Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is the second of a three-part couples coaching series. Christine coaches Claire and Jimmy separately, and then together in Part 3. In today's call, with Jimmy, she explores the things from his childhood that may make commitment a bit hard for him. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode375] It is okay if we have conflict. It is okay if plans need to be rearranged. It is okay if you unintentionally disappoint someone. There is a difference between promising someone you will be somewhere and not showing up versus having to renegotiate an agreement. It is reframing conflict into clarification. Because not every situation, conversation, or engagement with someone that we think is going to be stressful is. If we go in thinking something is going to be confrontational, that the other person is going to be upset, or that it is not going to go well, we limit the possibilities. But if we go in seeking clarification, or as a renegotiation of a commitment, then it becomes an entirely different conversation. When we find a safe space on our own, we don't necessarily default to an avoidant attachment style, although it can happen. What we default to is that it is safer on our own. Intimacy or really committing to making plans is challenging. If we add in that we don't want to disappoint anyone as a sort of reason or even a subconscious excuse not to make plans, not to get closer, then we have a great wall of protection built around us. It can prevent us from going to deeper levels of intimacy with others. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you sometimes commitment-phobic? Do you love the idea of plans but when it comes to making them, it's hard, or wish your partner would make plans and you don't understand why they don't? Do you relate to being a lone wolf and find it hard to be in relationship because you sometimes do better on your own? And, although you want love, commitment, and relationship, at the same time you don't want to disappoint anyone? Do you not do things for fear of disappointing people but then you end up disappointing them anyway? Jimmy's Question: Jimmy wonders if there isn't more at play when he and Claire struggle with planning things together. Jimmy's Key Insights and Ahas: When he gets pressed or pushed he feels blocked and withdraws. He is worried his responsibilities hinder him from showing up responsibly. He fears letting Claire down. He is taking steps to adjust his work calendar. His schedule to see his children is fluid. It is important that he shows up responsibly for work. His father wasn't present for him in childhood. He wants to show up for his daughters. He has a pattern of avoiding conflict. He wants harmony in his life. At 14, he helped parent his siblings and worked outside of the home. He didn't have anyone looking out for him growing up. He enjoys being committed but not committed. He likes to be spontaneous. He can see why Claire feels the way she does. He is scared of intimacy. His identity, confidence, and worth are tied to his work. He has an opportunity for intimacy. How to Get Over It and On With It: Reframe how he thinks about conflict. Think about renegotiating plans as clarifying conversations. Ask 14-year-old Jimmy what he is scared of. Consider what kind of relationship he desires. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friends debuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging across the country.

This episode is the first of a three-part couples coaching series. Christine coaches Claire and Jimmy separately, and then together in Part 3. In today's call, Claire reveals she would like Jimmy to make plans with her and make her a priority in his life. Christine uncovers some childhood patterns that may be at play in Claire's current relationship. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode374] When there is something that is bothering us and we are unable to shift it, we need to dig deeper. It is normal for us to be able to identify what is going on with someone else yet still to be blind to our own blocks. When we finally see it we realize how obvious it was but it is hard to see. We often just want to notice the current problem and fix our relationship, versus going back to see what it reminds us of in our past. Things in our lives will continue to be frustrating until we unpack the message they are illuminating. When we take the time to work on ourselves first, often it offers more clarity about issues in our relationships. We can't work on issues in our relationships without working on ourselves. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a constant pattern in your relationship you can't seem to shift? Do you and your partner argue about the same issues over and over? Do you have an unmet need from a parent that is showing up in your relationship? Are you willing to see your partner in a different light? Are you willing to see your partner for who they are, right here, right now? Claire's Question: Claire would like guidance about how she can feel like a priority in her partner's life. Claire's Key Insights and Ahas: Her childhood wound is abandonment. She doesn't feel like a priority in Jimmy's life. When she feels seen by Jimmy she feels empowered in the relationship. She has different patterns than Jimmy. She has been married before. Her father wasn't present every day in her childhood. She is attached to planning and doing things. How to Get Over It and On With It: Practice connection and intimacy with Jimmy in everyday life. Remind her inner child that Jimmy isn't her Dad and she can get love whenever she wants. Let go of planning for a while to accept love in the here and now. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine's husband Stef who is a breathwork facilitator joins her to talk about the incredibly powerful modality of breathwork. Learn more about what breathwork is and how it may help you to tap into deeper levels of healing and freedom. If you want to join Stef and Christine for their next breathwork event, go here: https://stefanossifandos.com/feminine/ And if you are interested in their breathwork and meditation program, go here: https://christinehassler.com/breathwork

This episode is about trusting our intuition and keeping others' voices out of our heads. Today's caller, Hannah, has made a clear decision to do something for herself. Yet, doubts are creeping in due to the opinions of others. If you have a gut feeling about something and other people are doubting you or you want to get to the place where you can trust your own inner knowing, this call will be extremely helpful. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode373] You do not owe anyone an explanation for your decisions. If your decisions directly impact others, then a discussion is necessary. But, when you make personal decisions that only impact you, it is nobody else's business but yours. And on the flip side, we need to respect other people's choices even if we wouldn't make the same ones. When people are not respecting our boundaries, it is imperative we create a distance from them. And, just because someone is a family member, doesn't give them the right to have unlimited opinions about our lives and to know everything about us. Other people's voices should not be louder than our own intuition. Join Stefanos live for Breathwork for the Feminine. It is designed for women only. Stefanos leads the breathwork and then he and Christine both do coaching and processing afterward. Join them live in Austin on November 7th, 2022, from 6‒9 CST, or join virtually — Go to Stefanossifandos.com/feminine to register. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you recently made a decision that others are doubting and you wonder if you should be doubting it yourself? Do you have a habit of people-pleasing, being a chameleon, or going against what you want? Do you doubt that you have intuition and don't know how to connect to it? Do you need to have stronger boundaries with certain people in your life? Hannah's Question: Hannah is on the brink of a scheduled surgery. She knows this is the right choice for her but would like clarity about the pressure she feels. Hannah's Key Insights and Ahas: She's never wanted children. She has a tubal ligation procedure scheduled. Her inner voice is telling her she is broken. She's done personal development work for some time. She is the only child in her family who isn't married or doesn't want children. Having the procedure feels self-honoring. Others around her question her judgment. She struggles when making decisions for herself. She feels pressure about not having rights over her body. She felt a sense of relief after making a decision. This may be the first decision she has made based on what she wants. She is a people-pleaser. How to Get Over It and On With It: Make choices without checking in with others. Stop putting her needs aside in favor of the needs of others. Practice making quicker decisions and go with her gut. Takeaways: Stay out of other people's business. Keep others out of your business. Listen to your gut. Don't let people's voices be louder than your own voice. Sponsor: Caraway Cookware — is good looking, clean cooking. Caraway cookware is beautiful, easy to clean and use and it is non-toxic. It has a naturally slick ceramic surface and comes in cookware and bakeware sets. Go to CarawayHome.com/Overit to take advantage of the exclusive 10% off limited-time offer and use Overit at checkout. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Have you forgotten who you truly are? Are you caught up in some self-doubt, guilt, loneliness, sadness or disappointment? Could you use a reminder of how lovable you are? Then don't miss this episode where Christine speaks straight to your heart.

This episode is about how loving actions help us heal. Today's caller, Jada, was never shown love in childhood and wants to know how she can learn to love herself. When we don't have loving stable parenting, we are at a disadvantage. But, people who have had a disadvantaged childhood and have done the work to heal it, find a force, love, and momentum that is unstoppable. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode372] Growing up without a role model for what love feels like is akin to growing up in a house with only one language. Would you expect yourself to speak another language naturally? Would it just appear in your brain? No. When we don't have models for what love is, it is hard to access love; it is hard to know what true healthy love is without other people. It makes it hard to access self-love as well. When something bad happens, many people say that the experience has made them stronger and more resilient. But what that translates to is the experiences they endured created walls to protect their heart so they never really let love in because they are scared to death of being hurt again. For many people who had difficult childhoods, there is a lot of anger and grief they never got to feel. When we are healing trauma it is not about going back and reliving the experience. It's about giving ourselves the voice we never had. When looking at self-love, we have to take actions that signify self-care and actions that signify that we are being good to ourselves. That is the first step in learning how to love ourselves. Love is a feeling that we can access through actions. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you want to love yourself but you are not sure how? Did you have a traumatic childhood full of chaos and without a role model of love? Do you question if you will get over your past? Could it be possible that you are doing loving things but you don't even know it? Jada's Question: Jada grew up without a role model of what love is and would like guidance on how to find genuine self-love. Jada's Key Insights and Ahas: She feels anxiety when telling her story. She was abused and didn't have love in her childhood. She feels unworthy and undeserving of love. She wants to turn her memories into something else. She has done self-work for three years. She is repressing anger. She wants love and support. Her inner child craves unconditional love. She recognizes how her lack of self-love shows up in her life. She is tired of how her childhood has affected her. She does not go into victim. How to Get Over It and On With It: Discontinue trying to find beauty in the trauma. Take the time to process her emotions. Recognize that love; she may not know how to feel self-love but she knows what loving actions are. Give herself credit for how far she's come. Know that as she continues on this healing path she will propel forward. Find a seasoned therapist so she doesn't have to do healing alone. Sponsor: Organifi — is a healthy and easy way to get the nutrients you need. The body needs both macro and micronutrients for optimal health. Organifi's Green Juice includes Moringa which is known as nature's most powerful multivitamin. For 20% off your order use the code 'OVERIT' to receive 20% off your order. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about accepting where we are in life and enjoying it to the fullest. Today's caller, Lindsey, has wanted to find a partner to share her life with for a long time. She has done personal development work but still believes she needs to fix herself before calling in a partner. We work through ways she can trust life, trust divine timing, and enjoy her life. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode371] When we have hindsight, it is easy to move into acceptance. We look back and consider that something happened for a reason it makes it easier to accept. When we have to accept something, or we choose to accept something that isn't what we want, that is when the real spiritual ninja work comes in. The constant trying to figure out why — which is something we all do to some degree — we don't have something we want or something in our life isn't working. We pick ourselves apart with a fine-toothed comb trying to find the reason. Because if we find the reason, it gives us control and then we can do something to solve it. It is a pattern of constantly looking. Acceptance is when we move into the peace of what is. It is when we stop wishing for something to be different or when we have feelings about circumstances not being what we want, we don't bypass them. Resignation is when we give up. Acceptance has relief energy. When we surrender we can be open to something shifting. When we move into full acceptance of who we are and where we are in our lives, the acceptance keeps us in the energetic of love and shifts what we are broadcasting. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there something you want badly and think you will be happier when you get it? Are you single and don't want to be single but you can't move into acceptance of it? Have you done work to change an issue or circumstance but it isn't shifting and you keep trying? Do you believe your life would be better if you had something you don't? Lindsey's Question: Lindsey has been single for most of her life and would like guidance on how to call in a partner. Lindsey's Key Insights and Ahas: She has been single for 10+ years but wants to call in a partner. She is an adventurous woman in life and work. She has a belief that men find her good enough to sleep with but not good enough to date. She believes she would be better in a relationship. She is sad because she doesn't have a partner. She feels she has no control over finding a partner and pities herself. She feels looked over by the people in her life. She has limiting beliefs about herself. She is constantly doing to not think about the uncertainty of life. She believes that if she doesn't work hard to get something she won't get it. She is incorporating practices to keep herself present. She surrenders in water and with music. How to Get Over It and On With It: Accept where she is right now. Move toward acceptance and let go of wanting something else. Make a playlist of songs that make her love her life in the now. Stop herself from going down a spiral. Stop trying to fix something that isn't broken. Trust life and trust divine timing. Takeaways: You can't always get what you want but you can get what you need. If we can move into acceptance of wherever we are or are not, we have more enjoyment and freedom in our life. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you feel like you have done lots of personal development work yet certain patterns or issues keep coming back, then don't miss this episode! Christine explains why you must plant flowers after you weed your consciousness and break circuits that are currently running your mental programming.

This episode is about the protective patterns we create when we don't feel safe. Today's caller, Amanda, says she wants guidance on how to access her sensuality but the core issue is truly about how she can feel safe and be vulnerable. We can't feel safe in our sexuality or sensuality unless we feel safe in our vulnerability. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode370] When women don't feel safe in their bodies we tend to go into our heads. We talk, talk, talk, and don't notice what is going on in our bodies. As human beings, we are a combination of doing and being, flowing and going, masculine and feminine, sensual and productive, right and left. So, one of our biggest turn-ons is safety. If we feel safe, we can let go. If we don't feel safe, forget about it. We need to learn that it is safe to feel and to be emotionally vulnerable. When we attempt to make changes while in frustration, it is important to shift into vulnerability and full self-expression. We need to accept all aspects of ourselves. Sensuality can feel scary because it feels out of control when we keep our safe place in our heads. When we don't feel safe, we have protective patterns that frustrate us. We judge the patterns and try to change them. But, nothing heals judgment. The first step of healing is to love, accept, and thank the pattern for protecting us. If you don't feel safe expressing yourself emotionally, you won't feel safe expressing yourself sensually and sexually. When an expression is muted, all expressions are muted. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel blocked from your sensuality? Would you like to be more expressed in your life, especially sexually? Did you have the space to be expressed as a child? Was vulnerability encouraged in your house or did you have to hide or numb your feelings or deal with them on your own? Are you in a relationship and feel inhibited with your own partner? Do people in your life give you feedback that they would like to be closer to you? Do you feel your relationships could be deeper but you are scared to go there? Amanda's Question: Amanda feels shame and guilt when it comes to sensuality and would like guidance on how to embody her sexuality without guilt and to feel good. Amanda's Key Insights and Ahas: She will be 40 this year. She is in a loving, committed relationship. As a child, she was raised Christian and was taught to believe that "good girls don't" do certain things. She wants to let go of things that don't serve her. She feels awkward when expressing her sensual self. Feeling uncomfortable and numb stems from her childhood. She doesn't feel safe being vulnerable. People care about her and want to be honest with her. She wants to break the pattern. She commits to being in her body and creating opportunities to be emotionally vulnerable. How to Get Over It and On With It: Remind herself that it is safe to feel. Feel her discomfort but also feel she is safe. Practice vulnerability. Write three questions to evoke emotional vulnerability. Recreate an opportunity to be fully expressed. Forgive herself for judging herself and being hard on herself. Takeaways: If you want to be more sensually or sexually expressed, look at how emotionally expressed you are. Do you make safe spaces for your sensuality? Sponsors: Organifi — is an organic superfood supplement line that makes quality, trusted nutrition convenient and acceptable. I love Organifi's Gold and Gold Chocolate, which include relaxing mushrooms and root spices. It doesn't spike your blood sugar like other hot chocolates. For 20% off your order use the code 'OVERIT' to receive 20% off your order. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.