Parenting Untangled | Realistic, expert teen & tween parenting advice & support
Rachel Richards
Hello, I'm Rachel Richards, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable. Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? I've experienced that too, so have a big hug from me.Here's the truth. You’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together.I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time.Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs.So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together.The Podcast:A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination.Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode.If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers.My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things.JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK:For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual.ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you.COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters.All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear.PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes.Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them.POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Feb 19, 2025 • 39min
Skin care obsession: The social media 'Sephora' kid craze from a teen perspective.
Ask Rachel anythingMost teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up? When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said.I would like you to advise on though and maybe your daughters can help? My 13 year old has been heavily influenced in the last year or two by social media posts on skin care. She has now changed from being content with a simple cleanse and moisturise before bed to having a morning and evening skincare ritual lasting more than an hour. She is getting up at 5.30 every morning to start the ritual! The most concerning thing is the use of products and preparations that I would normally associate with more mature ladies ( things I would use!) and these often include hyaluronic acid, retinol, collagen etc. she spends all her pocket money, birthday and Xmas money on these products and is constantly asking for extra jobs to earn more money to support to this expensive obsession. I am hoping it’s just a short lived phase and thinking that I should treat it a bit like ‘bad fashion’ and keep cool and non judgemental about it, rather than expressing my concerns, which would probably make things worse! Do you have any advice? In this episode I talk at length with my girls about the trend, how her daughter might be feeling, and what Clare can do to support her without shutting down communication and connection. PRODUCT MENTIONED (NO AFFILIATE OR SPONSORSHIP INVOLVED) Garnier Vitamin C Daily UV Brightening Fluid Sheer Glow, SPF50+, For all skin types, Cruelty-Free, Vegan, 50mlSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
23 snips
Feb 12, 2025 • 40min
Parenting stages: Coaching and mentoring teens and young adults.
Explore the complexities of parenting during adolescence, as parents confront the reality versus their expectations. Discover how open communication and empathy can reshape relationships with teens. The discussion highlights the balance between support and independence, emphasizing the importance of allowing natural consequences. Emotional hurdles and parental fears are unpacked, along with the need for acceptance of teen identity. Finally, navigate the transition to young adulthood while maintaining meaningful connections and adapting parenting styles.
Feb 5, 2025 • 28min
Life skills: How to supercharge them with a working holiday.
Ask Rachel anythingSponsored by JENZAPositively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life.Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an ideal way of giving them the skills they need with an added boost to their 'explorer' mindset. I’ve already made an episode talking in general about gap years, but I'm still getting a lot of enquiries about specific opportunities, so when JENZA - the earn as you explore youth travel group - offered to sponsor an episode it was an obvious way to get lots of useful tips for us parents.In this discussion with JENZA’s head of Global Operations, Adam Janaway, he shares:The benefits of working abroad, emphasizing skills like responsibility, adaptability, and problem-solving. The career advantages of cultural exposure and work experience in foreign settings. Three types of work abroad experiences: short-term structured programs, longer-term flexible working holidays, and professional internships. His own experiences, including working at a US summer camp and in Canada, and stresses the importance of asking for help and building emotional intelligence. Advice for us parents to encourage independence and planning for our children's working holidays.JENZA: www.jenza.comGAP YEAR EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/gap-years-what-is-a-gap-year-and-should-our-teens-take-one/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 29, 2025 • 52min
Using facts to be a good parent to teenagers: The evidence.
Ask Rachel anythingIt's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it.Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as 'A rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful.' I knew we all needed to hear about what Matilda had found. THE BOOKTeenagers: The Evidence Base, weaves together insights from fields including social and experimental psychology, neuroscience, family systems and adolescent development. CONTACTING MATILDA:https://www.matildagosling.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/matilda-gosling-11a95521/?originalSubdomain=ukhttps://matildagosling.substack.com/In the interview we cover:Navigating the ups and downs of the teenage years - The book discusses how the teenage years are not just constant "storms and stress" but have complex weather patterns with both positive and negative aspects.Supporting teenagers' identity exploration - The book advises letting teenagers experiment with different identities and not labeling them, to allow them room to continue developing.Facilitating healthy friendships and relationships - The discussion covers how parents can support their teenager's friendships, even if they don't approve of all their friends, and have conversations about healthy romantic relationships.Talking to teens about sex and sexuality - The book emphasizes the importance of parents proactively discussing sex, sexuality, and porn with teenagers, rather than leaving it to schools or the media.Maintaining self-care as a parent - The book stresses that parents taking care of their own needs and well-being is crucial for supporting their teenager's well-being.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
8 snips
Jan 22, 2025 • 34min
Stress and guilt: reducing the overwhelming mental load.
In this engaging conversation, Sam Kelly, a feminist coach for mothers and the creator of the 'Notice and Do' concept, shares insights on reducing parenting stress. She emphasizes the importance of teaching kids essential life skills to alleviate the mental load on parents. Sam discusses the 'big three' tasks vital for developing responsibility and independence in children. Her innovative 'notice and grab' grocery shopping method turns errands into learning experiences, empowering kids while fostering family harmony and collaboration.
Jan 15, 2025 • 1h
Motivating teens: why parents are the missing piece of the puzzle.
Ask Rachel anythingWe parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did. A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Some take a lacklustre approach, doing the bare minimum, some work hard but never really think about the path they're on, others simply check out by disrupting the class or refusing to turn up. The result is a high boredom high stress environment, but in this amazing book Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson explain that we parents have a immense power to influence our kids' engagement. Drawing on sciencific studies, and research with thousands of parents and educators, they have come up with an easy to understand framwork and language for us to use with our own kids both in and beyond the classroom. LEARNING MODES: Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.THE BOOK:The Disengaged Teen by Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny AndersonDr Rebecca Winthrophttps://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 8, 2025 • 38min
Enduring sibling relationships: Why some last and others fall apart.
Ask Rachel anythingThere are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other.Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die.When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it came at the same time as another, Helen, who said she'd noticed lots of her female friends are struggling in their relationships with their sisters. In this episode I talk with Susie about the factors in our own family setups that affect sibling relationships long term and whether there's a secret to making sure your kids don’t hate each other some day. We also try to help Helen with some ideas about how she can ameliorate her own situation with her sister. BOOK:Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlishhttps://www.researchgate.net/publication/343433834_Sibling_Relationships_in_Adulthood_Research_Findings_and_New_Frontiershttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7399693/Findingshttps://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04983-006Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 1, 2025 • 21min
New Year 2025: resolutions, stress, being more fun and the most interesting books.
Ask Rachel anythingMAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/PARENTING STRESS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issueTOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaushttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/Sexism and Sensibility by Jo Ann Finkelstein https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/When Girls Fall Out by Andrew Hampton https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/Hold on to Your Kids by Dr Gordon Neufeld and Gabor MateAnxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Failing our Future by Joshua Eyler https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-how-grades-harm-students-and-what-we-parents-can-do-about-it/Exam Nation by Sammy Wright https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/Of Boys and Men by Richard V ReevesBoys Adrift by Leonard Sax.MOST DOWNLOADED EPISODES OF 2024:80: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/79-taking-things-personally-coping-with-adversity-teen-love-and-changing-our-minds-when-we-get-ne/110: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/77: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/88: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/93: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Dec 23, 2024 • 30min
Family gatherings without the fireworks, and staying connected with your young teen.
Ask Rachel anythingConnection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics that cause problems, move away from stale family tropes, and create an atmosphere that sets us up for positive connection.Help for Helen: Incorporate traditions or rituals that mark transitions and changes in your relationship with your teenagers, like a special one-on-one trip or creating a photo book.Communicate openly about the changing nature of your relationship with teenagers and reassure them that you are still a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings.Be open and clear about how they can tell you anything and you will not tell a soul, to encourage trust and a sense that they can open up to you.Episode 2 covers how to stay connectedEpisode 3 how to talk so they’ll listenEpisode 13 is great ways to spend time with your teenEpisode 41 covers conflict resolutionFamily parties without the fireworks:Episode 70: Giving presents. Is your teenager ungrateful?Episode 69: Festivities or fights?Focus on being proactive and setting the tone for gatherings by approaching them with positivity and an intention to connect, rather than just trying to get through them.Be intentional about creating spaces and activities that bring your family together, such as having everyone bring a game to play.Identify and highlight the unique quirks or interests of family members to spark engaging conversations and connect on a more personal level.Deputize unexpected guests or assign roles to family members to mix up the group dynamics and prevent the same people from dominating conversations.Channel any argumentative or competitive energy into structured activities or games that allow for healthy expression and bonding.Seed new conversation topics that encourage sharing stories and personal experiences rather than just opinions, such as asking about the best new food tried or songs discovered.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Dec 18, 2024 • 45min
Suicide: How to talk about it with teens, and offer proper support.
Ask Rachel anythingIn a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months. She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode. In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it. So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents. RESOURCES:https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groupshttps://afsp.org/https://findahelpline.com/i/iasphttps://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved:The Kita Center in Maine: https://www.thekitacenter.org/This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita, a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Preventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.”Coping After Suicide Peer Support Groups: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men).Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation: https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloudAward-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss. Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building: https://www.elpis-consult.com/Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving.Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
