Sexual Addiction:Strength/Hope/Recovery

Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Nathan Spiteri who is brutally honest about how sexual abuse affected his life,The episode at the swimming pool was day one of what would become a three-year relationship between an eight-year-old boy and a paedophile in his early 40s, living just streets from each other in the same small town. Nathan experienced traumatic bonding; a strong emotional attachment between a victim and their abuser, formed as a result of the cycle of violence. The sexual abuse initially continued at the swimming pool but later moved to his abuser’s home. He also experienced manipulation from a pediphile who threatened him regularly. “He told me to meet him on certain dates and times or he would kill my family,” Nathan recalls. This is a powerful and deeply vulnerable memoir where Nathan dives into the trauma of trauma bonding with a pediphile and how he not only survived but how he thrived!

Healing trauma using somatic experiencing (SE), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Internal Family Systems (IFS). When is it addiction and when is it trauma? Many people who accept their sex addiction issues embrace that their focus must be on recovery. What if you’re in recovery and working your program, but life isn’t improving? What if old behaviors keep creeping up or your relationships are still suffering. What if relapses, near slips, and shame start to tank recovery? Sometimes your problem isn’t a lack of recovery dedication, sometimes it’s trauma. Unfortunately, when people hear the word trauma, they think of voyaging through the dark night of a soul. This can lead to fears of further relapses, fear of digging through the past, and worse, fear of yet another bad experience with a therapist who insists on treating the “T” word without knowing how. In this episode, Carol the Coach will talk with Rebecca Stokes about the treatment modalities that work best for treating trauma, and how to navigate the alphabet soup of terms you might encounter like EMDR, SE, and IFS. We’ll also explore when to add trauma treatment to your recovery, how to decide which program might work best for you, and how to find and interview the right treatment provider.

This  talk will focus on utilizing Dan Siegel’s theoretical framework he calls “Mindsight”, and his “9 Domains of Integration”. The podcast will also introduce the great American philosopher, Ken Wilber’s “Integral or All Quadrant, All Level (AQAL) Meta-Theory. Eric will be discussing how he utilizes both of these theoretical frameworks in the screening, assessment and treatment of Chronically Problematic Sexual Behaviors.   He will briefly cover the core concepts of Mindsight and Interpersonal Neurobiology and Integral-Meta Theory. The “9 Domains of Integration” will then be presented and how they can be combined with Integral Meta-Theory to screen, assess and treat all types of Problematic Sexual Behaviors such as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder in the form of compulsive use of ography, dating application, infidelity, cybersex and teledildonics.  Eric will explain how he utilizes the 9 Domains in conjunction with Integral Meta-Theroy  in his assessment and treatment of CSBD. He will introduce practical instruments such as utilizing the Psychograph and the Integration/Differentiation-Plex and how these can be used to help both clinicians and clients in the treatment process.  If you want to understand why your clinician would utilize Mindsight, the “9 Domains of Integration” and Integral Meta-Theory which Eric thinks is vital to keep pace with the current tsunami of all addictive disorders and hopefully provide a more accurate model for what physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual “health” looks like for each individual.

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Dr. Crystal Hollenbeckwho will be idiscussing the essential part an Impact Statement plays in the therapeutic process for a couple.  Being betrayed by the person you trusted the most has a devastating impact on your whole person.  Part of the healing process for the betrayed partner is having the opportunity to share their experience instead of just letting it go and moving forward.  The Impact Statement also has significant benefits for the addict’s recovery in helping them break through denial and experience the truth about the destruction their secret life has caused.  Dr. Hollenbeck is Certified in Sex Addiction, Betrayal Trauma, Sex Therapy, EMDR and Anger Management.  She helps couples heal from the wounds of addiction and betrayal and leads them to living a healthy balanced life that includes healthy sexuality.  She has offices in Orlando and Tampa Florida and offers 3 Day Intensives.  Please see her website for a full list of services www.CrystalHollenbeck.com

I am so honored to be with Heidi Kinsella who has created an amazing Five Day Intensive Equine Inspired Experience for Women Join a small group of women for an immersive healing experience set in a rural setting including equine assisted therapy, mindfulness, group therapy around the campfire, psychoeducation about betrayal trauma, and Soundbath healing to help work through the emotional and stress responses to trauma.We will be taking women throughthe three stages of healing including:1.safety and stabilization 2.working through anger, grief and mourning 3.restoration of self with posttraumatic growth. Heidi is using the concepts and exercises  from Unleashing Your Powere the book that  Carol wrote to woork through the trauma and betrayal. If you feel stuck and need a healing place to nurture yourself and refocus your sense of emposwement. this may be the experience for you!         Designed and facilitated by Heidi Kinsella, LMHC, SUDP, CSAT, CPTT, CMAT, CCPS and Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, CCPS-S, PCC and will bring her book Unleashing Your Power: Moving Through the Trauma of Partner Betrayal to life.   *Mention Restoring Hearts for a discount of $500.00 per person Starts at noon on Thursday, 8/4/22 and ends at 1pm on Monday, 8/8/22

Today Carol the Coach is interviewing Janice Caudill and Dan Drake who have written a series of books including a book for the Partner: Full Disclosure: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal  and a book for Addict: Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal. These books teach the couple how to prepare the Addict and Partner for a full therapeutice disclosre and discuss the importance of having skilled clinicians and coaches available who are partner sensitve. These companion workbooks are the gold standard for preparing for instruction on how to complete a full disclosure using a common method, common understanding, and common language toward the shared purpose of restoring the foundation of truth in the relationship. They also have developed a training program for the Full Disclosure process for therapists, coaches, religious and other professionals who often become involved in the disclosure process. If you want good information about disclosures, this is the show for you!

Today, Carol the Coach interviews Darrel Brazell a pastor from New Hope Recovery Ministry who feels like the church has a lot of work to do to support the many problems a congregation faces in todays world. One of his missions is to connect to church leaders about sexual issues in every church. He would like to speak as a pastor to pastors, ministry leaders, and counselors about the pitfalls of not having training and experience in SA. And he believes that offering grace to a struggling man is essential but so is following up to help him actually do recovery and come clean with his wife. (With a therapeutic full disclosure facilitated by a trained professional). I He believes he can speak directly to this because even with 20+ years of experience and my own background here, he has to constantly fight with himself to not allow his deep compassion for the struggler to prevent him from also recognizing what he has done and is doing in causeing great harm to his wife. He recognizes the impossible forced choice wives have when they gut is saying something is wrong, their husband is saying “everything is fine” and their spiritual community is saying, “Forgive him, trust him,” etc. without the husband demonstrating sincere and effective recovery. He hopes to help our male listerners and their wives by speaking to the wives of men wrestling with sexual addiction issues about why they need to seek out help from CSATs, APSATs, etc. and not assume their clergy are able to adequately address these issues He also recognizes a special population and  would like to speak directly to pastor’s wives who have suspicions or knowledge of their husband’s ography use or other sexual struggles. Today he will be sharing a weath of knowledge to our audience about reaching the masses at the religious level!

This will help men and women understand the basic dynamics of sex addiction

As a first-generation immigrant in this country, Sam Louies identity and those of others like his was nuanced.  He explains that Yes we are “Americans” but we are Americans with cultural and ancestral ties elsewhere.  And not just elsewhere in a vague kind of way like, “Well, I think I’m a mix of Irish and Scottish” but in a very tangible and direct link to my ethnic heritage, immigration story, along with the language, customs, and worldviews passed down through the generations.  Consequently, our identities are intertwined to the country we live in, our country of origin, those of our colonizers, or a combination of those.  But the external pressure of assimilation has been one where I’ve been asked to strip myself of my past understanding of self and prove my allegiance to this country by simplifying my identity as one of just, “American”.  The implicit mainstream message was that the pathway to citizenship, acculturation, and acceptance in this country was the adoption of patriotism to the degree that the only color accepted was red, white, and blue oozing out of my pores.  But in doing so, I betrayed what it truly means to be American in my eyes while also betraying my ancestral roots. Listen as Sam explains how racism and culturism affected him and his addiction with Carol the Coach

Bill Herring is a certified sexual addiction therapist who has maintained a private practice in Atlanta for over 30 years.  For many years Bill was a board member and conference chair of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (“SASH”). Bill has published many professional articles, including one we will be discussing today. In 2017 he wrote a chapter for a book on the history of the sex addiction field.  That same year Bill wrote “A Framework for Categorizing Chronically Problematic Sexual Behavior”, which won Article of the Year by the publisher.  In 2019 Bill received the prestigious “Carnes Award” from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health for his pioneering work advancing understanding of this field of study.  Just about anything you want to know about Bill can be found at billherring.com. Today, Carol the coach will be interviewing Bill, who will be talking about the framework for categorizing problematic sexual behavior that he introduced in 2017.  This framework provides a way to distinguish types of sexual behavior as problematic without having to label the person.  This helps avoid the conflict that often happens when a person is reluctant to self-identify as a sex addict while still wanting help for their sexual behavior.  This framework allows people who may not be truly sexually addicted to receive assistance for their sexual concerns without having to accept a diagnosis.  By using five short conversational questions this framework gets to the heart of what is problematic about any type of sexual behavior without assigning labels.  This framework has a lot of implications for people who struggle with their sexual behavior as well as the professionals who want to help them improve their lives.