Sexual Addiction:Strength/Hope/Recovery

We have really seen the trials and tribulations that first responders experience due to the pandemic. Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Dr. Gina Dunckel who specializes in trauma and knows firsthand how trauma can effect First Responders. We will be discussing First Responders, the unique culture they bring to therapy, and how to understand the differences of sexual addictions and sexual issues in their line of work.  We will also talk about how to deal with unique issues such as critical incidents, pandemic, working with affair partner that is on the job, and interagency roles.  We will also address resources for therapists to increase their knowledge base about First Responders.

TodayHeather Pincelli and I will be talking about THRIVING after infidelity. Heather is a mental health counselor and coach who went through betrayal and decided to specialize in it to give partners the care that they deserve.  She  realized how much our mental health counselors and life coaches were not properly trained to hold space for and help with repair and moving forward after infidelity on the heels of her own marriage becoming shattered by the pains of infidelity. She explains that her then spouse had moved us 1500 miles away, uprooted us from our support, my job etc to what we were being told was a job he HAD TO TAKE. It turns out it was to move us to the town his mistress's plural yes plural-- lived in. I caught the affairs shortly after moving there. She did what so many do and immediately found a therapist and while paying this therapist $350 an hour he would nod his head and say to me oh this sounds so painful. Heather realized that his well intentioned empathy was not good enough and it motivated her to take action.  Although she reached dark places, and became unrecognizable, she found resiliency.  Today, nearly 6 years later she will tell you that whileit was incredibly painful and she acknowledges,  "I would not have had to have that lesson and pain handed to me... I also am grateful for it!" I had plenty of warning signs and red flags that my marriage was not good and it took this level of intense shock to my system to get my attention and dig in deep on me. The pain and process is hard but if you go THROUGH AND NOT AROUND it is so so beautiful. Her life saving belief is that you can use this pain for power!

Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Crystal Whitlow, who is a facilitator for training clinicians with EMDR. She will be talking about EMDR protocols around EMDR and sex addiction. Addiction protocols are different that other protocols around trauma although many addicts have reenacted their trauma with sexually addictive maladaptive patterns. Listen as she talks about the protocols that can make a difference

I recentlyYou have heard me say that the 12 Step Program could help anyone be a better person. Well now there is a book that explains how everyone should ascribe to the 12 Step Process! Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Kristin Snowden co-authored  with Scott Brassart called Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal and Transform Your Life.  It was written to help non-addicts (and addicts) understand and apply 12 step concepts to their own lives to help them navigate personal and relational crises.  It incorporates various therapeutic tools and exercises, as well.  It can also be a helpful tool for those who love/are in a relationship with addicts and want to better understand what recovery can look like (meetings, working steps, building relationships).  The book weaves in personal stories of how those who don’t identify as addicts can apply the 12-Step model to their lives.  Kristin references her years of running a mens drug and sex addiction program, helping clients gain sobriety through a recovery program, while also applying the concepts to her own personal/relational struggles in life at the time.  Scott shares his personal story of recovery as a drug and sex addict.  The book tackles difficult concepts around rebuilding your life and identity after devastation, identifying shame and trauma and developing resiliency skills for both, improving interpersonal relationship tools like boundary setting, communication, practicing empathy and compassion and engaging in secure attachment with others.Want to better your life? Then this book is for you!

Tonight, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Dr. Peter Cooper who will be discussing a book Ithat he is currently writing that is tentatively titled "The Flow of Self and Sexuality", that includes and opens with a short autobiographical section as well as tying the elements of nature (earth, air, fire, water and void) into our own life and connecting with them to better understand our own sexuality as well as all aspects to our lives; including the self. Additionally, tying the elements in my book to self-esteem and how to achieve self-esteem through thought patterns, behaviors and emotional reactions both in intimate relationships and in our general day to day lives. This conversation will help you look at your own life, sexuality and self-esteem and access resources to help you improve your life.

Tonight, Carol interviews Kelly Ibarra, who has writtten a memoir about rebuilding and forgiveness after complex sexual betrayal.that both educates the reader about partner betrayal and sexual addiction and shares the process of forgiveness. Jenna Riemersma describes the book by saying, “Kelly shares a raw and personal window into her experience of betrayal and her struggle with the effects of trauma, while also offering hope and a path forward. Her narrative is punctuated with recommendations from best clinical practices that offer the reader a guide to transformation and healing.” It is rare to get this type of message about grace, forgiveness and redemption.

Tonight, Carol the Coach, is interviewing Carrie Ishee who wrote a poignant memoir which chronicles the traumatic psychological abduction and sexual exploitation of depressed college student Carrie Tansey at the hands of her psychiatrist, Dr. Anthony Romano–thirty-one years her senior. For three years, their secret “affair” was carefully calculated, and controlled by Romano, as Carrie’s mental and emotional health continued to deteriorate, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. Their dual-relationship finally came to light when Carrie’s suicide attempts landed her in a world-renowned psychiatric hospital. Gradually, she began to reclaim her power, reported Romano to the state licensing board, successfully sued him for malpractice, and testified before the state legislature to bring awareness to such abuses. Listen as she shares how she shifted out of victimization into empowerment and what you can do to heal your own dealings with exploitation.

Is forgiveness necessary for healing from sexual addiction? Well the truth is that it is not mandatroy to forgive the person or the acting out but if you choose to forgive you will find tonight's show illuminating as we talk to Sara Schulting-Krantz, who believes that everyone has the capacity to forgive and she will share the steps that come straight from her book, Walk Through This and Travel the Road to Forgiveness.

Tonight, Carol the Coach interviews David Essel, who helps addicts look at how trauma reenactment from childhood shows up as sexual addiction in the present until you deal with the past. Listen, as he shares the path that can give great insight into true recovery.

Mindfulness can be the antidotee for a sexually addicted mind and tonight Darrin Ford tells us how he found recovery and how he is training professionals to help their clients who don't seem able to find recovery through compassion and mindfulness based addiction therapy.