When Recovery Means Different Things to Each Partner (Episode #109)

When Recovery Means

Different Things to Each Partner

Summary:

One of the most difficult aspects of healing after betrayal is that both partners may believe they are working toward recovery, yet they may have very different ideas about what healing actually looks like.

In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner is joined by MaryAnn Michaels and Geoff Steurer to explore why couples often struggle to align their expectations during the recovery process. While both partners may want the relationship to improve, the impact of betrayal trauma, personal histories, and emotional needs can create very different timelines and definitions of what recovery means.

The conversation explores the early stages of recovery, when many couples are simply trying to stabilize after the shock of discovery. Dr. Skinner, MaryAnn, and Geoff discuss why healing is rarely a straight path and how grief, emotional processing, and honest conversations play an essential role in rebuilding trust.

They also explore a common challenge in recovery: when one partner feels they are doing everything they can to repair the relationship, yet the other partner still does not feel safe or connected. Rather than focusing on checklists or expectations, the discussion emphasizes the importance of curiosity, deep listening, and emotional presence.

Another important topic addressed is the difference in timing when couples begin considering physical or sexual reconnection. Geoff shares insights from his work with couples and introduces the concept of “Not Yet,” highlighting the importance of patience, safety, and open dialogue when partners are not emotionally ready at the same time.

Ultimately, healing after betrayal requires more than stopping harmful behaviors. It involves rebuilding emotional safety, learning to communicate vulnerably, and continually checking in with each other as the relationship evolves. As the conversation highlights, recovery is not a single event but an ongoing process of deeper understanding, connection, and growth.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Geoff Steurer – From Crisis to Connection Podcast
Geoff Steurer – Courageous Together Couples Program

Dr. Kevin Skinner – Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery

Dr. Sue Johnson – Love Sense

John Gottman – Love Maps

Brené Brown – Research and teachings on vulnerability, safety, and self-trust

Human Intimacy Conference

Geoff Steurer will be presenting at the 2nd Annual Human Intimacy Conference, held March 13–14, 2026, where he will speak on the topic “Not Yet,” focusing on how couples can thoughtfully and safely navigate sexual reconnection after betrayal.

To learn more or register for the conference, visit:
bit.ly/humanintimacy

Use the Coupon Code: 30off

New Sponsorship

If you or someone you love is looking for a place to begin the healing journey, you can learn more at BeginAgainInstitute.com.

We’re grateful to Begin Again Institute for supporting the Human Intimacy Podcast.