The Human Intimacy Podcast

Understanding Your Pain: How Childhood Experiences Shape Your Life and Relationships Episode Summary In this deeply honest and meaningful conversation, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels explore one of the most important—and often avoided—topics in healing: personal pain. Whether that pain feels overwhelming and present, or buried and difficult to access, it plays a powerful role in shaping how we think, feel, and connect with others. In this episode, we examine how early life experiences—especially Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)—can influence emotional health, physical well-being, and relationship patterns later in life. Dr. Skinner shares both clinical insights and personal experiences to illustrate how unresolved pain can remain stored in the body for years, quietly influencing behavior and perception. Together, we discuss why some experiences are difficult to recall, how trauma impacts the brain and nervous system, and why having a safe, supportive environment is essential for healing. This episode also offers hope. Through the concept of Benevolent Childhood Experiences (BCEs), we explore how even one positive, supportive relationship can shift outcomes and foster resilience. Healing is possible—and it often begins with awareness, compassion, and a willingness to gently explore your story. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure why certain patterns keep repeating, this episode is an invitation to better understand yourself—and to take the next step toward healing. 🔗 Resources Mentioned Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Assessment A 10-item framework for understanding early life adversity and its long-term impact. Benevolent Childhood Experiences (BCEs) A complementary framework highlighting the protective power of positive early relationships. The Deepest Well by Nadine Burke Harris Explores how childhood adversity impacts lifelong health and how healing is possible. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk A foundational resource on how trauma is stored in the body and approaches to healing. Trauma-Informed Modalities Mentioned EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Somatic-based approaches to trauma recovery Continue the Conversation If this topic resonates with you, we invite you to explore more through the Human Intimacy community: Watch sessions from our recent conference: Human Intimacy Conference (Past Event Highlights & Resources) Learn more about courses, assessments, and tools for healing and connection: HumanIntimacy.com 💬 Closing Invitation Your story matters. And while it may feel difficult to look at the past, understanding your experiences can become one of the most powerful steps toward freedom, healing, and deeper connection. If you feel overwhelmed, we encourage you to seek support from a qualified professional. You don’t have to do this work alone.

Grieving the Unseen Loss: Understanding Grief After Betrayal Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis reflect on the powerful insights emerging from the 2026 Human Intimacy Conference, with a particular focus on grief following sexual betrayal. While much of the field has emphasized trauma and post-traumatic stress, this conversation highlights a critical gap: the profound and often unaddressed grief experienced by both betrayed and betraying partners. Drawing from early data on the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale, MaryAnn shares a striking finding—the most significant loss reported is not just the relationship, but the loss of self, including identity, trust in oneself, and a coherent sense of reality. The discussion explores how betrayal creates a “collapsed self,” alters one’s perception of a partner, and leads to ongoing grief that can persist for decades. The episode introduces emerging frameworks for understanding betrayal-related grief, including stages of emotional shock, internal conflict, withdrawal, rage, and eventual reclamation. Dr. Skinner and Marianne emphasize that grief is not a single event but a long-term process, often unfolding over years as individuals grieve not only what happened, but what could have been. A key theme is the importance of giving grief a voice in safe relationships. Healing is accelerated when individuals are witnessed, validated, and supported—whether by a partner, therapist, or trusted connection. Without this, grief often becomes prolonged and isolating. The conversation also raises important clinical and societal implications, including the need for better training, expanded research, and more effective support systems—particularly in faith communities, where many individuals report feeling misunderstood or unsupported. Ultimately, this episode reframes betrayal recovery by integrating grief as a central component of healing, calling for a more compassionate, relational, and research-informed approach to addressing the deep emotional losses that accompany betrayal. Click here to take the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale References (Note: These are foundational and aligned with concepts discussed in the episode—ideal for podcast notes and future academic integration.) Jennifer J. Freyd (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press. Judith Herman (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books. Susan Anderson (2010). The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. Berkley Books. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving. Scribner. William Worden (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. Springer Publishing. Bessel van der Kolk (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking. Stephen W. Porges (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. Norton. John Bowlby (1980). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 3 – Loss. Basic Books. Pauline Boss (1999). Ambiguous Loss. Harvard University Press. Kenneth J. Doka (1989). Disenfranchised Grief. Lexington Books.  

When Recovery Means Different Things to Each Partner Summary: One of the most difficult aspects of healing after betrayal is that both partners may believe they are working toward recovery, yet they may have very different ideas about what healing actually looks like. In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner is joined by MaryAnn Michaels and Geoff Steurer to explore why couples often struggle to align their expectations during the recovery process. While both partners may want the relationship to improve, the impact of betrayal trauma, personal histories, and emotional needs can create very different timelines and definitions of what recovery means. The conversation explores the early stages of recovery, when many couples are simply trying to stabilize after the shock of discovery. Dr. Skinner, MaryAnn, and Geoff discuss why healing is rarely a straight path and how grief, emotional processing, and honest conversations play an essential role in rebuilding trust. They also explore a common challenge in recovery: when one partner feels they are doing everything they can to repair the relationship, yet the other partner still does not feel safe or connected. Rather than focusing on checklists or expectations, the discussion emphasizes the importance of curiosity, deep listening, and emotional presence. Another important topic addressed is the difference in timing when couples begin considering physical or sexual reconnection. Geoff shares insights from his work with couples and introduces the concept of “Not Yet,” highlighting the importance of patience, safety, and open dialogue when partners are not emotionally ready at the same time. Ultimately, healing after betrayal requires more than stopping harmful behaviors. It involves rebuilding emotional safety, learning to communicate vulnerably, and continually checking in with each other as the relationship evolves. As the conversation highlights, recovery is not a single event but an ongoing process of deeper understanding, connection, and growth. Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Geoff Steurer – From Crisis to Connection Podcast Geoff Steurer – Courageous Together Couples Program Dr. Kevin Skinner – Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery Dr. Sue Johnson – Love Sense John Gottman – Love Maps Brené Brown – Research and teachings on vulnerability, safety, and self-trust Human Intimacy Conference Geoff Steurer will be presenting at the 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference, held March 13–14, 2026, where he will speak on the topic “Not Yet,” focusing on how couples can thoughtfully and safely navigate sexual reconnection after betrayal. To learn more or register for the conference, visit: bit.ly/humanintimacy Use the Coupon Code: 30off New Sponsorship If you or someone you love is looking for a place to begin the healing journey, you can learn more at BeginAgainInstitute.com. We’re grateful to Begin Again Institute for supporting the Human Intimacy Podcast.  

Empathy Overload: Why Feeling Too Much Can Hurt Your Relationship (And How Compassion Heals It) 📝 Episode Summary In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn explore a surprising truth: empathy—while essential—can sometimes be the very thing that keeps couples stuck. Drawing on research from Stephen Porges and insights from polyvagal theory, Dr. Skinner explains how empathy activates the autonomic nervous system—often triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses. When empathy becomes overwhelming, it can lead to shutdown, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal—what we call empathy overload. Many partners interpret this reaction as, “You don’t care.” But what if the real issue isn’t a lack of empathy… but an overwhelmed nervous system? In this episode, you’ll learn: The critical difference between empathy and compassion Why empathy can activate fight-or-flight responses How unresolved personal experiences intensify emotional overload Why some partners look away or shut down during intense conversations How compassion allows you to stay present without losing yourself A live role-play demonstrating healthy regulation in conflict Practical ways to build emotional capacity and expand your “window of tolerance” (inspired by Daniel Siegel) How this framework applies specifically to betrayal recovery Dr. Skinner also previews a groundbreaking autonomic-based assessment he will introduce at the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference, designed to help couples identify their fight, flight, and freeze patterns during emotionally charged moments. If you’ve ever said—or heard—“My partner has no empathy,” this episode may completely shift your perspective. 🔑 Key Takeaways Empathy is instinctive and automatic—but it can overwhelm the nervous system. Compassion requires regulation—it allows you to be with someone without being consumed. Emotional regulation is a learned skill. Many relational conflicts stem from misinterpreting autonomic responses. Healing requires both partners to strengthen emotional capacity—not just emotional intensity. 📚 Resources Mentioned Research & Frameworks Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory Daniel Siegel – Window of Tolerance Brené Brown – Empathy vs. Sympathy animation Literary Reference To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Human Intimacy Resources 🎥 Watch on YouTube: youtube.com/@human-intimacy 🌐 HumanIntimacy.com 🧠 Intimacy Repair Method (IRM) Assessment – Coming Soon 🎤 Human Intimacy Conference 💬 Reflection Questions for Listeners When my partner is emotional, what happens in my body? Do I tend to fight, flee, or freeze during intense conversations? Am I confusing empathy overload with lack of caring? What would compassion look like in my relationship this week? If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who may be struggling in their relationship—and join us next week as we continue exploring the science and skills behind deeper human connection. — Human Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Kevin Skinner & MaryAnn

When Couples Feel Stuck: Breaking the Patterns That Keep You From Healing What do you do when you’ve tried everything—therapy, groups, individual work—and you still feel stuck? In this powerful conversation, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Maryanne Michaelis, LCSW, explore why couples get trapped in the same relational patterns and, more importantly, how those patterns can change. This episode speaks directly to couples who feel hopeless, exhausted, or unsure whether real progress is possible. You’ll learn why feeling stuck is often a signal—not of failure—but of unexamined patterns, unspoken fears, missing structure, or hidden truths. 🔑 In This Episode, We Discuss: Why couples repeat the same conflict “dance” The difference between individual progress and coupleship healing How secrets vs. structure (Patrick Carnes) keep relationships stuck Readiness for vulnerability and why partners move at different paces Letting go of expectations that damage repair The role of emotional regulation in rebuilding connection Why validation—not fixing—is the pathway forward How authentic conversations create real movement in recovery ❤️ For Betrayed Partners: We validate the fear, grief, anger, and confusion that can make trust feel impossible—and why not being “ready” is an honest and healthy place to start. 🔥 For the Partner in Recovery: You’ll learn how pressure, defensiveness, and relapse cycles block progress—and how structure, consistency, and compassion create safety. 🎟️ Join Us at the 2026 Human Intimacy Conference March 13–14, 2026 (Live + Recordings Included) Featuring: Michelle Mays • Dr. Dave Robinson • Dr. Alex Theobald • Dr. Hal Stewart • Dr. Karen Strange • Dan Oaks • Maryanne Michaelis • Dr. Kevin Skinner & more 👉 Get 30% off through the end of February Use code: 30OFF Register: https://bit.ly/HumanIntimacy ❓ FREE Live Q&A – February 26 With Dr. Kevin Skinner, Maryanne Michaelis, Michelle Mays & Darrell Brazell Bring your questions about healing, recovery, and relationship repair. 🔗 Link for Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner ▶️ Explore Our Resources 🔹 New YouTube Channel: youtube.com/@human-intimacy 🔹 Our Three Podcasts: Human Intimacy Podcast – Couples & relational healing RISE: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal – For betrayed partners Reclaim – Recovery from unwanted sexual behaviors 💬 We Want to Hear From You Have a topic or question you’d like us to address? 📩 info@humanintimacy.com Our Mission To provide research-based, trauma-informed resources that help individuals and couples heal, rebuild trust, and create deeper connection. If this episode helped you, please: 👍 Like 🔔 Subscribe 📤 Share with someone who needs hope in their relationship

  Understanding Sexual Intimacy: Self-Awareness, Healing, and Connection in the Intimacy Triangle (Part 2) Episode Summary In this concluding conversation on the Intimacy Triangle, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the most complex and often misunderstood dimension of intimacy—sexual intimacy. Together, they examine how personal history, trauma, shame, cultural messaging, betrayal, and biology shape the way individuals and couples experience sexuality. The discussion begins with a powerful question: “Who am I as a sexual being?” From there, they unpack the importance of self-awareness, emotional safety, and honest communication as the foundation for a healthy sexual relationship. Listeners will learn: Why many people feel confused, anxious, or avoidant around sexuality How early experiences, body shame, pornography, and betrayal trauma impact sexual connection The biological differences in male and female arousal and desire cycles How resentment, unresolved relational ruptures, and fear block intimacy Why obligation and pressure damage sexual bonding How vulnerability and attachment create deeper connection than performance The role of boundaries (“bridling passion”) in creating safe and meaningful sexual expression Dr. Skinner also outlines practical steps toward healthy sexual intimacy, including developing self-awareness, turning toward your partner with honesty, addressing past ruptures, and learning to negotiate desire in a non-threatening way. This episode reframes sexuality not as a source of shame or conflict, but as a bonding experience that can be joyful, healing, and deeply connecting when approached with compassion, safety, and understanding. The episode also includes: An invitation to participate in a grief and betrayal survey for the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference Details about the Seven Pillars of the Intimacy Repair Method training Access to the Human Intimacy YouTube channel Key Themes & Concepts Sexual self-awareness Celebration vs. shame of sexuality Attachment and “turning toward” your partner Bridling passion through boundaries Threat vs. desire systems in the brain Porn-induced sexual dysfunction and body shame Obligation vs. authentic sexual connection Repairing sexual ruptures through timeline work Presence and attunement after betrayal Negotiating desire differences with respect Resources & References Mentioned Human Intimacy & Conference 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14) Tracks: Betrayal Trauma Unwanted Sexual Behaviors Couple Healing Dr. Skinner’s training: The Seven Pillars of the Intimacy Repair Method MaryAnn Michaelis’ presentation: Grief After Betrayal Pre-conference Grief & Betrayal Survey (listener participation) Human Intimacy Platforms Human Intimacy YouTube Channel → youtube.com/@humanintimacy Contact: info@humanintimacy.com Models & Frameworks The Intimacy Triangle The Intimacy Repair Method Sexual history timeline in couple healing Zeigarnik Effect (unresolved relational ruptures) Research & Clinical Voices Dr. John Gottman – The Science of Trust (physiological and relational cycles) Dr. Pat Love – Hot Monogamy (desire differences and adaptation) Dr. Sue Johnson – Attachment & “turning toward” Clinical & Psychoeducational Concepts Attachment bonding and vulnerability Threat vs. arousal systems in female sexuality Testosterone and male sexual rhythms Porn-induced erectile dysfunction Body shame and betrayal trauma Obligation vs. authentic consent and presence Action Steps for Listeners (derived from the episode) Develop sexual self-awareness Practice honesty with yourself first Learn to communicate desire without pressure or shame Address past relational ruptures that still carry emotional scar tissue Turn toward your partner in vulnerability and curiosity Create boundaries that make sexuality safe and meaningful Closing Takeaway Healthy sexual intimacy is not about performance, frequency, or obligation—it is about safety, presence, attachment, and mutual understanding. When couples learn to replace fear and shame with compassion and honesty, sexuality becomes a powerful pathway to healing and connection.

Summary In this milestone episode celebrating two years of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most meaningful — and often misunderstood — dimensions of connection: physical and sexual intimacy. Many relationships struggle in this area, especially when trust has been disrupted or when couples have never learned how to build intimacy from a strong psychological and emotional foundation. Rather than viewing sexuality as the starting point of connection, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn explain why healthy relationships are built from the ground up — with safety, communication, emotional closeness, and trust forming the base. Listeners will learn why touch is a core human need across the lifespan, how the body responds to healthy connection, and why confusion often arises when partners attach different meanings to physical contact. The conversation also addresses the impact of betrayal, trauma, body image concerns, sensory sensitivity, and internalized shame — all of which can influence how safe or unsafe touch feels. Dr. Skinner introduces the concept of discovering your resistance, inviting listeners to notice what happens internally when they experience or anticipate physical touch. Is there comfort? Anxiety? Fear? Longing? Awareness is the first step toward rebuilding intimacy. The episode also emphasizes the importance of consent, compassionate communication, and pacing. For many couples, healing may begin by temporarily removing sexual expectations and returning to simple, non-sexual forms of connection such as holding hands, hugging, or sitting close together. When emotional, psychological, and relational intimacy are strengthened, sexual intimacy becomes less confusing and more connecting — allowing couples to experience the bonding power of vulnerability, presence, and trust. Whether you are rebuilding after betrayal or simply seeking a deeper connection, this episode offers a thoughtful roadmap toward creating safety in touch and rediscovering the beauty of being fully seen, accepted, and loved. Resources Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026) Join Dr. Kevin Skinner, MaryAnn Michaelis, and leading experts for two days of live teaching focused on healing from betrayal and strengthening relationships. Register at: bit.ly/humanintimacy Use coupon code 30OFF for a discount. Human Intimacy YouTube Channel Watch full podcast episodes and access additional relationship resources: youtube.com/@human-intimacy Related Episodes Episode 22: Exploring Sexuality — Navigating the Line Between Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviors Episode 65: Consent, Communication, and the Core of Intimacy Books & Educational Resources Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal — Dr. Kevin Skinner The Intimacy Pyramid & Seven Types of Intimacy teachings HumanIntimacy.com for courses, assessments, and relationship tools

Spiritual Intimacy: Being Seen, Sharing Meaning, and Deepening Connection In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the often-misunderstood concept of spiritual intimacy. Moving beyond narrow definitions of religion, they discuss spirituality as a deeply human experience—how we make meaning, experience stillness, share vulnerability, and feel connected to something greater than ourselves. Through personal stories, cross-cultural insights, and reflections on nature, trauma, loss, healing, and disclosure, this conversation highlights how spiritual intimacy can exist in marriages, families, friendships, and even therapeutic spaces. The episode also addresses spiritual wounding, attachment injuries related to faith, and how creating safety allows partners to share their deepest beliefs, doubts, and experiences. Ultimately, this discussion invites listeners to slow down, reflect on their own spiritual story, and consider how allowing themselves to be fully seen—without judgment—can lead to profound bonding and connection. 📚 Resources Mentioned Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand The Betrayal Bond – Patrick Carnes The Art of Confession – Exploring confession and disclosure across spiritual traditions Mindful eye-contact meditation for couples (used in intensives) Impact Letters, Disclosure, and Emotional Restitution as sacred relational moments Reflective exercise: Writing your personal spiritual narrative 📅 Upcoming Event: Human Intimacy Conference Join Dr. Kevin Skinner and leading experts for the Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference, focused on healing from sexual betrayal, trauma recovery, and rebuilding connection in relationships. 🗓 Dates: March 13–14 🌐 Register here: 👉 https://bit.ly/humanintimacy 💸 Coupon Code: 30off Use this code at checkout to receive 30% off your registration.  

Creative & Intellectual Intimacy: Growing, Playing, and Building Meaning Together Episode Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore creative and intellectual intimacy—two often overlooked but deeply powerful ways couples build connection, trust, and shared meaning. Rather than viewing intimacy as a checklist or a linear process, they describe it as a living, dynamic experience—one that ebbs and flows through shared ideas, curiosity, problem-solving, creativity, play, and growth. Through personal stories—reading books aloud early in marriage, building businesses, learning to dance, creating art, and dreaming about the future—they illustrate how couples grow closer when they think, create, and imagine together. The conversation also highlights how intellectual intimacy becomes a meaningful trust-builder, especially after betrayal, when partners begin sharing what they are learning, how they are changing, and what is happening in their inner world. When paired with creativity—planning, building, playing, or envisioning something together—these forms of intimacy foster bonding, growth, and renewed joy in the relationship. Listeners are invited to reflect on a simple but transformative question: Are we growing together—or have we stopped creating and learning side by side? For those who want to deepen these conversations and continue growing together, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to the Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14). The conference brings together leading voices in healing, intimacy repair, grief, sexual reintegration, and relationship growth—and offers couples a powerful opportunity to learn together, reflect together, and strengthen both intellectual and creative intimacy. 🎟 Register here and receive 40% off for a limited time: 👉 Coupon Code: 40off https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/    

Verbal & Emotional Intimacy: Using Your Voice to Create Deeper Connection Episode Summary In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and Maryanne Michaelis continue their exploration of intimacy by focusing on verbal and emotional intimacy. They discuss how curiosity, vulnerability, and emotional expression create deeper connection—while assumptions, fear, and unspoken emotions quietly erode it. Through personal stories, clinical insight, and practical examples, they show how verbal intimacy often opens the door to emotional intimacy—and how safe, intentional communication strengthens relationships with partners, children, and community. The episode also addresses why intimacy can feel unsafe after trauma or betrayal and how to begin rebuilding connection in healthy, realistic ways. Key Topics Covered The connection between verbal intimacy and emotional intimacy Why curiosity (“Tell me more”) deepens connection How assumptions block intimacy—even in long-term relationships Using “I feel” statements instead of blame or shame Emotional safety, boundaries, and timing in disclosure The role of community in helping people find words after trauma Applying intimacy skills in parenting and everyday relationships Understanding inner circles of trust and emotional access Notable Concepts Referenced Psychological safety as the foundation for intimacy Mirror neurons and emotional attunement Self-disclosure vs. emotional flooding Differentiation in relationships Trauma-informed communication The healing power of shared experience and community 🌟 Upcoming Event: Second Annual Human Intimacy Conference The themes discussed in this episode—connection, vulnerability, emotional safety, and repair—will be explored in depth at the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference. 📅 March 13–14 📍 Online | Mountain Time This two-day conference is designed for individuals and couples seeking healing and deeper connection after betrayal. It includes: Separate individual and couples tracks Live and recorded expert presentations Trauma-informed yoga sessions On-demand access to all recordings Bonus access to last year’s full conference recordings 🎟️ Special Discount: Use coupon code 40OFF to receive 40% off registration (Valid through the end of January) 🔗 Register here: https://humanintimacy.zohobackstage.com/HumanIntimacy2ndAnnualConference#/ Listener Reflection Questions Who in my life feels safe enough for deeper verbal and emotional intimacy? Where do I assume instead of asking curious, open questions? What emotions have I been holding inside that may need safe expression? Closing Thought Verbal and emotional intimacy grow when we show up, stay curious, and speak honestly—without blame or assumption. Intimacy isn’t about perfect words; it’s about presence, safety, and the courage to be seen.