that can still go to Althoff. But what it does for the area, yeah. I mean it’s huge. Right? So what does that mean to you and what does it mean for the community to win a state championship?  Nick Knolhoff: It’s, it’s awesome. Cause I can remember when the Althoff Boys team with Jordan Goodwin and them when I was coaching there, and just everybody was tuned into that game for the area and then our Bellevue West Boys and then the East Side Boys. The same year 3A and 4A. Yeah. From 6 180 1. And then you had Oakville and Mater Dei and us able to pull it off in the same year. Um, it’s just awesome to see, even hear from people that I wouldn’t even think that would even care.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Nick Knolhoff: About girls basketball, let alone O’Fallon that you hear from and all the emails and all these random texts. I didn’t even have like people’s numbers in my phone and like, congrats coach. What an amazing season. Um, it’s just awesome to see for these girls that this area, you know what, we’re not the tight-knit community like a, like a Breese Central, you know, or these smaller towns like Oakville, but O’Fallon so large. Um, but when something like this happens, you know, I saw the, the camera footage, how packed first Street lounge was like that just. It, it meant so much to me and for them to, that that many people cared to watch them play in the state championship game.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I I think it’s cool too cause they, they don’t know this yet cuz they’re young and they just, they just did it. But when they’re old, like, I don’t hold you, but, and you’re old like us. Right? I mean, this is something you can never take away from somebody.  Nick Knolhoff: No.  Brett Gilliland: Right. So, so what, what would you tell them? That they can say that forever they are a state champion.  Nick Knolhoff: I, I told him, I go, it’s probably not gonna hit you for another five or 10 years. This is a little, an ultimate lifetime goal that people dream of and never get the chance to do it or get to that, even get to that event. You know, just being at Red Bird Arena. And just being part of the state championship series of the Final Four was in itself a dream goal. And then to be able to play in the championship game and win it. It’s, it’s an unbelievable feeling. You know, I think about all of the coaches that are in the Hall of Fame right now that had never even won a state championship. Um, it’s just now I hope that we’ve gotten a taste of what it’s like and, uh, and for years to come, you know, we can kind of try to replicate that and, you know, hopefully make it a little bit of a dynasty in O’Fallon. You never know. You know, you get past an Alton next year in a sectional and you can make a little run again. I mean, we got an opportunity where I think we can do it two years in a row and get back there, so. Brett Gilliland: That’s amazing. So I think expectations are big too, and they wanna open up for questions if they have any, or if we can convince anybody to come up here as well. Um, but when you think about your expectations now is you won a state championship, right? I’ve done some things in business and it’s like, okay, now the expectation’s high.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: So how do you come stay cool, calm, collective, and, uh, not, I’m not sure. Show up next season.  Nick Knolhoff: Yeah. I’m not sure I’m there yet. You know, when I took over the program, I was looking back at previous years and like they had four winning seasons in the last 12 years before I took over. So one of my goals was we’re gonna, let’s win 20 games. And then we did that my first year, like okay. And we lost the regional up at Chatham Glenwood. I’m like, okay, next year let’s win 20 games and win a regional, you know, has been since 2007, since O’ Fallon’s won a regional and just kind of upped my goals of not only my coaching self, but for the team and just kind of see how far they go and kind of goes along with what I do at practice, you know, um, I throw a lot of stuff at them. We have probably more sets than three teams combined. Um, but it’s like anything, the more you throw at ’em, the more they adapt, the more they learn, why not just continue to throw more at ’em just to see what they can do? So I challenge them all the time, um, with offensive sets and things that we’re gonna be doing in games. You know, what would you do if I was playing against you? How would I scout you? How would I guard you? And I try to tell them that kind of playing the other advocate, what are these teams gonna be doing against you. Um, so as far as going forward, you know, we most wins we’ve ever had. Um, Shannon broke the single season scoring record. She broke the all time scoring record. Um, Kelly broke the assist record. Um, I’m not really sure how you can top this season, um, but we’re gonna try, um, because I do think that we have so much talent still in the program. Um, but I don’t think it’s that we need to hold next year’s season or the seasons after to this one. This was just a unique season. Each season has its own goals, um, and I think we’ll still be able to accomplish those next year with next year’s team. Brett Gilliland: I love it. I love it. Do you think we can get anybody to come up here? Yeah. And say a few words? Nick Knolhoff: I, I would like Coach Bitner to come up here first year and just kind of talk about what she thought of the program in her first year. Brett Gilliland: He’s totally called her out and she’s gonna make it happen. Nick Knolhoff: Come on up here, coach B Brett Gilliland: I like that it’s not, So Coach B, where did you, uh, where did you come from? You, uh, this is your first year at O’Fallon, so where, where did you come from to, uh, to join us?  Coach B: I, uh, we lived up by Chicago, by St. Charles. Okay, sure. And so we moved back about five years ago and I um, I taught up there and I coached boys and girls basketball up there. And then I, um, stayed at home with, took care of my kids for five years and then found the job at O’Fallon and this basketball position came open and I, um, inquired about it so. Brett Gilliland: And do you teach in O’Fallon as well?  Coach B: Ahuh, yep.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. So teach at O’Fallon and, uh, and now coaching basketball.  Coach B: Yes.  Brett Gilliland: Now, are you the secret sauce then, if it’s your first year and you win a state championship? Coach B: No, I am not the secret sauce, but I have it. It was an amazing first season. Um, the, the best basketball team I’ve ever been a part of, I feel very lucky. I’m so proud of all the girls. Uh, it’s just a, it’s been a phenomenal experience. Um, coach was talking about the texting and the people messaging you and I had you know, playing basketball at, I, congratulations. You did it for all of us. I mean, it is just a dream if you, if you’re an athlete, um, you know that that’s the ultimate goal and for it to actually come to fruition is amazing. So it’s just a feeling that it’s, it’s not really ever gonna go away, I don’t think.

Laurie Wintonick is the current CEO of JI Elite Coaching. Laurie has extensive experience in strategic planning and event planning. Throughout her life, she has had a passion for helping and supporting others and is now helping individuals find balance in all aspects of their lives. Laurie discusses what it means to her to be ‘boringly consistent’ in her journey to making herself a priority. https://youtu.be/xBDDnBBNL4o Brett Gilliland: Welcome to The Circuit of Success. I am your host, Brett Gilliland. Today I’ve got Laurie Wintonick with me. Laurie, how you doing?  Laurie Wintonick: I’m doing great, Brett. How are you?  Brett Gilliland: I’m doing great. You’re in New Jersey. What part of New Jersey? I didn’t ask that part. Laurie Wintonick: Yeah, I’m actually, you know, central, northern New Jersey. It’s really northern New Jersey cuz you know, there’s the argument whether Central Jersey, central Jersey exists or not. But I am in, um, the northern part of central Jersey in Colonia, um, about half hour, 45 minutes from New York City, half an hour from the beach, an hour from the mountains and yes.  Brett Gilliland: Beautiful. You got anybody in the uh, Super Bowl we may be rooting for this weekend? Laurie Wintonick: Not really. Not really. I was kind of, I mean, I’m a Giants fan. I, I Jersey, I’m a Giants fan, uh, sorry Jets. But, um, I was really hoping that the, the Chargers were gonna make it in this year. Um, yes, Kyle Vannoy is a, is a, um, a. Someone that I’ve worked with and I was really hoping for him and his team to get in. So I was kind of bummed when that didn’t happen. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Yep. They had a good season but didn’t, didn’t get, uh, quite far enough. So you are the CEO of JI Elite Coaching, uh, which is Jesse Itzler. Uh, which for those of you that are on social media, Jesse is a phenomenal follow and, uh, but you run his coaching program. Uh, which we’ll talk about. And, uh, but you’ve been an executive before and, and you, what’d you, what I see you called yourself a, an avid uh, no, a serial volunteer. Uh, loving to do all that stuff, but, uh, but really helping tons of people with the coaching that you all do out of the JI uh, Elite Coaching program. But before we dive into that, Laurie, if you could just kind of give us a lay of the land on what’s made you, the woman you are today. Laurie Wintonick: Really strong foundation of family really is what is, is where I’m gonna start. So I grew up, um, in a decent sized Italian family, you know, one of four children. Family dinners were super important to us. We were always very close. I could have been anything I wanted to, my mother always said growing up and all I wanted to do was be a mom. That was my major focus. Went through, um, high school, basically doing everything I could from, you know, cheerleading, the student council, and, um, all the programs. I was on the, you know, debate team, science club, all of it. And, went to college, was gonna be a chemistry major in college to be a high school chemistry teacher. And cuz I wanted to have the summers off cuz I wanted to be a mom and you know, got outta college and kind of was trying to figure out what to do. Started working and, um, Just always loved helping people. It was really in my kind of DNA, um, that, you know, “Mama Bear” they call me and, and I like to just always be around helping people get whatever they need and, and do whatever they need and just better themselves. I took that through college into afterwards. I started working. I got married. I’ve been married, it’ll be 23 years this year. I have two beautiful children, um, who are both in college now and are amazing, amazing young women. And you know, all through that. Every time, you know, serial volunteer, every time somebody needs something done, they call me or I’m in a room. My mother used to say, used to get that, you really need to get that spring broken. And I’m like, what’s spring? She’s like the one in your arm that just keeps going up, like, yeah, I’ll do it, I’ll do it, I’ll do it, but I figure if I can help, I want to. And that’s really what’s always driven me and it’s just that service mentality that I have. And, and it’s really, it’s been great, but it also takes a toll when it’s, um, when you’re doing way too much. And I kind of lost myself over the years of trying to be a mom, trying to work full-time, trying to do all of the things, volunteering everywhere. And the only thing that suffered through all of that was me. And, um, I met Jesse five years ago, and once I met him, I realized that I could do all of those things. I just needed to do them differently to make it work, and I needed to make myself the most important person to help in all of it. And once I shifted and did that, everything changed and I’ve just really become a better Laurie. I don’t, I hate when people say they reinvent themselves cuz you don’t reinvent yourself. You, you’re always the same person at your core. But I’ve upgraded myself and I’ve become this better version, an older, wiser, more learned version of Laurie from, you know, my early teens and twenties.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So what did you learn when you say you, you, you met Jesse five years ago and it changed your perspective. I mean, for those of us that know Jesse, it is amazing what all he does, but how important his family is. But for you, if we could peel that onion layer back a little bit. What, what changed for you? Like what, what were the, the changes that happened and then how did you implement those changes?  Laurie Wintonick: So as a mom or a parent nowadays, um, we tend to think. You know, there’s this buzz, this buzz going around about self-care and we tend to think that that’s selfish and everything we do needs to be for the kids. I wanted to make sure that my children always had what they needed and we don’t really pay attention to all of the things that matter in our life. We’re so uber focused on, you know, for me it was work kids, work kids, work kids, and all the volunteer work I did was around my kids. And the reality of that was I had no fulfillment for myself personally, I had no hobbies. I had friends, but like I wasn’t intentional about seeing them. I wasn’t healthy, I wasn’t exercising. I wasn’t eating right. All of the things. And when I met Jesse and he talked about his principles and how basically he ran his life, it was like, wait a minute. , there’s four main buckets of your life. There’s your professional, there’s your personal, your health and wellness and your relationships. And to really have an optimized life, you have to find balance in all of those areas. And it’s not gonna happen just organically. You really have to be intentional, intentional about what you do in those areas. You have to have goals. You have to have, you know, habits that you create to make sure you’re touching on those four buckets, all the time. And learning that from Jesse, I started to do that. I started to make sure that yes, my job was my job, and yes, my, you know, my, my relationship with my family was, was important, but my relationship with myself was more important, my health and wellness from a mind, body and soul perspective. I needed to really focus on that. And then I needed to have some personal goals outside of being, you know, the, the boss at a company or Angelina and Sophia’s mom or Chris’s wife or whatever. Like I needed to be Laurie again. And without personal goals and, and areas that I would learn from myself, I was really feeling empty and hollow. So I shifted and started to put some real focus on that intentionally, and that’s when I started to notice everything really started to change and I became a much more happy person. Really. That’s as simple, you know, as simple as it gets.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And that’s a big deal, isn’t it? The happiness. But I, I think too is, I would love to learn more about how you implemented it, because it’s easy to learn that and know that, you know, my personal life, my professional life, my health and wellness, and then my relationships, it’s, it’s one thing to hear that, right?  And it’s another thing to then take steps and do something about it. But, but how did you implement it to where I’m, cause I’m, maybe I’m wrong, but I’m assuming that there was, it was easy, then it was hard again, maybe you fell back in your traps and then, oh, I’m gonna do this again and set these goals and fall back and go forward. And it just kind of teeters, toters for a while. And, and I, I think there’s something about just showing up every day. Like for me it’s this journal and it’s, it’s showing up every day and, and being boring and, and making it happen. And so when you hear that, like, what, what, what comes to mind with all that? Laurie Wintonick: So you just said a word that is basically my motto. You said, you know, it’s kind of boring. I, on Instagram will always post it. Um, hashtag boringly consistent. I had to build that muscle where I got boringly consistent in the things that I knew I wanted to do. So for my health and wellness, you know, years ago I was extremely overweight for my size. I never realized it. I was always healthy and, and active and, and small. I’m, I’m, you know, very short and I, you know, never was a big girl. And I had kids and I just stopped paying attention and I had put on a lot of weight and the first thing I did was realize that, I was getting really unhealthy and longevity is something that’s important to me. I wanna be around for my kids and their kids, and I wanna be healthy with that. So the first thing I did was I sought out somebody who could help me do it, right? And I went and saw a weight and wellness counselor and she put me on the right path. But with that, there was an accountability where, you know, I would go see her every two weeks. And we would meet and we would go through what I was eating, what I was doing, where my weight was going up and down. And she really helped me overcome my relationship with food. And I think it’s a really important, um, point to make is that yes, we can do a lot of things on our own, but sometimes you need a coach, you need a mentor, you need a accountability partner, you need somebody. And, that was the first thing I had done that made a huge difference in my life.  There were areas where, you know, I, I started to make changes. Where is the community around the Build Your Life Resume program that Jesse had launched? We all were holding each other accountable. We were all cheering each other on supporting each other, but also pushing like, why aren’t you doing what you said you were gonna do? Like, come on, Laurie. Sometimes you need somebody really to like, when you start to fall, to kind of push you back up and remind you of why you started in the first place. It’s hard to do these things alone. It really is. And we lose that when we’re growing up and we join a sports team. We’re not just a bunch of kids running around the field. There’s coaches, there’s trainers, there’s people involved to help us learn and do it the right way. And then to stand on the sidelines and coach us through the actual act of, you know, of competing. It’s the same thing as we get older, but we forget that. And I think inviting Jesse into my life really opened that up again to me that there are people out there that you can lean on that know more than you know. And I started to learn and I started to think about, okay, what else can I do? So putting somebody in your corner that will help you stay on track until you make those new habits actually become just things that you do instinctively and you get boringly consistent with it. You know, a, a few months ago I knew I wanted to work out differently. I knew I wanted to change my exercise habits. I hired a trainer. And it was financially hard to do that. It wasn’t like I had all this extra money laying around. I’m like, oh, lemme do, no. Like, I have two kids in college. I have a mortgage. I, you know. Yeah. Um, but it was important, so I made myself a priority, worked it out where I could put some money aside and I hired a trainer so that I could learn the right way to lift the weights that I wanted to lift, to work with someone who could show me. And now, yeah, I’m in the gym doing it myself, but that’s after eight months of working with somebody. And learning the right way to do things.  Brett Gilliland: It’s huge. I mean, I think about, you know, Michael Phelps or Tiger Woods or Tom Brady, I mean, whoever I pick your favorite, the the goat, whatever. They all have coaches. You know, I’m a big golf guy and I, I watch these guys, they have their, their kind of their entourage with ’em every week on tour. It’s their mental person, it’s their strength person, it’s their nutritionist. Right. Sometimes their chef, uh, their swing coach. I mean, it’s all these people. And I, I wrote down earlier here when you said you hired a counselor and I put, you know, believe in yourself enough to hire a coach. And, and yes, you own a coaching or, or CEO of a coaching business, but I mean, how important is that to invest in ourselves? Even though you said it may be tough financially, for those listeners right now that aren’t investing in themselves by hiring a coach, what, what, what advice would you give them?  Laurie Wintonick: Find, you know, you don’t always have to, hi, have the most expensive what there. There are things available if you join a gym and they have personal training and they give you those sessions, take advantage of them. If there’s a community that you can be a part of. So, yes, I, I am the CEO and I run Jesse’s coaching program, but we also have an online coaching program, which is a very different price point, and it’s amazing material and there’s a great community of people who will help you. So make that investment, find something, you know, there’s, there’s something for everyone out there, and some people may, may get it from communities at church, some people may get it from a running community, if that’s something they wanna do. Um, you know, are you gonna hire, you know, like the top of the line running coach if you’re just getting into it? Maybe not. Maybe you can’t afford that, but like, find the running club in, in town. And start there. Um, you know, if, if you are interested in something, Research, the people who are good at what you do, listen to as many podcasts, read the books. There’s so much free information out there to start and, and just get started. The hardest part, I think, for anything is getting started, but once you start to read up and get educated on it, then you can make the decisions of what fits best for you and then decide and maybe save up to eventually hire that coach if, if it’s something that’s important to you… Brett Gilliland: Yeah… Laurie Wintonick: …there’s a lot of free resources. Resources. Mm-hmm. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And sometimes you just gotta take steps to do it. Right. I’m, I’m working with a guy right now that I coach and, you know, he’s doing well in all his areas of his life. And for me, it’s f to the six power. It’s your faith, your family, your fitness, your fun, you know, your, your firm, what I call firm for workout, and then your finances. And so his fitness isn’t going as well. And I said, do me a favor today. So literally, this is, this morning, I said, I want you to do 10 pushups and 25 jumping jacks, right? Because I know well enough about people that if you just did the easy thing, that 10 and that 25, that’s not difficult at all right to do, right? But guess what? My guess is he’s probably gonna do another 10 pushups and maybe do something else over here and do something else. And next thing you know, he is gonna work out for, even if it’s 10, 15, 20 minutes, it’s something is better than nothing. And I think that accountability is a huge piece of that, don’t you think? Laurie Wintonick: Absolutely. And having to tell somebody you did it, um, you know, a lot of people do Andy Frisella’s 75 Hard, right?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah yep. Laurie Wintonick: And why, why that is so effective. And it’s more than just the workouts and everything. It’s the accountability of having to show up at the end of the day and click that button that you finished it. and, and knowing that you have to, you know, you actually have to report in that you did it. And I think people miss the point of 75 hard. It’s not about getting the two workouts in. It’s not, it’s about building that muscle where the consistency happens day in and day out. And it’s proving to yourself that you can, there’s no reason that you can’t, you just have to want to bad enough. And to your point, you wanna work out, you wanna do something new. Jumping jacks, pushups, sit-ups, go for a walk. All of this is free. And, and you know, luckily for you, he has, you know, he has you and you’re gonna push him and, but set the goals, but make sure having that accountability piece is huge because having to let somebody know, yeah, I did it. Or, or realize not just yourself, like, I didn’t do it. We can talk ourselves out of anything.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Easy to do that isn’t it? Laurie Wintonick: Yeah. Yeah. But it’s a lot harder to hold yourself accountable and that’s also something that you have to learn. Like to me it’s more important to get it done than to make excuses. Brett Gilliland: Yep. I would agree. So what, um, can you share, not to ask you to get into details, but any difficult parts of your life, but the, the difficult things you’ve had in your life? Cuz it’s easy to talk about all the success and all the things that go well. Right. Well, we all have things that don’t go as planned and so, Share as much as you want, but any, any learning that has come from that and how did you get out of that tough point. Uh, if there is any in your life and get out of it. Pull yourself up, put your work boots back on and get back after it.  Laurie Wintonick: So there’s um, two or three things that jump out, you know, pretty quickly. Um, when I, you know, everybody laughs when you turn 30. It’s supposed to be like this big milestone. I’m like, oh my God, I’m 30. But I turned 30 and was like, life is amazing. I was married, uh, you know, growing up again, wanted to be a mom, always wanted to have my kids. By the time I was 30, I had it all planned out. I’m a planner, as if, you know, you couldn’t tell, and I was like, Okay, so here I am now. I’m married. I have a house. I have two beautiful children. I mean, my, my youngest daughter was four months old. When I turned 30. I was like, yes, I had a good job. I had everything that I ever thought I wanted because, you know, you’re growing up, you’re in your twenties, you have all these dreams. Now I’m 30, I have it all. And then 35 hit. And I was like, oh, same house, same husband, same two kids, same job. What changed? And it felt like I had wasted five years of my life. Like there was no movement, there was no growth, there was no anything. And it was a really bad, um, really bad time of almost like, you know, I would hate to say depression, but sort of that like this, just this feeling of like, sure, how did I get here? And that was really, really hard. And, um, I was overweight. All of those things were in play and I was just not a happy person. And I found myself, um, you know, coming home from work. opening that bottle of wine and just drinking away, like all every day, you know, a bottle of wine, a bottle of wine, a bottle. And I was like, how did I get here? You know? So I decided that I was gonna try to figure out some ways to change things so that by the time I was 40, I made myself a promise by the time I was 40, that I wouldn’t be the same person, that I wasn’t 35. So again, what people are like, oh my God, you’re turning 40. Like, I was like, Nope, this is great. Make these changes. So I literally had decided, you know, I was in a, I was in a toxic relationship with my boss at my old job. She was, she was a wonderful person. She was a horrible boss. Like, hmm. And I always said, I felt like, you know, I would be told daily how stupid I was. And then the next day I’d get like a $50,000 bonus to make it better. Like it was just bad. And I knew I had to get out of there, but I was close enough to being, you know, I was eight minutes from home so I could get home anytime I needed to. I could be at all the stuff for the girls, I could volunteer for everything. So it served the purpose and you, you know, basically, Excuse it away, right?  Brett Gilliland: Sure.  Laurie Wintonick: So, um, I kind of had to find a way to get out of that relationship, take my life back and find this new job, which I did at the financial planning firm. And, um, once I started there, things definitely started to change. I remember I came home, it was, I was at about a week into working at the financial planning firm, which was scary. I took a pay cut, like I didn’t, you know, it was not, it was not a great move on paper at all. But I came home and I was sitting at the dinner table. We always do family dinners, and, uh, my husband Chris looked at me and he was just like, um, you look 10 years younger. Brett Gilliland: Hmm. Wow.  Laurie Wintonick: I was like, what do you mean? He’s like, he’s like your face, like all those stress li like all of its gone . And I was like, okay, well this was the best decision that I, that I made. And um, and then I turned 40 at that job and was like, all right, this is great. New job, new exciting things. And, and then, you know, a few years later I meet Jesse and I’m like, oh my God, this is not good. You know? Um, so I think it’s, you know, it’s been a struggle for me. So that was like one big thing to overcome. The second area that was really hard for me was at my old job in the finance, you know, in the financial world. Women just are, you know, the old traditional world of banking, finance, insurance. All of that. Women are the admins, we’re the clerical, we’re the, you know, we should go get you coffee. Um, we’re not executives. And while my boss, who was a wonderful man and you know, told me constantly you’re, you know, you’re an executive in this firm and you’re on the executive team and there’s seven of us, and you know, you’re the same as us. I wasn’t treated the same. I mean, I, I didn’t get a raise for four years. The guys around me, people who were underneath me actually in the hierarchy on the, on the org chart were making more money than me, um, because they were considered a profit center where I was a cost center. And I understood that. I oversaw the admin and all the operations of the firm, but I always felt like, and I say it a lot, I’m, I was the skirt in a room full of suits and, um, I’m not, The type of person to yell, like, you know, glass ceilings, feminism, like, I don’t do all of that. I believe that you, you know, we’re all equal. We’re all people no matter what. And we need to, we need to fight for ourselves and we need to assert ourselves. And I didn’t, and I, I really shrank into this like, Thought process of, well, I can’t change it, but it’s good for my family, so I’m gonna, I’m gonna accept it and I’m gonna, I’m gonna stay here. And, um, it did a lot of damage to me, like it really did. And I didn’t realize how much until I got out of it, but it was really hard day in and day out to sit there and be like, no matter what I did, no matter what amazing things I would do for the company, it just didn’t change anything. And, you know, um, I think it hit me really hard.  The, um, the gentleman that was the owner of the company retired, and when I was hired, I was hired as, as his assistant cuz I was gonna, like I said, I took a huge pay cut, I needed to get out of the other job, got hired as his executive assistant, which lasted about a month. And then I was the office manager within a few weeks. I was, um, director of op administration and then executive VP of operations shortly after that. But I always did, even as being, as being the vp, I still did his personal assistant stuff. I took care of everything for him. His wife passed while, while I was working there. I mean, I helped with her funeral arrangements, like I did all was at his house, like food shopping for him, all of these things. And after 10 years when he decided he was gonna retire and, and sold off, um, the firm to a gentleman that I had worked with, great guy. He walked in my office for Christmas and, and was like, you know, I can’t believe this is our last Christmas together and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I know. And he handed me this basket of lotion and it was a very nice gift. But I’m, I was like, this was a 10 year relationship where I went so far above and beyond what anybody was expected, what I was paid for, all of, because of who I am at my core. And you’re handing me. $50 bottle of like basket of lotion. And I was like, okay. And in that moment I was like, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t work in an environment like this anymore. I can’t devalue myself anymore. And I decided for in, for the next year that like my goal for 2021 was to get out of corporate America to figure something out that I had to find something else to do. I couldn’t sit at a desk and run somebody else’s business and make them millions of dollars and be miserable. I just couldn’t do it anymore. And especially when you’re not, you know, you’re not really valued at that level. They just, you know, there’s an expectation and, and unfortunately some of these companies, they just don’t care. And I wasn’t, I wasn’t about to do it anymore. So that was really hard. And then this past year, um, was probably the hardest year of my life. So I lost my, I I, my, my daughters were away college. There were some stuff that went on with my younger daughter at school, which was really hard in navigating teenage daughters. Um, you know, 20, my one daughter’s, 21, my other daughter’s 19 and a half. And you know, sitting back as a parent and not jumping in and fixing things for them is really hard because a lot of stuff they now, they have to figure out on their own. And yeah, and letting her try to do that was really, really tough. In the midst of all of this, my father who had been battling and sick for the last four years after a major stroke finally passed away. Um, I got the call on my birthday. That he had had a massive heart attack that afternoon. They had revived him after 15 minutes and put him on life support. So I had to go to the hospital on my birthday that evening to remove him from life support. Um, while that was super hard, it was also a blessing because I was able to, he gave me the gift of finally letting go. Um, but, You know, the next three weeks I had stuff for work and I, I know my dad, my dad always called me Larry, and he would, you know, he would’ve said to me like, there’s a time to cry Larry, and this ain’t it, chill up and do it. Go do what you have to do and we’ll figure it out. Um, so I honored him by showing up and, and doing all of those things. Um, that was the end of October into the beginning of November. After this three weeks of craziness, I came back home. Um, we’re all home for Thanksgiving. My dog had gotten sick earlier in the year. We had found out she had a brain tumor. She went blind. She was the sweetest little thing in the world, and, um, noticed the week of Thanksgiving. She wasn’t eating. She was declining the whole thing. And, um, two days after Thanksgiving, we had to put her down. And I have never, I, I lost my grandmother when I was 20 and that was super hard for me cuz her and I were as close as you could possibly be with another individual. She was my everything but these two losses back to back just destroyed me. And I had a choice. I could power through like I always do, or I could sink into the grief and let it just, you know, just sit in it and let it happen and, and allow the waves. I have to say, there was probably a good couple weeks where I think my family was really nervous about me, couldn’t get outta bed, couldn’t eat, couldn’t function. I literally would get up to do the work that I needed to do for the program that I run. Because when I make a commitment, I follow through. And that was all I did. Um, my husband used to be like, okay, you know, um, did you eat today? I’m like, no. He’d be like, all right, let’s go upstairs. You have to eat something. It got to that point, and this is somebody. Is super conscious of her health, does all of these things. But it just, the grief just hit me super hard and it was a really interesting time there. And then my girls came home before Christmas. Having them in the house helped. Um, and it, it took me a while to crawl out of it, but I was in a hole. I was in a definite hole for, for a good, a good three weeks of just nothing. I couldn’t, you know, I just didn’t want to. I just didn’t want to. And, now I look back on it and I’m, you know, there’s, there’s moments where I feel like it, I feel like I can feel the grief and I let it come. I don’t fight it, and then I allow it to, you know, I, it, it’s part of life. So I allow it in, I feel it, and then I release it and I do what needs to be done. And I don’t, I don’t, um, what’s the word I’m looking for? Um, I, I don’t feel bad that I went through that. I’m not upset with myself that I allowed myself that time to just grieve. I think we forget that we’re human and even though we can do all these things and we can power through and show up, like in that moment, for the first time in a very long time, I needed to show up for myself. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Laurie Wintonick: And sometimes that meant just sitting on the edge of the bed and not doing anything. That was, you know, that was enough. Like, I got outta bed today. You know, I would, my girlfriend would be like, are you, where are you today? I’m like, I showered. Like, okay. Small wins. You know, um, I changed, I got out of my pajamas into a different pair of pajamas, but I got out of my pajamas. Like, you know, like that was where I was. And, and it’s funny because people who know me, like they’d never believe it, but it, it, and it was okay. It was, you know, it was fine. And I’m, I’m good and I am grateful that I had the time with my wonderful puppy, Cammy. She was amazing. 12 years of our lives, but it’s like losing a child. Um, and then, you know, my dad, like I said, it was a gift that, to be able to let him go. But, you know, grief is, somebody said this to me and it really stuck, is that grief is a result of how much you loved that person and how much they loved you and the stronger the grief, the more love there was in that relationship. And it really hit me cuz it was like she, she was so right in telling me that, like, that it’s a direct correlation. The amount of grief that you’re gonna feel in that loss is a direct correlation, the amount of the love that was in the relationship. So it’s a, it’s a blessing to have to feel that way. That’s right. Because at least I know how much love there was. Brett Gilliland: I appreciate you sharing all that. I mean, that, that’s a lot there, right? And I’m, I’m sure we could have a whole nother podcast just on, on some of those things. And, um, but I think again, at the end of the day, you, you, there’s this light that you can see right at the end of the tunnel. It may be super, super tiny right? Like a, like the needle, uh, point. But what, what, what was the catalyst for you? Was it getting this new job with the JI uh, Elite Coaching was, you know, what was it that said, okay, not, am I gonna get outta bed and shower and change my clothes, but I’m gonna take it to the next step and now I’m gonna start thriving. Because there’s somebody listening to this that may not be in that point. Right. They’re in the point where they don’t want to get outta bed. Yeah. And they need to hear that. Like, what was that catalyst for you?  Laurie Wintonick: I think, um, you know, I got out of the bad job. I took a new job, then I was in this other job and I’m like, I can’t be there, and Jesse came along and offered me this amazing responsibility in 2021, and I started this company and we do just such great things with people and seeing them get through has been incredible. So this year, having my own set of real challenges and, and being in bed and not wanting to get changed, you know, I gave myself the grace of some time and then I got up and said, okay, remind yourself of this like, you’ve survived all of the bad stuff that’s happened to you this far, like all the worst days that you thought you couldn’t get through, you got through. So this is just another bad day that eventually you’re gonna get through. And I tried to, you know, Jesse has this saying no zero days. And it’s basically like, you know, even in the days where you just don’t have it, you just don’t just do one thing. So, like I said, I, I would, I would shower, I would get up and come down and do some work. and, you know, I would eat and I would, little by little, I would try to just get through doing something every single day. And eventually that one thing became two things. And then the two things became three things. And I just started to build on it and realize I would get myself back. It was just gonna take some time and it was okay. But, um, I didn’t, I didn’t feel sorry for myself, if that made sense. Like I, I was feeling grief and I was feeling, but I, like, I wasn’t like, oh, woah it was me. Everybody should feel, feel bad for me. I was like, no, I just, I just feel bad right now and it’s okay. And I had people around me and you know, I do say if you, if you find yourself in a situation like that and you can’t pull yourself out, you can’t physically get out of the bed to get in the shower, then you need to talk to somebody. You need to, you know, I fortunately had people in my life that I could talk to that were checking in on me, um, and that were making sure I was okay. You know, like I said, my husband making sure I was eating. If he wasn’t here, I probably wouldn’t eaten for three weeks, you know? Um, just making sure people around you, and if you don’t have that immediate like, go speak to somebody because they will help you. And you know, don’t try to do it all at once. Just little, little wins every day. Get up, make the bed, get up, take a shower, get up. You know, leave the house. Go for a 10 minute walk. Just get outside. Do something every day that you can think. All right, I’m proud of the fact that I did that. And you, nobody else has to know what it is and nobody else has to give you approval. It’s just that you know that you did it for you. Honor yourself enough to do that. And I knew my dad would be super, super mad at me if I didn’t get, if I didn’t eventually get up. But I also know that it’s what I needed. That’s why I allowed it.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, trust your body, right? Just trust your body. So what. Go ahead.  Laurie Wintonick: No. So, and, and just by building on it every day you get back into the routines that made you feel good, and then you start to thrive again.  Brett Gilliland: That’s right. Um, what would you say, I mean, you learn most from Jesse Itzler, who’s married to Sarah Blakely, who, you know, invented Spanx. I mean, they’re, you know, kind of this powerful duo, uh, of people as Jesse started, you know, the Jet Company, uh, coconut Water Company. Now his all day running company is coaching is, I mean, all the stuff right, that they’ve both done. What, from the outsider looking in at them along with having four children, w what, what have you, what are your takeaways from that family and from Jesse or Sarah that you could share with us? Laurie Wintonick: You can absolutely do what you wanna do, and do it well, but not, and not have to do it at the expense of everybody in your life. And you know, Jesse says this all the time, like, you should really spend your, your time doing the things you love to do with the people you love to do them with. Period done on the story. And that’s how they live. Um, what you see on Instagram and social media, that’s really how they live. If you’re at that house, like exactly what’s happening is what’s happening in person. It’s not for show. It’s not. They’re so authentic. They really are so authentic and that’s one of the things that I really respect most about them is, you know, Sarah is a brilliant businesswoman. She really is, and she did something because she believed in it and she worked really, really hard and she refused to, to allow any critics in. She just knew that she could, and she, you know, made sure every day she worked towards it. And Jesse, you know, he’s, he’s amaz like, he’s crazy. He’s amazing. He has these great ideas and you know, they both find people to help them with the areas of that they’re not good at. You know, Sarah doesn’t wanna be involved in the operations of things like, so she makes sure she has somebody doing that for her. Jesse has great ideas. He needs, you know, he needs implementers. He needs somebody to be able to come in and implement what his ideas are and also be able to work through the fact that he’s gonna change his mind and he’s wants something different. And you know, how do we pivot? How do we make it work? And they don’t try to do it all themselves. They get the right people. They hire coaches, they have mentors, they still look for help and., You know, for me, like I said, being a mom was super important. They didn’t have a family for the sake of having a family. They had a family because they want to be parents and they love their children. And it’s important that they’re present and their children’s lives all the time, and they make it work. They’re very intentional with their time.  Brett Gilliland: Well, hats off to them. They’re doing ’em. It’s, they’re truly amazing people. And, uh, it’s been awesome, uh, getting to learn from you all the stuff that you have done in your life too. So where would our listeners find more of you? Where, where, uh, where’s the biggest hangout for you?  Laurie Wintonick: So, I, I’m mostly on Instagram these days. Um, So my Instagram handle is l i l l g two three. That’s a little with two Ls, G 23. Um, I do a lot of posts there. There’s a lot of fitness stuff there because that’s part of my journey now as I’m approaching 50 is to get in the best physical shape of my life. For longevity. Wanna be stronger, I wanna be healthier. You’ll see a lot of my, my daughter’s on there. I like to brag about them and a lot of fitness and a lot of coaching stuff. So I’m there a lot. I’m on Twitter, but not too much LinkedIn as well. Um, and then we have the coaching program, which is on Jesse’s website.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. So just jesse itzler.com on there. And then you can Jesse j Jesse,  Laurie Wintonick: Yep. Jesse itzler.com. You’ll see there’s a coaching tab and we are the, um, coaching mastermind, mastermind coaching retreat program, I believe is the, the click there. Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me on the Circuit of Success. It’s been awesome having you and great learning, uh, all the nuggets of wisdom you share with us today.  Laurie Wintonick: Thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure, Brett. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Britton Barbee, former D-1 athlete for Texas Tech, touches on his experiences as an athlete and father. He talks about the importance of being authentic, understanding, and being willing to put your ego aside to connect with people. Britton discusses his experience with 29029 Everesting on a hike equivalent to climbing Mount Everest and the endurance and mindset it takes. Following his experience, he has applied his insight to his life to be his most authentic self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH6OutNDJdc&list=PLbvB0kVmlTP7mo99UtYan6rAaz5uNOzyN&index=1 Brett Gilliland: Welcome to the Circuit of Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland. Today I’ve got Britton Barbee with me. Britton, what’s up man? How you doing? Britton Barbee: Man, I’m doing outstanding. I’m just happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Well, it’s good to have you and, uh, you’re coming to us, uh, from Dallas, Texas. Right?  That was all Dallas, Texas treating you today.  Britton Barbee: It’s good. The weather’s been cold enough to, uh, cold plunge in the pool without having to worry about too much. And, um… Brett Gilliland: There you go.  Britton Barbee: Yeah. So, so no complaints, uh, you know, hot enough during the day. Cold enough in the morning.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s perfect. That’s perfect. We got, we’re lucky here, man. It was, uh, let’s see, A week ago it was five degrees here, and today it’s gonna be 60. So this only in St. Louis can we go from five degrees to 60 degrees, all in about seven days. Pretty… Britton Barbee: That’s a pretty strong swing. Pretty strong. Brett Gilliland: It’s a strong swing. It’s a strong swing. It literally, we will have, well we had snow on the ground yesterday and now today I look out and there’s not any snow on the ground anywhere, so pretty crazy stuff here, so. Well, hey man, uh, you are a former Texas Tech football player. You are an endurance athlete and a performance coach with Jesse Itzler and his programs and, uh, so doing some awesome stuff today. Before we get dive into all that, man, I’d love to just dive in and talk about what’s made you the man you are today.. Britton Barbee: Yeah, no, I mean it’s, um, it, it, it’s a lot really. I just, I went to my parents. Um, I grew up, I’m the youngest of three. Um, so being the biggest, but being the baby, it was always kind of fun. Um, but, you know, my, my parents were division one athletes. Both my brother and sister played college, uh, sports as well. And, um, you know, I’ve said up before, man, my, my parents gave this idea to us of just growing up to be excellent and everything that we did. And uh, that was instilled to us from an early age and it’s something that I’ve tried to carry over, uh, into being a father now a three myself, and just applying, um, everything that we can with all that we can into everything that we do. And so that’s, uh, my parents laid the foundation for us and we kind of took it from there. And that’s kind of what’s led us to some of these crazy adventures that we go on, that we seek out now.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So I think, uh, if I remember correctly in my research, you uh, and your two siblings and your mom and your dad all played division one sports, is that correct? Britton Barbee: Yeah, so both my mom and uh, sister played basketball, college basketball. My brother and father played football. Um, and then I was the, um, you know, the, the last one. And it was, um, it was a good time. I like to say I went to the best school I went to, you know, Texas Tech played for, uh, the late Mike Leach. I was fortunate for that man to trust in me, uh, when I was 17, 18 years old to pay for my school. And, um, I owe him a lot to, to the man that I am too. You think about how, uh, just in the, you know, all the things that you’ve seen about him since his passing, it’s how unconventional he was. And I probably could say the same thing. I don’t know that I have a normal path just describing what I do day to day, uh, for working for a guy like Jesse is, uh, not necessarily a, um, a normal path. You know, when somebody wakes up for work, it doesn’t typically include going to bed at two or 3:00 AM from the cold plunge and the sauna the night before to hiking or, you know, waking up and going on a hike. And that’s, that’s work, you know. So, um, just that unconventional approach, um, through athletics and just through the lessons that I’ve been taught by my parents and my coaches, has really, you know, shaped who I am and, and, and what I see and, and what I feel is possible. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So what do you, what do you think your parents did right? You know, there’s a lot of wrong that parents do with kids sports these days, right? So what do you think those advice for us, I have four kids and most people listen to this, have multiple kids, and, but, but what, what advice would you have for them as parents of what your parents did, right, to make sure, one, you loved the sport you were playing, that you chose to play, you were passionate about it, you put in the work, but yet you also wanted to do it versus them making you do it. What advice would you have there?  Britton Barbee: I think that that’s key right there is that you, you know, they have to want to do it. You know, I feel like I now, my daughter plays travel volleyball. She’s 10 years old and I know so much about the human body and performance and recovery and I wanna like give her all that, but I have to let her want to do it. When given the opportunity, um, cuz you know, I mean, ha having kids, I mean, the window for when you can mesh is really, really small. And, uh, for my parents, you know, my dad parents never forced me to play football. I grew up, I played soccer, I played hockey, I played, you know, I did track, I wanna say I ran track, but I, I, I did the field part of track. Um, and so we, we, we tried everything and whatever that we were gonna do. Brett Gilliland: alright. We got cut off there for a second, so you can continue on that.  Britton Barbee: Yeah, no, so, so really it it’s the fact that my parents never, you know, forced us to do anything. It was always a choice. And, um, my dad being, you know, my dad’s bigger than me, it was far more athletically gifted than me. Um, but he let me come to my own when, you know, seeking out, you know, sports, seeking out football, it was never, this is how you need to be. If you want to be great, this is what you gotta do. It was me asking those questions and them being, you know, ready to answer because they both knew what it took. They knew what, you know, they knew what it took to be successful. Once I decided what success was to me. Meaning I wanted to go to college, um, you know, to graduate, but also I’d like to go there for free, for athletic ability, and they just told me what the path was and if that’s where I wanted to be, they didn’t let me deviate from that path. They would just simply, you know, kind of a small hand in the back nudge of if this is what you truly want, this is where you need to go. And I think that oftentimes you see too many parents, especially, uh, so I live in South Lake, Texas, and, um, it’s pretty, uh, pretty, uh, strong on the youth sports front. Um, you know, if you’re 5, 6, 7 years old and you’re not in private lessons for baseball, football, or lacrosse, you’re behind. Um, but I don’t really subscribe to that. I want my seven year old son to be my seven year old son, you know? He wants to play video games and then in the snapshot when he wants to play sports, I’m ready. And, and that’s what it has to be. They have to learn to want to do it, otherwise they won’t ever wanna do it.  Brett Gilliland: That’s right. I couldn’t agree more man playing sports my whole life is, my parents never forced me to play, right. It was always me wanting to go out there and even if I wanted to impersonate somebody on the basketball court or a golf course or whatever it may be, it’s, it’s, uh, you gotta want it, man. So, back to, uh, Mike Leach, the late Mike Leach great football college, football coach. Lots of stories that come out about him, uh, since his passing here the last month or so. Um, tell us maybe if you could, one, one thing you learned from him that sticks with you when you heard the, when you heard of his passing. You know, I’m sure you put a lot of thought into it, but what’s some of the things you learned from him?  Britton Barbee: Just, um, I mean, just a, a, a tremendous amount of gratitude, um, for a guy like that. I was fortunate to hold a relationship with him long past, uh, my playing days. I finished in 2010, you know, he was, he was outta tech in 2009 my junior year. And, um, always kept a relationship with him. And all the stories that you hear about Mike calling you on the phone and just talking about anything and everything is, is, is true. I remember he called me one time to ask, you know, what really happened to our 2010 team? He said, y’all should have been a 12 and 0 team. You know, what happened? You know, all the tools were there and the entire time I’m talking to him, it, it sounds like he’s in a wind tunnel and, and it’s really hard to kind of understand what he’s saying. And, and then finally, um, he says, well, hold on. Um, you know, I have a flat tire. I said, oh, okay. Like, in, in your car? He said, no, I’m riding my bike. I’m in Florida. I said, okay. So we had been talking for about 45 minutes and he was just on his bike outside. It was just something that he loved to do, and that’s just kind of the, the man that he was. And for, for Mike, um, I think really what he taught us was que question everything. You know, when someone says, well, you can’t do it this way. He’ll basically say, well, why not? Can we not or do we not? And um, that’s where his offense came from. He said, why would I go 50 50 run pass if more of my players aren’t running backs that can, that can successfully, you know, move the ball down field? And so playing for an offensive guy when you’re a defensive guy was always funny too. Yeah, because, um, as a defensive team, we always felt like, you know, Mike just had us there cuz he ultimately had to have defensive players, but if he could line up two offensives somehow, he would’ve. And, um, he, he, uh, always reminded us that we were, you know, good, not great. And, um, I remember there was a time, my, my sophomore year, he called me into his office and he said, um, you know, I, I’m thinking about switching you from defensive line to offensive line. What are your thoughts? And you know, when you’re 19, 20 years old, you just want to give the most opportunity to play. I said, well, sure, you know, what, what are you thinking about? What’s the reason that’s making you think me go from defense to offense? He said, well, you’re not particularly strong or fast. Um, and, and you’re not really quick. Um, so that’s why I’m thinking about switching you cuz you’re smart. And it was like this truth bomb just, you know, right across the face of, hey, you could be a sinner in my offense. Cuz you have to be able to read defenses. You understand that, but you’re not really fast or strong, so it’s up to you. Um, and that was, that was the way he would compliment you. Not being rude, just being truthful, you know?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, but think about that though, man. That’s, that’s pretty direct.  Britton Barbee: A absolutely direct. So how, guess the way that I give feedback now, there’s, there’s no reason to, there’s no reason to sit back and tell you, Hey, you know, Brett, I was thinking about this and what are your thoughts? He, he’d let you speak. He would always let you speak, but you were gonna hear what he, he thought and there was not, it was gonna be very clear cut. [Yeah.] There was no question around where you stood with, with Coach Leach, ever.  Brett Gilliland: That’s strong, isn’t it? I mean, I think that, you know, as a, as an employee, employer, you know, as an employee, people that are managers, not managers, whatever they’re doing, leading people, I think that’s the biggest thing. I look back at my career, the people that have challenged me the most are the ones that also care for me and love me the most. Right? And I think that’s important, and I think that’s probably what Coach Leach did for you, is he, he loved you, he cared for you, he was all in, but he’s also gonna challenge the daylights out of you. Britton Barbee: Every day. It was, it was a constant, it was a constant push every single day. And, um, I, I, I, uh, always carry, carry him and his lessons with me and try to impact as many people, um, that I can with the lessons he taught me.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Love it. So let’s talk about that hat you’re wearing, man. I wrote it down on my notes here to talk about the 29029. Uh, that’s a, that’s a crazy race man. But tell me about that. Britton Barbee: Yeah. So, um, a couple years ago, a couple of guys decided that racing flat was one thing, but racing up with vertical gain would be a different challenge. So Jesse and a couple guys, Marco Hoick, Collin, Collin O’Brady, um, decided they would rent a mountain and invite people out to climb it. And so the idea behind it is it’s a 36 hour, uh, time limit. And depending on which mountain that you’re at, so they have Stratton, Vermont, they have Sun Valley, Idaho, Jackson, Wyoming, um, a couple others. The idea is that you climb the vertical equivalent Mount Everest in that 36 hours. So you hike up and then you take a gondola down, and you do that as many times as it takes. So in Stratton, Vermont, it took 17 climbs up Mount Straton to reach 29,000 feet. Um, and it’s really, you know, I’ll tell you, you know, vertical gain is a great equalizer. You really can’t sprint it. Um, I’ve seen people who, you know, never ran a mile, haven’t done a 5K finish. And I’ve seen guys that, guys and girls that are incredibly fit, struggle. Because that mountain, you just don’t know what you’re gonna run into. There’s different elevations. I mean, you know, I’m training for Jackson, Wyoming right now, which sits at, you know, 7,000 feet above, you know, sea level. And here I am at six. So it’s like, how do you train and prepare for that? Um, so it’s a real test of, to me it’s a mental test bar more than physical. But the physical is there as well.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So have you done one before?  Britton Barbee: I have. So, um, I, I did, uh, in 21, I did, uh, Utah Snow Basin, Utah. Um, and I got pulled by the medical team after hiking for about 24 hours. Um, they thought I was getting into some type of high altitude, um, you know, having high altitude issues, which I, at the time, really disagreed with, because I really wanted this hat, it sounds silly, right? That you can’t buy this hat, you have to earn the hat. And that’s kind of what we talk about. Brett Gilliland: I love it.  Britton Barbee: Um, and so honestly, I owe a lot to my wife because I was, I was down, I was really, I, there hadn’t been many things I had sought out physically that I hadn’t at least achieved. And the goal was to finish. So leading up to it. And these events are sold out a year prior and um, so I really thought I was gonna have to wait another year and one day. My wife just kind of asked, are you gonna mope around like this for the next year or are you going to do something about it? And sure enough, I ended up calling the guys and was able to get into Vermont about six weeks later and was towing the line and Stratton, Vermont and ultimately finished there, uh, at about 26 hours. Brett Gilliland: Unbelievable. So, so walk me through that, man. Are you sleeping at all or are you just literally staying up for 26 hours? I mean, what’s that process look like?  Britton Barbee: Yeah. So it’s, it’s really your journey, you know, um, for me, I, I want to go through, I kind of break it into to thirds 12 hour segments. So they have food, they have, um, you know, they have recovery stations and, and you can sleep. You have a room or a tent, and, you have the opportunity to do so, but anytime you sleep is time you’re not climbing. Brett Gilliland: Right?  Britton Barbee: So for me, in Vermont, I hiked from six. So it starts at 6:00 AM Friday and ends at 6:00 PM Saturday. I hiked from 6:00 AM until about 4:00 AM the next morning, um, my wife was there and she said, you, you will sleep. Um, because there was lightning in the area, there was a chance that the gondola would shut down. So we had a good little two hour window where I could have been stuck at the top of the mountain and not sleeping. So we decided to, to, so I took, slept for two hours and then was able to, to finish, uh, throughout. But, um, it, it’s, there’s people who go through all the night. There’s people who go in and get six, seven hours of sleep and, you know, wake up and, and get after it again. It’s really up to you and your journey of what finishing looks like. An idea of pushing your body, doing something that you’ve never done because how many of us are really gonna go take the three months to go to Nepal and climb Everest and, and do those different things. It’s not gonna happen, but you can do it right here in, you know, in many people’s backyards essentially, and, and try to see what, what you’re made of. Because there comes a point and everybody has a different one. Some people it’s lap one, some people it’s LAP 15 where you break down and you have to decide how bad do I want this? How, how bad do I want it because, uh, my wife is signed up for Jackson, Wyoming this year and I don’t wanna say she’s never done anything endurance, cuz she’s had three kids. But, you know, my goal for her is to finish this and, you know, so she’s training now. She’s excited at the opportunity. They do just such a great job and it’s uplifting. There’s no ego on the mountain, right. It’s, it’s, Hey, I see, you know, br I want you to finish just as bad as I wanna finish. And, and that’s unique. That’s what really led me to the endurance world was everyone’s so accepting and they wanna see you help wherein football and basketball, all the sports that we play, and you know, in our youth, it’s, it’s about me. How do I get ahead? And in these races, people are helping you out. Hey, try this, try. And that’s been something that’s extremely rewarding and, uh, and uplifting at the same time.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, I mean, I, I, yeah, I think that’s an incredible f feeling, man, when you’re done, right? You got that last one. You’re at the base and you know, you got one more mountain to climb, man. And, and I’m assuming this is like, you’re not like on the ropes climbing a mountain, right? You’re, you’re hiking, but it’s straight uphill.  Britton Barbee: Straight up is, is exactly right. Uh, so you’re using. You’re using hiking poles, things like that. And then if you can imagine, in many cases it’s just like doing step ups. You know, you’re not walking, you’re, you’re, you’re hiking up, um, through, you know, uh, whether it’s, you know, packed rock or grass or different things like that. And it’s, it’s something that, you know, is outside of the norm for so many people. Like I said, I’m, I’m here in, you know, Dallas. We, we don’t have anything close, you know, resembling any kind of mountain or elevation. And so it, it challenges you, the terrain challenges you in a different, um, in a different way than, you know, just going for a long run. So it’s something that you really have to focus on your breathing. You have to focus on your hydration, your nutrition, and it’s really a, you have to have a masterful plan. And, and you know, my, my endurance coach is really big on you have to have a plan going in, but he also wants me to list out everything that could go wrong. And when you do that and you understand how you’re gonna respond to all those things, then it’s just show up and enjoy it.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, I’m writing that down. Um, I can’t remember who it was this week that, or last week that talked about that as well on, on the podcast, it talked about listing out everything that could go wrong, uh, because then at the end of the day, man, when it does go wrong, you, you’re prepared, right? It’s like, if we only prepare for success and one bump in the night happens, it’s like, ah, crap. You know, now what? Right. And, and I think that’s a, that’s a big, huge takeaway, right there? Britton Barbee: Absolutely. It’s, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s funny, um, even just setting up, you know, getting together with us. I mean, there’s always the high probability of a low probability event, and it’s something that, you know, was told to me a long time ago, and you sit back and think of it, we always sit back and go, well, why, why’d this happen? Or why’d that happen? Um, the chance of something small happening, you know, uh, a blister on your foot, tripping, falling, uh, you know, scratching your knees, scratching your hand, your poles breaking, twisting your ankle. All those things are, they’re limitless at what can happen. But if you think through them, you build this mental resilience to know, okay, well if this happens, here’s how I’ll respond. And then trust in your ability as a, as a person to respond the, the, in a positive way. Yep. And when you can remove all the negative thoughts, then you just show up and go.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. Love that. Love that. So what, what if, uh, if I followed you around every single day, Britton and I said, okay, here are the things that I’m gonna see every single day. What are those no miss items that I’m seeing?  Britton Barbee: Oh, well, you know, it, it, it’s, it’s gonna start pretty early. We’re gonna be up. Um, I like to, I like to get outside. First thing that I like to do is get outside, uh, throw the Frisbee with my dog. Um, my dog’s a early riser, um, nobody else in my house is, so it’s just me. Um, so we’re gonna take the dog for a walk. Get outside typically before the sun’s up, but we’re also gonna, we’re gonna come back. We’re gonna get in the, get in the cold water. That’s a, that’s a must. Cold water exposure, uh, up to the neck, something that I try to make a daily practice. Um, it allows me to set an intention for the day and, and it provides a tremendous amount of clarity around what I want to accomplish that day. Brett Gilliland: What temperature are you getting in? Do you know what the temperature of the water is? Britton Barbee: So I, if, if it’s in the forties or below, I’m good. Um, I’ll, I’ll sacrifice and be, uh, you know, 50. It can still be cold, you know, no matter how much you do this, you know, 50 and below will still kind of, it’ll wake you up.  Brett Gilliland: It, it’s funny, I did 48, uh, just, I dunno, a few days ago I did 48. You know, I set the camera up for the first time ever just to see what the heck I look like doing it. And man, it is brutal. I mean, I, I don’t even know, I’ve never done it in the thirties, but I mean, the 48 I thought I was gonna die for about, you know, 30 seconds and then you get your breathing right, you get your heart rate going, but man, there is, there are very few things in life where you feel different after doing something three or four minutes later.  Britton Barbee: Uh, it it, you know, it’s funny cuz it doesn’t take a lot of time, like you said. Yeah. It’s, it’s to really, um, I think for me and, and kind of what you’re talking about, I mean, cold water’s, cold water, uh, I think the difference between it being in the thirties and fifties it’s, is minimal. You’re still gonna see the same effect. Um, but I think the big thing is, is we always try to fight the cold and it, and it’s such a, you know, it, it, it’s, it’s really, it represents life in such a way. There’s so many things that we try to fight against, right? Rather than just embrace it. When you embrace the cold, and that’s the thing people tell me all the time, are you not cold? I’m cold, but I just let myself be cold. It, it’s really that simple. It’s really that simple. It’s, it’s, it’s this idea of what is comfortable and so when you choose to put your body through something that’s uncomfortable, every single and you, that’s where you go. When I wake up, I’m choosing to put myself in discomfort, whether it’s the cold or whether it’s some type of workout. If you do that, how? How mentally prepared are you for the things that life throw your way? That that’s really what it’s about for me.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. Yeah. That’s awesome. So up, up early, so up by what, 5:30 – 6:00 or before that maybe?  Britton Barbee: Yeah, 5:30 – 6:00 in, in a perfect world, now that I’m, you know, uh, with the kids, it, it, it’s, uh, it, it depends, but that’s, that’s ideal. Up early out outside cold water. Um, in a perfect world, I, I try to, I try to steal time for myself. Meaning if I can work out in that window of five to seven before my kids are up and I take them to school, to me that’s a successful day, because I’ve, I’ve done my duty as, as, as a man, as a father, as a husband, to put myself in the best health possible without sacrificing the time for my kids. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Britton Barbee: And take my kids to school, work, uh, come home and, and those are the things that w while my kids are at school, that that’s when I, that’s when we operate. You know, that’s when we do what we need to do. Uh, but at home, you know, it’s something Jesse taught me that we’re, we’re never too tired for our kids. And with a 10 year old daughter, a three-year-old son, seven-year-old son, that you can get pretty tired. Uh, but if it’s, you know, I wanna play this game, I wanna do this, it’s, it’s so easy in this day and age to talk about how tired we are. Um, but it, it’s, it’s, we have to do these things in order for, you know, our kids to want to be around us when we’re older. It, it starts now.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, it’s key. I’m, I’m looking at my eight year-old who’s about, uh, eight feet over here to my left, and it is, man, it is tough. And I see Jesse talk about that stuff all the time. You know, I got four kids and you, you know, you go to work, you come home, you go to sports and it’s one more game, right? It’s one more thing they want to do, but you gotta be there for ’em. And it’s, uh, but sometimes it’s tough. And so it’s making that a priority. But, uh, so talk about Jesse Itzler. For those that don’t know Jesse Itzler. Amazing dude. I’ve been following this guy for years. Uh, wrote the book, Living With the Seal, Living with the Monks, um, both books. I’m just looking at him right now. Both are phenomenal books. I would highly recommend reading those. He’s a great follow on social media because he’s got, there’s no, there’s no fluff, right? I mean, there is no fluff whatsoever. And you’re gonna see exactly what he does and all the things he’s done and, and, and it’s just incredible. So what are you learning from Jesse and talk about your relationship with him.  Britton Barbee: Oh, I mean, uh, yeah, Jess is an incredible guy and if I could sum him up in, you know, one word, it would just be authentic. What, what people often put online versus who they are in real life are two totally different things. Being in and around Jess now for about five years, he is exactly what you see. Um, genuine guy, um, really has discovered later in life. And he talks about it. He really pivoted, you know, right around the time he turned 50 into kind of understanding we wanna do more of the things that we love to do with the people that we love to do ’em with. Uh, we try to create experiences, experience over things is really important and, and it doesn’t have to cost money. I think that’s the big thing is a lot of people are drawn to Jesse because of how he’s a serial entrepreneur. it’s like what you look up. I mean, this guy sold, um, you know, he was a, he started off as a rapper and then sold jingles to all the NBA teams. Sold that company. And while that company was flying him out to pretty much sign a sign over the deal, they flew in private and that’s when he was on the plane and was like, people fly like this. We’re gonna, we’re gonna start a private jet company with no aviation experience. Did it. Sold it to Warren Buffet, then , took coconut water, sold it to Coca-Cola, then took mountains that weren’t his, and sold it to iFit. And so most people follow him for business, but if you can really see what he’s saying, really listen to the values that he’s placing on his family. You know, spending time with his parents that that’s the lesson that I take from it. is money, is, is one thing, you know, and he’ll say it like this, he’ll say, you know, money’s nice to have, it helps, but it’s, it’s not the end all, be all, you know, he talks about he lost his father this past year and he says, you know, my father was a spiritual billionaire. And you hear it all the time. I mean, there’s people who in, in many different aspects of what, you know, call their income is, is far less than others and their, their happiness meters through the roof. And that’s really what it’s about is, is being our authentic self. And, um, I tell him all the time, as great as he is with business, I take more from parenting from him. And um, you know, we have kids that are similar ages and so we’re going through the same things and it’s like, how do you balance all these different, you know, stresses that we’ve put in our lives? And it’s, it really comes down to, I nev I’m never too tired from my kids. I seek out experiences. I’m going to date my spouse because that’s something that, you know, as you’ve been married, you know, I’ve been married, um, my wife and I have been together for 16 years. It’s real easy to go through the motions with kids. But we intentionally seek out this time. because there’s all these different buckets. There’s our relationships, there’s our friends and family. There’s business, but there’s health and wellness, and we want all those buckets to be as full as possible. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Britton Barbee: And that’s, that’s really what our focus is, is putting all those things down. Looking at your year at a glance with our, with our calendar club and saying, what are the things that I wanna do this year before everything else fills in, before weddings pop up, before there’s people robbing us of our time. We gotta put down those things now because the truth is, is we don’t know how much time we have. And and that’s the reason we have to plan it now.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I think, I can’t remember which one of the books he wrote it in, but he said, you know, with money, if, if you were a good person before money, you’re an even better person with money. Right. If you were a bad person before money, you’re an even worse person with a lot of money. Right. And I think that’s so true, man. And you know, I see it being in wealth management. Um, you know, we work with great people. And these great people become ultra successful financially. But man, they also are great people for the community. They’re great people for their families. They’re great people for charities. They’re, you know, on and on and on and on, right? And I always say, well, were they that person first? And that’s why they became successful, right? Because I don’t believe you just overnight become successful. And then, oh, now I’m a good person. Right? That, that doesn’t exist. And, and I get to see it, and I’ve seen it for 21 years. And so people listening, right? It’s like, think about the choices you’re making now. Even those 20 year olds, somethings that are listening to this, right? And they think, well, that’s easy for Jesse to say that he is. You know, they’re billionaires, right? Yeah, maybe. But what was he doing when he was 20 and 25? And you know, he was thinking differently back then when he was broke, living on people’s couches and just trying to make a living, right?.  Britton Barbee: Yeah. Well, and, and and too, so for, for anyone who’s listening that’s, that’s in their twenties. I mean, I think the thing that you have to look at is, is Jesse’s 54. So you, you see, hi. You see him now. But like you just mentioned, I mean, people don’t remember when he was sleeping on couches. It’s kind of like that, that’s something that it’s, it’s almost like fairytale because you don’t see that today. You assume it never happened. But I, I promise he remembers, because he still thanks those people all the time. You know, his 50th birthday, he brought ’em all in just to say, I am where I am today because you let me sleep on your couch. And so that genuine appreciation, because think about how easy it would be to, to be like, well, hey, yay, I slept on your couch. Look at me now, you’re welcome, almost. He’s not like that. And, and I think the tough thing for a lot of people to, to really get in their head is, is that, you know, if, if someone were to give you 10 million and say like, Hey, what would you do with this 10 million dollars? Quickly, everyone can come up with what they would do. I would start this business. I would do that. I would be so happy. Then you have to realize that no one’s gonna give you 10 million dollars. And how many of those things on that list can you do today that don’t require 10 million dollars? And so much of it is there and, and really what we wanna look for is, you know, we always say that we want to be low aggravation, high reward, that like that’s what we want. I’m working to a spot in my life where my business and the things that I do are low aggravation because I want to do them. I like the people that I’m around. And it’s high reward, it’s fulfilling to me. But when you’re tw in your twenties or thirties and you’re starting out, you’re probably high aggravation, low reward. And you have to work to a spot. Or you have to determine how much money do I really need to make to be happy or to do the things that I wanna do to take care of the family the way that I wanna take care of. Because that’s not all, you know, income. And like you said, you, you see it in wealth management. How many of these people have so much money, but it’s, it’s, it’s never enough. Or it’s, it’s not fulfilling and, and you sit back and go like, well, what, what else do you really need? The priorities are outta line again. Money helps. But I can promise you, when you’re sick, you’ve probably heard Jesse say this before, like, yeah, take all the money in the world. But when, when you have, when you have a cold, when you can’t like swallow because your throat is swollen, what do you wanna do? All you wanna be able to do is just like, have a, not have a sore throat, but money can’t take that away… Brett Gilliland: Nope.  Britton Barbee: So that’s really where we get into the health and wellness aspect of, you know, if you have health, you have hope, and if you have hope, you have everything. It’s never been about money. It’s, it’s really about how we see the world and, and how we attack each day knowing that it’s not always gonna go the way we want it to.  Brett Gilliland: Yep. Yeah. And you’re spot on, man. It’s, it’s, and it makes me think about too, it’s never gonna go the way we want to, is the, I always talk about being a student in the game and your mindset and how powerful that is. So what do you do to be a student of the game of life, um, amongst all the notifications and the noise and the news? All the negative crap that’s going on out there. H how do you stay focused in the right mindset to continue to produce every day?  Britton Barbee: Well, I think as leaders, right? It’s, it’s our obligation to make sure that we, we establish what the priorities need to be. And in a negative filled world where it’s you, you can open your phone and it’s just a negative news bomb. That’s all it is, right? It’s, it’s how do you positively prime yourself? and, and understand that there is good in the world. And I’m not, I’m not, you know, pretending that I live in this fairytale where everything’s good and everything’s great, but I do choose the way that I react to the news that I receive. Um, and, and I’m, I’m very, I’m a very firm believer in that, you know, when something bad happens, you know, as unpopular as it may be, nothing bad or good happens, it’s really just our reaction to it. You know, I decide how much anxiety something’s worth. And won’t give it anymore. And, you know, ultimately anything that’s happened to me, I, I, I try to endure it. I remind myself I’ve made it through a hundred percent of everything in my life so far. Everything. So why would this be any different? Maybe it’s not ideal. Maybe it didn’t go the way that I wanted to, but we pivot, we pivot and we keep pushing. And if it doesn’t go the way that I wanted to, that was never the plan anyway. It’s just what I thought I wanted to happen, and then we figure out a way. So where I am today, I promise you, four or five, six years ago, two years ago, I wouldn’t have said this is where I would be, but everything has led me to be exactly here. And so it’s the constant reminder too. I think as a leader you have to make sure that you teach your people vulnerability, that you tell ’em like, Hey, yeah, no, this is tough. I don’t love this, but this is how we push through it. We don’t let us get rattled. We don’t get impacted by one thing. We keep moving forward every time.  Brett Gilliland: Well, it, it leads me to my question I ask every guest just about every guess is the fears, the fears we put in our minds. How many of those fears have actually blown up to the magnitude you put ’em in your mind to be? Britton Barbee: Very rarely any, right? It, it’s, if you think about it, we, what is it? Uh, the old saying, like, we, we suffer more imagine troubles, right? And, um, I really think about this idea of rumination of, you know, like that ruminations, like a rocking chair, sitting in a rocking chair, hoping to go somewhere. And so if you’re thinking about something in the past, present, or future with a negative thought, it’s rumination. But if you think about it in a positive past, present, or future, it’s reflection. You can have anxiety and, and excitement. They’re the, they’re the same chemicals. It’s just how you, how you look at it. I have something coming up that’s big man. I’m nervous. I hope it goes, I don’t know how it’s gonna go, or I have something big coming up, I have a huge opportunity in front of me. Yeah, it, it’s really that simple. But we’ve almost kind of been told that, you know, you have to be, you know, hard-nosed and show no fear and, and why not? I, I, I fail so much every day, as a father, as a husband, you know, in business, all these different things, and it’s the humility to know that I’ll continue to make mistakes and I hope I make mistakes. You know, one of the big things that Sarah Blakely talks about was the celebration of failure from her father. They would sit down at the dinner table and say, who made a mistake today? So, What do you think I do now? Sarah’s obviously super successful and we’re not talking about the inventions or the things that she’s made. It’s more so how did you, how did you fail today? So my kids know when I say, Hey, how was the day? They already know what’s coming next. What did you mi make mistake? Now with my seven-year-old, I got to a spot where he was like, MI missed all the questions on my spelling test failed big. And I’m like, well, hold on. That’s not the idea here, you know, but the, the, the principle is there, but you know, we want to make sure that we’re celebrating the attempt to do something outside of our comfort zone. And, and that’s where that, you know, fear right? Can come from, but we, yeah. We just have to dive into it each time.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. It, it’s, it’s true too, man. And I think, what was it? They, they hooked up, uh, you know, humans to their brain and, and it’s the, the brain doesn’t know the difference between, and the body doesn’t know the difference between excitement and nervousness or anxiety. They show up on a, on a wavelength, the exact same. So part of that is like how you start to embrace the fear. And, and I know I’ve had to do that big time over the, over the years, is the things that I get worried about. I, I struggle with anxiety about those, some of those things. And so it’s now becoming an ally of mine to where I’m transparent and vulnerable and trying to help as many people as I can with that. But it’s understanding that, oh, I may have this feeling. But my body doesn’t know if it’s excitement or nervousness, so now it’s how am I gonna train my body for what I’m getting ready to do?  Britton Barbee: Right. It’s, it’s how do we respond? How do we process that information? And, and again, I I, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that I spend everything to a positive tune. We all have that time where it seems like things aren’t going a certain way. It is tough. You have the kids. Um, life happens, and that goes back to what we were talking about, high probability, low probability events, something’s gonna pop up, that’s outside the norm. But you know, one of the things that Jesse really taught me too was that all these things that we do, when you decide to have kids, everything that happens afterwards with your kids, you signed up for. So when your son wakes up in the middle of the night, 4:00 AM even though you’re tired and you know he’s having a nightmare and you need to do this, that and the other. You, you signed up for that when you decided to have him. And so you, you, you step into that role and you don’t complain about it. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Britton Barbee: It can’t just be celebrate the good. You have to take everything with it. And, and you know, I’m very, very, very aware of the time that, um, the limited time that we all have on this planet, so why would I want to have negative interactions with, with my kids . I do. And I’m not gonna act like I don’t, but it really is something that you have to be so mindful of, so mindful. Brett Gilliland: I’m, uh, I’m gonna pull up, I’m gonna be transparent and, uh, vulnerable as we sh as we talk about, so we talk about, people think things just happen, right? So people probably think we just show up. We hit record and we, we record a podcast and the rest is history, right? They, they don’t see the, the messages through Instagram, you know, going through all this stuff, getting it scheduled, right? They don’t see, uh, uh, lemme see. Where’s the one I’m looking at here? This is me. Uh. This is my response to Britton the other day. So he’s, he’s getting ready to be on a podcast with me, and he thinks the guy that you know, asked him to be on the podcast is gonna obviously be there. Uh, well, we, it was six degrees. We had a ton of snow. Uh, I drove a, a different car, uh, for safety reasons, and I, I didn’t bring my dang key fob with me for the office because it was the 23rd of December at that time. All of our staff was off. We gave him off before New Year’s Eve or Christmas Eve, and then the day after Christmas. And I said, this is so embarrassing. I wasn’t thinking we gave our entire company the day off today. I drove my Jeep to work because of the weather, and I’m locked outta my damn office. This is so rude. I’m embarrassed. My sincere apology. Here’s his response, which you’ve heard him say on the, on the, uh, podcast today. No worries. Every day there’s always a high probability of a low probability event. No need to apologize, brother. Next question was for me, what does one o’clock central on the 28th look like? And so point being is, man, that could have gone one or two directions. This guy’s a clown. He can’t even show up to a podcast that he, that he scheduled. I’m out. Right? But yet how we respond to things matter, right? Then how we interact matter. And then there’s that trust, there’s that respect. Even though you screwed up. Take responsibility. Talk about you’re embarrassed, you screwed up, and it’s okay. Things happen, right? So when you hear me share that about our situation, what are you hearing? What are you thinking?  Britton Barbee: Yeah. I, I, I think, I think messages, um, even something as simple as, as messaging through Instagram or, or text messages, right. You know, it, it, you can learn a lot about a person through how they respond. And to me it’s, it’s, it’d be very easy. First and foremost, I’m very, uh, I like to think, uh, I have a humility about me that if someone asked, and this was a Coach Leach thing, he used to tell us all the time when we would have, uh, autograph signings at the beginning of the year, whether you were a walk-on or you were the starting quarterback, you sign every autograph cuz there’s gonna be a day no one cares for your autograph. And it’s the same thing with conversations. It’s, it’s giving the opportunity to, to say, Hey, I would love to have a conversation with you, whether this is recorded, whether this helps anybody or not. Sometimes it’s just connecting with people. So for you to sit there and tell me, Hey, this is so embarrassing. This is what happened, this, that, and the other. In my head I’m going, yeah, man, I get it. I understand that that’s, that’s a hundred percent something that that could happen. It all makes sense, right. And so what it tells me is, is what you value. So let me break that down for a second. You said, I, I, you know, I took another car and your father four kids, so safety’s a priority to you. To me, that means you’re a family oriented guy. Not only that, then you said not. I didn’t realize our office was locked. We gave everybody off. So in, in the business that you’re in, it would be really, really easy to have everybody working that day to be more convenient for you , but you didn’t do that. You, you prioritized your employees time with their families over your convenience of getting into work an extra day, right? Yeah. So that means you put a high level of trust in, in, in, in, uh, you know, really free time for your, for your people for the holidays. So in one sentence of you telling me like, oh man, I’m having a pretty crappy day. I’m like, wow, this guy cares about, you know, his family cares about his employees. Yeah, man, we’ll reschedule. You know, it’s real simple. And, and that’s the big takeaway. You can learn a lot about somebody in two minutes. You know, so if I’m late, right? If I’m late, uh, to this, and I tell you like, I’m so sorry. I was, I was, I was up late with my son last night. You know, he’s, he’s struggling with, uh, you know this right now. And I was up early with him, and then I’m doing this rowing challenge where I’m doing a thousand meters a day. It’s the 28. I have 20, 28,000 meters to do, and I just did that. Didn’t get much sleep, but I wanted to make sure that I was here. I apologize for being a few minutes late from that, you can go, okay, hold on. The guy cares about his fitness, but he also cares about his family in, in, in, in 30 seconds. So you can quickly establish who you are and what you’re about in such a short time. And people who are truly authentic and, and have the be have your best interests in mind. They’ll respond to that. Authentic people attract authentic people. That’s why we enjoy conversations with each other is because we know, okay, hey, he obviously has values and here’s the best part about it. It doesn’t matter what you think politically, religiously, or anything else. You can have mutual respect for somebody just by seeing what they’re about because it’s like, Hey, all of a sudden you and I have similar values. I value, I, I enjoy being, you know, married to my wife. So I always tell people I have a high interest in remaining married to my wife. So I try to do things that lead to that, and if it doesn’t, I’m out. Right. And so we can really connect on being fathers, you know, being, being married, having these different things. We have so much in common, though we’ve never met in person or anything like that. I can quickly see from your, what you would call like, oh, this is an embarrassment, right. Not an embarrassment, brother. I get it. I know. We’ll, we’ll, will we schedule, you know?  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. That’s awesome, man. Well, that’s, I think that’s good. That’s a, that’s a great conversation and, and you know, things, I’m, I’m glad again, as, as guys, we can be transparent all and share those things, right? Because that’s important. That’s part of this living a future greater than your past. I mean, that, that’s our mission, uh, for our firm as my personal mission in life is helping people achieve a future greater than their past. I mean, everybody wants a future greater than your past. It doesn’t mean you had a bad past, but it means you want a future that’s still greater than your past. And, and that’s what we’re trying to help people do every day through this, through our work with investments and so on and so forth. And I’m just thankful for that, that conversation, man, and, and for us to be able to share with that. So what, what are you when you look at 2022? We’re winding down here. We got a few days left. And then we look going into 2023. What are, what are you thankful for for 2022. And what are you excited about for 2023?  Britton Barbee: That’s a great question. Um, Extremely thankful for the opportunities that I’ve had with, with my family this year. Um, I’ve, I’ve moved us from Dallas to Houston, Houston to Austin, Austin, back up to Dallas in, in the last few years. So, um, buying a house is probably the worst time to ever buy one in history, but being able to have my family settled and feel home was really important to me as, as a father and a husband. So I’m grateful for that. Um, I’m back close to a lot of family. That’s really important for us too. Uh, so I’m, I’m grateful for that. And, you know, being able to create some of these memories that we’ve made through, you know, even in a 48 hour trip, you know, we, we were able to bond through adversity while, you know, we, we took our coaching group to Minnesota, we slept outside. It was minus 14, we cracked the ice of a frozen lake, got in it and just really got outside of our comfort and it really set a tone for the year. Like, what else is possible? You know? Um, it, it was, it was just… Brett Gilliland: So we’re gonna, we’re gonna call time out there. We’re gonna call time out. So we slept outside in negative 14. We cracked ice, we got in the water, which tells me it’s probably negative something. Uh, and and you were in that water? Taking the mind to a whole nother level of, of places that nobody can think you can actually go to.  Britton Barbee: It’s, I’ll tell you, um, there’s been very few times that I can recall as an adult where I had a tremendous amount of stillness. And when we were in Minnesota, so we, we took a group of people out there and, um, we were in the tent. Jesse actually owes me his life because I, I kept the fire burning, uh, to keep us somewhat, you know, below freezing. Um, but the being in that ice. So when I’d never, like I said, I’m in Texas, so we don’t have anything like this. So imagine a whole lake frosted over. I mean, the ice is super thick. We were out there with axes, chainsaws, trying to crack through it. When I went underneath the water, I was, it was, it was completely silent. I heard nothing. I was under, you know, however many, you know, uh, miles of ice. And I could just, in that moment really what stuck out was what’s important. Take care of your family, take care of yourself, take care of yourself so that you’re here for your family and, and make more of these memories as easy as as possible for everybody and share that message. And so creating that stillness is super important for me. As we look to 23 and with as busy as we are, so many of us are just looking for not a break, but we’re looking for clarity. We’re looking for stillness. and we create that in little pockets of time, right? It’s not an everyday, you know, 23, 24 hours a day where I’m just super calm, super chill, but if I can get 10 minutes, how much better can I be if we magnify that out by 365 days in a year? And so that, that’s super important and that’s really, The reason that we do the things that we do is to establish that even, even further, and pass that message along. Like you said, if we want our future to be better than our past, we have to really learn from it and, and find out when are we at our best, what are the things that we do each day that make us great and do more of those things? But having the, the, the commitment and the discipline to stay at it.  Brett Gilliland: I think the important thing is there too, and I think Jesse’s great at this, especially this big ass calendar club, but um, is schedule that stuff, right? I mean, I’ve got, it’s over here, but I’ve got a, I’ve got a journal. At the end of every 90 days, I go through, uh, what I call my gratitude session. And I’ll look back at, you know, every picture I take here on my iPhone, right? And I’ll say, okay, here’s, and I’ll write down, you know, did this, it went, you played, put putt golf with the kids, or did you know whatever, right? Did this thing and write it down everything we’ve done over the last 90 days. And think about how thankful I am for that. But then, What am I gonna do the next 90 days? Right? And it’s not perfect. There’s things spur the moment, things that happen, but let’s schedule something, but get it on the calendar so we can make sure it happens. Britton Barbee: I, I think it’s, it’s so critical, you know? And, and if you don’t, if you don’t do that, if you don’t reflect, if you don’t plan, you’ll look up and somebody else will live your life for you. Um, that’s not a, that’s not a thread. It’s, it’s really just think about it. If you don’t prioritize your weekends with your kids uh, you know, with your family it will fill up. And, and you know, one of the lessons Jesse taught us is how expensive the word yes is. How expensive it is when someone says, Hey, can you do this? And you say, oh, I have this going on, but it’s not on the count. Yeah, I can make that work. Yes, I can do it. That, that’s robbing your time, especially if you don’t, if it’s not something that you want to do, and this isn’t about thinking that you’re holier than thou or better, or you don’t need to be in this, but it’s really like I would rather do something with my kids. I’d rather do something with my family. Right? And if I have that scheduled down, it’s, it’s, it’s honest to say, Hey, would love to, but I already have this. Let’s book another time. And when you look at the calendar, at a glance, you find pockets of opportunity. And it’s kind of crazy, right? If it’s like, Hey, you know, Brett, let’s get together, let’s play some golf. And you’re like, Hey, yeah, I have March 3rd available, kinda like what, but there’s also something that’s you can really appreciate about that. That you’re, you’re optimizing at such a high level because, you know, Jesse says it all the time, he’s 54, average man lifts to be 75. He’s like, I love summer and I only have 20 plus summers left. I love summer and I, and I, you know, hopefully have more but only have 20 left. And when we think about our relationship with time, it really changes our perspective on how much time we have. Right?  Brett Gilliland: It does, absolutely does, does. I’m gonna put my, uh, eight year old in the spot over here. Uh, he doesn’t know this, but I’m gonna ask him to ask a question. So this is my eight year old, Asher. This is, this is Asher . Britton Barbee: Asher.  Brett Gilliland: He’s my, uh, fourth boy. He’s keen to work with dad today. So any questions you want to ask Mr. Barber here?  Asher Gilliland: How’d you start… Brett Gilliland: barbee?  Asher Gilliland: How’d you start out in life?  Britton Barbee: Ooh, man. Great question. I should do the whole interview here.  Brett Gilliland: Good question.  Britton Barbee: Yeah, that’s a great, that’s a great question, Asher um, how’d I start out? Oh, you know, I can take that a lot of ways. Um, but I started out like I was the youngest in my family. , um, everyone in my family, you know, played sports. I grew up going to all my brother and sisters sporting events. Um, so I grew up on soccer fields, basketball courts, baseball diamonds, just running around, catching foul balls, trying to get snow cones. You know, that whole thing that you do is the youngest. And what I chose to do was it became, you know, competitive. Like while my brother and sister pretty much got all the glory because they were older, they were in the more competitive sports, I wanted to compete with them. So I would practice with the older kids. And I got beat a lot. I’ll tell you, I, I, it didn’t look good at the time. I wasn’t faster than them, but I pushed myself to be that way. And then probably year eight, so probably about the time I was like 11, I was bigger than my brother anyway. So, um, it allowed me to really kind of step into and just keep pushing. And, uh, when the, when you’re the youngest in the family, um, I personally think that you get to learn all the lessons, and you get to learn from all the mistakes that they made, that your siblings make, and it helps make you a better person.  Brett Gilliland: I love it. I love it. It’s funny because we always joke with him that he literally came home from the hospital and went to a baseball game before he went home. So it’s like… Britton Barbee: I, I’m right there with you, Asher. I understand. I understand how it is, but you’ll be better for it. Trust me. Just hang in there. Brett Gilliland: Yeah, yeah. Sometimes we’ll, we’ll have some, a little bit of, uh, discussions because his big brothers might have, uh, you know, kicked him in the shins or done something when they’re out there playing soccer. But they just keep fighting back. Man, it’s important. Well, Britton, it’s been awesome having you, man. There’s tons of wisdom, tons of takeaways for me. This is an awesome interview and, uh, even though you know, you get yourself locked outta your office sometimes, good things can still happen. And uh, and we did it. We had a great podcast, man. So I appreciate you being on the Circuit of Success. Britton Barbee: Thanks for having me, y’all. Y’all enjoy it. And Asher, keep those questions coming, man. I love it. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Gabrielle Bosche shares her story of going from a politics-obsessed middle-schooler to a 17-year-old author to the co-CEO of The Purpose Company. She and her company have dedicated themselves to helping people discover their purpose, who their purpose is helping, and how to scale something that is leaving an impact in alignment with their purpose. She shares insight into discovering your purpose in your life, saying, “… I think we have far more wisdom inside of us than we realize.” She encourages us to find our purpose, impact and share it with others. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37LMxZhIm5o Brett Gilliland: The Circuit of Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland. Today I’ve got Gabrielle Bosche with me. Gabrielle, how you doing?  Gabrielle Bosche: I’m doing well, my friend. Excited to chat with you.  Brett Gilliland: Excited to have you. You are in, uh, looks like I said before we started recording. Looks like you’re about 400 stories up in the air. That building looks so tall behind you, but uh, I think you’re the 43rd. Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah, just 46. Yeah. If you’re afraid of height 46, it’s not, it’s not for you.  Brett Gilliland: That’s awesome. In Dallas, Texas. So, uh, everything’s bigger in Texas we hear up here in St. Louis, so we’ll, uh, we’ll talk about how big the vision is and on the brand and everything we’re doing , right.  Gabrielle Bosche: Sounds [inaudible] Brett Gilliland: Awesome. So, uh, oh, let me read this. I thought this was pretty cool. Uh, my assistant Robin is phenomenal and gets some stuff on our guest and, uh, but you are the founder and president of The Millennial, uh, Solution, an international training and consulting company, uh, bridging the generation gap. You and your husband Brian, have been called the next generation’s motivational titans. That’s a big one. Uh, they’re bestselling authors, international speakers, and together they founded The Purpose Company. Um, so tons of stuff here, but you’ve helped, uh, companies, um, well actually the Navy and the Air Force, which is cool. Top brands in the world. You’ve worked with presidential campaigns, been on Success Magazine, NPR, SiriusXM Radio Bloomberg, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And you are a two-time Ted Talk giver, which is a big deal.  So I will be quiet now, Gabrielle, and I’ll let you do some talking. But what has made you the woman you are today, making a huge impact?  Gabrielle Bosche: I think it really, for me came down to one word and that was purpose. From a very young age, I think I knew that I was here for a reason. I didn’t know what that reason was. Like many of us, you kind of go through life’s twists and turns and expectations thinking that, um, at, when I was in high school, thinking that I knew absolutely what I wanted to do, which was get into politics. So I studied politics and religion in, in undergrad, which is two things if you ever wanna make people shut up at a dinner party or Thanksgiving, say that you’re major, you’re majoring in politics and religion. Brett Gilliland: Right?  Gabrielle Bosche: Um, but I, I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the world. And so it was that curiosity of why am I here and what am I gonna do with my time? That I think really created an intentionality with my life. So I wrote my first book when I was 17, wrote my second. Second one, I think I was 23 or 24. Uh, and I think just really early on I had a, a curiosity around being present and being on purpose.  Brett Gilliland: Was your family in that, or like what, I mean, what makes a 17 year old think that they can write a book? And, and I’m asking cause I know people I’ve talked to, I personally struggle with that too. It’s like, who wants to read my book? Right? But at the same time, here you are a 17 year old girl and you’re like, I’m gonna write a book.  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. I mean, I wish it was this epic story. I mean, truth be told, I was 17, graduating from high school, going into college. Um, I was five foot eight. Uh, I was, uh, had more, more smile than teeth at the time. Um, I had eight of my teeth pulled, um, I going into high school. So I was just like this really awkward, kind of gumby like figure in high school. And so I think from a really early kind of time, I, I decided, , you know, maybe the high school thing isn’t really for me. What is it that I have to contribute? So I think I just got really deep into studying great orators. I was listening to Tony Robbins on my way to, to middle school with my mom. I was, you know, studying, uh, Ronald Reagan when I was, uh, in JFK when I was a junior in high school. So I think I kind of always knew I wanted to get into it. And so, yeah, I just kind of challenged myself one day. And said, Hey, I’m gonna write a book. And, and six months later there was a book. Now I’m, I’m not telling you it was any good, let me be very clear. My book wasn’t very good.  Brett Gilliland: Wasn’t a best seller. Huh? Gabrielle Bosche: It was not, it was not, um, uh, really something that, that I’m gonna point back on and say, yeah, it was some, you know, some child genius, but, but I think it was, uh, drive and passion probably more than anything else that I think kind of pushed me through that, that whole journey. Brett Gilliland: That’s amazing. Well, good for you. And so let’s talk a little bit about, you’ve mentioned purpose and, and that’s hence the name of your company, The Purpose Company. You’ll see on my microphone here, the f Greater than P, that stands for, uh, helping people achieve a future greater than their past. Uh, that is my, uh, personal mission. That is our firm’s mission. Um, we have amazing people that are doing that every single day on the communities we serve. But, but how do you help people get to know what their purpose was? Because mine came, you know, probably 14, 15 years into a career. And this hit me like a ton of bricks. Right. So how are you helping people find that purpose that may not have it yet? Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah, I think the, the big challenge on the, the path to finding our purpose is defining what purpose is. When you ask most people what purpose is, they kind of say that they know what it means, but when you ask ’em to define it, they might not have a, a clear definition for, it’s kind of like Bitcoin. It’s like, I know what it is, but I don’t know exactly how it works Brett Gilliland: Right. Gabrielle Bosche: So, so that path towards purpose is first defining purpose, which we define purpose simply as the best of what you have to help others. The best of what you have to help others. And so because of that, you can get really clear and finite on what that actually is. And so if I only have 20 minutes with someone, if we’re getting coffee Brett, and you’re like, Hey, I wanna figure out what my purpose is, I’m gonna ask you a series of questions, but primarily I wanna know what have you overcome that you can help someone else overcome. That path to using your purpose usually has something to do with an element of our story, the hardest times in our life, and that’s where you really put purpose to the pain that you’ve experienced. Whether it was the loss of a loved one, overcoming a trauma, experiencing rejection as a child. There are all these elements of who we are today that when you look back through a lens of purpose, you can really put some meaning to it. So the purpose piece is really first, first focused on what have we overcome that we can help other people overcome? Then the next question naturally is who, who can we help with our purpose and the who really does change throughout our lives. If you’re staying at home as a parent, that that who is, is your kids in your community? If. The, an executive or a CEO, your hu who is your, your customers, your clients, your employees. If you’re an entrepreneur, it’s, it’s, it’s your community and, and your clients. So focusing on who is, is kind of the, the exciting opportunity that we get to do every single day at The Purpose Company, which is helping people get clarity on their purpose, who it is that they’re going to help with their purpose, and how do they actually scale something that they can be known for that’s aligned with their purpose. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I think that’s the hardest thing, right? Is how do we, how do we scale it? And you hear that word it’s used a lot all the time. Now, is that scalability? So how do you, let’s take, let’s just pick on the future greater in your past for, for example, um, how, how do you scale that? How do you do something with it? I think I know who the people are that I wanna serve, right? Our clients, like you said, our employees. But how do we scale that? How do we take it that next step further?  Gabrielle Bosche: Well, I think you have to consider, What is your scope of impact? Some people are called to the one, they get incredible fulfillment working one-on-one with, with individuals and, and that’s really where they see the highest impact of their purpose. Some people are one to many. Their classroom webinar workshop, they really, or, or a group of clients at a time. And then there’s some of us, not many of us, that are one to millions that they know for whatever reason, that message that they have inside of them is, is, is greater than the, than just even the current audience that they’re serving. So focusing on your scope of impact is really incredibly important. Cuz if you’re called one to millions and you’re working one-to-one, you’re gonna be frustrated. But if you’re called to do one-to-one, and you’re focused on one-to-many, you’re gonna feel frustrated and overwhelmed. So just clarifying that piece alone is gonna help create fulfillment and, and fulfillment’s another thing we talk so much about because it fulfillment is the result of helping others with your purpose. Fulfillment is kind of the evidence, it’s the footprint that you’re actually on purpose. And so if you’re measuring your days by fulfillment, we call them fulfillment transactions, how many times did you know that the work that you were doing was making a difference? Not in a general sense, like, Hey, thanks so much, you’re a great person, but because you did this thing or because of who you are, because of what it is that you taught me, my life is better. So, so the goal for all of us is to have at least one fulfillment transaction a day. One, one moment where it’s either an observation, you can observe someone being, um, being improved or blessed by what it is that you do. It can be a transaction of someone saying, Hey, thank you so much, or I’m gonna pay you to help me with this thing, cuz I see that you’re truly uniquely gifted in this area, or it can be just the scope of work where you just know that the scope of your work is truly making a difference, changing the industry, creating a trajectory, having a maverick moment. Those are kinda the three areas where you can measure fulfillment on, on a daily basis.  Brett Gilliland: And I keep asking these questions. I think it’s huge because you just so confidently and, uh, and humbly say it, but it, it’s, it’s hard for some people to say, I’m here to serve millions, right? So, so what do you do on days where maybe you, I don’t know, your, your social, uh, life and anything like, but what, maybe you stayed up last night a little too late. Maybe you had a few too many beverages and you just, quite frankly didn’t, you felt like crap and didn’t want to do it today, but you can’t have many of those days, I would assume, if you’re serving one and millions, right? So, so how do you do that on days you don’t wanna do it? Or maybe the belief’s not there? Gabrielle Bosche: I think a lot of times people feel either distracted or discouraged or yeah, frankly you have just kind of one of those days that you don’t feel like yourself. And so, um, rest is important. So I’m not trying to say, kind of push through the pain. If your body’s tired, certainly give it some rest, but, but one of the things that I really love helping people with is working through what a lot of people call imposter syndrome. I think it’s kind of overused, but, but it’s that kind of fear of how, who am I to say I’m called to, to millions, or even to many. But when you think about the scope of your impact and you, you put a face to your impact. When you put a face to your purpose, it changes everything. It’s not about you and how you feel. It’s about them and how you can help them. And so if you look at the work that you’re doing every day according to the people you’re helping, there are people, there are millions of people out there waiting for the story that you have to tell, or the invention that you’re gonna put out there, or the service that you’re currently working to fine tune and make better and better. If you see your purpose as a duty, it changes the trajectory of why you do what you do every day is because, you know, you have to get out of your own way every day. You have to push past the, the frustration or the disappointment or, or, or the hangover to say, Hey, there’s people out there waiting for me to show up, and it’s not about me and how I feel. It’s about them and, and how I can bless other people with, with the purpose that I have inside of me. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. How do you go about your planning your day? Do you do that? Like, so today’s Tuesday as we sit here and record, are you, are you gonna tonight or this afternoon sometime, plan for tomorrow? Did you already do that for the week? Like, what does that planning and uh, visualization look like for you? Gabrielle Bosche: So I, I plan my week the Sunday before. So Sunday evenings is when I’m reflecting on the previous week, and I’m usually measuring three things. I’m measuring intent, I’m measuring execution, and I’m measuring charge. How fu, how good do I feel about going into the next week? And so usually every day I’ve got it pretty well set. Um, I have brilliance hours in the morning. So I don’t talk to anybody before 11:00 AM Um, that’s when I have my first team meeting where I’m checking in with the team or, um, reviewing their results, kind of giving them one-on-one feedback if that’s necessary. But my mornings are focused on my brilliance hours if I’m working on a book. I’ll be focusing on that if I’m improving a core element of our course or launching an event, that’s what I’m focusing on in the morning. And then the afternoons are really focused on, uh, whether coaching, if I’m working with a client or fulfillment, if I’m working on something for one of our, our, our consulting projects. Uh, and then Friday is kind of just an open day. So if I didn’t get anything done each of those days, Friday I have kind of a set block of time that’s kind of my overflow days. Cause many of us set goals and we don’t get to them. And so I kind of naturally build in. an overflow on Fridays to kind of be a catch-all to make sure anything that didn’t get accomplished, I can push it to Fridays and make sure that it doesn’t flow into the next week. Brett Gilliland: Well, what’s frustrating to you when you, when you think of human beings today and you’re serving millions of them, how, how, what, what frustrates you about us?  Gabrielle Bosche: I think that’s an awesome question. I love that. Mike, how long do we have? Um, no, I think one of the things… Brett Gilliland: Get your list out.  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. I think one of the things that makes me kind of cock my head and look at, at us, and it’s not just, you know, us as a, as a, as a, as a group, I, I, I consider this for myself as well, is, you know, why do we not do the things that we say we wanna do, even though we know they’re really important to us. And so I don’t think it’s a lack of motivation, but I think it’s a lack of clarity and putting meaning to action. So I mean, I work in kind of the motivational space where, you know, people come to me and say, Hey, I want to find my purpose, or use my purpose, or I wanna, you know, get paid to kind of do what it is that you do as a branded expert. And there’s the desire, but there’s that gap between desire and action. And in that space right there, it fascinates me. Um, that’s where I’ve spent a lot of my time pulling stuff apart and studying human motivation and saying, you know, even in my own life, why is it that I have a desire, but my action can be lacking in certain elements of my life? Uh, and so it, it frustrating certainly, but, um, but, um, curiosity in, in inducing absolutely. Where that kind of, that gap that in between is one thing that I think about as humans is absolutely fascinating.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And so let’s stay on that kinda, that topic is about failures. I mean, have you had any, you know, failure I think we all have, we’re human right? The failure and, and if so, what did you learn from it and how did you apply that? Gabrielle Bosche: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I mean, I think tw my twenties were definitely, uh, failing and I’d like to say most of it was failing forward, but a lot of it was failing over and over again. Um, and I think my, my biggest failures, particularly when it came to business, I mean, I’ve been a business owner since I was 23 years old. Um, and a lot of it was really just kind of self taught and Googling my way to, to the next level of my business. I think the biggest failures that I experienced really came at kind of these, these points where, um, I had to let go and stop trying to do it myself. I think I, I, growing up I was like, you know, bootstrapping, figure it out. Google your way out of this. You know, I had kind of this do-it-yourself, um, kind of chip on my shoulder, and so I, I learned. Probably like four years or five years too late, that when you hit a snag in your life or in your business, that isn’t time to double down and figure out how you can do it. It’s time to find someone who’s doing it better than you to pull you out of the mud. And so that was definitely a big learning lesson throughout my twenties. Brett Gilliland: And be humble enough to know you need help. Right?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. And, and I think that having a mirror either of someone in your life who loves you enough to say, Hey, you know, you’re saying that you wanna do one thing, but you’re not doing it. Um, and or holding a mirror up to yourself and having those reflection times and, and times to step out of your life and step outta your business to say, you know, am I proud of who I am right now? Would, would me in five years be proud of the activity that I’m, I’m, I’m currently pursuing to get me to this next level? If the answer is yes, keep going. But if the answer is no. It’s time to take some, to take some steps back and, and start to adjust.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Have, have you thought about this yet? I mean, maybe, maybe you haven’t, maybe haven’t, but I, I think about this. What would Brett, the 45 year old tell the 35 or the 30 year old Brett, or even the 25 year old Brett? Right. What, what advice would I have for that younger version with less gray hair, uh, than I have now? But what, what would I tell that guy? Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah.  Brett Gilliland: Have you talked about that for yourself?  Gabrielle Bosche: I think about that all the time. I kind of think about it in reverse though. I, I talk to future self a lot. So I don’t know if you’ve done that where, when, if I’m in a, in a bind or I’m kind of in between a couple of different options, I need some wisdom, I’ll take myself out to coffee and I’ll say, okay, what would future Gabs say to me right now?. Her with her wisdom and I think about me in 10 years and what I’ve accomplished, what would she say for me to do? Would she give me the perspective element? Would she give me something strategic? Would she um, kind of let me know that it’s all gonna be alright? Because I think we have far more wisdom inside of us than we realize. And so when I really am looking for wisdom, a lot of times that’s my first go-to is I’ll step out of myself, have a conversation with future me who has accomplished and is living out everything that I wanted to do and ask her what does she think I should do next? And, and that’s a really good leveling exercise. If you’re trying to think your way out of a situation, you find yourself in.  Brett Gilliland: I love that. I’m, I’m gonna have a conversation with Brett. The 55 year old Brett’s gonna talk.  Gabrielle Bosche: Yes, exactly. See what he’s up to.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. The, the 45 year old Brett tells the 35 though and the 30 year old that it’s gonna be okay. So maybe I’m, I’m talking to myself about the 45 or the 55 year old guy. Is having that conversation because it would be cool. And I, and I do think, hence the Future Greater than your past and a firm called Visionary Wealth Advisors, we think about the vision and the future all the time. I mean, I spend all day talking about that stuff, uh, but I think it’s important to sit down, have the questions, ask yourself some questions, take notes, and journal on that. Which moves me to the next question is how often are you writing or journaling just about life and goals and dreams and aspirations?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah, every day. I mean, truly, I’m, I’m usually writing notes doing, um, um, any sort of like vo voice note to myself. I’m a big fan of Google Keep. So I, I have that kind of for every category of my life where it’s an insight or something that I’m learning, um, I read every day. So I’m usually going through about a book a week. And so I write a summary of that book and I put in Google Keep as well. And I talk about it with my team. They share with me what books they’re reading, what they’re learning, um, and so it’s the reflection piece. So oftentimes we learn things and forget what we’ve learned because we’re not recording them. And so I, I knew that with the acceleration of, of my life and my career and the investments that I make in, in ourself and our company, that I was going to be irresponsible if I was just consuming. And then I was like a siv and it was just kind of, you , falling out where I just wasn’t really capturing that, that deep wisdom. So yeah, I’ve got, um, I used to just have sticky notes all over. I have whiteboards all over my condo. Um, but I learned the sticky notes, um, uh, way of recording your insights was not really scalable. Uh, so I, I turned to Google Keep and it’s, it’s worked super well for me. Brett Gilliland: I love it. I love it. What do you wish you had more time to do? Gabrielle Bosche: Oh, man. Yeah, I don’t know. I, um, I’m, I’m pretty good. I, I think I’m pretty good on kind of my time management. I, um, I know kind of at this point something I’ve really worked on is making more time for the people in my life. I get to do that a lot. I do a lot of trips with my friends, a lot of trips to go see family. Um, yeah. I don’t know.  Brett Gilliland: So now do you schedule that? Gabrielle Bosche: I think I’m pretty good. Brett Gilliland: Number. Yeah. Number two, I used to call it guilt-free golf. So I’m a big golfer and when I was a young advisor that I noticed about myself, when I would go Friday afternoon golfing and I didn’t do that week what I needed to do to be successful, I would play like absolute crap. Right? Because my mental state was back in the office , even though I was physically playing golf, then I created this guilt-free golf that if I did A, B and C throughout the week, I could go to the golf course and have less guilt. Right. And that worked. Yeah. And, and so, but I think hard chargers still sometimes struggle on taking that personal time away from the office. And, and if so, how have you gotten over that? Or what advice would you have for people?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah, I think that’s a really good point. Um, I think I definitely suffered from that a lot. Like the work guilt of I should be doing something else. Yeah. Um, but I think if I ever trigger into that, I reflect on, you know, did it really matter that much? I think sometimes that work guilt is kind of born by a hero complex of I’m absolutely necessary to everything in my business. And the truth is, um, if that’s the case, I’m not very good at running my business. Um, so certainly there’s elements in my business that I’m, you know, pretty darn necessary for, but, um, but the, the guilt doesn’t serve me. So, um, I kind of build, and Saturdays are my off days, so that’s like, I do no work whatsoever. And so, you know, I run so I run for a long time on Saturdays, and I’m just kind of out and about and I’ll kind of like run in one direction and then usually call my husband to come pick me up. Cause I’m like, okay, it’s been like nine miles. Can you come get me? Like, come on, I’m done now.  Brett Gilliland: Did you say nine or ninety? Gabrielle Bosche: Nine. Yeah, I’m nine.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. I was gonna say, my God, I think he’s a 90, like nine is a lot.  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. It’s it’s a lot. But yeah, I think to that point though, is giving yourself, um, a break to step away from something because, um, you know, we know the whole oxygen mask principle of, you know, put the mask on yourself first so you can help other people. And if you’re constantly feeling necessary to your company, to your job, and even to your family. Um, you have to really think about, have I created this for myself? Like, have I created an instance that I, I need to feel necessary? And I know that was kind of the case for me before, is I didn’t trust anyone enough to make the decisions for me. And now, you know, I’m like hey, I, I hope you guys make the right decisions and you know, if, if it’s the wrong decision, then, then we’ll live with it. But, um, but at the end of the day, future Gab is usually like, it’s not that big of a deal, go for the run.  Brett Gilliland: I love it. We’re gonna play a game. I’ve, I’ve never done this, so bear with me, uh, uh, future gab cause you have no idea what I’m gonna do here. So come on, take a number between one and 12. Gabrielle Bosche: 11.  Brett Gilliland: Okay, so now I’m gonna, I’m on your Instagram. I just pulled up your Instagram. We’re gonna play a game. So one cool, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Now say one, two, or three. Two. All right. Your post on the 11th row of your Instagram and the second post over says you’re looking for three corporate professionals that live below their potential and want to find their purpose and launch their six figure expert business. Comment expert, expert below. So let’s walk through that post. All right. This, I think this is great because I have no idea where this is gonna go. Um, so walk me through that and why did you put that on there and, and what are you trying to do there?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. That’s awesome. So we do kind of pushes in our community where we enroll about 10 people a week in our program called Purpose Mastery, that we help corporate professionals step into their purpose and become paid experts. So getting Ted Talks, writing books, um, becoming paid speakers. And so we do kind of these pushes in our community every once in a while to get folks into and our community. And so most people that we work with are corporate professionals who are like lawyers and doctors and executive vice presidents and entrepreneurs who are just really busy and kind of like the conversations we’re having right here who know that they’re entering a season where it’s not just about the success, but it’s about the significance. Um, so I’m a big believer in creating great content. We do, you know, a ton of free teaching every, every month. I do a free masterclass. We do a ton of just giving back to the community. Um, and then every once in a while we’re like, Hey, if you wanna work with us more, um, if there’s an opportunity for us to, um, we can jump on the phone. Brett Gilliland: I think it’s kinda that strategy of give, give, give, give, give, give, give. Right. Then ask for the business every now and then. Is that fair?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah. Well, it’s, it’s, um, I think that’s very, that’s very fair and kind of put another way is, um, a lot of times people just think it’s all about, you know, giving, giving, giving. But if you don’t, Ask people to engage with you, you’re actually stealing an opportunity to help them ,because someone reading my Instagram and seeing how I share how to create a TED Talk or you know, how to, how to manage your time better. I mean, I’m giving insights all the time, but until you wait, give an invitation, they may not know that that’s actually what I love doing the most, and that’s a big part of our business. So it’s how you frame things. Certainly I think it’s kind of the, the message, um, behind the method, but it’s also too cruel, I think, to, to not engage with people and sell them. If you know that what you can do can truly help them.  Brett Gilliland: Well, and this goes back to then self-belief, right? And then it goes back to your purpose. I mean, if this is the purpose, right? Future greater than your past, in that example, shame on me for not trying to go serve more.  Gabrielle Bosche: Totally. I know. And I wish more people had that mindset. I think a lot of times people think sales is like working at a used car lot or you know, tricking someone out of their money. Um, and certainly there’s bad actors out there, but, um, but if you really see your opportunity to, to sell as your opportunity to serve, it changes the whole mindset around everything.  Brett Gilliland: That’s awesome. Well, I love it. Hopefully that, uh, I don’t know. I think I like that going to the Instagram and randomly picking a post and seeing… Gabrielle Bosche: I love it. Brett Gilliland: We might have to do that more often. Where do our listeners find more of Gabrielle Bosche?  Gabrielle Bosche: Yeah, well, they can hang out with us. Like I said, we’ve got lots of free content, um, on 7figurepurpose.com. It’s the number seven figure purpose.com. And so, um, they can hang out with us more there and join our free community and, uh, learn more about how to step into your purpose. Brett Gilliland: Awesome. Well, we’ll put all that in the show notes and uh, we’ll send people your direction. And it was awesome having you, Gabrielle, it was really a lot of fun.  Gabrielle Bosche: Absolutely. Thanks for hanging out man.  Brett Gilliland: You are like ready to rock. I got it.  Gabrielle Bosche: Well, I’m honored to, to have this conversation and get to meet your community. It’s amazing. You’ve got a, a really great thing going on here.  Brett Gilliland: Well, thanks you very much and thanks for being on the Circuit of Success. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Whitney Kenter, CEO and founder of Glowe Connective, discusses the failures and successes of her personal life and professional career. Her career consulting with businesses to prioritize human energy to overcome challenges within a company has given her insight into following a career path that brings you light or makes you “Glowe.” Whitney shares some of the risks she has taken that have helped her continue to thrive in her professional career and help her excel with her new business. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6TPeNcQiSE&list=PLbvB0kVmlTP7mo99UtYan6rAaz5uNOzyN&index=1 Brett Gilliland: Success. I’m your host, Brett Gilliland, and today I’ve got Whitney Kenter in the office with me. Whitney, how you doing?  Whitney Kenter: I’m doing great… Brett Gilliland: Awesome… Whitney Kenter: …thanks for having me. Brett Gilliland: Well, it’s good to have you. It’s uh, it’s exciting. I got introduced to you from, uh, Kristen. Kristen said great things about you at a, uh, at a lunch the other day and I said, you know what? I gotta, I gotta meet her. And, uh, reached out to you on LinkedIn and not even a week later, here we are. So… Whitney Kenter: …that’s right.  Brett Gilliland: It’s been awesome. Um, well, you are the founder of Glowe Connective. And, uh, you’ve had an unbelievable career and been in the finance industry and now doing this thing with Glowe, and I can’t wait to dive into that. But if you can, Whitney, just maybe give us a little lay of the land on what’s made you the woman you are today.  Whitney Kenter: Oh my gosh, that seems like a very loaded question. , I’ll try to be brief. Um, I think when I think about my life, I feel like it’s been this very non-linear, but very synchronistic path. When I, you know, it’s easy to look back and say, oh, that was clearly the time to do this change or whatever. But from a career perspective, I feel like even though I’ve been in finance, accounting, wealth management, all of these very quantitative driven fields. My interest the entire time has always been on the humans, and their behaviors and how they make decisions and what they’re concerned about. And even in my very early career days, I’d be, as a tax professional at KPMG I’d be sitting with these CEOs and we’d be talking about, you know, after they do this big transaction, what are they gonna do? How’s this gonna impact their family? And I was in my twenties having these very deep conversations. You know, so somehow, gravitating back towards the things that, ironically in college, I really wanted to study psychology and marketing. And my dad was like, you will never get a job with those two degrees, so you have to get an accounting now. Brett Gilliland: Dad, I started a company with it.  Whitney Kenter: Right, exactly. And so it’s just so ironic because every, every step of my journey, I was gravitating right back to either psychology or brand and marketing, which is fascinating.  Brett Gilliland: Well, I think, I mean, I was joked that we’re part-time psychologists, even in the wealth management space, right. I, I was like, I got a box of Kleenex in there. Just because the conversations that happen, man, they get deep and they’re just, you know, it’s, it’s way more important the, the, the things in life they want to go do versus just like you said, the quantitative stuff. Right? Yeah. It’s, it’s there. So, um, what, what are some of the risks you took in life? Um, you know from, you know, obviously starting a company, leaving a great career, all those things, but what are some of the risks when you look back on your career, are you happy that you took?  Whitney Kenter: I think the first risk that I took was at KPMG when, um, you know, I was in auditing for two weeks and realized that that was not for me. Brett Gilliland: Yeah.  Whitney Kenter: And so going straight to my boss literally two weeks into it and saying, I really don’t think I’m in the right spot. That was a big risk, because you’re the new kid, you know, you’re part of a huge class and they’re weeding you out, and I took a big risk in saying, Hey, but I really think this is not for me. So they ended up putting me in this financial planning group, which was a division of the tax department, and then not even a year later after that, was introduced to the folks at headquarters that were kind of in charge of this whole group, and they were saying, we wanna expand it. We wanna have somebody come up and help us with the marketing and how do we expand this? And I raised my hand and they, they looked at me and laughed. They said, you’ve been here for two years, or not even two years? This is usually for seniors or managers or whatever. And I just kept pushing. I was like, but I really… Brett Gilliland: You asked the question, right?  Whitney Kenter: …yeah. And so I think those were two, very in close proximity to one another, big risks that I took.  Brett Gilliland: And did you get that?  Whitney Kenter: I, did. I got it.  Brett Gilliland: Oh, that’s amazing.  Whitney Kenter: And went to New York and lived there for a year and a half and had this amazing experience meeting all the heads of the departments across the country.  Brett Gilliland: Wow.  Whitney Kenter: And it was just, it was amazing. So… Brett Gilliland: That’s awesome. Whitney Kenter: It was a huge risk. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. And what do you think from there? What did you learn most about that, taking that risk? Being a person that’s, you know, quote unquote not ready for it. Yeah. Uh, what did you learn most from that?  Whitney Kenter: Um, mostly, and this is something that we talk a lot about now at Glowe, but I really felt strongly, I mean, it was like a whole body. Have to do this. I don’t just, maybe this sounds kind of cool, kind of thing. It was like, no, I need to go, I want to, you know, I want to get out of here and go experience this. I never lived anywhere outside of Kansas or St. Louis. And so I was like, okay, this is a big move for me and I’ve never lived on the East coast, let alone in New York. And, um, but it just, it just felt right and I didn’t let any of the extra noise or the, you know, even my own mind probably at the time, justifying this makes no sense financially. This makes no sense. You know, there’s probably a lot of reasons where I could have said, yeah, you’re right. That’s, I should keep on the safe path of continuing to, you know, move forward in my career in a linear way. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. I, I think sometimes the risks are, uh, like you just said, the financial may not be the smartest thing. Right. Things we can walk away from, and I, it makes me think of when I started Visionary, my business partner, Tim Hammett and I, it’s, you know, we made this step, right. We were both doing very well in our careers. My wife was seven months pregnant, uh, eight months pregnant by the time we started. Um, you know, like with our fourth child, we just built a new home and she’s like, is this the right decision? And I’m like, I don’t know. She’s like, is this the best time? I’m like, no, it’s a terrible time. Right. But I think to your point is like you always knew in your core kind of what you wanted to go do. Right? And I think sometimes it’s just taking that leap, a calculated leap, right? Knowing what you’re getting into and planning and all the stuff that goes. But sometimes just doing it and kind of building it as you go. Would you agree with that?  Whitney Kenter: Oh yeah, absolutely. We talk about it all the time with people is that, you know, if, if something feels like a full body, yes.  If you just feel it, even if on paper it doesn’t make sense necessarily. Yeah. Or whatever. But if you just feel it, it’s usually the right answer. Cuz your body knows. Your heart, your gut know way more than your mind on what’s right for you, so. Brett Gilliland: I agree with that. And I think that’s, for me, that’s what I felt was this, it was right. Like it just, I mean, I guess if you put it on paper, people, like, you’re doing what? Right. Like, you’re just gonna go out and start your own RIA and do, it’s like, yeah. Yeah. But like, it was like burn the bridges. We’re never going back. It’s like exactly’s, this is what we’re doing. And I think, again, having the plan. So, um, let’s go and talk about what Glowe Connective is. This is a company you started a number of years ago and what, three, three years ago did you say? You just told me this. Whitney Kenter: Almost three years.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Three years ago almost. And so what are you doing exactly and how are you helping impact the world?  Whitney Kenter: And talk about a risk. Everyone thought I was crazy in 2020 going out. They’re like, what are you doing? We’re still at home and you’re start this new company.  Brett Gilliland: Great timing… Whitney Kenter: Kind of leaving at the height of, uh, of your career and what you built. So, um, no. So Glow is a, a company that we’re all about transformation, whether it’s personal or business. So we talk a lot about how there’s so many things that are happening in our world right now that are almost forcing the hand of people to rethink systems, to rethink how we do things, to rethink, um, mostly the human side of our businesses. And I just became really passionate about that. You know, businesses are going through a lot. Even pre covid, post covid, um, and nothing to do with covid. There’s a lot of changes that were happening, and so I wanted to do things differently from the standpoint of, yes, we need to focus on vision and strategy and processes, but it’s the people part that makes or breaks the business. Right? Yeah. And so, so many of the complaints, I guess, that business leaders were having was, you know, people’s motivation, people not wanting to work, um, which I don’t subscribe to. Right. Um, how they work when they work, all these different things and, but the people are the lifeblood of your company. Yeah. If you don’t have people, you know, you’re not gonna have a company for very long. And so, and I, I think it’s this return to, you can’t just force your way to results. We really need to take a step back. And so, you know, yes we are consultants and coaches, but we do it in a very vulnerable way. We get in there with them, we the, on the consulting side, I didn’t wanna be the kind of consultancy that, you know, we come in for the deep dive in the analysis and then we leave them with a deliverable that we hope they implement. And that’s not the kind of, that’s not where the transformation comes because, and I was just visiting with a CEO yesterday, I said, the difference is you have all these things that you wanna do. You already have a fully loaded executive team. Right? And so adding a huge organizational change management process to your load is big. And that’s too much for any one person. Cuz they already have their day jobs, so to speak. And so we wanna come in and support the, the system change that can last well after we’re gone. But it takes so much more attention and it takes someone kind of holding that. I mean, we don’t know more about their business than they do, but we’re really great at asking good questions and listening, and then we always talk about, kind of mirroring back to them what we’ve heard and say, is this right? Brett Gilliland: Yeah, yeah. Oh… Whitney Kenter: this might be a little different than what we heard in the, you know, in the brand book or you know, something like that. Because we’re not doing it for marketing purposes. We’re doing it for how do we tap into the real soul of the company and then make that shine as bright as possible, or Glowe. Brett Gilliland: And I assume that the, the handholding that’s there too, it’s not just like, Hey, here’s your plan and good luck. We’ll see you later. I mean, there’s that accountability, there’s the coaching, it’s all the stuff that goes with it that I know for me, I’ve worked with a business coach for years. Yeah. It’s the questions and, and I’ve coined this thing ADT is ask, don’t tell. Whitney Kenter: Yes. Right. So if you ask me a question and then I verbally say it, right. It’s, it’s, maybe it’s the gospel because I’ve said it. Right. Right. Versus if you’re telling me, I think assume that’s part of the strategy as well too, through those asking great questions.  Exactly. Well, and I think too, what we’ve found is, there’s a lot of things that don’t get said. You know, maybe there’s a plan already in place and you know, you might have something rattling around in your head. Like, no, I really feel like we need to do this other thing, but I don’t wanna change the course. Yeah. Or I don’t wanna say it. Or maybe someone in the organization has some really good feedback and thoughts about, you know, a disconnect that might be happening, but they don’t say it. You know, it’s the things that don’t get that really create those blocks on the true potential of the company. And then also I feel like this, you know, we’ve got titles in job descriptions versus actual roles in what happens in the roles. And so we wanna match people’s real innate gifts, superpowers, what they’re really, really good at versus what they can do. Because that’s what energizes them and that’s what creates that glow effect. If you’re doing, if you’re doing something more often than not that really does light you up and that you really enjoy, chances are you’re, you’re going to not be burnt out. And that is really important from a productivity standpoint. And also just the contribution to the company. If you’re lit up and doing what you do, it’s, there’s a contagion effect to that.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. So do you find though, that it’s hard because, I mean, it’d be great right, if you just said, here’s an unlimited budget, I can go out and hire this person to do what they’re uniquely qualified to do. And I’ve got, you know, an extra 15 people running around, that would be awesome, right? But sometimes, so what, how do you help that small and define small however you want, but how do you help that small company get what they want with the people they want, uh, without, you know, being able to go add another million dollars in payroll or something like that, right? Whitney Kenter: Totally. Yeah. We love constraints . And financial constraints is always part of it… Brett Gilliland: It’s part of it.  Whitney Kenter: Cause it’d be nice if you could just, you know, like you said, have unlimited amounts of money to do whatever you want. Um, for us, every single thing comes back to real clarity. So if, if the real vision, like not the highly curated, wordsmith one, that maybe was done several years ago, but like the true essence, and that’s what we keep saying, is it’s the soul. Like what is it that you really want? What is it that’s really amazing and unique and why you started this company? And how do we tap back into that? And if we can get really clear on that vision and that ethos, then we can always, I feel like realign people, tasks and goals, and things like that. Because I think that sometimes it’s just re-energizing to what is, and also there’s a bit of aspiration in any vision and goal probably. But it has to be grounded in reality too. And so you can’t be saying, oh yeah, we wanna do this one thing when the rest of the organization is like, we’re not doing that one thing.  That’s not at all what we’re doing. And so we tend to, I mean, it’s kind of where we start is this radical clarity and getting, getting to that root of the, of the company. Because then a lot of answers become clear. And so by the time we get to what we call a mirror deck, where it’s basically, you know, we’re parroting back to you, Hey, is this your real vision? Is this your real ethos? And you say Yes. Well, then it becomes a decision making framework. And that decision making framework is something that you can explain to your entire senior leadership team, your management team, and everyone in the company, and their roles fit in pretty well. So it’s almost like a puzzle. At that point because, and we can usually find, um, Resources within the company that are not being tapped into. I mean, that’s really fun when you get people to get re-energized…. Brett Gilliland: The aha moment. Whitney Kenter: …about it. Yeah. And they’re like, oh, well what I really love to do is this. And we say, well, we need that over here, so how do we figure out doing it? And I think there’s so much being talked about about flattening organizational structures and things like that. And so our process is very much in alignment with that because it’s kind of like taking out the fluff. And let’s just get to what do we really need in order to accomplish this goal? That’s what a business is.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s right. There’s a lot of fluff out there. Whitney Kenter: How they distill it down into the basics and that’s, I mean, that’s super energizing for us.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Would you say too, like, and I’ll kinda be transparent here, like my, the bread of old used to say, it’s always number driven. I want to, you know, have this many more advisors or this many more assets, or blah, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. Right? And you’ve got it. But I don’t know if it’s, as you get older, you start to do this, or if it’s just kind of this, that, that’s always what made me tick. But it’s more of mission focus, right? Like you see these stickers here. This is a future greater than your past. So that’s our, that’s our firm’s mission. Helping you achieve a future greater than your past, your past doesn’t necessarily mean it was bad. But we want a better future. And I think for me, it’s, it’s more I get more energy from that, uh, of working in that mission than I do. Oh, I wanna go get x more advisors added on. Or, and, and people will ask me in, in recruiting meetings, how many more advisors you wanna have? I’m like, This may turn you off, but I, I don’t know. Right. I don’t have this number of how many people we need to have. Yeah. But I’ve got a mission that we want to go out and create and build and, and work on. Right. So when you hear me kind of walk through that, what comes to mind? Numbers versus mission. Whitney Kenter: I think we advocate for the mission first because your purpose is the big thing. And so defining what that is or just getting clarity with a few bullet points on what that is like what will succes look like if we achieve it. I mean, we get to the numbers, but the numbers are kind of a sidebar. You know, um, and they’re important obviously, because you’ve gotta build whatever you wanna build and you’ve gotta have the numbers. Brett Gilliland: Yeah. Gotta grow.  Whitney Kenter: Makes sense. But I love this and I, I do think more people are, Recentering around purpose, at least the leaders who wanna work with us, right? Because I mean, if they want outside the box thinking and they wanna do things differently than they’re in conversations with Glowe. But if they wanna do it the old way and just focus on the numbers and growing for growth’s sake, chances are we’re not gonna be appealing to them. Brett Gilliland: Yep.  Whitney Kenter: And so I think this reversion to kind of the core or the, the real foundation is really important. And the numbers take care of themselves, I mean, I’m sure you see that in your… Brett Gilliland: Absolutely. Whitney Kenter: …your business. They, they just kind of magically do when you focus on the thing that really matters. And you make decisions in alignment with that. So an an unaligned decision would be, we’ve gotta hit adding 20 advisors this year. It’s like, but why? Right. That would be my first question. Why? That’s a tell what question that number is all about.  Brett Gilliland: Sorry to interrupt, but we talk about mission and vision align too, right? Because, and values align.  If we don’t connect on our values, it’s gonna be really hard for us to work together. And to your point, I think the more we do those three things, then it, it is, you said contagious, I think is the word you used earlier. I always say it’s like a magnet, right? Like think about your little kids’ trains. They, they either went together or they repel each other, right? And I think that’s what we can do as leaders is repel people away. And sometimes if they’re in your culture, that may be a good thing to repel them away, right? And that’s okay.  Whitney Kenter: And I, and I think, you know, this kind of goes with the Glowe philosophy that, you know, if people are truly lit up with your purpose of your company, they’re gonna be happier, they’re gonna be more productive, they’re gonna be more, and that’s, that’s really what it’s about. You know? I mean, it’s about that before the money, and you’re reading all of these studies now with all of, you know, our terrible mental health crisis and the levels of burnout and the, you know, lack of connectivity to joy and fulfillment and all those things. Well, we as business leaders have an obligation, I think. Because, you know, I do, I believe people do wanna work, but I think they wanna be connected. I think they wanna feel like their purpose aligns with whatever it is that they’re doing. And it doesn’t matter what role they’re filling, but they wanna feel connected to that purpose and mission. And I think those companies are gonna be more successful overall. Brett Gilliland: I, I think you got into my journal here and stole my, stole my goals here. Because if you look, um, it says right here, what’s that? connected goals for 2023, right? Yeah. And so I a thousand percent agree with you that, um, people need connection, right? And I want that connected goals for 2023 to happen. So that’s kind of my word of the year. So when you said that, I was like, oh, I think she cheated and stole my, my sheet here. Um, but I think attitude. Um, but I, I, I would say, so then my question becomes, uh, what you guys are doing at Glowe is around the human being. Right? And there’s so much stuff going on right now out there about the metaverse. Yeah. And chatGPT and you know, AI and virtual reality, all this stuff, right? Yeah. So when you hear those things in one box, you hear your human connection in another, what comes together and how do those things meet or collide? One of the two, right? Right.  Whitney Kenter: Well, it’s kind of interesting because it, in just, specifically, with chatGPT, we’ve talked a lot about this because, um, so much of what we do is produce content and thought provoking pieces and things like that. And I’ve had a number of people say, you know what, you can do that a lot cheaper and just plug it into chatGPT. And have it spit something out. And I said, yeah. So I mean, we’ve experimented with that to see what they come up with. And it is a remarkable thing, but I think that we still have to figure out then what do the humans need to be doing? In order, I mean, from a business perspective, in pursuit of whatever business goals and what can we leverage, but it’s, we’ve kind of been doing this already. How do we leverage technology to do jobs. I mean, you know, this has been going on for a long time as we’ve evolved, um, through multiple cycles of our economy, you know, so I think this is just the next level of figuring out how does this impact our business? It is gonna cause some people to need to revisit, I think, their purpose. Because some of it might be at risk, right? Some of what they do might be at risk to being taken over by a machine. But, that was the case in the early days of the industrial. I mean, so yeah, this is not, that’s true. This is not new. It’s just different.  Brett Gilliland: It seems disingenuous though, right? Like if I read an article from Glowe and I’m like, okay, this is awesome, and Whitney put her name on it, like, I don’t wanna know really behind the scenes, you just typed in a question. Whitney Kenter: Totally.  Brett Gilliland: And they put out a 500, you know, word article that you quote unquote created. Right? Yeah, I think it’s true. That’s the thing I struggle with with it.  Whitney Kenter: Yeah. I still think people will connect with things, you’re still gonna have to connect with the real . You can tell the difference. I can tell the difference between something that’s been written by chatGPT and what I’ve written. Not just because I’ve written it, but… Brett Gilliland: Right. Whitney Kenter: I mean, there’s a soul, there’s a… Brett Gilliland: yeah, there’s a human connection.  Whitney Kenter: And so, you know, I think you know the, there’s ways to use it. Probably. We haven’t figured out the right balance for that, but I know it’s top of mind for a lot of leaders on how do we do this? And I think for a lot of people, they feel like their jobs are at risk because some of the things that they used to do, yeah. You know, might be shortened even if it’s not completely, you know, taken over by chatGPT or AI. But there’s gonna, it’s just gonna be a different role. I think,. Brett Gilliland: I, I joked at a restaurant one time that you, you would go in and we would order this food and this little kiosk thing. Yeah. And this person was there and I, you know, they had a good personality. You could tell. I said, but you realize you’re training me to that thing to take over your job, right? Yeah. I mean, there’s all these things, so you’re right. There are things that are a lot at risk. So yeah, we could, we could have a whole nother podcast on that. Whitney Kenter: Oh my God.  Brett Gilliland: But what I’d like to turn the page to is, is sometimes you, we talk, well, not sometimes a lot, we always talk about our successes, right? Yep. And, and to the extent to what you want to share is what, what failures, I think we’ve all had failures. What failures have you had? And they don’t have to be extreme, but what failures have you had that you learned a lot from that you could share now of what some of those biggest learnings were and some of those takeaways. Whitney Kenter: Um, I think several of my failures, my biggest failures had to do with, um, I would say picking the wrong people and also not following the signs. Hmm. Like, and just trying to overcompensate or trying to um… Brett Gilliland: Deny. Whitney Kenter: Just deny what was really going on in service of what I really wanted to be going on. So I think that’s where kind of my, my personal transformation and my professional transformation paths, you know, finally collided was, you know, I had, I had made. Um, some terrible, not terrible. Some interesting decisions in my personal life and my professional life that I knew that were not in service of me necessarily, but I chose to see them through anyway. Yep. And it was getting out of those, that is where I really learned like, wow, those were pretty big mistakes. But the good thing is, is it’s actually what has made me who I am today, but also huge learnings from a Glowe perspective. Because I can identify, I can identify when people are not aligned really quickly, because I was that person for so long. And on the outside looking in, you know, or you look at my career on LinkedIn, or you look at all these things, you’re like, whoa. You know? Right. All these achievements, all these things and inside I was a shell of myself. I was not at all, you know, healthy as I am today, and was totally misaligned. And so it took getting out of, um, you know, having a personal divorce and a professional divorce and going through both of those processes, which, you know, were not fun from a process perspective in the legal system.  And they’re also not fun, you know, to understand what, how you contributed to, you know, staying too long and all the different things. Yeah. And so there’s just a massive amount of healing that had to go on in both sides. And I, I did my personal transformation that led to the per the professional trans. So they, they but… Brett Gilliland: It’s kinda the catalyst. Yeah. Whitney Kenter: It was definitely like, whoa, I had no idea that I was sacrificing so much of myself and that I had low self-worth. And you know, I tell people that and they’re like, what are you talking about? You look at all the things that you’ve done and I said, yeah but , it was coming all from a place of extremely low self-work. And so I was, I mean, talk about, you know, we talk about energy and, um, light and glowing, you know, my light had dimmed so much, but yet from the out, from the outside looking in, you would say, but you were super successful. Like, but at what cost? Yeah. Because I was, I just was not happy and I, and so it’s just so many things like that, that even though, yes, failures, I just feel, I love the phrase fail forward because I do feel like that really is my story. I mean, I failed forward so many times, and even parenting. You know, talk about failures. Oh my gosh. You know, I, I was a single mom when my kids were six, five, and three trying to figure out who I was, let alone my relationship with my kids and how to raise them. And so, you know, lots of failures, for sure. Brett Gilliland: Well I appreciate you sharing that and it definitely takes a lot of courage, right, to do that and to trust your gut. And, and uh, cuz we don’t wanna see those signs sometimes.  Whitney Kenter: Right? Exactly. And I’ve always told people, I’m like, you know, when people will say, Man, this decision or that decision seems like a major decision. Let’s take divorce for an example cuz that’s, it’s a major life decision. Yeah. And very, and it, it is courageous, but you have to make the decision about a million times because there’s so many times when you think well be so much easier if I waited until the kids were older, it’d be so much easier if I, I can handle this. So maybe I’ll just stay in. I mean and so even though it makes so much sense, like in my case it made great sense because I was in a terribly abusive marriage and like it just made all the sense in the world. But yet there was all these moments, you know, when I was by myself and the kids were in bed and I was like, what am I doing? Yeah. I don’t know how to do this alone, you know? And so you have to keep making that courageous decision moment to moment to moment. And it’s like a million yes’ over and over again that leads to that ultimate big decision to happen. So I don’t know.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, that’s interesting. It’s a good way to look at it. It makes me think too of the fears. I was asked this question of, I’d assume there was a lot of fears that were going through your mind and, and both those personal and professional patterns as you said. And, and so how many of the fears you put in your mind actually blew up to the magnitude you put ’em in your mind to be? Whitney Kenter: That is fascinating, um, question because. I have looked back on that and when I let the fear rule, it ended so much worse than if I just would’ve persevered on the path that I was on.  Brett Gilliland: So meaning, so, so, so peel that on your layer back meaning, so the fear was there. Whitney Kenter: Yes. The fear was there and I gave into the fear. Brett Gilliland: Okay.  Whitney Kenter: And I just, I was like, okay, yeah, I can’t do this. You’re right. Like I, I’m gonna have to, I’m gonna have to make another choice. And, and the, the, it’s, our brains are trying to actually keep us safe. And the brain’s interpretation of what is safe is like what, you know, what we know is more safe than the unknown. And so, and that’s where it took a lot of, I don’t know, a lot of different healing modalities and things to learn about how Okay. Fear is, is a data point. It’s, it’s my brain trying to protect me. But I need to kind of come back to myself and reali and, and assess like, do I really, am I gonna give into this? Or am I gonna just kind of move forward anyway? And so many moments where if I would’ve not let fear reign I would be in a different place.  Brett Gilliland: But do you think that fear reign and then it made you adjust and go a different route that maybe got you into a better spot or not?  Whitney Kenter: Um, I think I just learned, I think it was more what I’ve said and, and I’m writing this book too about the, about transformation and my own journey on this too, but I talk about how, how building a different relationship with fear is really what re what the result was. Because I had to go through all of these very fearful moments and learn from those so that I could figure out what is my relationship. And so now it’s almost kind of this, okay, when if fear comes up, it’s like, what? What do I need to be paying attention to? Brett Gilliland: What’s this telling me? Right.  Whitney Kenter: What am I missing? Yeah. What, what data can I learn from this so that I can then kind of come back to center and make a decision that’s not fear-based? Like use the fear as a data point and then move forward kind of from a place of calm. You know?  Brett Gilliland: So I’ve heard you say the words, calm and energy, and come back to center, which I assume means that we probably practice either yoga or meditation or something like that. So, uh, I’m very transparent on here that, that, that, uh, meditation changed my life from a standpoint of dealing with, uh, anxiety as a kid, as an adult, as a professional, and having to, you know, go speak on a stage somewhere. And I would get sick in the bathroom. You know, at the Four Seasons in St. Louis before you’d go on stage, whatever, right. And, but now I’ve had to take, to your point earlier, fear, um, I’ve had to take my anxiety and make it a friend. Yes. I have conversations with my anxiety. You know, a fair amount. So yeah. When you hear me say, share my vulnerabilities there, what comes to mind for you and, and what are the, the quote unquote tools that you have in your toolbox to help you through either fear or anxiety?  Whitney Kenter: Well, first of all, I love that and I love that you’re so transparent with your audience about that, because I do think there’s a lot. of learning to be had and, and using some of these practices. Whatever it is. Breath work, meditation, yoga. Um, part of my, the, one of the major parts of my journey, uh, to back to myself really was starting yoga and I started for the pure workout part of it. I didn’t know anything about it, I didn’t know what downward dog was. Like, I knew nothing. And I, I went because I was really drawn to the teacher. And I was drawn to the message and I was drawn to when they would be educating you on, you know, what happens on your mat and how that mirrors what goes on off the mat in your life and recognizing different patterns about yourself. And it was this completely, um, I don’t know, journey of self-awareness of going, oh my gosh, I do do that. I do leave Shavasana because I think I don’t have two minutes to let, to sit there. Or, you know, and kind of the same with meditation. You think, you know, early on as I was starting meditation, I was like, I can’t stop my brain. There’s no way I got too many things… Brett Gilliland: That’s tough. Whitney Kenter: And it’s hard. That’s, I guess, why they call it a practice, right? Because it, you know, you, you aren’t an expert at it. At least I wasn’t. Until many, many years doing it, and I’m still not an expert, but there’s so much to learn from that. And I think that, you know, we’ve been taught certain things from an academic or society or whatever, but nowhere in there, you know, have they said, learn about yourself, recognize your own patterns, recognize how you react or respond to things. And so there’s so much richness in learning about ourselves and then therefore how we interact with others , which, um, I think we could all learn from. So I love talking to other people that it doesn’t seem like that woowoo stuff, right? That, you know, people in California or, you know, other places talk about. Um, because I just think that it’s this incredible opportunity for us to learn about ourselves.  And, and especially if we can get to the place to realize that we are all connected, all of our actions impact each other. And I think that’s such a powerful force. , um, that we could be tapping into, especially right now, I think it would bring everybody a lot more joy and hopefully reduce some conflicts that exist out there. Brett Gilliland: Yes. I, I agree. And it’s funny, I, I share that usually at the end of my talk, my anxiety journey. And it’s funny cuz you know, when you’re up there on stage or you’re talking, people are like, to your point earlier, like what you were what? Yeah. Like you see your resume. Well, it’s funny because then usually after every time you speak there’s, you know, 3, 5, 10 people come to me. He is like, oh my god, of all the stuff you shared, thank you for sharing that. You know? And, and, I think we do have to be vulnerable and transparent and share those things out there, but it’s, for me, the breathing and the meditation part helped me. Like even if I’m in a big meeting or I’m something and I’m getting a little anxious or just because you can’t really explain why it comes in, it just does. As how you can breathe yourself through that. So for people that are listening, there’s a great, um, uh, new, uh, documentary on Netflix. I dunno if you’ve seen it or not, but it’s called. Well, it’s by Headspace. You’ve heard the app? Oh yeah. Headspace. So that’s where I actually started my journey with meditation was through Headspace. And now Andy Andy Puddicombe is on a documentary called Meditation or How to Learn Meditation, something like that. You’ll find it on there. It’s phenomenal for people are listening. Go check it out. So, um, if I follow you around Whitney, and I said, okay, every day I’m gonna see some things that happen. What are, what are the no miss items that I’m seeing consistently show up in your life?  Whitney Kenter: Um, for sure getting up and working out. Um… Brett Gilliland: What time do you get up?  Whitney Kenter: Around 5:15.  Brett Gilliland: Okay. Whitney Kenter: It’s been kind of a habit for a while now, and I just am so much more clear if I, whether it’s a run or yoga, whatever, doesn’t matter. I just, I notice a material difference if I don’t.  Brett Gilliland: It keeps your body moving. Whitney Kenter: Yeah. And even if it’s 30 minutes, if that’s all I have that day or something like that.  Brett Gilliland: And if I can interrupt, you said material difference. So I mean that, that’s a big word, right? Yes. Like you’re, you’re, you see it big time in your life. Whitney Kenter: Yes. Yeah. And now it’s so interesting because I used to have to cram in the workout in order to do all the things in the morning. And I’ve given myself so much more grace because my most creative time of day is in the morning. And so I can’t. I can’t not go on a run and get some huge idea or make some connection or solve something that has been rattling. And I don’t even do it intentionally, but running is very meditative for me. So that action while I’m, you know, just stepping on the pavement, it actually creates a meditative environment for me. Um, and so I get a lot of, I get a lot of things for our content or our clients or whatever when I run. And so it’s almost this, if I tell myself, oh, it’s too cold out, I’m not gonna go on my run today.  Brett Gilliland: Easy to do. Whitney Kenter: I know. Oh, it’s so easy, . Um, I automatically know my answer needs to be, I’m going to feel so much better if I just do that. And again, even if I only have a short amount of time. So that’s something I don’t sacrifice. And even, even when I, um, was a new single mom, I had this Sunday morning yoga practice that I never missed. Even if I had my kids, even if, whatever was going on. I had to make this practice work because it was both the teacher and the community. That was kind of my church, so to speak. It was, and so, um, so there’s been different, I guess, examples of that over time than, you know, some kind of either yoga or running that I just don’t miss. But for sure, that’s the one thing that I… Brett Gilliland: What else? Is there anything else that comes to mind? Whitney Kenter: Um, I think now I am doing a better job of not starting my days until after nine, like giving myself that easier morning, so that I can get either, I typically journal every day. Um, that’s usually just some kind of release.  Brett Gilliland: You probably agree considering you can see three journals sitting around my desk, right?  Whitney Kenter: Yeah, exactly. I have different ones for different things. Brett Gilliland: I have to do a shameless plug. This, I just created this, this is, uh, I just is on Amazon. This is like 20 years of my life coming together into, uh, one journal that now can be… Whitney Kenter: Oh amazing.  Brett Gilliland: …on Amazon. So I’m pretty pumped about that. So I’m not an author like you’re writing a book, but I’m, at least I’m a, I’m a ‘jauthor’, a journal author, or something. So yeah… Whitney Kenter: Journaling is super powerful.  Brett Gilliland: So what do you do during your journaling? How do you do it?  Whitney Kenter: Um, I usually just start with writing whatever is in my head because I wake up and I, I, I think I usually have something on my mind from a dream or , whatever. And so it’s nice to just kind of get it out. Um, and so I’ll just kind of, I don’t have a purpose to my journaling. Unless there’s something… Brett Gilliland: Just writing sentences in paragraph form kind of. Whitney Kenter: Sometimes I’ll draw something or I’m a very visual person. I like to draw things and so, um, uh, and sometimes, I mean, it’s kind of fascinating. I have stacks of journals too from over the years, and it is interesting to kind of randomly flip back through. And how many common themes, especially around.. Brett Gilliland: Still there. Whitney Kenter: Are still there! And sometimes it’s nice to be able to tap back into that and say, oh, this is not a new idea. You had this thought in 2018.  Brett Gilliland: I love it. I love it. So how do you, now, are you, are you good or not good at staying in the moment, would you say? Kinda enjoying that journey and staying in the moment?  Whitney Kenter: I think it’s, um, I think I’m super aware of presence. I, I try to, I think especially now, I’ve got one in college and two on the brink of college. I feel like that’s another reminder.  Brett Gilliland: It is, isn’t it? Yeah. Whitney Kenter: Presence, you know? And so I think, I think I try to be mindful. I don’t, I’m definitely not perfect with it at all, but what is perfect. And so, um, but I, I try to be really mindful, like if with, if I’m with a client, I’m with them. I’m not doing anything else. And because usually, you know, we’re there to hold that space and, and provide that safe space for us to be vulnerable and, you know, solve things differently. And so if I’m distracted by my phone, then I’m not really doing what we preach. So, and also trying to help model that for these leaders who are like, oh, I’ve got this device and this iPad and this thing open. It’s like, no.  Brett Gilliland: Yeah, let’s shut her down.  Whitney Kenter: We need to shut it all down.  Brett Gilliland: A piece of paper and an ink pen.  Whitney Kenter: Right? Exactly. Old school.  Brett Gilliland: Is there anything that you do in your day? Uh, assume there is. It’s why I’m asking the question, but there’s just no recollection of time. Like you, you have no idea. Cause some people are like, Is it noon yet so I can go to lunch? Is it five o’clock yet, so I can go home? I, I assume you’re like me, like that doesn’t really happen. You can just wake up like, oh wow, it’s that certain time. What is it that you’re doing where you have no idea what’s, what time even is? Whitney Kenter: Um, two things probably. One would be if I get some kind of ping or spark of inspiration and I just start writing about it. I don’t know if I’m writing for five minutes 30 minutes. It just kind of all just starts going, and then I look up and whatever time has passed, but it just feels like I go into some kind of vortex and . It’s just like I’m so focused, hyper-focused. Um, that, and I would say when I’m in, I guess I’ll loosely call this creation mode. Um, if I’m trying to solve something and I’m just kind of really deep in thought and I turn everything off and I kind of probably just look like I’m sitting and staring at a wall, but my mind… Brett Gilliland: Which is important to do by the way. Whitney Kenter: …is racing. Yeah. And so, and I did that yesterday actually. And it was something that I hadn’t quite figured out yet, and it was really bothering me. And I knew that it was something that I needed to get solved this week. And so, um, some space opened up on my calendar serendipitously, and I was alone in my office and I thought, all right, well, I don’t really know, and I have a huge whiteboard paint on my one wall in my office. And so I just sat there and it was, it was blank. And I sat there and I just thought, okay, I’m gonna grab a marker when it’s time, but I’m gonna wait and see what comes up and it was great. And I think about an hour and a half went by and it felt like nothing.  Brett Gilliland: It’s amazing.  Whitney Kenter: So yeah. Brett Gilliland: You can see my dry erase boards are my windows here.  Whitney Kenter: I love that. I love that.  Brett Gilliland: I don’t have much wall space, but um, but it’s funny you say that because I’m a big, big believer in telling people and, and trying to coach people to do this, but most don’t because they’re quote unquote busy. Right. And , I call it strategic think time. And so you see this black journal, there’s all those over there that are full. And so. Every Wednesday for an hour and a half, I have on my calendar. It’s just on repeat. And it’s been for probably, gosh, 15 years, and it’s the best hour and a half time. And most people, and I’ve done this before, is you will, you’ll schedule over it. Right? Right. Schedule over. But I think that time is, is critically important for us as leaders and as a parent, as a, as a spouse, whatever. Uh, to spend time thinking. And so, um, just wanna throw that out there. But, one of the final questions I have for you, I, I, I like this cuz they usually learn some fun things about people, but is if I stole your cell phone, besides, like if it’s email or Instagram or LinkedIn, whatever, is there anything on your phone that you would be like, oh my gosh, I hope he doesn’t delete that because I really, really use this to impact your life, impact others’ lives or just something you love to do? Whitney Kenter: Probably my notes app. Um, that’s where. I keep joking that my run times get slower and slower because I’m so often stopping to write something really fast. Or I get an idea about something and I have, I don’t even know how many notes at this point where it’s not even a fully baked, cohesive, piece or anything, but it’s, it’s the small reminder something and, and I’ve tried, oh, I’ll remember later. I’ll remember when I get home and I never do. Yeah. And so now I just stop in my track. So if I lost my notes app, that would be… Brett Gilliland: Would not be good. Whitney Kenter: …be devastating. I mean, it would just be, I mean, I would recreate it, I’m sure, but it would just be Wow. Cuz sometimes if I’m flipping back through. To, you know, we’ve got a weekly new newsletter that I put out every week. Sometimes I’m looking back on some of those little sparks of inspiration to say, oh, is that something that I wanna do? So, yeah, that would probably end my calendar. That’s probably because everything I I… Brett Gilliland: You run your life by your calendar. Yeah.  Whitney Kenter: Yes. I basically take all that extra stuff outta my brain so I don’t have to remember it, and I just put it all on my calendar, so that one would be really tough to recreate.  Brett Gilliland: Yes, yes. Well, Whitney, it’s been awesome having you on the Circuit of success. Where can our listeners find more of Glowe and find more and follow you?  Whitney Kenter: Yeah, so we’re on LinkedIn Glowe Connective. We’re, uh, our website is www dot glow with an e, g l o w e and it’s connective.com. (gloweconnective.com) Um, and I would love to connect with your listeners on LinkedIn personally as well. And we’re on Instagram too. LinkedIn primarily.  Brett Gilliland: Well, obviously you answer your own stuff cuz you’re sitting here today. Like, you know, less than a week since we sent the message, so it’s been awesome. But it’s been so great having you and thanks for sharing your story and uh, it’s very, very inspiring. So thanks for all you’re doing.  Whitney Kenter: Awesome. Thank you. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]