Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

HOW TO BALANCE WORK AND LOVE LIFE These are my podcast show notes: Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Last week, I interviewed Dr. Jenev Caddell, She specializes in helping entrepreneurs balance work and relationships. She talked about the importance of making your relationship a priority, especial during busy work times. Today, I would like to share a few more tips. Today, I would like to go into a little more depth. Here are some tips to consider: 1. TRUST Find a balance between security and growth. Security allows you to take risks and grow. Being resourced Reassurance ("This is temporary. We are going to get through this.") Belief ("We love each other. We are strong.") 2. COMMUNICATION "I'm not going to be as available for a period of time" Talk about ways to work together Be mindful about checking in and inviting communication 3. AGREEMENTS Negotiate new agreements for clear expectations Follow through with your commitments (commit to less) Say things like, "Let me know if this isn't working for you." Say other things like, "Let me know when you need me" 4. EFFORT Demonstrate regard, consideration, and care when you can Be conscious of your actions and contributions Say words of acknowledgment Make time to be present Give your undivided attention 5. AWARENESS OF STRESS Reference the Stress Response Curve Recognize your cues –emotionally (irritable, quick to anger, overwhelmed), mentally (distracted, preoccupied), physically(shortness of breath, muscle tension, bumping into things, accident prone), socially (less connected and close, less positive interactions) Work to destress and find balance Do Self-care (sleep, nutrition, physical activity) Take breaks (time to disconnect, get away, get some perspective) Be aware of your breathing patterns 6. RECONNECT Allow time (not going to happen right away) Communicate desire Be available Be patient Debrief Appreciate one another FREE VIDEO SERIES: Gain Instant Access to the 7 Biggest Pitfalls To Relationship Success & How To Overcome Them – Free Video. MENTIONED: Learn more about the Five Love Languages (article) The 5 Love Languages, By Gary Chapman (book) The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory (assessment) Making And Keeping Agreements To Strengthen Your Relationship (podcast) If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how to balance your work and love life! I believe in your relationship success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

BALANCING WORK AND RELATIONSHIPS These are my podcast show Notes. Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Dr. Jenev Caddell is a love & success coach and clinical psychologist who helps entrepreneurs be happier in love. She believes that entrepreneurs are responsible for changing the world, and with rock solid relationships, they can do this even more effectively. Jenev is the author of Your Best Love: The Couples Workbook and Guide to Their Best Relationship and founder of www.mybestrelationship.com. In this podcast episode, Dr. Jenev Caddell talks with us about the new science of love and connection. She shares important tips on how to strengthen your bond and how to make your relationship a priority, thus bringing a balance of work and relationships. Jevev helps us explore the question "ARE you there for me?" Accessibility – are you reachable and available? Responsiveness – are you responding to your partner? Engaged – are you emotionally present for your partner? When you can answer "yes" to these questions with your partner, you can build a solid and strong foundation together as a couple. FREE VIDEO SERIES: Gain Instant Access to the 7 Biggest Pitfalls To Relationship Success & How To Overcome Them – Free Video. MENTIONED: The Significance Of Your Significant Other (article) Soothing the Threatened Brain (video) Hold Me Tight (book) Still Face Experiment (video) Thriving In Business And Love (Facebook Group) If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in balancing work and relationships! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

OVERCOMING LIFE CHALLENGES AND DIFFICULT TIMES These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Bruce Van Horn is a dad, bestselling author, speaker, thought leader, transformational life coach, business owner, marathon runner, and cancer conqueror. He is also the host of "Life Is A Marathon," a popular internet radio show (podcast) with listeners in over 187 countries around the world. Bruce loves sharing his life experiences and respected insight to help people overcome life challenges and difficult times. Bruce loves people and loves coaching them to become the fullest expression of who they were created to be. He lives in Richmond, Virginia. In this episode, Bruce teaches us some critical keys to overcoming life challenges and difficult times. He shares his personal adversity story in great depth, with authenticity, and whole-heartedness. Gain Instant Access to Relationship Skills No One Ever Taught You – Free Video Series. MENTIONED: Bruce Van Horn Life Is A Marathon Worry No More! 4 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in overcoming life challenges and difficult times! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN THAT MAKE RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGING. These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in Ft Worth, Texas.With a masters degree in marriage family counseling and a Ph.D. in Psychology, she has practiced psychotherapy for 27 years. She is also the author of two novels of psychological interest- Sessions: Memoirs of a Psychotherapist and Finding My Way. She has written two nonfiction companion books to The Naked Truth About Men (And Romance). They are What Women Want….Really! (written for men but meant to be read by couples) and When Your Relationship Changes (how to find strength). GET MY FREE EBOOK: 7 COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AND HOW TO FIX THEM Instant Access COMMON FOR MEN: High in testosterone Hunters Lower in empathy Less verbal communication Sex is emotional closeness COMMON FOR WOMEN: High in oxytocin Nurturers and care givers High in empathy More verbal communication Language helps to feel emotionally close. Dr. Kathryn Foster talks with us about some very important biological and hormonal differences between men and women, which impacts our language, emotions, needs, and desires in relationship. All of these difference influence the way we seek connection and what we expect in a relationship. Women primarily want to feel emotionally close through talking and sharing, and men primarily want to feel emotionally close through sexual intimacy. MENTIONED: Dr. Kathryn Foster The Naked Truth About Men (And Romance) What Women Want….Really!: A pocketbook guide for men The Sex Starved Marriage – TED Talk If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how should a man act in a relationship! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or getting some relationship coaching.

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. On the episode, I mentioned a free gift for how to improve your relationship. Click on the button below to get my free Ebook. SEND ME A FREE GUIDE THIS PODCAST EPISODE IS A RESPONSE TO A QUESTION ASKED BY KEN, A LISTENER: "If you struggle with what the "folks" go through, what chance do we have? You are the bastion of knowledge and I would presume you have the skills to handle situations as they arise." Here's my answer: 1. HAVING SKILL DOESN'T TAKE AWAY THE DISCOMFORT. Having skill and expertise doesn't alleviate someone from having to go through the growth process in a romantic relationship. For example, a female OB/GYN physician has the skill, training, and expertise for delivering babies. However, if she gets pregnant, she is still going to have to go through the labor pain of giving birth just like any other mother. Being educated, trained, and experienced doesn't take away the pain of growth in a relationship. Growth in a relationship often provides certain rites of passage. We have to learn and accomplish certain tasks before we can move to the next stage of love and relationship growth. Developmental Stages In Relationship (article). Stages Of Intimacy On Life Is A Marathon, with Bruce Van Horn (podcast). 2. BELIEVE IN THE LONG-TERM RESULT. Know that there is good to be gained on the other side of the current relationship challenge. Believe in the opportunity for relationship growth – more closeness, connection, and intimacy. Also, believe in personal growth, which allows for greater strength, wisdom, and character. Having a relationship model to believe in is helpful. Many of us do not have a good model for how to improve a relationship, in that we do not want to model our relationship after examples we see in the media or within our communities. Having a relationship model provides the opportunity and awareness that there is something greater beyond any current relationship challenge or circumstance. You are more prone for relationship success if you want the long-term result more than the immediate relief of discomfort. 3. BELIEVE IN THE PROCESS. TRUST THE PROCESS. Often, what we resist persists. Trying to fight the challenge only causes more pain. We might have the impulse to doubt and give up, but if we trust the process, then we are much more willing to stay the course. Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.-Alan Cohen 4. DECIDE Do you have enough evidence to know the old ways do not work? Commit to self. Not to partner. Practice. Over and over again. Commit to the path of learning how to improve your relationship. 3. DEAL WITH THE DISCOMFORT It is normal to feel uncomfortable. However, you can't avoid the discomfort. You can try to ignore it, but it will not go away. You can try to fight it, but it will not go away. Befriend the process. The more comfortable you can be with being uncomfortable, the more comfortable you will be. Deal with the unknown. Gather resources. We are all on the path of growth in life and relationship. MENTIONED: Podcast series in how to deal with difficult conversations with your significant other. Episode 24 Episode 25 Episode 26 Episode 28 Episode 29 If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how to improve your relationship! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching with me.

HOW TO KEEP THE SPARK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Experts in sexual energy + long-lasting committed partnerships, Drs. Rob + Janelle Alex, Ph.D. are mentoring couples around the globe. They are best selling authors, speakers, and hosts of the Mission Date Night podcast. Being passionate about the secret intelligence of relationships, secret animal powers, and transcendent lovemaking, Rob and Janelle are obliterating long-standing relationships myths. HOW TO RESPARK YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Keep the "mystery" going. Stay invested in your individual growth. Focus on the importance of nurturing your relationship. MISSION DATE NIGHT OFFERS YOU A CHALLENGE TO: Work together. Be playful. Be creative. Learn together. Let go together. THINGS TO DO TO KEEP THE SPARK IN A RELATIONSHIP: Emotional connection supports great sexual intimacy. An amazing sex life supports your emotional connection. Relationship is the greatest opportunity to grow. Sexuality has the opportunity to open you spirituality. MENTIONED: Mission Date Night Mission Date Night Podcast Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil, by Jenny Wade, PhD. If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how to keep the spark in your relationship! I believe in your success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you! If you are interested in developing new skills to meet relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.

COMMON MARRIAGE ISSUES PART II These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Over the last several weeks, I have been addressing a listener's question. She essentially asked, "What do you do when you have gotten into a pattern of not avoiding the Nine Destructive Behaviors in relationship conflict? Also, how do you deal with past hurts in communication as well?" To answer her question, I first addressed The Most Important Ingredient To Shifting Conflicts. In my next podcast, I talked about Being The Best You Can Be In Relationship. The third podcast, I discussed How To Repair & Resolve Hurt In Relationship. Last week, I talked about How To Clear An Issue With Your Partner. I discussed examples of common marriage issues and the 7 important elements to successful communication- when you have an issue with your partner. I mentioned this exercise titled A Step-By-Step Guide To Turn Any Argument Into Effective Communication. Today, I am continuing the conversation of How To Clear An Issue With Your Partner. 1. DO YOUR INDIVIDUAL PREPARATION WORK. Get clear within yourself first. What is your concern or issue? How do you feel? What is your need or desire? Getting clear will be helpful to you when you communicate and it will be tremendously helpful to your partner as well. Being clear will help your communication be more effective and efficient. You will be able to allocate more time and energy to create a positive outcome. It is okay to want space to explore your feelings with your significant other. However, I would let "being listened to" be the goal for the first conversation. It may be too much to address the process of exploring how you feel AND then to try and resolve your concerns all in one sitting. This is especially true if your partner has a limited capacity to process with you (i.e. not their natural style of communication). Sometimes gender differences play a role in this aspect of communication. Men stereotypically have a difficult time with long process-oriented style of communication. If you are interested in taking some time to get clear before addressing an issue with your partner, here is a good reference tool. 2. SCHEDULE TIME TO MEET. Ask your spouse for some time to talk. Getting your partner's permission ahead of time will help set the conversation up for success. Your partner will be more engaged and willing to participate when there is an agreement rather than an imposition. Being on the same page with your agreement will help promote clear communication and reduces expectations, demands, overwhelm and disappointment. 3. IDENTIFY THE TERMS. What is your intention as a couple (i.e. clear communication, understanding)? What is your individual goal (i.e. perspective taking, learning, empathy)? What is your intention for self-accountability (i.e. try to have an open mind)? Create safety. At any point, you and your partner can stop the conversation. You can revisit the conversation when you are both ready to re-engage. Plan for an estimated amount of time (i.e. 30 min to 50 mins). You can always plan for another time. Choose one topic to address. Stay with the one topic. If more topics come up, take a note and schedule more time in the future. 4. MANAGE YOUR LEVEL OF DEFENSIVENESS. Recognize your window of opportunity. Strive to remain open, calm, and present. Be honest when you are starting to get triggered and defensive. Take a break or end the conversation if you need to. What helps you refocus if you start to get defensive? What is the long-term result that you desire with your partner (i.e. more connection, strength, resolution, and closeness)? Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love. ~ Don Miguel Ruiz 5. PRACTICE THE COMMUNICATION EXERCISE. See this article for the full exercise. Decide who will share first and who will listen first. Person sharing speaks from a self-referenced place. See examples in full exercise. Person listening seeks to really understand, not to agree or condone. See examples in full exercise. Person sharing describes experience, feelings, needs and/or desires. Person listening reflects back what they hear, stays curious, and checks out what they hear to make sure they are getting the right understanding. Listener asks questions until a deeper understanding and learning has been gained. When the person sharing feels heard and understood, then you can switch roles. You may need a second meeting to fully complete the process. 6. GAIN A NEW UNDERSTANDING. By taking time with this exercise, you and your partner will most likely gain more understanding and perspective about each other's experience. The goal is to resolve common marriage issues by having a new learning and understanding- by postponing your position to really get into your partner's worldview. Once you have established a new understanding, you will be prepared to engage in a new level of communication. When you and your partner truly feel heard, understood, and validated, you will most likely feel a sense of closeness, warmth, and connection. This exercise takes effort, investment, and practice. If you are interested in getting support for implementing these tools, please contact me for relationship coaching or to enroll in a couples course. MENTIONED ON THIS EPISODE: A Step-by-Step Guide To Turn Any Argument Into Effective Communication (article) Susan Johnson's Hold Me Tight and Love Sense. Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love. If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in resolving common marriage issues! I believe in your relationship success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you!

COMMON MARRIAGE ISSUES These are my podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Over the last few weeks, I have been addressing a listener's question. She basically asked, "What do you do when you have gotten into a pattern of not avoiding the Nine Destructive Behaviors in relationship conflict? Also, how do you deal with past hurts in this regard." To answer her question, I first addressed The Most Important Ingredient To Shifting Conflicts. In my next podcast, I talked about Being The Best You Can Be In Relationship. Third in the podcast series, I discussed How To Repair & Resolve Hurt In Relationship. Today, I am talking about How To Clear An Issue With Your Spouse/Partner. Basically, I am discussing the 7 important elements to successful communication when you are having an issue with your partner. The exercise I refer to in this episode is A Step-By-Step Guide To Turn Any Argument Into Effective Communication. HOW TO CLEAR COMMON MARRIAGE ISSUES: 1. LEARN TO TAKE PERSPECTIVE The purpose of this communication exercise is to take perspective. As you genuinely put yourself in your partner's shoes, you can gain new understandings and awarenesses you would have not otherwise gained. You and your partner will feel emotionally closer and connected as you both share and authentically listen to one another. 2. DON'T INITIATE THE CONVERSATION WITH A ONE TRACK MIND You get stuck because you want your spouse/partner to validate and acknowledge your experience. You want them to take ownership for their impact on you and you want them to be understanding and sympathetic to your feelings. However, if you lead with trying to get them to take ownership, it is likely they will push back and be defensive. If both of you are wanting to be heard at the same time, then you can get stuck in a power struggle. 3. REPRIORITIZE THE GOAL If your goal is to have more understanding and resolution, then it is important to shift the priority (from trying to be heard exclusively) to engaging in a process together. Ideally, you will both be working towards the common goal. It is almost like the adult version of sharing when you do not want to. 4. LEARN THIS NEW LANGUAGE TOGETHER Communication is a two-way process. There is a sender and a receiver. It isn't communication if the receiver can't understand the message. It would be like speaking a foreign language to someone but they cannot understand you. 5. RECOGNIZE THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY There is a small window of opportunity to practice this exercise. If you are too upset, you may be too defensive and triggered to be open to learning. "Do I want to find resolution?" If "yes," then proceed. If "no," then take some space. Only you can decide if you will fully participate. 6. MOTIVATION What comes first: inspiration and motivation or taking action on a task that you don't really want to do (i.e. cleaning chore or homework assignment)? People who think motivation comes first tend to procrastinate. If you wait for inspiration or motivation, it may never come. Motivation often comes after taking action. "Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have — and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up." ~ James Belasco and Ralph Stayer 7. THIS EXERCISE IS HARD! It takes a great deal of strength to tolerate your discomfort to be present to your partner's pain, especially when your partner has an issue with you. This is part of the growing, developing, and maturing that relationship/marriage offers us. Knowing you will feel closer, more connected, intimate, and bonded will help inspire you to put forth the effort. MENTIONED: A Step-by-Step Guide To Turn Any Argument Into Effective Communication Video clip from "This Is 40". Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg. Be sure to check out next week's episode where we will continue this conversation of How To Clear Common Marriage Issues. If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in resolving common marriage issues! I believe in your relationship success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you!

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP These my Empowered Relationship podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Dr. Corey Allen and I had a great conversation talking about Asking For What You Want & Getting It. Dr. Corey Allen is a husband, father, author, speaker, as well as a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy. "GROWING UP" IN RELATIONSHIP: Marriage is designed to help us grown up Growth does not have to be a threat We can use experiences (good and bad) as a practice ground "Get out of the harbor" to gain more skill and mastery Dr. David Schnarch and his work for passionate marriages Intimacy & Desire book written by Dr. David Schnarch MIND MAPPING: Predicting what your partner is thinking and what they are going to do Do you allow yourself to be read? GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY: Know what you want is okay. Practice self-validation Work with your fear of asking for what you want Asking is half the battle. Our fear is usually worse than reality HOW ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: Know what you want Give yourself permission to ask Be in the practice of asking DIFFICULT DYNAMICS WE GET INTO IN A RELATIONSHIP: Placating Complacency Subtle manipulation – we all want things a certain way Obligation Expectation MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY: "Call it out." You can dramatically change the dynamic in the relationship How important is this to you? See varying levels of desire between partners, as merely a difference Be honest about what you want Be clear about what you want RECEIVE: Be present Breathe Try to enjoy "Let your partner do their job" SUMMARY: Figure out where you get in your own way Get out of your own way Let your partner do their job, while you do your job "Get out of the harbor" MENTIONED: Simple Marriage Sexy Marriage Radio Assume your wife is the most spontaneous, adventurous woman on the face on the planet Her job is to say, "no" to anything that she is not interested in When you do hear "no," refer back to number one- 3 Simple Rules For Fantastic Sex (For Men) Be sure to check out next week's topic, How To Clear Issues With Your Partner. If you have a topic you would like me to discuss or a situation you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how to get what you want in a relationship. I believe in your relationship success! Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you!

HOW TO OVERCOME HURT IN A RELATIONSHIP These are my Empowered Relationship podcast show notes. Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips. Over the last few weeks, I have been addressing a listener's question. She essentially asked, "What do you do when you have gotten into a pattern of not avoiding the Nine Destructive Behaviors in relationship conflict? Also, how do you deal with past hurts, in this regard." To answer her question, I first addressed The Most Important Ingredient To Shifting Conflicts. In my next podcast, I talked about Being The Best You Can Be In Relationship. Today, I am discussing How To Repair & Resolve Hurt In Relationship. FORGIVENESS Forgiveness can seem like a vague, fluffy, and confusing term. WHAT DOES FORGIVENESS REALLY MEAN? Forgiveness is like cleaning the windshield to your heart. Often, we are walking around with resentments, grudges, and bitterness, which gets in the way of our ability to be open, present, and happy in a relationship. Arlene F. Harder writes, "To forgive another person does not mean you will forget what happened or that the person is not responsible for what he did or that you need to bring him back into your life. To forgive another doesn't even need to mean the other person knows you've forgiven him or her. To forgive another simply means you no longer allow another person's actions or words to cause you resentment, anger and pain. To forgive means you acknowledge that while you would have preferred the other person to act or speak differently, you accept that person just as he is. To not forgive another means you continue to hold onto your resentment, anger and pain over another's actions by essentially demanding the other person be someone other than who that person knew (or knows) how to be." TIME TO GRIEVE: When something upsetting happens, it is natural, healthy, and important to give yourself adequate time to feel your emotions. Usually, people take a few hours to a few days for smaller issues and up to several months for bigger grievances. At some point, you may notice your emotional process switch from feeling genuinely sad and upset to feeling resentment and bitterness. While anger can be an important part of the grieving process, there is a difference between being genuinely angry and holding a grudge. If you notice that you are harboring ill feelings towards someone, you may be letting the issue impact your life negatively. Resentments, bitterness, and grudges can overshadow your life- tainting your ability to be happy, positive, and healthy. 1. WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO? What is getting in the way of your ability to love fully or openly? What is getting in the way of your ability to feel positive and happy in your relationship? What interactions or experiences do you still have issue with? Write a list of resentments and hurts. Do you notice any themes? 2. WHAT RESENTMENTS, EXPECTATIONS, ATTACHMENTS, OR BELIEFS DO YOU HAVE ABOUT THE ISSUE? What are your take aways (i.e. beliefs)? Examples: "You shouldn't express your anger like that?" "You are too sensitive. I can bring up anything with you." "You are looking out for yourself. I don't trust you." "You care more about your way and being right. You don't really care about me." 3. WHAT DO YOU NEED IN ORDER TO MOVE FORWARD? TO BE STRONGER? Forgiveness exercise, by Arlene F. Harder. Acceptance. Boundaries. New agreements. New understanding. 4. BE OPEN TO A NEW PERSPECTIVE. By practicing forgiveness or acceptance, you may see the person in a different light. By practicing forgiveness or acceptance, you may see the situation in differently. New awareness. 5. COME TO TERMS. Release attachment. Forgive for Good. The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness (Newly Expanded Paperback Edition). Accept. Let go of what no longer serves (surrender). Assume new learning and perspective If you are too focused on the past, you cannot live fully in the present. Forgiveness is a practice. You do not need to let upsetting incidents stay with you forever. You can develop more skill in dealing with hurts and resentments moving forward. I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you have points to add to the conversation? Please leave me a comment below. Mentioned: Utilize the power of a "Do Over," Next week's topic is How To Clear Issues With Your Partner. If you have a topic that you would like me to discuss or a situation that you would like me to speak to, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in how to overcome hurt in a relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review if you would be willing to click here. Thank you!