ART of Feminine NEGOTIATION

In this episode, Cindy discusses: What the acronym F.E.A.R. stands for and how it affects negotiation. How our confidence changes our approach in negotiation. Most popular fear factors and why you want to avoid them in bargaining. Limiting beliefs that can hold you back from your limitless future. Key Takeaways: The words we say are only a small part of our communications and bargaining. Fear drops your energy and your ability to maintain clarity. Underachievers and overachievers alike often have a fear of failure. When you can name your fear you can fight it, or you can use it to fuel you. "Fear will tank your confidence, which, in turn, will tank your credibility and persuasiveness." — Cindy Watson Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast-2/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT Email: cindy@womenonpurpose.ca

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Holding up your beliefs, examining them, and questioning them. The quality of assertiveness. The key traits identified as making a great negotiator. Social conditioning and women of all ages. Key Takeaways: There is more to being a negotiator than just assertiveness including: rapport building, empathy, flexibility, intuition, and trustworthiness. Five out of six of the key skills identified as marking great negotiators are traits that most would consider feminine. Feminine considered skills, such as the concept of women's intuition, can be really important to build trust in a negotiation. Women tend to hold themselves back more than men. This is why it is so important to work on your own mindset. "Assertiveness does not equal aggressiveness. Assertiveness comes from confidence; confidence comes from knowledge; knowledge comes from preparation. In fact, 45% of your success in a negotiation will come from your preparation." — Cindy Watson Click here to order your Purpose Planner a planner designed by women, for women. CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com

In this episode, Cindy discusses: How should I react to the Coronavirus? What you resist persists What if the consequences of giving into the fear are greater than the consequences of the virus? What's a small way you can choose to serve? Key Takeaways: Acknowledge what you are feeling, and then choose to focus on hope and possibility Negotiate your mindset. Choose to reach for a better reality chose to pull together to serve each other from a mindset of abundance and generosity It's impossible to stay in a state of fear, anger, resentment, etc. While in a state of gratitude "We've endured much worse in our human experience. And through our worst moments in human history, we've survived by coming together, embracing our fundamental humanity choosing to see gifts in the face of extreme adversity and sharing that light with others. " — Cindy Watson CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT Email: cindy@womenonpurpose.ca Make an appointment with Cindy: https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to this bonus episode of The Art of feminine negotiation boardroom to the bedroom. I felt compelled to share this with you given the current panic around the corona virus pandemic and these are just my thoughts on how to negotiate the coronavirus for yourself. Maybe give you a little extra comfort, or at least a different perspective. These are tough times for all of us. let me acknowledge that right out of the gate. You've no doubt felt any combination of fear, disappointment, grief, chaos, angsty, maybe even rage over the last few weeks in the wake of the corona virus pandemic. And that's okay. We all have. It's important to acknowledge that and to give voice to it. It's valuable to band together as a community and be able to share without fear of judgment. Give yourself and others permission to feel whatever feelings arise. And I also invite you to make a decision not to stay there. Acknowledge these feelings, by all means, then choose to focus on hope, possibility, the power and resilience of humanity, acts of service and generosity. Those of you who know me know I believe that all of life is a negotiation, and that the most important negotiation to start with is the one with yourself. So in this challenging time, I invite you to negotiate your mindset. I invite you to choose not to stay in a place of single-minded focus on the virus. What you resist persists. Where your focus goes, energy flows, your thoughts and the meaning you give them create your reality. Why not choose to reach for a better reality? Are you scrambling to find safety in the face of uncertainty? Sure, you're not alone, we're all feeling our way through mounds of information inundating us, some accurate, much not. And as you're bombarded with news around the world and around the clock, it can seem like the crisis is consuming you. The situation seems to be changing so rapidly like walking on quicksand. You're looking for solid ground, I get it. I invite you to consider- what if the way to solid ground is to push past the fear chaos and thanks? What if the consequences of giving into the fear are greater than the consequences of the virus? Something to think about. What if the only way forward is to focus on possibility over problems? Now, I'm not talking about putting your head in the sand. I'm not talking about some Pollyanna pie in the sky avoidance tactic. I get that the impact on the economy is significant. And people are losing their jobs and fearful for their loved ones and feeling isolated and alone in all of this. But what if, instead of retreating in self-preservation mode, we chose to pull together to serve each other from a mindset of abundance and generosity? What if we embodied the best of our humanity? What if instead of hoarding toilet paper, we dropped off rolls to our neighbors? You know, my husband has a portable toilet rental business, and he's offered to drop off rolls of toilet paper to anyone in need. Even though his own supplier is currently sold out, he chooses to believe, to give to serve, even in that small way. What's a small step you can take to serve? I invite you to ask yourself that question. We can control external circumstances. We certainly can't as individuals control the coronavirus. We can control how we choose to react. And it is a choice. Challenges provide opportunities, opportunities to be our best self, to lead to support those in need more than us to care for and about each other. You know, we've endured much worse in our human experience. And through our worst moments in human history, we've survived by coming together, embracing our fundamental humanity, choosing to see gifts in the face of extreme adversity and sharing that light with others. I heard a beautiful quote today and It's worth sharing. I can't find the source. But here's the quote, between stimulus and response there is space, in that space is our power to choose our response in our response lies, our growth and our freedom. I love that it really resonated with me. So let's take the corona virus pandemic is your current stimulus, you have the space to choose how you'll respond. And there's power in that space, your growth and ultimately your freedom lives in that space and the choices you make there. remind yourself of the things you can be grateful for now, in this moment, breathe that in. Let yourself come to a grounded place. Share from that place from a place of connectedness, peace, optimism, love and light. Feel the freedom in that. Maybe we need to flip our story to ask better questions, instead of "Why is this happening?" or "What's gonna happen to me and my family?" We could ask how can I best show up and step up? Who can I serve? what lessons can I learn and share? What opportunities are waiting for me to discover them? And how can I be even more healthy? Can you feel the difference in that? As you juggle the stressors of kids home from school or your work shut down, or not risk a loved one, or cancel travel plans or entertainment or whatever your current blade in the gut is, take a moment to identify where you feel it, find it in your body. at first blush, it might seem like it's all encompassing or generalized. But if you let yourself focus, you'll be able to hone in on a particular spot in your body where you feel the eggs most intensely. Maybe your gut, or solar plexus, or throat or chest or temple or somewhere else for you. When you find it, focus on it. focus on making it smaller. visualize it shrinking down and imagine sending it away, watching it received far into the distance until it's a tiny speck that disappears. Now breathe deeply in for a count of four. Hold for four, out for a count of four. And while you're breathing focus on something you're grateful for. It's impossible to stay in a state of fear, anger, resentment, etc. While in a state of gratitude. Remind yourself preferably out loud, but in your head if circumstances don't allow otherwise, you are totally responsible for your reactions. And why not choose to react with grace? The beauty of this mindset shift is that it's never too late to adopt it. No need to beat yourself up. If you haven't been showing up as your best self. You're not alone. We have to love our perfect imperfection as humans. To show grace and compassion to others, we need to first be able to show it to ourselves. So if you've been scared or angry, that's okay. As per that quote above that I shared if this post is a stimulus, you now have the gift of a space before you respond. Your growth and freedom lies in that response. And the beauty is that the choice is all yours. So whatever you decide, know that I am sending you love and light in these difficult times. And I hope you choose to share a message of love, and light as well in whatever way resonates with you. I expect this episode may trigger some pushback, share your thoughts. Heck Better yet, share the episode with your friends, spread the word, get people talking about it. If you got some value from this episode, or if it got you thinking, make sure to subscribe to the show if you haven't yet. And feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. That's a wrap for this episode. And until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve, from the boardroom to the bedroom.

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Where the fear of rejection, of getting a "no" comes from and how it affects us as adults. Shifting your mindset to embracing the "no." Stretching your boundaries and moving outside of your comfort zone. Going for the "no" and using that as momentum in your tasks. Key Takeaways: Only through persistence and "failures" can we find success. "Sticks and stones can break my bones but no can never hurt me." If you do the thing you fear, the fear will go away. The fear of the unknown can be a powerful inhibitor. Going for a "no" answer is liberating! There is no wasted energy, wasted time, or wasted chances. "As kids, we seemed less afraid of the word no, less afraid of failure. As kids, we got the message that if we were persistent enough, we'd get what we want. But somewhere along the line that got beaten out of us and we became afraid of rejection of those nos. Turns out that perhaps our instincts as kids were better on this front." — Cindy Watson Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com Full Transcript below: Overcoming Fear of Negotiation by Going For the 'No' What do I mean by that? Well before we get there, Do you break out in a sweat at the idea of having to negotiate on your own behalf for something you really want? If so, you're not alone. Lots of people do … and women especially. Why is that? If you stress about negotiating, why the resistance? What holds you back from being the incredibly effective negotiator you could be? I'm going to go out on a limb and posit that one factor holding you back is likely your fear of rejection … of getting a 'no'. Where does that come from? What happened to our childhood ability to pester the heck out of our parents to get what we want? Remember those days? As kids, we seemed less afraid of the word 'no'. Less afraid of failure. As kids, we got the message that if we were persistent enough, we'd get what we want. But somewhere along the line that got beaten out of us and we became afraid of rejection, of those 'no's'. It turns out that perhaps our instincts as kids were better on this front. Let's explore the concept of failure for a moment. Thomas Edison 'failed' (let me put that word failed in air quotes) at creating the light bulb countless times before succeeding. In fact, it was only through those so-called failures, and his persistence and willingness to fail that he achieved success. Is he known for the purported failures? No. He's lauded as a genius. Similarly, Abraham Lincoln purportedly failed twice in business and lost 8 out of 10 elections before becoming President of the United States. Do people remember Lincoln for those failures? No. He's credited with abolishing slavery and considered by many to be one of … if not 'the' most influential U.S President in history. What if women suffragists had given up fighting for the right to vote after being told 'no'? What if abolitionists like Harriet Tubman and the countless other brave women and men who fought against slavery had given up when told 'no'? You get the idea. What if your fear of failure, of rejection, of hearing the word 'no' is the very thing standing between you and your best self? Between you and your kick-ass negotiator? Between you and getting what you deserve – from the boardroom to the bedroom? Maybe what you need is a simple mindset shift. I invite you to take one of your age-old childhood adages and modify it to fit your needs today? Try on "sticks and stones may break my bones but 'no' can never hurt me". Recognize that your failures are the bricks on the pathway to success. In fact, the only way to success is typically through failure. It's through your failures that you learn, improve, grow and ultimately succeed. Maybe you just need to be willing to fail better. If you accept that fear of hearing 'no' is a factor contributing to your resistance to embracing negotiation, and we know that the best way to desensitize ourselves to the word is to get used to it, then how might we achieve that? How might you experience it so often that it loses its power over you? It's said that if you do the thing you fear, the fear will go away. I'm not sure that's always accurate. I bungy-jumped 4X – forward, backward, elevator (feet first) and tandem (with a buddy) and I can't say the fear disappeared. But I did it. It got easier. If that's the case, it makes imminent sense that you take active steps to numb yourself to the word 'no'. Each time I jumped, I got a little more numb to the abject terror of standing on the edge of the bridge and seeing the jagged rocks, too close, below. Surely, if we can get numb to that, we can handle getting used to that little two-letter word: 'no'. Because at the very least, the element of 'unknown' disappears, and fear of the unknown can be a powerful inhibitor. No doubt exposing yourself to receiving more 'no's in your life requires you to get outside your comfort zone. I was reminded of the limiting effects of comfort zones on a beach recently when I became entranced watching a hermit crab by my chair. It would pop up from its hole in the sand and skitter a few inches to the side, then stop. But as soon as each wave started toward shore the hermit crab scurried back to cower in its bunker, even though the waves never once came up to its hiding spot – not even close. I watched that poor little crab for ages and it never ventured more than a half-foot away from its hole. I could feel its desire. But I also felt its fear outweigh that desire over and over again. It made me realize that we lull ourselves into believing that our comfort zones are safe, when in reality they are self-imposed prisons. Those comfort zones will shrink and eventually suffocate us if we don't venture outside them and risk living. Do you want to live your life playing safe in a little comfort zone that never stretches your boundaries, that gets smaller and smaller so you can never be the biggest, best possible version of yourself? What if, instead, you made a commitment … today … to step outside your comfort zone? Are you open to the possibility of welcoming failure as a way to take you to the next level? To condition yourself to learn to hear 'no'? What if, instead of avoiding rejection, you committed to seek rejection? Sounds crazy, right? But what if, in thinking about failure, rejection, and 'no', you opted to turn the paradigm on its head and instead of fearing it, you looked forward to it as a source of empowerment? How? The answer is so simple it's brilliant in its simplicity. Ask. Ask. Ask. Pick practice areas in your life where you're willing to trial asking for what you want. And here's the key. Don't be tied or attached to getting a 'yes'. In fact, as proposed by Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton in their bestselling book, Go For No, instead of going for 'yes', actively go for 'no'. Embrace the possibility of multiple rejections and set your targets for how many 'no' answers you need to get the number of 'yes' answers you want. Sound confusing? Let me give you a simple example. If you want 10 new clients this week (or sales, or donations to a cause, or whatever you may be seeking) and you know that you're likely to only get 10% of those you canvas to say 'yes', then don't set your sights on achieving 10 yeses, but instead, flip that thought process on its head and set your goal to get 100 'no's. That way, even as you get some 'yeses', you don't slow down. You keep going for the 'no's. And when you hit the 'no's (as you invariably will), it won't stop you – you won't see it as failure because you're going for those 'no's. In addition to desensitizing yourself to the 'no's, think how much more likely you are to hit a higher level. Better yet, you'll lose all the angst and wasted negative energy that comes from being afraid of the rejection, afraid of the 'no's. Go for the no. It's liberating. Such a simple concept and such a powerful tool to be able to get through that fear of failure to the fabulous success that's waiting for you on the other side. Are you willing to put yourself out there and go for that 'no'? To push past that fear of failure? Push past that fear of getting a 'no', knowing that your success lies on the other side of it. Once you desensitize yourself to hearing 'no' and rid yourself of that fear, look out world … you'll be ready to level up to step into your power as the formidable negotiator you're ready to be. I hope you got some value from that. If so, make sure to subscribe to the show. And share it with friends who you think would benefit and enjoy it. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. If fear of 'no' – or any other fears – hold you back from being your best negotiator and advocate, then let me gift you my No F.E.A.R book. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That's a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life on your terms, so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Diplomacy in personal relationships. Skills required in diplomacy and how to utilize them. How active listening and openly voicing your needs are keys to communication. Quick tips to navigate the choppy waters of difficult conversations. Key Takeaways: You ARE FIT to be a great negotiator: Assertiveness, Rapport building, Empathy, Flexibility, Intuition, and Trustworthiness. You can take the high road to get even higher results. If you don't ask for what you need, you won't get your needs met! Make sure there is reciprocity in your relationship. You are a partnership, both parties must be involved. "Strong communication in the family room equals increased sexual satisfaction in the bedroom." — Cindy Watson Click here to get your free E-Book 5 Secret Weapons to More Effective Negotiations CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com Full Transcript below: Negotiating Your Relationship with Your Partner People typically think of diplomacy as an important skill in international relations but don't think to apply it to personal relationships. Yet consider Winston Churchill's famous quip, "Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell in a way that they'll ask for directions." Imagine how useful that ability would be in certain relationships. The dating phase of my life comes to mind. The good news is that diplomacy isn't an obscure unknowable secret designed only for Secretaries of State and their like. In fact, diplomacy involves many of the skills we've already explored in earlier episodes, including assertiveness, rapport-building, empathy, flexibility, intuition and trustworthiness. (Just remember our A.R.E F.I.T acronym.) Once you start applying these skills in your relationship with your significant other, you'll see profound improvement in your relationship. Imagine the shift in your relationship dynamic if, instead of being reactive or operating on pure emotion, you could take a beat, and tap into your intuition. Ask yourself, "what's really driving this issue – for me and for my partner?" Ask yourself what their unstated needs are. Bring empathy to the table, putting yourself in their shoes before you wade in. Stay conscious of whether a particular approach will build or destroy trust and rapport. That does not mean you need to be a doormat. As always, ensure that there's reciprocity. You need to get as good as you give. You can be assertive while still employing your natural feminine negotiation strengths, with intention, in your discussions, debates and yes, even your arguments. The beauty is that with the ARE FIT model of negotiation you'll be more persuasive and have greater influence. You'll have more power, not less. You can take the high road to get even higher results. Strong communication is key as well. In fact, strong communication in the family room equals increased sexual satisfaction in the bedroom. So it's no wonder couples' counselors focus on communication skills between partners. Don't fret if this hasn't been a strong suit in your relationship to date. It's never too late to improve those all-important communication skills. Let's start with a reminder that if you don't ask for what you need, you likely won't get your needs met. News flash: most people aren't mind-readers. Don't wait, hoping that your partner will magically intuit what you want and need. Don't assume that if they really loved you, they'd know. Admit it, you've had those thoughts sometimes – that niggling resentment that your partner doesn't just 'know'. We all have. Exorcise that demon. Banish it from your thought patterns. Start practicing to ask for what you want. Say what you mean and mean what you say. On the flip side, make sure you master the art of active listening. And while you're at it, recognize that we all communicate in different ways. You may be a great verbal communicator. Your partner may not be – they may try to communicate in other ways. You need to be open to receive those messages, even if it sometimes seems like an alien life form has landed in your life with an unrecognizable language. Speaking of language, also be mindful of the five languages of love (from the book of the same name). The concept is that we all have different ways that we like to give and receive love (our love language). The five languages are: (i) words of affirmation; (ii) acts of service; (iii) receiving/giving gifts; (iv) quality time; and (v) physical touch. When couples don't speak the same language of love, it can cause miscommunication, tension and lack of connection. Take my situation for example. My husband is a words of affirmation and acts of service guy. In trying to show he loves me, his words of affirmation include telling me I look great when I look like hell on toast and bragging on everything I make – from Kraft Dinner to gourmet fare equally. When we were scrapping, he'd invariably do the dishes or laundry – his 'acts of service' demonstration of love. But I didn't see it that way. For the longest time it drove me nuts. I hated that he told me I looked great when I didn't because then it made all his compliments empty to me. Likewise, raves about gourmet felt insincere. Why bother? I didn't know what I could trust. Besides, I wanted quality time and physical intimacy. And so the seeds of resentment sprouted – until we were able to recognize that we each had different languages of love and communicated to come to some understanding and compromises around that. You need to determine your own language of love and your partners. Even if your partner's language doesn't match your needs, at least you'll recognize their effort when you see it. That can mean more than you think. At least as a starting point. And if you've taken one of my programs you'll know to ask for what you want. You'll be able to talk about it with your partner, ask for what you need and make sure you know what they need. Imagine what a paradigm shift that can be. If you're looking for more practical advice, here's some quick tips to help you navigate the choppy water of those difficult conversations that inevitably come up in a relationship. Get comfortable. Especially, if it's a difficult topic you're going to tackle, make sure to get comfortable. Remember your 5 W's – who, what, where, when and why. Consider the 'where'. Is this a bedroom conversation, a dinner table conversation, or a 'while we're cuddled up watching T.V conversation? Don't underestimate the impact of where the conversation happens. Also, consider the 'when'. While your partner is watching the final moments of a tense Superbowl is probably not a good time to broach your concern about lack of intimacy. If your partner is facing a crisis of confidence because they just got fired, consider whether it's the best time to raise the fact that you want some alone time or girlfriend time in Italy. Consider your 'why' and the 'why' of your partner. What's really motivating you, beyond the stated issue? Why is this issue important to you? And what's really behind your partner's resistance? If you haven't heard my 5 W's series, let me gift you my ebook on the subject. Just grab the link from the show notes. Give your partner your full attention. This may seem obvious but we rarely do it. In our busy lives today, we don't take the time we should to really connect meaningfully. Put down distractions – including your cell phone. Make eye contact. I'm not talking about staring them down. But show them you're there. You're engaged. And it also let's them know you're not afraid to face your partner. Pay attention to your body language. Use it to create connection – especially if the topic is one that's likely to push them away or create distance. Lean in towards them a bit. Use 'I' statements, especially as an opener to the conversation. I don't mean "I hate it when you …" No. You need to own your own feelings or reactions. "I feel this when this happens." Using 'I' language shows that you accept responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviour. It avoids the blame game and minimizes the chance that your partner will get their back up. Use questions effectively. Use open questions to elicit your partner's perceptions, thoughts, and feelings (i.e. questions that don't allow for a yes/no answer, but instead force your partner to offer more information). Use confirming questions to let them know you're listening and really hearing them (i.e. "what I hear you saying is …". Use hypothetical questions for problem solving (i.e "what if we were to …"). Don't interrupt. Again, that may seem obvious, but we often feel the urge to interrupt when we think we know what they're going to say or when they seem obviously off-base. Resist the urge. Use active listening skills. Even if – especially if – you disagree with what they're saying. Listen. Stay open. Remember the goal is to improve open, honest communication. Treat the conversation as if there are three of you in the room – you, your partner, and the relationship. Recognize that sometimes what's best for you, or your partner, may not be what's best for the relationship. That doesn't mean you sacrifice your needs for the relationship. But you need to be aware of it. Make informed decisions. Practice these tips but always make sure there's reciprocity in your relationship. It doesn't help if you're taking the high road, and your partner refuses to grow with you. But also be prepared to teach them if necessary. Don't expect them to just notice your change in approach and to emulate you. You may need to teach them how to change their communication approach. Think about a conversation you need to have with your significant other. I invite you to try to implement these tips. Plan it. Go over the conversation in your mind and consider how you might apply each principle with forethought. Plan your opening. Consider your questions. Consider the where and when. It just may change your communication dynamic in profound and unexpected ways. I hope you can see some value in applying some of these ideas. If so, make sure share it with friends who you think would benefit and enjoy it. Invite them to subscribe for the show. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. And as I mentioned, if you're interested in more info on my 5 W's technique (and trust me it can be a game-changer) then let me gift you my 5 Secret Weapons ebook. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That's a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life on your terms, so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.

In this episode, Cindy discusses: The gender biases in society and internally. How identifying ourselves changed results in studies. How women underperform as an outward expression of our internal biases. The effects of stereotypes on both genders. Key Takeaways: In many studies, the mere idea of identifying as a woman often makes people underperform. This shows an outward example of the destructive power of those limiting beliefs. Men are pressured, just as women are, to perform in a way they may not feel internally. One group rising does not have to be at the expense of the other group - the only way to break the destructive pattern of gender stereotypes is to recognize and free men and women both from the stereotypes. Let's start by kick-starting the dialogue on this episode so, together, we can begin to overcome the gender gap! "So women, are you ready to bust through your limiting beliefs, have a voice, and rise up? Are you also open to the possibility that to do that, maybe we need to be sensitive to also reversing the stereotypes and conditioning we carry around the men in our life?" — Cindy Watson Get your free Woman on Purpose Blueprint E-Book- How to find your true purpose and become a woman who lives fully, on purpose, every day CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com Full Transcript below: Bridging The Gender Gap There's debate about whether Polar caps are melting, whether polar bears are at risk, and whether a Polar Express really picks up kids in the middle of the night on Christmas eve to take them to the North Pole. But the more concerning debate right now is whether men and women are getting increasingly polarized and at risk of reaching a fatal tipping point in the balance of power from which the sexes can't recover. Fake news or real-world problems? What do you think? We often hear about gender bias and usually assume it means bias imposed by men against women. But what about women's own internal biases? Study after study has shown that when women are primed based on their gender they perform worse. What do I mean by that? In a study of a group of young women taking a math test, where half the control group was asked to identify their gender – just identify whether they're male or female – that half performed worse than the half who didn't have to identify their gender. In fact, in a Harvard study of Asian-American students, the young women performed better when they had to identify their ethnicity but worse when they had to identify their gender. Similarly, a national U.S study of students taking AP calculus showed that the young women who were asked to identify their gender before the test performed worse than those asked the question after. This result held true even in studies when the priming was subconscious. In other words, in another Harvard study, even when 'feminine' words (like lipstick, pink or doll), were subliminally flashed unbeknownst to the participants, those primed with the feminine words performed worse than those primed with neutral words. Let's think about that for a moment. If the mere idea of identifying as a woman somehow makes us under-perform and not achieve our actual potential or capabilities, what does that say about the limiting beliefs girls and women have internalized about their gender? Think of the destructive power of these beliefs. It goes even further. Not only do studies confirm that our performance is negatively impacted, but some studies support that our very ideas about what we're even interested in can be manipulated by gender priming. For example, in a joint Toronto and Boston psychology study, female undergraduate students who were subliminally flashed with images of women not visible to the naked eye in advance of answering a questionnaire, ended up expressing a preference for arts over math whereas those who had been primed with neutral images did not. When I thought about these studies, it made me wonder, how many times have I held myself back or pursued a path that may not have been my heart's desire without being aware of it. Can you think of a time or times when maybe you underperformed even though you knew your stuff cold and you weren't sure why, or maybe you stopped yourself from asking for more money, or you let someone take your idea, or held your tongue till you thought it might bleed, or maybe just doubted yourself and held back from going for something big? Why does this happen? Where does this come from? And how does it affect the workplace, relationships, and your ability to negotiate your life? Consider that gender biases and priming work both ways. Women, it seems, are primed to feel 'less than'. But men are primed too. Studies suggest that still today, even elementary school-aged young boys are already primed about what it means to be 'a man'. If a box is drawn on the blackboard and described as the 'man box', and the young boys are asked to describe the kinds of attributes that should go inside this box – in other words, that make a 'man' – invariably they lay out a host of old-school stereotypical characterizations of men. Like stud, strong, doesn't cry, loves sports, takes charge. In other words, an image of hyper-masculinity. How many of the men in your life – or for the men out there listening in today - have felt pressure to act a particular way or 'show up' a certain way that may not have reflected how they felt at that moment, or maybe at all. Have you ever noticed that forced posturing in your father, partner, sons or other men in your life? For the men out there, have you been guilty of that posturing? 'So what?' some women may say. 'Boo hoo – poor men made to feel like dominant over-performers.' How does that compare to a lifetime of being made to feel like a submissive 'not enough'? Maybe we need to rethink how we look at this. Maybe it's time to start reframing the problem – or at least broadening the lens. Clearly it's problematic and unacceptable that women are (and have been) systematically conditioned not to reach their full potential. We're faced with a host of limiting beliefs imposed upon us before our first tooth breaks through our tender gums. But isn't imposing an expectation of hyper-masculinity on boys before they lose their toothless grins just another form of limiting beliefs? The tide is changing now. People can feel it. We have the MeToo! movement, the Women Rising movement, the Times Up! movement. We see men getting roasted at the Oscars. With it, we're seeing a lot of finger-pointing and blaming on both sides. And the very fact that we're describing it as 'sides' is telling. We're, perhaps not surprisingly, seeing a lot of push-back – an 'us and them' polarization building in some quarters. But what if we consider that it doesn't have to be a zero-sum game? What if it doesn't have to be a win-loss? What if one group rising doesn't need to be at the expense of the other group? Maybe, in fact, the only way to break the destructive pattern of the damaging gender stereotypes and free women from these shackles they've borne, passed down generation after generation, is to recognize and similarly free men from the parallel shackles they've borne from their own damaging gender stereotypes. Women – are you ready to bust through your limiting beliefs, have a voice and rise up? Are you also open to the possibility that to do that, we need to be sensitive to also reversing the stereotypes and conditioning we carry around the men in our life? I suspect there will be a host of mixed reactions to this suggestion. From acknowledgment to curiosity to doubt to confusion to anger. That's okay. It's important to at least start the dialogue if we have any hope of making change – and hopefully making progress. In fact, I invite to kick-start the dialogue. Comment on this episode. Share your thoughts. Heck, better yet, share the episode with your friends. Spread the word. Get people talking about it. If you got some value from this episode or it got you thinking, make sure to subscribe to the show. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. For the women listening who feel that maybe you've held yourself back in some way from living your life on your terms, fully on purpose and with purpose, let me gift you my How to be a Woman On Purpose Blueprint book. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That's a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Coming from your feminine, not your masculine in negotiation. Lessons from childhood and law school simulations in negotiation. Fundamental principles of negotiation. The power of relationships in negotiation. Key Takeaways: Negotiation doesn't have to be a take-no-prisoners situation. It can be about rapport building, empathy, and authenticity. Negotiating and living outside your natural style can lead to feeling disconnected and changing how you act in other aspects of your life. Consider the zones of potential agreement in your negotiations. These zones do often exist if you are willing to look for them. There is a power in balance. Knowing when to back off and knowing when to push should be a deliberate choice and action, not reaction. "One of the basic teaching points on the art of negotiation is to always set a reservation price or a resistance point, basically a bottom line. Without that anchor to hold you, you were sliding past your point of no return." — Cindy Watson Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com Full Transcript below: Trusting Your Natural Negotiation Style: You Don't Always Need to Go for the Jugular What if I suggested that coming from your feminine makes you instinctively and intuitively better negotiators than coming from your masculine? Would you balk? Reject the idea? At a minimum, I'm sure you'd ask, "So why do women still make less money than men? Why do they ask for less than men? Why do they hesitate in speaking up?" All good questions. But first, let me share my story. I grew up in a low rental apartment complex in a tough neighborhood. My dad worked shift work in a factory. I remember those early mornings or late nights if I was up and able to catch him alone as he got ready to go to work. Watching those strong worker's hands pull the laces taut on his tan work boots, or watching his man-stance as he squatted to see himself in the hall mirror, combing his hair back in that Elvis style pompadour (or whatever they were called). I loved those stolen moments. But I also remember the struggles. The fighting between my parents. There was never quite enough money to make ends meet, even though he'd come home day after day from the factory, exhausted, with nothing left, but still put on a brave face for my sister and I. My dad was a guy's guy. He was a big man, broad-shouldered, big voice, big laugh, filled every room he ever walked in. He trained inner-city boys how to box. I suspect he wanted boys himself, but he got stuck with my sister and I. He never taught us to box. Well, I remember once when I asked, and he had me assume the position and proceeded to sneak inside my Swiss cheese fist frame to tap me on the cheek over and over again, showing me how easy a target I was. I'm sure that wasn't his intention, but that's how it felt to me. Like an indictment. I wasn't a boy. I wasn't enough. My paradigm shift came in grade 2. I won an 'academic' award. Maybe you remember them – those little badges they handed out for exceptional achievement. A light went on. Maybe I could achieve as a girl. And I became driven to 'succeed', to have more – more space than that little apartment, more money, but mostly, more respect. So I went straight through high school to university to law school, shooting for those straight 'A's. And in law school, I took a negotiations course. Our entire grade was based on these simulated negotiations – the class would break into assigned pairs and negotiate against each other – the highest negotiated settlement got the highest mark (no credit for creative win-win solutions – just a straight column from highest settlement to lowest settlement amount). If you didn't get a settlement you got a zero. You can imagine how those negotiations went with a highly competitive top law school student body. At the end of the year, the professor approached me and said he'd never seen results like mine in all his years of practice and teaching the course. I won virtually every single negotiation. And you can imagine how hard that got as the school year went on and everybody was gunning for me, expecting this hard-core negotiator that they had to bring their A-game for, coming expecting to be screwed over. I don't share that to brag, but because of the epiphany, it gave me – not at the time, sadly, but much later in life, when I realized that I hadn't approached those negotiations with a take-no-prisoners approach at all. Back then, I was still using my natural, instinctual – dare I say – more feminine negotiation style. I came at every negotiation from a place of rapport building, empathy and authenticity, working to find out what the other side wanted, what they needed, working with them to find a way to have them walk away content with the results. And as the year went on and I kept winning each negotiation, suffice it to say that trust-building got harder and harder. But somehow I was always able to win them over, to build that relationship, to find a win where they walked away happy (at least until the grades were announced). But then I started the actual practice of law – initially in an all-male-partner firm, and later in my own firm, but still in a male-dominated environment – where I got positive feedback and reinforcement for tearing people apart. I still got great results, but I'd lost my intuitive female style. They called me 'barracuda'. I made people cry on the witness stand. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I felt disconnected. It didn't feel good. Or right. And then it began to spill over into other areas of my life. I found I brought my 'tough' negotiator to every problem. Crappy hotel room? Look out, I was down at the front desk giving them what for. Phone company over-charging? Internet not working and the provider trying to blame the router provider? Hide your children, I was not letting them pull one over on me. And forget the 'get more with honey' approach. I'd convinced myself that people invariably tried to take advantage if you showed any sign of weakness; that the only way to get quick fulsome results was bringing my badass to the table. The little girl whose dad didn't teach her to box was Muhammad Ali in the ring of life. But then one day I was having what I thought was a simple discussion with my son. I saw his frustration mounting and at some point he finally exploded. "For God's sake, Mom! Does every conversation with you have to be a debate that you win?" And just like that, my world changed. I felt my heart torn from my chest as I saw the angst and hurt on this face. And my world view changed in an instant. My sense of self shattered into little pieces on the floor in front of me. And in that moment of profound connection, my perspective on effective negotiations flipped. I realized I'd been duped into negotiating 'like a man' (and yes, I'm putting air quotes around the phrase). And I realized that I didn't have to. And neither do you. You Don't Have To Go For the Jugular In Negotiations Let's start with a few fundamental principles. One of the basic teaching points on the art of negotiation is to always set a reservation price or resistance point – a bottom line. Without that anchor to hold you, you risk sliding past your point of no return. There are any number of tactics the pundits advise you employ to hold firm on your reservation price or point. Making pie in the sky demands, presenting a first and final offer, providing an ultimatum or walking away are just a few examples. An equally important, but often overlooked principle, however, is to consider the zone of potential agreement – the area where both sides can get what they want if they each go to their respective reservation or resistant points. If there is no overlap, then there won't be an agreement unless one side budges from its reservation or resistance point. But typically, there is a range of possible settlement options that fall within both sides' bottom-line positions. We're conditioned to believe that an effective negotiator will always push to the absolute limit of the other side's resistance point, and beyond if possible. And therein lies the rub. The myth that strong negotiators need to chafe against the opposing standpoint, to create friction to burn through the opposing view. You don't always have to go for the jugular, leave nothing on the table, leave blood on the floor, or whatever other apt cliché comes to mind. You don't necessarily have to push the other side to their drop-dead bottom line. Let me give you an example to illustrate the point. When I was younger, I fell in love with Mexico. I loved its people, the food, the culture, its nightlife. Everything seemed alive, vibrant and sharper. I loved to haggle on the beach with locals peddling their wares. And I was a great haggler. I seemed to have an instinct for knowing the outside limit to which I could push. I let them walk away, somehow knowing they'd come back. Friends always thought my 'reservation price' (although we didn't call it that – didn't even know the term or concept except instinctually) was ridiculous and unattainable. But I virtually always got what I wanted at my bottom line price (which was sometimes as little as 20% of asking price). I was proud of my bargaining prowess. As a starving student, that was forgivable. But later in life, it suddenly struck me that I didn't need to get the rock bottom price the peddler was prepared to accept. That there was a power imbalance and maybe my insistence on beating them down to the bottom line and beyond was actually a little exploitative. I was embarrassed about my past negotiation 'victories'. Because ultimately isn't negotiation often about relationship? Would you want to take advantage of bargaining power as against your child? Or an aging parent? Or a trusting lover? It's important for a seasoned negotiator to consider these factors in determining how far and how hard to push in any negotiation: (i) your goals and objectives (not just short-term, but long-term as well), (ii) your power compared to the other party's, and (iii) your desired relationship with the other party. Ironically, these are all factors that most women intuitively consider when they come at negotiations from a place of natural feminine energy. If you've heard me talk about my A.R.E F.I.T model of bargaining, you'll know that of the key skills necessary to be a great negotiator, assertiveness is only one factor. The others are rapport-building, empathy, flexibility, intuition and trustworthiness. Knowing when to back off and accept a deal somewhere in the potential zone of agreement, without pushing the other side to their edge, can be effective to build rapport and trust. It requires empathy and intuition. It takes flexibility in the heat of a negotiation. In other words, knowing when to back off employs all the key 'feminine' attributes of a great negotiator. Use them. Trust those instincts. Does that mean you should never bear down and push to the tissue-paper thin edge? Of course not. The key is knowing when … and why. The trick is to be intentional in those choices. Learn to control the essential skills so you can adopt them at will. So you can use them strategically. If you need to establish primacy, credibility and/or control in a particular negotiation to set the tone for future negotiations in a relationship, or to make a point, or example of someone who tried to take advantage of you or your 'team', then you may well want to step down hard and not let up. But ensure your approach is deliberate. Don't be reactive, governed by emotion. And don't be motivated based on stale-dated myths that negotiation is all about the bite or that giving is a sign of weakness. Sometimes, generosity in negotiations can be your greatest show of strength. I hope some of that resonated with you and gave you some value. If so, make sure to subscribe to the show and share it with your friends. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. That's a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.

Welcome to The Art of Feminine Negotiation: from the Boardroom to Bedroom, your place to go for hot tips and tactics on how to negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom. I'm Cindy Watson, creator and host of the show. I'm excited to have you here and hope you decide to make this a must to tune in to each week. Let me start by answering a few questions you may have. Like 'what's up with the title? Boardroom to Bedroom? What does that mean?' Well, I believe that all of life is a negotiation. Whether it's negotiating with your intimate partner or business partner, your kids or parents, employer or employees, local car dealer or contractor, or negotiating multi-million-dollar corporate transactions. Whether it's personal or professional or all the spaces in between, deciding to negotiate your best life, with intention, will be a game changer. It just may be the most important skill you'll ever learn. And yet we're not taught it. I'm on a mission to change that. Why me? Why this mission? I've been an attorney for over 30 years, negotiating high stakes deals across the spectrum. Like most attorneys, I was led to believe I had to bring a 'take no prisoners', 'leave nothing on the table' approach to bargaining to be successful. My clients called me Barracuda. They meant it as a compliment. Others no doubt called me worse. I was very effective but there was a high cost that came with that approach. And then I had a series of epiphanies. Have you ever had one of those life-changing mindset shifts? I wish I could say it only took one, but it took me a while to overcome decades of conditioning – to really get it. Real negotiation isn't about winning or losing or even 'win/win' in the sense that most people use that term. In fact, the most valuable skills that make and mark the most effective negotiators are the skills that you probably overlook altogether when you think about negotiating. And if you think you're not a great negotiator or can't be a great negotiator, you just may be the best equipped. Or if you think the only way to succeed is to bring that masculine energy to the table, be prepared to be surprised. Whichever end of the spectrum you fall on, you just need to increase your awareness – and to apply skills you already use in a myriad of ways every day. You've probably just never thought of it as negotiation. If you learn to use them, with intention, you can negotiate your best life and stop missing out. I invite you to question everything you thought you knew about negotiation. I invite you to consider, what if … what if toughness doesn't necessarily carry the day? What if the person who talks the loudest or longest and never budges off their position isn't necessarily the person who wins? What if there's a better way? A way to get better and longer-lasting results, better long-lasting relationships, a better quality of life in almost every way? Interested? Then I encourage you to subscribe to this show so you can tune in and test out techniques, tactics and mindset shifts to see what works for you, to help you negotiate your best life, on your terms, to get what you want and deserve. Heck, make sure to share it with your friends if you think they'd get some benefit from negotiating their best life. Tune in once a week on Mondays – a great way to start your week. I'll have a mix of solo shows (where I share some features of negotiating various aspects of your life); some interviews (with experts who can offer unique perspectives on up-levelling your negotiating), and even periodic round-tables where I'll bring in a group of experts to tackle a subject that could make a difference in making sure you know how to get what you want and deserve. I invite and encourage you to participate – after all, this show is for you. Send questions, engage in our FB group (which you can access by clicking on the link in the show notes) and give feedback (so we can make the show the best it can be, giving you what you want). If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, do me a favour and take a moment to subscribe to the show now. Give us a rating and review if you're so inclined. And download all the episodes so you've got them ready to roll for your next long drive, daily commute, workout, morning routine, or whenever you like to listen. If you like gifts, make sure to tune in regularly as I'll be giving away lots of goodies you won't want to miss (from product, to programs to tickets to live events and more). Speaking of gifts, if you're a woman who's decided to live on purpose, download my free How to Be a Women On Purpose Blueprint – you can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our webpage at womenonpurpose.ca. And don't forget to share it with your friends so they can get in on the action too. I look forward to spending time with you. Talk soon. Click here to order your Purpose Planner a planner designed by women, for women. CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter: https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email: cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com