Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about prioritizing ourselves and our children. Today's caller, Aprisa, is a single mother who looks to others to get her needs met. She had a traumatic childhood and has not yet healed her inner child wounding. We also discuss depression and how highly-sensitive people have more proclivity to depression because feeling big emotions can feel scary. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode328] With single parents, the rightful roles of parent and child can get a little murky. It is important not to hide our emotions from our children. It is okay for them to see us sad or angry but we want to make sure they know it is not their responsibility. Sadness doesn't last forever but it is important to feel it because when we hold down our emotions they get stuck. What often happens with people who are depressed is that they don't know what to do with their big feelings. They end up being distant, irritable, or sad. When what they need to get at is their anger, rage, grief, shame, and other big feelings. Oftentimes, when someone is diagnosed with depression it is important to look at the root cause and what else could be going on. And, many times the diagnosis of depression can be limiting. When we suppress our feelings and are not connected with our inner child we can collapse into the subconscious programming, patterning, and time travel when we are triggered. Be on the lookout for my soon-to-be-released Year in Review episode and join me in releasing 2021 and calling in 2022. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you an introvert or a highly sensitive person who has a proclivity to depression, especially when you suppress emotions? Have you found yourself parentifying a spouse or partner? Or, are you spousifying your child? Aprisa's Question: Aprisa is triggered by her traumatic past and doesn't feel her needs are being met in her current relationship. Aprisa's Key Insights and Ahas: She is a single mother. She has abandonment trauma from her past. She just moved to a new continent with her son. She is currently in a relationship and puts her boyfriend before herself and her son. She has been clinically diagnosed with depression. She feels her needs are not being met. She wants to feel peace and not be triggered. She has big emotions and doesn't know how to explain them. She looks to her partner to heal her inner child. She gets triggered and emotionally falls back on her subconscious programming. She is passing on her anxious attachment style to her son. How to Get Over It and On With It: Reduce the burden on her son by reframing how she explains her depression to him. Create a secure attachment to her son to bring her closer to her inner child. Acknowledge her big feelings and realize she is not doing anything wrong. Connect to her inner child and love and parent herself with love and compassion. Resist the addiction to codependency. Prioritize herself and her son. Takeaways: Listen to my Coaches Corner #286 — Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf. Remember, you have the power to transform and heal, no one else can do it for you. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Another dear friend of mine joins me on the podcast today to discuss how to tap into and trust your intuition, the importance of leaving unhealthy relationships and the magic and power of animals. Alyson Charles is a shaman and spiritual teacher who is devoted to living by the calls of inner wisdom, mysticism, energy medicine, and shamanic practices she has mastered through her studies with spiritual teachers, both of and beyond this world. She leads global courses, events, and talks to reconnect people to their fullest power and confidence through sacred practices and rituals. Alyson's power animal shamanic journey was named a top meditation to try by O, The Oprah Magazine, and she has collaborated with a range of media outlets and brands, including the New York Times, HBO, National Geographic, Well + Good, mindbodygreen, Forbes, Elle, and Self. You can pre-order her beautiful new book here: https://www.alysoncharles.com/animalpower

This episode is about making self-honoring choices without feeling selfish. Today's caller, Pooja, has a beautiful relationship with her parents but is torn between pursuing her dream of being a life coach and staying in the U.S. or moving home to be closer to her aging parents who miss her. This episode will help you to get out of limbo and make decisions that feel selfish. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode327] We want to make choices that are aligned with us versus a "should." Choices made from "should" create a higher likelihood of resentment. We either end up resenting the people who pulled us to make the choice or we resent ourselves for making the choice because we feel like we betrayed and abandoned ourselves, which is never a good situation. Whenever you feel the pull of both duty and desire, ask yourself what the most self-honoring choice is, because when we make the most self-honoring choice we are less likely to feel resentment later. We show up more authentically in our relationships when we make choices that are self-honoring. Choose something, start to take steps forward, and then if you need to choose something else, you can. If you are considering becoming a great coach, the $2,500 early bird discount for enrollment in ElementumCoachingInstitute.com ends on December 31, 2021. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com if you have specific questions. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you struggling with a decision or choice, or have you been in limbo and it is causing you a lot of anxiety? Are you often torn between what you want to do and duty, obligation, or love you feel for your family that is pulling you in a different direction? Do you live far away from your parents or your family and feel a pull to be closer to them but also pull to stay where you are because you love it? When you make a choice that feels self-honoring does it feel selfish to you? Pooja's Question: Pooja is transitioning careers and is not yet ready to return to India to be with her aging parents. She would like guidance on whether to return or to follow her dream. Pooja's Key Insights and Ahas: She moved to the U.S. with the intention of returning home after a work assignment. She and her husband have been in the U.S. since 2013. She is going through a career transition. Her parents may expect her and her husband to return to India. Her dream is to be a life coach. She is torn between duty, obligation, and love. She hasn't had a heart-to-heart conversation with her parents about her dream. Her values are aligned with her parents' values. Her parents have given her freedom in her life and have never asked her for anything. Her parents are aging but healthy. How to Get Over It and On With It: Make a decision without expectations or "shoulds." Have a conversation with her parents about her dreams and goals. Commit to a decision and know that she can change it if she feels a nudge from her intuition. Keep in contact with her parents via video. Takeaways: If you are struggling with a decision/choice, remember you are not locked in. Empower yourself by getting out of limbo. Sponsor: STORYWORTH — Do you have your gifts ready for the holidays? A thoughtful and meaningful gift you can give a family member is Storyworth. Storyworth helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles the stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is incredibly educational when it comes to our attachment styles. I talk with licensed psychotherapist Ellen Boeder about how attachment styles are formed, how they impact our adult relationships, and what we can do to heal them so we can have more secure attachments. A little more about Ellen . . . She has been a therapist since 2003. She has a strong background in yoga and meditation, and her graduate training in Transpersonal Psychology also deeply inform her work. Since getting married 12 years ago, and becoming a mother to two children, Ellen transitioned from working primarily with women to focusing on couples. Ellen is trained in PACT, a therapeutic modality for couples founded by Stan Tatkin, PsyD., that synthesizes attachment theory, neuroscience, and affect regulation models to support couples in creating an enduring and nourishing relationship through secure functioning. In addition to maintaining a part time private practice, Ellen is on faculty for the Relationship School—a business founded by her husband Jayson Gaddis that provides in depth relationship education for anyone who wants to learn, as well as training for relationship coaches.

This episode is about setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth. Today's caller, Nicole, grew up in an unhealthy family dynamic. Her grandmother didn't accept her family and tried to split them up. She wants to be at peace with the situation but has not yet dealt with her anger. During the holidays, if you are the one who is breaking generational patterns, you may be called selfish or righteous. It can be a difficult place to be put in. But, I encourage you to stand in your truth. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode326] So many families use guilt and obligation to get people to do things. If you don't play into it then you may be told you are uncaring or disappointing. But, remember, guilt and obligation are not love. Just because you say no or have a boundary does not mean you do not love your family; it just means you are not playing into the unhealthy family dynamic. Love itself is unconditional. You can love your family and have compassion for them but relationships are not unconditional. You wouldn't stay in a relationship if the person lied, cheated, or took your money. And, just because someone is a blood relative doesn't give them the right to have a relationship with you if they are violating certain boundaries. We can all have loving boundaries and have compassion for people but not tolerate their behavior. I don't believe that just because someone has had a hard life and has been hurt, that they should have a get-out-of-jail-free card to mistreat other people. We don't have to let that into our lives. Just because someone has had a hard life it doesn't give them the right to make our life hard. Considering becoming a coach? Take a moment to listen to my Coaches Corner episode #312 with Alexi Parnos, co-founder of ElementumCoachingInstitute.com. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel guilty if you shut certain people, especially family members, out of your life? Are you carrying around anger or resentment about how you've been treated by your family? Are you mad at your parents for not sticking up for you inside of their family? If you are a parent, what do you want to teach your child about family dynamics? Nicole's Question: Nicole is considering cutting her father's family out of her life and would like guidance on how to navigate through an unhealthy family dynamic. Nicole's Key Insights and Ahas: Her father's family tried to split her parents up. She wants to cut her father's family out of her life. Her grandmother wants to form a relationship with her daughter. She is holding onto hurt and anger. She wants to be at peace with the situation. She hasn't recognized the impact the situation has had on her. She played a therapist for her mother as a child. Her father was afraid to stand up for his own family. Her grandmother sends passive-aggressive notes. She gets triggered by her grandmother. How to Get Over It and On With It: Process her emotions to move into forgiveness. Do the Empty Chair process and have a conversation with little Nicole about what she needs and give her a voice. Mother her inner child. Let herself release her anger or write an FU letter. Set boundaries and open her heart. Takeaways: Get honest with yourself about unhealthy family dynamics. Will this be the year you speak your truth? Will you have a care-frontation conversation about what is going on? Or will this be another year of people-pleasing, swallowing your feelings, and having guilt and obligation, or just avoiding your family altogether? Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Thirdlove obsesses over every stitch. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you are interested in becoming a coach or already are a coach and want to be even more impactful, don't miss this episode. You've heard me talk about the coaching certification program I co-founded with Stef, Preston Smiles and Alexi Panos. Today, my dear friend and partner, Alexi, joins me as we take a deep dive into describing the Elementum Coaching Institute. We cover: why and how it's different from other certification programs, how it's structured, what you learn, what you receive, and SO much more. If you've been considering enrolling in Elementum, this episode will answer so many of your questions. A little more about Alexi . . . A leader in the Emergent Wisdom movement, Alexi Panos was named as one of FORBES Top 11 Women Entrepreneurs, INC's magazines TOP 10 ENTREPRENEUR'S CHANGING THE WORLD, one of Origin Magazines TOP 100 CREATIVES CHANGING THE WORLD, and is a featured expert in the films THE ABUNDANCE FACTOR, RISEUP and AGE OF THE ENTREPRENEUR. Alexi is a Master Leadership and Embodiment trainer and co-founder in The Bridge Method workshops and The Elementum Coaching Institute, host of the Top 10 Self Improvement Podcast UNLEASHED, business strategist, filmmaker and humanitarian (through her organizations E.P.I.C. and The Sisters Society); and as a bestseller, Alexi has authored the books 50 WAYS TO YAY! and NOW OR NEVER, both by Simon & Schuster. Alexi is a proud mama to 4 kids and currently lives in Austin, TX. Follow her on Instagram and Youtube @alexipanos. www.alexipanos.com @alexipanos

This episode is about healing sexual blocks in relationships. Today's callers, Adam & Reanna, want to heal past trauma and have a healthy sex life together. I guide them through an exploration process. This session is useful even if there is no trauma in your past; It is an intimate process that brings couples closer together. And, because in many ways sex is something still taboo to talk about, and often shamed, I want to normalize the conversation. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode325] Many times, we think men are the ones who want more sex but it's not gender, sexual identity, or sexual orientation specific. It is life-experience specific. Our experiences impact our sex life. There isn't a childhood trauma that doesn't impact our sex life, even if there is no sexual abuse. Any kind of childhood trauma impacts our emotional, mental, financial, and sex life. We often forget about intimacy and what a turn-on intimacy can be, even when we are dating. Our bodies talk to us. Especially as women, if we do not feel safe in our emotional body, our physical body will give us signs. And, many of the blocks in couples' sex lives arise because they aren't reaching the levels of deeper emotional intimacy. Having healthy sexuality is more than just having a good sex life. It is about feeling comfortable in your body, enjoying the sensual experiences of life, and knowing what your turn-ons are. When it comes to sex many of us consider the performance and pleasing the other person versus what feels good. Healthy sex is about feeling alive and vital and creative. We don't need a partner to have great sexuality and a great sex life. Sexuality and sex is about more than the physical act. It is an energetic experience. Get my free 2-part Sacred Union process at ChristineHassler.com/SacredUnion. If you are in a relationship or you are your own beloved this is a great process to increase intimate connection in your life. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have sexual trauma or any other type of trauma that shows up in relationships? Is sex hard for you? Do you mentally want to be able to do it but when it comes to the physical act your body just shuts down and you experience trauma triggers? Are you someone who may have an overactive sex drive, sexual compulsion, sexual addiction, or do you look to sex to fill a void? Does your sex life in your relationship feel stagnant or that it needs some improvement or do you feel stuck? Adam & Reanna's Question: Adam & Reanna have sexual issues affecting their relationship. They would like guidance on how to have a healthy emotional and physical relationship together. Reanna's Key Insights and Ahas: Her mother didn't talk with her about sex. She had a teacher be physically inappropriate with her. She was in a long-term relationship with a controlling person. She has trauma, shame, domestic violence, and PTSD in her life. She wants to do the work to have a healthy relationship with Adam. Adam's Key Insights and Ahas: He is frustrated because he wants to help Reanna heal. He wants Reanna to want to have sex with him. He sometimes thinks he is addicted to sex. He does not always feel worthy. He relies on physical intimacy to replace emotional intimacy. How to Get Over It and On With It: Continue counseling and somatic therapy. Slowly and gently explore each other. Take baby steps to intimacy. Practice communicating their needs during the exploration process. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

We cover so much ground in this episode about diet, metabolism, hormones and overall health. Dr. Jade Teta is an integrative physician, author and expert in the realm of natural health, fitness, metabolism and self-development. He spent the last 25 years immersed in the study of strength and conditioning, hormonal metabolism and the psychology of change and success. He has written five books on metabolism, and coauthored the exercise and sports nutrition chapters, of The Textbook Of Natural Medicine. Dr. Teta runs both, Jade Teta,LLC and Next Level Human Inc., that combine his medical and fitness knowledge with his expertise in self-development and mindset change. He writes and lectures extensively on the subjects of lifestyle medicine, natural health, and mindset change to both healthcare professionals and the public. His latest book is a daily meditation on making life changes and based on his 6 Powers. Human 365 is available on Amazon.

This episode is about breaking a pattern. Today's caller, Aimee, wants to end a relationship but keeps going back for more. She has a lot of awareness about why it isn't healthy but she hasn't taken the action to end it for good. We work through how she can find clarity and commit to her truth. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode324] When we don't feel integrated, when all of our parts are not working in harmony, or we have parts of ourselves we have abandoned, we can feel fragmented, off-balance, and lost. If you ever feel lost, ask yourself — what parts of me have I lost versus why am I lost or why do I feel lost? — then, think about what parts of yourself you need to bring back in and integrate. We can get caught in a bind and judgmental of ourselves when our adult brain, our conscious mind is like — this is a terrible situation. Why am I here? We can't seem to get out of it or we get out of the situation and we go back for more. It is because the subconscious is looking for an unmet need. Healing comes when we give ourselves what we need, take action, and keep our promises to ourselves. Remember, feeling relief is an indicator that we are on our way to the truth. Do you want to call in a healthy relationship and break patterns when it comes to dating and men? To start your journey and create an epic relationship, on November 30th, Stefanos and I will facilitate our last Be the Queen program for a while. Go to ChristineHassler.com/BetheQueen to apply. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a situation you are in, a behavior you repeat, or a relationship you know needs to end but you just can't seem to get out of it? Do you find yourself calling something love or calling a relationship healthy or calling a situation okay but it isn't? It is just familiar. Are you confusing true love and safety with familiarity and certainty? Are you abandoning your inner child by continuing to put yourself in situations that aren't for your highest good? Aimee's Question: Aimee doesn't know how to end her relationship of 11 years. She keeps going back and putting her needs aside. Aimee's Key Insights and Ahas: Her relationship is not loving, it is familiar. Her relationship doesn't meet her needs. She feels disconnected and lost. As a child, she felt she had to earn her mother's love. She has chronic trauma and doesn't feel safe. She is ready to break her pattern of going back but feels guilty. She knows she will never be loved by her mother the way she wants. She doesn't want to be in this relationship. She cannot tend to her inner child if she goes back to the unhealthy relationship. She finds it hard to get out of her head. She is scared to show her true self. It is time for her to receive. How to Get Over It and On With It: Let her inner child grieve the pain for the love she didn't get from her mother. Connect and commit to her inner child. Leave the relationship and get professional support. Stay committed and strong when she feels guilty. Write a letter or record the promises she is making to herself. Takeaways: If you have a pattern you can't seem to quit, ask yourself if it is what you think it is. If you need help connecting to your inner child, listen to the Inner Child Workshop at ChristineHassler.com/InnerChild. Sponsor: STORYWORTH — is an online service that offers a unique gift. Storyworth helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Nate Klemp joins me to talk about "The 80/80 Marriage," a new model for balancing career, family, and love. The 80/80 Marriage pushes couples beyond the limited idea of "fairness" toward a new model grounded on radical generosity and shared success, one that calls for each partner to contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship. Drawing from more than one hundred interviews with couples from all walks of life, stories from business and pop culture, scientific studies, and ancient philosophical insights, husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp pinpoint exactly what's not working in modern marriage. Their 80/80 model of marriage provides practical, powerful solutions to transform your relationship and open up space for greater love and connection. Learn more here: https://www.8080marriage.com/