Securely Attached

Psychiatrist, author, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre joins me to talk about how we can help kids—especially emotionally sensitive ones—understand, process, and reframe internalized messages of self-criticism and even self-hatred. Together we explore: Why even well-loved and supported kids can develop a sense of being "unlovable" How emotional sensitivity can make children more vulnerable to misattunement, comparisons, and internalized shame The difference between skills-based therapy (like DBT) and addressing the deeper emotional roots of suicidality and self-loathing What parents can do in the "before, during, and after" of tough parenting moments to promote co-regulation and connection Why simply telling a child they are wonderful may backfire—and what to say instead How to recognize if your child is living in a distorted self-narrative, and how to gently interrupt that cycle Practical strategies for helping kids build emotional awareness, distress tolerance, and a more compassionate self-concept Why your own nervous system regulation is essential—and how DBT teaches us to regulate before we reflect Whether your child is currently struggling with self-esteem or you just want to shore them up now to minimize this risk in the future, this episode will leave you with powerful insights and tangible tools for helping them feel seen, supported, and deeply understood. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.mcleanhospital.org/treatment/3east 📚 I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You 📚 DBT For Dummies 📚 DBT Workbook For Dummies (For Dummies: Learning Made Easy) ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills in your sensitive child? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program to help you parent your unique child in a way that increases cooperation, defuses power struggles, and rebuilds their trust in your authority–all while supporting your child's mental health and your own. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 27. What do you do when your child says "I'm stupid," "I hate myself," "I'm a bad kid," or worse? 🎧 129. Q&A: How can I support my sensitive, "spicy," highly emotional child? 🎧 316. Self-compassion, critical thinking, and connection: What the research reveals about raising capable kids with Melinda Wenner Moyer 🎧 318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud 🎧 307. Q&A: My toddler is so sensitive that even when I'm being silly with him, he loses it. What can I do?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... Regardless of whether your child is experiencing sensory sensitivities or anxiety, our goal is the same - helping you define exactly what that goal is. Where do anxiety and sensory sensitivities overlap? (Spoiler: A lot of this boils down to nervous system regulation.) How you can help your child understand what their unique triggers are and the tools and strategies that can help them navigate these without so much distress. What to consider to help you if it's time for an intervention, like occupational therapy, parenting support, individual therapy for your child. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Are you parenting a child with anxiety or OCD and looking for tools to support them? CLICK HERE to learn more about Upshur Bren Psychology Group's SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) program or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to see if it's the right fit for your family. 🔗 https://www.spacetreatment.net/ 📚 Breaking Free of Child Anxiety & OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents by Eli R. Lebowitz, PhD ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions with Dr. Eli Lebowitz 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about whether your child's hitting might be a sign of aggression or sensory seeking 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about understanding your child's sensory sensitivities with Alyssa Blask Campbell WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Neuroscientist and psychologist Dr. Kristen Lindquist joins me for a fascinating conversation about how children develop emotional regulation — and how we as parents can support that growth not just through what we say, but how and when we say it. Together we explore: Why the ability to feel and name emotions is something children build slowly over time — and what role parents play in that process. What neuroscience reveals about how the brain develops emotional literacy from infancy through adolescence (and even into adulthood!) How emotion regulation is like a "software update" that builds on the brain's existing "hardware." Why the timing of emotional teaching matters — and how to use the "before" and "after" moments (not the meltdowns themselves!) for the most impact. How tools like play, books, and nonverbal attunement can build emotional awareness without overwhelming sensitive or avoidant kids. The role of interoception — our sense of internal bodily cues — in helping kids (and adults) understand and manage what they feel. If you've ever tried to label your child's feelings mid-tantrum and been met with more screaming, or felt unsure how to help your child build real coping tools, this episode will help you take a science-backed, developmentally informed approach that fosters connection and long-term resilience. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.kristenalindquist.com/ 🔗 https://psychology.osu.edu/people/lindquist.83 ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Want more games specifically designed for fostering emotion regulation? Go to drsarahbren.com/games to get my ✨FREE✨ guide packed with games you can play with kids of all ages! 👉🏻 Want to get my research-backed framework for increasing cooperation and emotion regulation skills so you can get back to enjoying parenthood? Check out Parenting by Design, my guided program for increasing behavioral and emotional regulation in sensitive kids. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 24. The psychology behind dysregulation with founder of Parenting Translator Cara Goodwin 🎧 06. Teaching children emotion regulation skills through coregulation with Dana Rosenbloom 🎧 202. Regulation, reward systems, and rest: Rewiring the way our kids interact with screens with Alé Duarte

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... How to prepare a toddler for a parent's surgery or temporary physical limitations in a way that is honest, concrete, and not scary. Creative, developmentally appropriate ways to help your child understand and process upcoming changes to routines—like playtime, bedtime, or physical closeness. The power of play, role-playing with toys, and using analogies to help kids grasp abstract concepts. What to expect behaviorally from your child during your recovery and strategies for responding to potential regressions or increased irritability. How to reframe this period as a chance to foster independence and pride in your child while still maintaining connection. The surprising importance of shifting focus to what you still can do with your child, and how to create new, meaningful rituals during a difficult time. Why prioritizing your own healing—both physically and emotionally—is one of the most supportive things you can do for your child. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to understand toddlerhood with the authors of the Terrific Toddlers series 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to tell your toddler you're pregnant 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about telling your toddler about a miscarriage WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Chelsea Skaggs is here to talk about how couples can keep your romantic relationship strong as you move beyond from early stages of survival mode deeper into parenthood. Together we explore: How the demands of parenting shift as your children grow, and what that means for your romantic connection. Tips for getting your partner on board if only one of you feels ready to work on deepening your connection. Simple and practical strategies for attuning to your partner and "reading" the room for your best chance of success feeling a deepened connection. Navigating mismatched energy levels and intentions so bids for connection aren't thwarted. A power tool anyone can implement right away that can be help you to break out of reactive patterns. How your own nervous system regulation can be a starting point for closeness, including what polyvagal theory teaches us about this. Addressing resentment as a signal of unmet needs—and how to get to the root rather than staying stuck in this toxic loop. Why it's essential to focus on what's within your control and give yourself permission to care for yourself, instead of blaming your partner for meeting their needs. If you're ready to move beyond just getting through the day and reconnect with your partner in a deeper way, this conversation is for you. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 🔗 https://www.postpartumtogether.com/ 🎧 57. Sex after baby: How to reconnect and increase intimacy with your partner with Chelsea Skaggs ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Click HERE for my workshop, Be the Calm in Your Child's Storm: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs, to get the exact therapeutic interventions I use with my patients that can change the way your brain and body interprets your child's dysregulation to help you stay cool in the heat of the moment. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 59. Sex after baby part II: When we want to want it but we're just touched out 🎧 244. Understanding parental dysregulation: How to identify and manage your triggers with Dr. Amber Thornton 🎧 148. Unlocking the power of polyvagal theory: Using the nervous system to wire our children for resilience, with Seth Porges 🎧 115. Q&A: Can you get stuck in a state of fight-or-flight?

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What you can do if you're wondering: "Is my kid's ADHD diagnosis real or do I have an active 10-year-old kid?" How to evaluate the accuracy of a diagnosis and what steps to take if you're unsure or want a second opinion. Practical tools you can use to support your child—diagnosis or not. Strategies for becoming more aligned with your partner on how to handle parenting challenges and support your child's needs. What is a behavioral observation tracker, and how it can help you decide which interventions would be most helpful to use. The surprising truth about warmth and respect and why erring more on the side of warmth might actually be the key to creating change. (Want to learn more about parenting styles? Check out our episode on the benefits of authoritative parenting.) The parenting patterns we can become entrenched in, and a path forward to getting more on the same page. REFERENCES AND RELATED RESOURCES: 👉🏻 At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we offer a range of services including parenting coaching, neuropsychological evaluations, and ADHD-focused support groups for both kids and parents. Whether you're looking to better understand your child's diagnosis, explore tools and strategies that actually work, or get on the same page with your co-parent, we're here to help. Go to upshurbren.com or SCHEDULE A FREE CALL to learn more about the available resources for your unique needs. 👉🏻 Click HERE to download my free guide on effectively disciplining your child with strategies that don't utilize shame or guilt - but still work to get your child to behave! ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about neuropsych evaluations with Dr. Yael Rothman & Dr. Katia Fredriksen 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about helping your child with ADHD utilize school support systems without feeling embarrassed 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about connecting and supporting your neurodiverse child with Dr. Norrine Russell WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Clinical psychologist and author of the bestselling Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Laura Markham joins me for a rich conversation about what peaceful parenting really means — and how it can help you set firm, loving limits while staying deeply connected to your child. Together we explore: Why connection, not control, is the true foundation of cooperation and emotional resilience. What setting limits with empathy looks like in real life (and why it's not the same as being permissive). The surprising way laughter can help your child release built-up stress and unshed tears. Practical tools to respond to big feelings like anger, sadness, and aggression — without adding more fuel to your child's fire. Why behaviorism often oversimplifies how kids learn and grow and what advances in neuroscience reveal are how humans actually learn best. Why the goal of parenting isn't perfectly calm, compliant kids — but helping them build the neural wiring for lifelong emotional regulation. If you've ever felt torn between being "too strict" or "too soft," or overwhelmed by the endless parenting advice out there, this episode will help you zoom out, get grounded, and focus on what really matters for your child — and for you. LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: 📚 https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/ 📚 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting 📚 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook: Using Mindfulness and Connection to Raise Resilient, Joyful Children and Rediscover Your Love of Parenting 📚 Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: 👉🏻 Go to drsarahbren.com/discipline to download my free guide on effectively disciplining your child with strategies that don't utilize shame or guilt - but still work to get your child to behave! 👉🏻 Go to drsarahbren.com/bethecalm for my workshop, Be the Calm in Your Child's Storm: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child Loses Theirs, to get the exact therapeutic interventions I use with my patients that can change the way your brain and body interprets your child's dysregulation to help you stay cool in the heat of the moment. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 39. Understanding parenting styles and the benefits of an authoritative approach: Q&A with Dr. Emily Upshur 🎧 06. Teaching children emotion regulation skills through coregulation with Dana Rosenbloom 🎧 234. Parenting with the "Whole-Brain": How to work with the brain rather than fight against with Dr. Dan Siegel

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... How to find the grey space in your parenting choices and how black and white thinking can be a sign of your own anxiety and overwhelm. The difference between being wishy-washy and intentionally shifting your strategy. How to use "love and limits" to navigate situations that may feel overwhelming to your child. Why these activities may be more difficult for kids during the summer than during the school year, and how to factor in some of the tools you may not even have known were in place during the year. What it means to "shrink a kid's world" and how parents can do that while still stretching their kid just enough. How parents can help determine which activities to push your child to do and which to pull back from. Why it might be harder for you to enforce boundaries during the summer, and a helpful mindset shift you can use to feel more comfortable with your choices. How you can build your child's social skills and strengthen their emotional intelligence. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about why birthday parties are so triggering for some kids 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about encouraging shy children without making them feel bad about it 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about temperament and personality with Dr. Koraly Pérez-Edgar WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!

Una Archer joins me for a thoughtful conversation about how to help children feel safe, secure, and resilient in the face of their parents' separation or divorce. Together we explore: Why there's no one-size-fits-all approach to separation, even among siblings, and why tuning into each child's unique needs matters. What the Circle of Security framework is and how it can be used to support children's attachment during major family transitions. The three core emotional needs that children rely on to feel secure, and how parents can meet these needs in everyday moments (check the show notes for a helpful visual!). How to separate your own trauma and fears from your child's experience so you can truly see and respond to them without projection. Why allowing more time and slowness during transitions isn't a setback, but an important part of healing and connection. The power of rupture and repair in relationships and practical ways parents can engage in repair after conflict or misunderstanding. How different family structures after separation—sometimes two distinct family systems—can be healthy depending on what your family needs. Navigating the challenges of co-parenting, including managing handoffs and stepping back when it's not your parenting time. If you're looking for compassionate, practical guidance on fostering secure attachment for your children through big changes, this conversation is full of insights and tools you won't want to miss! LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST: https://www.helpyourchildthrive.co.uk/ The Separated Parent's Guide to Attachment: 3 Steps Towards Emotional Security ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES: 👉🏻 If you're currently in the midst of separation, moving forward after divorce, or adjusting to life post-split, Upshur Bren Psychology Group's weekly virtual Divorce Process Group for Women provides a safe space for woemen to process their emotions, gain support, and build strategies for moving forward. Visit https://upshurbren.com/group-womensdivorce or schedule a free 30-minute consultation call to learn more. CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 https://drsarahbren.com/42-busting-divorce-myths-and-breaking-down-the-true-effect-it-has-on-children-a-conversation-with-michelle-dempsey-multack 🎧 277. Q&A: Is "nesting" during a divorce better for your kids? 🎧 280. Codependency, insecure attachment, and relationship patterns: Creating stronger, healthier romantic partnerships with Alana Carvalho 🎧 102. Breaking the cycle of insecure attachment: How to support your child's secure attachment even if you didn't grow up with Dr. Miriam Steele

Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... When your child says "I'm bored" does that actually mean they are? How to decode their language to get to the root of their struggles. What is a developmentally appropriate amount of time parents can expect of their children to play independently? What is a "bored list" and a "bored box" and how can you create these tools to help with the summer slump. How self-regulation and executive functioning play a part in your child's feelings of boredom and how understanding this can help you scaffold more effectively. How to use a few minutes of connection time as a bridge into helping your child become engrossed in an activity on their own. A trick for determining if your child may just need help getting started with an activity, especially when going into a new environment or situation, like a park, pool, or playground. In our highly stimulating world, kids can express feeling bored when things are a bit slower. How to off-set this to find more balance. ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE: 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how screens affect regulation with Ale Duarte 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how you can encourage independent play 🎧 Listen to my podcast episode about how to help your child maintain their friendships over the summer WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU: Go to https://drsarahbren.com/question to send us a question or a topic you want to hear us answer on Securely Attached - Beyond the Sessions!