Parenting Teens Untangled - Realistic, science-backed teen & tween parenting advice
Rachel Richards
I'm Rachel Richards, Teen Parenting Specialist, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable. Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? I've experienced that too, so have a big hug from me.Here's the truth. You’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together.I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time.Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs.So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together.The Podcast:A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination.Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode.If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers.My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things.JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK:For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual.ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you.COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters.All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear.PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes.Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them.POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.
Episodes
Mentioned books
16 snips
Feb 24, 2022 • 40min
Parenting teen and tween sibling rivalry, also the vaping teenager.
Sibling rivalry isn’t just a nuisance; it’s a vital part of growing up! The podcast discusses how these conflicts teach kids about boundaries and self-awareness. You'll learn practical strategies for reducing tensions, like avoiding labels and encouraging communication skills. Plus, the importance of cultivating sibling bonds is highlighted, as well as tackling the tricky issue of vaping. Open dialogue about health risks is emphasized, helping parents navigate both challenging behaviors and lifestyle choices effectively.
Feb 13, 2022 • 31min
Covid's impact on our teens, also the teenage sleep conundrum.
Ask Rachel anythingCovid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens. A recent analysis for the BBC says there’s been a 77% rise in severe mental health cases in under 18’s and that head teachers are also reporting a huge rise in less severe mental health issues.In a recent survey of over 200 of Place2Be’s frontline mental health professionals the common themes that young people have been raising are· Loneliness & isolation (55%) · Academic worries (48%) · Juggling schoolwork (45%) · Loss of rituals like end of year activities or exams (43%) · Family relationship difficulties (42%)A very touching, emotional BBC documentary that helps to see the world through the eyes of school kids and teachers:https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0g8c10s/helping-our-teens-series-1-episode-1WHAT CAN YOU DO? Tips – www.place2be· Remind your child about everything they want to achieve and encourage them to look ahead.· Remind them of how valued they are.· Acknowledge how hard it has been not seeing their loved ones and friends. Help them find ways to do that.· Respond calmly and in a resilient way and your child will take their cue from you.· Encourage them to try new things in something they enjoy.· Check in with your teen. It's really important to find time to connect with them AND to encourage them to talk about their feelings. SLEEP AND TEENAGERS:Tips – The Sleep Foundation: get them to review their sleep patterns:· Budgeting eight hours of sleep into your daily schedule and keeping that same schedule on both weekdays and weekends.· Creating a consistent pre-bed routine to help with relaxation and falling asleep fast.· Avoiding caffeine and energy drinks, especially in the afternoon and evening.· Putting away electronic devices for at least a half-hour before bed and keeping them on silent mode to avoid checking them during the night.· Check the mattress and pillow are good for the teenager. · Keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. SOURCES: Julie Hubbard, professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Delaware World Economic ForumStudenSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Feb 5, 2022 • 31min
Body image and getting teens to do chores.
Ask Rachel anythingA healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Influences:Family environment,Ability/disabilityAttitudes of peersSocial mediaCultural background Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.How to prevent body image issues as a parent:Psychologists Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver 1997 study said that what gives us self-esteem (the opposite of shame) isn’t a terrific outfit or success, it’s forming and maintaining relationships which makes people feel sure of their value. Talk to your teenager about images in social media. Help them to see how fake they are and how digital manipulation is rife, also how everyone doesn’t look like that. Praise your teenager for what they can do, not what they look like. Sharing the knowledge that shame is a normal experience helps the teenager feel that they aren’t alone. Be kind to yourself. Expecting perfection from ourselves makes us expect it from others. Be proud of things about yourself that aren’t about your appearance.Avoid negative talk about your diet/crash diets.As a parent, be proud of what your body can do.What to look out for:The teenager belongs to a group that insists on a certain body type.Perfectionism.Continually comparing their body to someone else.Not wanting to leave the house, or try new things, because of the way they look.Obsessing about weight, or a part of their body.Spending a lot of time looking in the mirror for imperfections.Linking food with feelings of guilt or shame.Strange eating habits.What to doTalk with your child about what you’ve noticed. Don’t dismiss it.There are some excellent self-help books. Seek professional help early. Resources:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teensThe Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor I Thought it was just me by Brené BrownChores: Household duties develop a sense ofSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 29, 2022 • 31min
Motivation and giving up: When do we let them quit?
Ask Rachel anythingWe'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?And our listener’s question comes from Emma: '‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to stop playing the piano now she’s grade four. I’m so upset about it, because whenever she seems to be good at something she goes so far then just gives up and wants to hang out with her friends. What should I do?"TED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=enBooks referenced: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned JohnsonThe Gift of Failure by Jessica LaheyThrivers by Michele BorbaSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 21, 2022 • 31min
Mobile phone photos/sexting, and money management using an allowance.
Ask Rachel anythingOur teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents.In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator. Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org: 1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent. Internet Watch Foundation, confirmed 68k cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020 – up 77% on the previous year.In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls. Fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to.Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth. Why do they sext?Seeking someone’s approvalLong distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationshipFeeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other peoplePeer pressureFunAs a result of harassment, threats or blackmailWhat to do?Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent. Use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked. What do they post about themselves?What sites do they use and what draws them there? What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom? How do they decide what information to share? Set clear guidelines and firewalls.Boys?Adolescent boys are under enormous pressure to impress their peers.Ask boys why they would feel entitled to ask for these photos, knowing the pitfalls. Ask them what pressures they feel from their friends and porn culture. Do they know that it’s illegal to disseminate or ask for nude images of under age people?If something's happened:Speak to the school and parents of the other teenager to the get the material removed.The IWF can search for explicit images or videos of your child and remove them.Tell your girls about the #gurlsoutloud support hashtag.A free service to remove pictures of under 18’s online. https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 14, 2022 • 27min
Talk so your teenager will listen, and dealing with teen sex in your home.
Ask Rachel anythingRemember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom?Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Daniel Siegel says we need to teach them to have reflective conversations:Numerous brain studies show that when we do this (either with someone else or in our own heads) it stimulates the integration of the prefrontal cortex where planning and problem solving takes place, and allows us to tune into others ie empathy. How to do it: JoAnn Deak - Girls will be girls.Don’t assume or jump in straight away.Don’t move straight to the fix-it mode.Help them to explore what they’re saying. Leave some grey areas.Discuss strategies for action. Don't overreact. Once you’re in the strategy phase that’s when your knowledge can help inform the teenager’s decisions. Don’t be afraid to provide your moral/philosophical bottom line. There are so many grey areas it can be a relief to know there are some black and white’s.Techniques: Parent Gym based on how to talk so your kids will listen.Super silence and active listening.When to do it?Try to develop regular non-crisis moments where conversations can happen. Saying goodnight, car journeys, meal-times, fixing their bike. Listen to the news together to start a discussion. Get them to entertain you. What’s the gossip? What are you reading? What have you been watching? What’s your favourite music at the moment? Take a genuine interest in their answers. Books, and materials, we've referenced: Brainstorm by Daniel SiegelHow to talk so your Kids will listen; How to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine MazlishGirls will be girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak Parent Gym coaching materialsTangling with your teenagerHelen wrote 'My sixteen year old is dating and says he’s in love. What do I do if he brings her home and wants her to stay the night? Do I put them in the same room, or separate them?' ISSUES:Explore your own feelings about it, and why? Convey them to your child. Talk to the other parents to find out how they feel about it. If they aren’t happy, talk to the son about what his alternatives are. AtSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jan 7, 2022 • 24min
Discussing alcohol, and how to stay connected
Ask Rachel anythingYou only have to scan the jokes on birthday cards in the shops to see how much drinking alcohol is ingrained in our culture as both fun and an escape from drudgery. So there's little wonder that teenagers can be eager to join the club. But when should we let them start, and how do we keep them safe?And in tangling with our teenagers Alex asks "How do I stay connected with my teenager when they argue, and don’t seem to want me anymore?" Join Susie and Rachel as we combine the advice of experts, and our own experience, to tackle these problems.Interesting articles:The effect of peer pressure on drinking in Denmark: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/16066350600691683Books: Alcohol Nation by Dr Aric SigmanLove Bombing by Oliver JamesHow to talk so your kids will listen, how to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.Definition of Binge Drinking: The Royal College of Psychiatrists clearly defines binge drinking as drinking over 2.5 standard 175ml glasses of wine (6 units) for a fully-grown adult woman or 3.5 glasses for a man (8 units), in a short space of time. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Dec 16, 2021 • 24min
Your parenting toolbox and teenagers tidying their rooms
Ask Rachel anythingJust when you thought that you’d got the hang of parenting, your child changes again... and now they're a teenager.In this episode, we have a rummage in your parenting toolbox to work out what’s in there, and how useful it actually is.And in Tangling with your Teenager, we gather all of your suggestions to answer Natalie’s question. ‘How do I get my son to do what I say, and tidy his room?’Answers range from taking the door off to pretending there are mice in the room.Do you have any tips, or any great stories that will teach us what not to do?We'd love to hear from you, including any questions you'd like answered?Printable notes from the showEmail us now: teenagersuntangled@gmail.comOr find us onwww.teenagersuntangled.comhttps://instagram.com/teenagersuntangledExperts mentioned in the podcast:👉🏻Www.aricsigman.com👉🏻Jesper Juul: Your Competent ChildSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
